After swinging is this strange? Or normal?

[stockfun 18]

Hi everyone, I have been married for 21 years and on our last anniversary we decided to try our first experience that wasn't just the two of us. I found a man that gives sensual massages thinking this would make things easier. Well he gave her a great massage and then went down on her for about 45 minutes. She faked one and called it off.

 

We got back with him two weeks later and she nearly raped him but it didn't get hard. It actually didn't even budge. Turns out he gives all those free massages because he likes how women feel but can't have sex anymore. That's sad at 45 but due to an injury he was left impotent. This would have been nice to know going in but hey we still had fun.

 

Well after doing some digging I found a man that was 100 miles a way that just got out of a 15 year marriage. We had a strict 3 experiences a year and no kissing rule going in. Well we decided the first two encounters shouldn't count due to the guys impotence. I dropped the know kissing rule for the second guy and kind of wish I hadn't. I know it sounds weird that them sucking and licking each others private parts didn't bother me at all but the kissing did. It was a very passionate event and I am glad she enjoyed it and loved everything that I saw happen except for the kissing. Is this normal or strange for me to feel this way?

 

Anyways this guy was hard as a rock until it was condom time then went limp. She would easily get it back up for him but he just couldn't condom so he got a great BJ. Also going into all of this we were having amazing sex thinking about all the possibilities.

 

I assumed after they got done that she would make crazy love to me to reassure me that I was still the one even though I have no doubt about our relationship. Well she didn't and we didn't and I don't know if that is normal or strange either? I'm not sure if I should bring it up, let it go, or what.

 

I definitely want to see my wife penetrated but I don't know if I can watch long long kissing fests again. I want this part of our relationship to continue but maybe I jumped top fast. I don't know. I'm just confused about how it made me feel to see her that passionate with her lips and another man. Nothing else even slightly bothered me. Help please.

[stockfun 18]

Oh and if the guy couldn't get hard with a condom should we move to another option or maybe he will do better next time?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

, new member. It's good that you've jumped right in with a question.

 

Yes, these things are strange. BUT, they are not unusual. Many men, while not misrepresenting themselves outright, will leave out significant details. So you must learn to ask ahead of time.

 

Don't know what to say to your reaction to the kissing sounds. Some of us overcome or go around the jealous feeling; some not. I do know what to say about your wife deflecting your advances after a round of sex with a single guy -- ask her reason for this. But not while in the heat of passion. During a calm moment. Hers might be a normal reaction to an unusual situation but then again, it might not.

[CB&DD 218]

Lots of couples start with a no kissing rule, maybe that's something you two should go with. Not sure about the other part, only she knows why. Gotta ask her which brings up the importance of communication.

[stockfun 18]

, new member. It's good that you've jumped right in with a question.

 

Yes, these things are strange. BUT, they are not unusual. Many men, while not misrepresenting themselves outright, will leave out significant details. So you must learn to ask ahead of time.

 

Don't know what to say to your reaction to the kissing sounds. Some of us overcome or go around the jealous feeling; some not. I do know what to say about your wife deflecting your advances after a round of sex with a single guy -- ask her reason for this. But not while in the heat of passion. During a calm moment. Hers might be a normal reaction to an unusual situation but then again, it might not.

She didn't deflect my advances I just assumed she would make love to me like never before after this all happened. I don't know what the normal is after such an event. Thanks for the replies

[stockfun 18]

To all the girls, do you have sex with your husband after this happens or does it take a day or two. Also what do I do about the guy that can't get condom hard? Dump him or second shot?

[angelkin 1,326]

While I understand hearing some reassurances from the forum members may quiet your mind or give you something to measure your own experience by, "normal" is not important. If you felt unsettled, uncomfortable, hurt or that's your normal. It doesn't matter what the rest of us think or what our experiences have been.

 

To all the girls, do you have sex with your husband after this happens or does it take a day or two. Also what do I do about the guy that can't get condom hard? Dump him or second shot?

 

I typically wanted great sex with my partner after en encounter. Casual sex lacks the emotional connection and the intensity of sex with your own partner.

 

As far as condoms go, a couple chances is all the guy gets. If penetration is the goal, then 2 strikes and he's out.

 

Have you asked your wife why she didn't want to make love with you right away? Did you let he know you wanted her? As mentioned, communication is an important factor in swinging. The two of you need to talk.

[intuition897 2,179]

To all the girls, do you have sex with your husband after this happens or does it take a day or two. Also what do I do about the guy that can't get condom hard? Dump him or second shot?

 

Actually, our friends were barely out of the driveway and we were all over each other. It was like the swinging part was just foreplay. I liked the smell of another woman on him. A lot.

 

How would your wife feel about a little reciprocity? Would she be okay with you having sex with another woman? When the experiences are one-sided, perhaps you run the risk of one partner losing sight of the other partner's wants or needs, and it becomes all about them. What are your thoughts about this?

[ifonly 21]

At 45 it is a cruel sentence to not get hard but there is a remedy: a penal implant. I have had one for going on 10 years and the best "sex toy" that a guy could have. If you have contact with this gentleman, you would do him a favor and suggest this to him. He could not only be hard but go all night!

[MacNfries 123]

I'm not sure I could have sex with a woman without some kissing. I started thinking about this and I honestly can't remember EVER having sex with a woman without kissing her. That would throw my rhythm way, way off, maybe even affect my erection. I'm not sure because that simply has never happened in my entire life ... wow!

 

As far as the cock getting soft once a condom goes on, obviously it's a psychological block; the primal urge for us men is to spread our seeds around as often and with as many as possible. So, one just needs a way to mentally unblock that mental distraction. For example, if a man sees a woman take a filled condom and turn it up and consume it's contents, most men immediately get an erection by seeing this, and I'm pretty sure if the woman places a condom on his erection hinting to her desire to do just that, this man is going to carry that image to his brain instead of the rejection of bareback sex. And it's likely that once he's had successful sex with a condom on a few times, his mental block will dissipate and everyone (especially him) will be happy forever.

"Now, where's that condom. By the way, I take magnums!"

[stockfun 18]

I'm not sure I could have sex with a woman without some kissing. I started thinking about this and I honestly can't remember EVER having sex with a woman without kissing her. That would throw my rhythm way, way off, maybe even affect my erection. I'm not sure because that simply has never happened in my entire life ... wow!

 

As far as the cock getting soft once a condom goes on, obviously it's a psychological block; the primal urge for us men is to spread our seeds around as often and with as many as possible. So, one just needs a way to mentally unblock that mental distraction. For example, if a man sees a woman take a filled condom and turn it up and consume it's contents, most men immediately get an erection by seeing this, and I'm pretty sure if the woman places a condom on his erection hinting to her desire to do just that, this man is going to carry that image to his brain instead of the rejection of bareback sex. And it's likely that once he's had successful sex with a condom on a few times, his mental block will dissipate and everyone (especially him) will be happy forever.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]3861[/ATTACH] "Now, where's that condom. By the way, I take magnums!"

update and thanks for all of the replies. We talked last night and I am 100% fine now. I don't know were to start. I guess the no kissing I should have described better. I didn't want hours of kissing lol. Him not being able to have condom sex caused him to keep doing anything he could just to keep the night going. I was more prepared for maybe an hour of romp and not some live making fest that he tried because he couldn't stay up. Neither one of us had enough experience in this to know what to do in the heat of the moment as far as ending it friendly. Turns out she didn't rape me that night because she didn't feel very sexy after his problem and somehow thought it was her. That I can understand I would be the same way if the roles were reversed. Again thanks to each one of you that replied. I am so glad this community is here to share and help and thanks sooo much

[angelkin 1,326]

I'm glad to hear you've talked it out. Sounds like you're back on track - and your wife's explanation is completely understandable!

[MrDiscover 802]

MacNfries, are you suggesting promising a guy to drink cum out of a full condom and doing so after he comes is a good way for most men to get an erection?

[Guest]

You need to examine the inconsistency here. Is it really about seeing her excited? If so, it would follow that whatever a guy does that makes her more excited would be highly, including kissing, would be highly encouraged by you and would not lead to jealousy. On the other hand if it's more about seeing her or arranging for her to do "forbidden" things, they the jealousy over kissing but not sucking or penetration or whatever is more understandable.

[MacNfries 123]

I'm saying that many men (myself included) find it a turn-on to see his woman swallow his cum from a condom. I'm not suggesting a guy swallow his own cum from a condom ... if that's how I'm reading your Q. LOL

 

The point I was trying to make was that if a guy has a erectile problem simply because he is being required to wear a condom to have sex with a girl, a way to distract him from this would be to do something that's different and a turn-on. I was just using that as an example. Some ladies aren't in to swallowing a guy's cum. My wife enjoys various types of cum play because she knows it excites me doing it.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I was prepared to watch my wife having sex with another man but I wasn't prepared to watch them kissing VERY passionately.

[intuition897 2,179]

I was prepared to watch my wife having sex with another man but I wasn't prepared to watch them kissing VERY passionately.

 

Maybe I'm weird (and if it's weird, I don't want to be normal), but to see my husband in the throes of passion with another woman, I get this burning ball of excitement right around my belly button that radiates out, stealing the strength from my limbs, makes my hands tingle, and leaves me with goosebumps. I don't care if it's me or her, as long as I get to see him impassioned like that. Swinging is one of the things in my life that has left me feeling truly alive. Of all the things we could regret, swinging is not one of them. They're some of the happiest times I can think of.

 

And I'm with MacNFries. We started out with the no-kissing rule, but soon realized it was silly: sex by nature is very intimate! So we just embraced it instead, come what may. The sky didn't fall, we didn't fall out of love with one another, we didn't run off into the sunset with a swinging partner. It was just part of the sexual experience. I tend to be very intimate and sensual with partners. I don't want to get involved in your life; I just want you to know that you deserve to feel loved, respected, cared for, etc. I feel this way about everyone; I just don't get to show it to most. Lucky you. And then I'm totally okay with us parting ways and living our lives, richer for the experience.

[Guest]

How is kissing passionately so different than sucking passionately? Hubby saw me suck several and then he saw me with a really big one that in his words, I really went after. This went back to a key concern I had when we first discussed swinging, how will you feel if I am louder or get more excited when I am with another man. His real point though wasn't jealousy, it was more about my ongoing contention that size didn't matter when in practice, I became quite excited with the challenge of something that big.

 

Or do you simply want to see her being penetrated.

[MrDiscover 802]

I understand the feelings about kissing vs. sucking, chiccouplexx. For my wife & I too there is a huge difference between kissing and oral sex. We feel kissing is so much more intimate, nearer to 'love' and caressing then the more (to us) mechanic and fucking and oral sex. With the couple we play, we have kissed and it was a huge step to take. More then full swap. The other couple feels the other way around, by the way.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I was about to say most of what MrDiscover just said. Sucking is just sex while kissing is much more intimate...and while we still believe this, we also got over it

[MacNfries 123]

Well, by golly, I guess that just settles it, then! "bon appetit" ...

[Sophy 569]

we do understand the intimacy of kissing and the deep connection you can establish with your lover. However we can't conceive having sex without kissing.

Couples with No-kissing rule is a "NO NO" for us,

[oc1234 435]

I actually get very turned on when we have a threesomes and my wife kisses the other man. I also get turned on by porn when there is kissing.

[76dragonflies 21]

To all the girls, do you have sex with your husband after this happens or does it take a day or two. Also what do I do about the guy that can't get condom hard? Dump him or second shot?

 

First experience we had was a week ago and we haven't been able to stop!! EVERY time we have an opportunity, we are on it!! The passion has been exponentially heightened. Perhaps ask the guy to practice wearing condoms on his own and give another chance. It could be that he just needs some time to get used to them.

[enhancer 1,585]

As many have said communication is the key to having success in the lifestyle! Nobody else is going to have the answer to why you or your wife feel what you do. That communication should also be carried over to the people you choose to play with to make the experience as good as possible for everyone involved. Sounds like you are working on that part with your wife so good on you.

 

The kissing thing seems to be something that comes up here often! For us personally kissing is s fundamental part of sex. Without it we do not want to move on to all the other fun stuff. Is it intimate and passionate? Hell yes. Those things are part of sex for us regardless of who we are fucking. We are not robots that have a button that can be pressed to turn us on. Ms Enhancer is the most passionate kisser I have ever been with. She is just as passionate with her mouth when she is sucking a cock or eating a pussy. I love seeing her express that passion with others and the reaction from them when she does as much as I do when I am experiencing it first hand. At the end of the day she is still going to love me and still want to come home with me. That I am sure of.

[twohots4u2 188]

Kissing is fine with us. In fact, if things are starting too slow, I will French kiss her, tell the guy how great a kisser she is, and suggest that he kiss her and learn. Once the kissing starts she gets hot, he gets hot, and the party is on.

 

Also, if a guy takes too long to cum (over a half-hour), she will start French kissing him constantly, and it speeds up the process.