Felt like I was intentionally being ignored?

[waylate 16]

I had an experience at a house party that I guess could be my confusion or not know how to do deal with it.

 

My wife and I were invited to this house party/birthday party for a couple's wife that had met us one time at another place. My wife is over the top gorgeous to most people and I am little overweight but have a handsome face, beautiful eyes and charisma in my mannerisms.

 

So there were only 10 or so couples invited to this party and when were having conversation with folks and getting to know some of them. That part was a little weird with what later turned out to be a clique of people. At a certain point at the party some of the girls went and put on their slut wear, or nothing at all, and started having fun with each other.

 

We were not quite there yet, when my wife decided to go change into her slut wear because she wanted to get laid. The person that had invited us obviously wanted my wife, which at the time was somewhat ok with me, I guess because I felt like I could get laid too. So I let her go upstairs with him.

 

Well before I know it the other girls that were having fun with each other headed up stairs for their fun. I am pretty much left with women I am not attracted to and not enjoying life because no one that was left was even talking with me.

 

I really felt alone at that point, so I stood away from these folks and just drank my drink, water. When I see one of the girls that had gone upstairs come down go to her husband and the other girl's husband and start having a conversation with her back to me. The guys were listening intently to what she was saying, she then pointed at me over her shoulder, both of the husbands looked at me and the they all proceeded upstairs without saying a word to me.

 

To me they were going upstairs without inviting me on purpose, to exclude me for whatever reason. I felt humiliated and went and sat on the couch alone and getting more and more pissed about the situation. I went upstairs, found my wife and told her I was leaving. She got up and got dressed and we left without saying a word to anyone else.

 

Please give some feedback, or if you have had an experience like this, let me know what you did. The next day I found out from my wife the girls had come upstairs to the room where she and the guy were and the tried to get with her, but she is not bi and didn't allow it, so they went to another room to be alone. feeling

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

The only part of your story that seems mysterious to me is the part about somebody pointing at you over a shoulder. I suppose you will never know what words were exchanged. And I do not blame you for assuming the worst.

 

The rest of the story is very familiar to me. I have been left alone watching the Travel Channel or checking out the action on my smart phone on more than one occasion while everybody else was somewhere else. I learned early to not be envious of my wife's success at attracting attention. But, on the other hand, I have seldom been left alone for the entire afternoon or evening.

 

I do think, all in all, that you should go about finding a new set of swinger friends. A good host and hostess will make an effort to assure that guests are made comfortable.

 

Wishing you good fortune in your quest.

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

You are not wrong for feeling disappointed and slighted. However, you must accept the fact that whenever you go to a house party like the one you described, there is always a possibility that you may not connect with anyone there. This occasionally happens to us, and whenever it does, we simply shrug our shoulders and look forward to the next party.

 

The chemistry among the couples will differ at every party, even when the couples in attendance are mostly the same. It's entirely possible that some of the ladies at this party are open to playing with you, but it didn't happen on this night because they ended up engaging in some woman-on-woman play, first. The next time one of them sees you at a party, perhaps she'll play with you, instead.

 

You mentioned that after several of the women went upstairs, you were left with "women I am not attracted to," and so you "stood away from these folks and just drank my drink." It sounds as if you were giving off an anti-social vibe at that point, so that likely destroyed any remaining chance you had to play that night. If you find yourself in this situation again, put on a good face and try socializing with the remaining guests, even if you aren't interested in playing with them. You'll have a better time, and you'll also come across as more attractive to people you do want to play with.

[VegasLee 1,486]

We tend to be very outgoing so we don't end up with problems like this often.

There have been a few parties when we traveled though that we really did not feel we fit in.

 

At clubs we have found those that tend to stay by their self end up by their self though.

 

As a host we try to talk to everyone and introduce people to others but when we see someone go off and sit by their self we feel they want to be left that way.

 

We have also noticed that those that go off by their self tend to be the ones that leave the parties early and also the ones that will tend to leave bad reviews about parties on line.

 

It may be different for you guys but we pay attention to things like this. This is how it has been for us.

[Guy1964 177]

I think I would have felt exactly the same way. It sounds like the hosts didn't do a good job of introducing people and making everyone welcome. Although you'll never know, I'll bet the whispered words were something like "His wife isn't into girl-play!" It sounds like you would be much happier with a "We both play or no one plays" approach. I hope you gave your wife kudos for how much consideration she showed by leaving because you weren't being treated well.

[angelkin 1,326]

The person that had invited us obviously wanted my wife, which at the time was somewhat ok with me, I guess because I felt like I could get laid too. So I let her go upstairs with him.

 

I'm sorry you felt left out, didn't feel welcomed, and didn't have a good time. However, this tactic above rarely works. As others have said, it's a good plan to stick together at least until you've got a circle of friends you can both find fun with.

 

I hope your next experience is better. Glad your wife was understanding, but next time she may not be.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Hi, waylate, and welcome to the forum! I'm so glad you are able to jump right in and ask for advice.

 

As for the situation itself, the first part sounds so much like one of our first experiences with house parties. There was a group of couples who seemed to really be in their own group but invited us because we put up a Hot Date on SLS. After there was some group chatting, many of the girls went out to chat some more, leaving quite a few husbands to twiddle their thumbs. Since we were pretty new to swinging, Mr. Sun and I stuck together and whenever I was left alone, I was quickly surrounded by the other husbands. I remained adamant that Mr. Sun also had to be there and have his fun as well. Our situation didn't turn out quite like yours but the situation did end up leaving a bit of a unpleasant taste in our mouth.

 

What did we do? We found a new group of swingers and stayed away from the ones we met at that party. We also swap together, which means we don't swap separately because swinging separately almost always means that the wife will have a lot more swapping opportunities than the husband and if the husband isn't mentally or emotionally ready for that, then only swapping together helps to alleviate that concern for the husband.

[Guest]

We only play as a couple so this sort of thing doesn't really happen. Well, that's not quite true, we only get started as a couple. Once play start, one of us may go on to a second round or may move in slightly different directions. But my really sympathy went out to that woman that you found unattractive. How did she feel when you showed no interest in her? I'm not suggesting that you had taken one for the team but just that frequently, someone gets left out and frequently it's because they didn't take or understand an earlier "invite" for one reason or another.

[kikonkrome 844]

So I must admit I kept debating whether to reply to this or not, as I am not sure if I have much to add that wasn't already said. However, your situation did stay stuck in mind so I thought the best thing to do would be to add my two cents.

 

First off I can readily see how you could be 'caught off guard', wind up in that situation and that sucks. Sorry you had the experience.

 

I must admit I am unsure of what your expected? That because you came with your wife and were happy that she went off to have fun with the host, they would just provide you with a partner? Is that how it normally works for you? Good looking women at swing parties normally can't wait to get their hands on you? If so you are much better looking and more attractive man than I. My apologies if that came through as mean or crass, it wasn't intended that way.

 

I have come to expect that I as the male am expected to be 'outgoing' and forward, to project myself into social situations. Women do not walk up to me out of the blue and asks me to dance, women do not buy me a drink at the bar, etc., I think you get the point. This means that I need to do my best to facilitate the interaction. Sometimes this just means hanging around a group and keeping a conversation going. Sometimes I am a lot more 'on' and can be the center of attention. I will also readily admit that this can be hard, and some nights I am just not 'on' or into the social situation. Sometimes it just doesn't work with the crowd I'm with (which is why I like larger crowds).

 

I think every guy in the swing world is going to have version of the experience you had, I know I have. I hope my 'broader sense' view point helps.

 

So I would feel down, and I would interpret it as an 'off' night they happen.

[asncpl 730]

I would add that it's important for you and your wife to have open communications about what to do in situations like this, especially when you are first starting out. I think it's important for both of you to look out for each other, and like other posters, we have been to parties where I was getting more attention than my husband. You have to ask yourself if you're ok with that or not, and communicate it with your wife.

[10thBadger 25]

Badger’s wife, 

 

I blame the wife, the idea that she didn’t even check on you to see if you were having fun or if you being left alone is pretty shitty. You have every right to feel like you have been left out because you were all by yourself what everybody else is running around having fun. Now I am not a swinger and even though it is interesting and my husband and I are looking into it, even though we both have major jealousy issues 🙂 I would never leave my husband is with someone else and just forget about him and have him sitting somewhere  flipping through the channels of the TV and me enjoying myself. Hell, when my husband comes to my country of Latvia, I would not leave his side because I don’t want him to feel alienated even though I have many friends and family members and yes my husband does speak Russian but not perfectly and if you wanted to you could talk around him because we can speak very fast or we can use Russian slang that he does not know. But I would never leave him alone even if it was with my parents with him. It just wouldn’t be fair. And also my husband would not do that to me. You can say we are like something fricking Frack if that is correct. Sorry I’m trying to use English slang