Nederlanders looking for swinger club code of conduct

[Mr_Burns 16]

Hello!

 

I've been googling around to try and find something to guide me through how to act at a swinger's club, but all I seem to come across are gay clubs, square dancing sites and, especially on Dutch sites, very immature replies, so I finally figured I'd best ask other swingers.

 

Let me illustrate a bit first.

 

My girl and myself aren't particularly average looking, in fact, I suppose other people could see us as odd, weird or simply unattractive. (For the record, they're wrong. She's the best damn woman I ever had.) I've got the rock 'n' roll sideburns and a forehead that, in the wrong light, needs an extra doorway and she's quite a big girl. Still, I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and she's always up for an experiment, so swinger's clubs in themselves aren't an issue. How to act properly inside is something else.

 

I'm basically looking for a manual to swinger's clubs.

 

We're not much for chatting and small talk and we don't make contact easily, however, we don't at all mind if someone just joins in a grabs a body part of their choosing. Out of our two visits one guy had the gall to grab my girl full on between the legs in passing by. Made her feel pretty and gave me a kick. Maybe we are weird, I don't care.

But this guy kept on walking.

 

It may seem obvious to just give him the nod, but he avoided eye contact as much as I have trouble making it. I guess it was one of those things you do that surprises yourself.

 

Are there signals? Secret handshakes? Whatever. I know the gay scene has this signaling system with handkerchiefs, but all you get at "our" club is a white bracelet that shows you're bisexual. So, can we just crawl up on the big bed with the couple we've been eyeing all night, or do you ask and how do you ask? Trouble is, some people do just go to fuck with each other, but in public. Like we did, our first visit.

 

And while we're on it, this club has a dark room. Solves a lot of contact making issues, but I still can't help being polite, so re-ensure me: Is the darkroom really the all-you-can-grab-feast I want to believe it is?

 

As you can see, we're quite the beginners and me especially a shy one. But I'm also very much against going in blind and acting like a bloody tourist, so any tips would be greatly appreciated.

[MrDiscover 802]

Hi there, welkom bij ons vriendelijke swingers forum

 

I'm sorry to hear you got negative replies online. Have you found the swingers and parenclubs thread on the Viva forum, in the sex pijler, yet? It's a series of threads going on for years now and I find it very informative and friendly. But not nearly as many readers as here, of course, so welcome this board as well.

 

We have never visited the Fata, only Monique in Wieringerwerf, so I am maybe wrong but I think the darkroom in the fata is indeed a grab-fest (but not completely dark). However, taking that direction to prevent communication sounds like a wrong solution.

 

Just talk, look people in the eye, smile. Communicate. Or start the fun yourself and see who hooks on. Everyone is there with the same goal, so no need to be shy. Be prepared to be refused. And be prepared to asked to join. And don't take it too seriously.

 

No special signs, just the friendly you two!

[Mr_Burns 16]

En bedankt voor de vriendelijke welkomst.

 

Actually, it wasn't me personally that got these childish replies, but it's those kinds of replies that put me off trying to get actual information.

 

Also, the dark room is only lit a tiny bit when someone comes in an lets a sliver of light in from the hallway. Besides it being a workaround to our shyness (more than our communication), it's quite a kick.

 

It indeed doesn't help much for chatting up that one couple you really wanna get sweaty with.

 

The problem with starting the fun ourselves is that other people seem to think like we do: "Maybe they wanna be left alone."

 

A bit of a vicious circle, that.

 

It won't stop us from keeping on trying though. ;o)

[kikonkrome 844]

My girl and myself aren't particularly average looking, in fact, I suppose other people could see us as odd, weird or simply unattractive. (For the record, they're wrong. She's the best damn woman I ever had.) I've got the rock 'n' roll sideburns and a forehead that, in the wrong light, needs an extra doorway and she's quite a big girl

 

For the record we like weird, especially me, and the idea of a big 'Nederlanders' girl is (high pitch voice here) AWESOME!

 

I'm basically looking for a manual to swinger's clubs.

me too, let me know if you find one, preferably something I can download on my kindle. Just Ask Julie has a book, we both read it and thought it was great. It's not exactly a 'swing club' manual, but it's pretty helpful. Maybe we should collaborate and write it?

 

Are there signals? Secret handshakes?

You mean they didn't give the code sign when they gave you the tour of the club? Just kidding! No there is no foot tapping code signal, you just have to ask.

 

So it's difficult if you are basically an introvert. I try to treat it more as a game. How many people can I talk to tonight? It helps me break out of my own personal shell. I have also read some basic books on flirting, interacting with people, etc. Dale Carnegie's 'How to Make Friends and Influence People' is still outstandingly valuable.

 

Finally this board has helped us immeasurably as well. Post specific questions, I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

[angelkin 1,326]

Many of the club websites I've visited have a "what to expect" and "code of conduct" page. You might try hitting a few random club site to get the idea. Here's my local club's site Club Princeton FAQ.

[Mr_Burns 16]

For the record we like weird, especially me, and the idea of a big 'Nederlanders' girl is (high pitch voice here) AWESOME!

And probably more people than we dare find out. ;o)

 

You mean they didn't give the code sign when they gave you the tour of the club? Just kidding! No there is no foot tapping code signal, you just have to ask.

We didn't even get the tour, to be honest.

 

Of course, this meant we could have our own little adventure discovering the uncharted worlds of swinger's club.

 

So it's difficult if you are basically an introvert.

I'm so introvert I shouldn't actually have any business in a swinger's club. Go figure.

 

I try to treat it more as a game. How many people can I talk to tonight? It helps me break out of my own personal shell.

My game at the moment is Mortal Kombat. I'm guessing this doesn't karry over to the klub.

 

I have also read some basic books on flirting, interacting with people, etc. Dale Carnegies 'How to Make Friends and Influence People' is still outstandingly valuable.

This I'll have a look into. If all else fails, I can manipulate a raise out of it.

 

Finally this board has helped us immeasurably as well. Post specific questions, I'll show you mine if you show me yours!

I'll surely post more questions should specific ones come to mind, but I'll try to refrain from showing mine unless asked for. ;o)

 

And Angelkin, I'll have a look through that FAQ right now. Thanks.

[MrDiscover 802]

Mr Burns, maybe very obvious, but have you already read Fata's FAQ? (only in Dutch)

 

Regarding making contact: Making the First Swinger Move (part of this board's archive, lots and lots of info is stored in the archive!)

[Mr_Burns 16]

Went through their FAQ several times even.

I'll have a look at the other board shortly.

[Close Encounters 73]

You might find this useful, reprinted from the original 1969 NASCA handbook CLOSE ENCOUNTERS swingers Etiquette