New - how to tell wife I want to swing

[ste3526 15]

Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice or tips? I have been together with my wife for fifteen years and married for eight years, and for the last three or four years I have had a fantasy of seeing her sleep with another man. I am constantly thinking of it and the thought of any man looking at or flirting with my wife turns me on instantly ...I can't stop thinking about it!

 

I met her when I was nineteen and she was seventeen and she has never been with anyone else. She has lost a lot of weight recently, looks like a model and always gets compliments on her great shaped ass.

 

I want to tell her I am interested in swinging but I'm not sure if I should lead up to it and drop hints.

 

Is there any good build up to this?

 

Please, any advice would be good.

 

Thanks

[CB&DD 223]

Hello and welcome. Lots of good reading on here that will help you with your questions. Honesty, communication and trust are some things you'll see repeated.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Welcome to the forum, ste3526. Perhaps you two can start with dirty talk during sex and move the fantasy talk outside of the bedroom the next day.

[loosegravel 20]

I agree with sunbuckus, fantasy talk during sex is a nice time to introduce the concept of mfm encounters with your wife. See how she reacts and you might get a clue on how to proceed.

[ste3526 15]

Compliments and getting her to have confidence...will this help?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

First, welcome, ste3526, to Swingersboard.

 

In regard to your question, you are not the first person to ask it. I have always recommend the direct approach; ask. Lead-ups can be awkward, can be misinterpreted and can, consequently, send you off into non-productive directions. If you get a rejection after you ask, let the subject cool for a while, then ask again. In time, your question will be answered with a question, "why? You can then explain.

[njbm 2,932]

She may think you are crazy the first time you ask her She may get mad. Then she will think about it and she may like the idea. Don't force it. Bring it up, let it marinate and she may find it to be of interest!

[intuition897 2,180]

Try to see it from her perspective. I know when my husband proposed the idea to me, I felt that he didn't love or value me. How could he, when he was okay with other men "using" me? Be prepared for this kind of reaction. She needs to know that you love and trust her enough to want to give her sexuality back to her, instead of keeping her under lock and key. It's a gift you're giving her (if she wants it back), not something you're asking of her. So did she notice that the waiter at the restaurant was looking down her dress? Does she know that men watch her as she walks beside you on the street? Does she realize that the guy over there just spilled coffee on himself because he was staring at her ass in those jeans? Tell her you liked it, then tell her why.

 

Inevitably, there comes the question of reciprocity. Are you interested in having sex with other women? What if your wife is not okay with that? Are you okay with one-sided non-monogamy? Will she be worried that you're keeping score, and will someday expect her to let you have sex with other women? Food for thought.

[ste3526 15]

Thanks a big help

[cplnluv1 879]

Do you watch porn? If you do with her, there are ways to bring the subject up. She may have no desire to be with anyone but you or she may have thought about it and had a hard time broaching the subject. Do you have an active sex life and talk about sex? Does she play with toys? If she is quiet and just not interested, I would not push the subject. We all have fantasies, some can be played out, others have to remain just a fantasy.