I prefer separate room, he prefers same

[Shore2Please 612]

I hope I am not overdoing the posting. I am finding it interesting to see what others think and how you would handle. It has also opened up talk about what I like with Mr. S2P. We are always open but I told I am posting these things and he is enjoying my enthusiasm. I guess I should give background even though I have posted before.

 

We have been only doing this a year. Met one couple on vacation and that started it. Since then they have been our contact to a party and one other couple we met at the party.

 

First off, I LOVE MY HUSBAND. If I use the word love or making love it isn't meant to mean I am in love. Also, to get my point across I may be too graphic but I see other posts that are way graphic.

 

My question is, am I being strange by liking to do this without my husband watching?

 

Our first time, we split up and I went to their cabin, we were on a ship, of our new friends and she went to my cabin. We were married 10 years and I never ever thought of doing this but that night we just went for broke. I didn't think of it as wrong. I was alone with a man I just met in a room and we were there to have sex.

 

To me it was more than sex. He was there to make love to me and he did. From holding me in his arms on the balcony, to small kisses, to holding my breasts in his hands. He went slow.I think he was testing me and not pushing me. Then he touched me and lifted my dress. I wasn't sure how I felt. There was liquor involved but I let him do what he wanted. And when he entered me, I had no guilt. We have laughed about it since, but he said I woke the couple in the next room. I really felt like he made love to me and not just taking advantage of some easy thing he met on the ship.

 

The next day (skipping a bunch here) all four of us were in my cabin and the guys got frisky and I had my first experience with his wife, my first with any woman. I wasn't fully comfortable but tried to enjoy. And then she went to my husband and took him in her mouth. Of course I knew it was just a repeat of what they already had done but I didn't see it before. And now my lover from the night before was fucking me, not making love like he did before. It was so different and my husband was watching and I watched him with her.

 

Not to bore anyone, later in the year we met this same couple, and it was a similar situation, except first we all were in one room and later split up for the night. Several months later we were invited to our first party with them and two couples. Of course it was sex and sex and sex. And I was with the other women as well as the men. And lastly we met one of the couples from the party. Again we ended the evening in different rooms and again I felt like he made love to me instead of fucking me like he did just an hour before.

 

Mr S2P has told me that he has enjoyed watching me and was "proud" that I am is wife. I have told him I had fun doing it too, but really I enjoyed the one on ones more. The men seem to act so differently when we are alone. It is almost like a circus when we are in a group. Yes, I am not going to lie, I have fun and the sex is good but alone I feel I can be myself and fully allow what we do to be enjoyed. My feelings are so much more intense without everyone watching.

 

I am the different wife who enjoys separate rooms?

[living_free 44]

You are right...he acted differently. I think he wanted to show his wife that it was just sex but when alone wanted to treat you like a "queen" by taking care of you emotionally, and physically. When alone he makes you feel safe. When together he knows you are safe and becomes animalistic. My take.

[Shore2Please 612]

Maybe you are right. I always thought it was me but it was him. Alone I really felt he was making love to me. He slowly entered me. Everything was in slow motion. I swear he was throbbing in me and I responded. I usually have orgasms but he brought me to a very intense one. Even orally it was sensual.

In front of his wife and my husband the sensuality was gone. He fucked me. He fucked me there and he fucked my mouth. You're right. It was him not me.

[cplnluv1 872]

Welcome to the board. I think we all get excited when we find a place to share our thoughts and questions. Don't feel like you are over-posting, go with your thoughts and you will feel so much better.

 

My take on the separate vs same room is coming from a we started this because we wanted to share this experience reason. I admit I did it for my husband who always wanted to watch me first with a woman but then with men as well. The problem with same room playing is you are never sure how the person, your spouse or the other partner is going to react to the fact they you are with someone else. I thought I was prepared and nothing was going to bother me. Seeing my husband having sex was fine and admittedly watching him kiss wasn't. It could be your new friend had to show his wife that it was just sex, nothing more. He was playing out in front of her because he feared her reaction if she saw him tender with you. My take is the real him was the man you spent a night with.

Have you discussed this with your husband? Did you tell him or share with him how romantic the first night was and how did he react?

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Mrs. Shore2Please, It's Mr. CoupleInMD79 here.

 

I think I can easily imagine the same room vs. different room scenarios you mentioned. The Mrs. and I can enjoy both same-room and different-room play, but we prefer different rooms. And I think you are in the same area of thinking as we are as to why we prefer different rooms. From a male perspective, I feel like I can be more myself, and pay more attention to the person I am playing with, when it's just the two of us. Perhaps I hold back a mite when we are all in the same room? I think I definitely hold back on some of the talking that I might do more freely when there are four of us together. And I think two couples playing in the same room may tend to move things along faster than if playing separately- there is a kind of slight pressure to "keep up" with the other couple when two couples are having sex together.

 

So, putting that all together, I guess when I'm playing in a separate room I tend to take my time more with my play partner, and express myself more freely. In my book, that adds up to a more passionate play experience, and that's why we both prefer it over same-room play.

 

BTW, I would prefer calling it "more passionate" rather than "making love", as the latter way of describing it is just too loaded with potential for misunderstanding.

 

In the case of your husband, I wonder if he may still feel a little shy or constrained and may not be having that time-taking, extra-passionate experience when playing in a separate room from you. If so, then it's understandable why he may prefer same-room play. You gotta admit the visuals of same-room play are pretty hot!

 

Also, it may be important to make the separate-room experience more safe for him by giving him a full and complete debrief afterwards. If you guys are like us, you will feel better knowing that your spouse is still being completely open with you, willing to share all the details of the play that happened behind the closed door. And not for nothing, but that recap can be a great way to start round 2 between you when you get home!

[Shore2Please 612]

BTW, I would prefer calling it "more passionate" rather than "making love", as the latter way of describing it is just too loaded with potential for misunderstanding.

 

Hi MrCouple. I knew someone would not like the "love" phrase. I LOVE my husband with all of my heart. Making love, to me, is a euphemism, for having sex, getting fucked, getting laid or as you like to say being more passionate. I don't mean to take offense at this, I am actually laughing because words are used to get a thought across. This little thing is just about words in general and not to attack because I know you are well meaning and probably a fun guy to be with. The rest of your answer is so spot on. BTW "love" means nothing in tennis.

 

I feel like I can be more myself, and pay more attention to the person I am playing with, when it's just the two of us.

 

Our first time was in separate rooms, so of course I was myself. I didn't notice the difference until we did things in the same room. Not only was I myself, it felt wonderful to still be desired by someone other than my husband. My husband treats me very well and usually makes feel like a million but that's what we promised to do 10 years ago. This brand new friend could have been there just for his own gratification but he treated the way every woman should be treated. I don't know what a man feels when he is with a woman for the first time, but this man made me feel like the best feelings. Fast forward to the next day, all 4 of us in a small room, this same man who was so tender less than 24 hours before, had me suck his cock and he fucked me in front of his wife and my husband. That wasn't making love, it was sex.

 

it may be important to make the separate-room experience more safe for him by giving him a full and complete debrief afterwards.

 

That first time, we didn't have time to debrief. I went back to my room and she was still in bed with my husband. She left and we jumped in the shower to meet them for island touring. He did ask me how it was and I don't know if I was ready to give details in the shower. I do know I gave my husband a bj in the shower. Maybe I was feeling guilt?

 

Since then we do talk about what happened behind the doors. We have only had a few occasions to talk about. What becomes a blow by blow account usually becomes silliness though.

[oc1234 435]

Back in the day when we were swinging with another couple, we preferred different rooms usually in the same house. We found it less distracting than having all of us on the same bed. Now that we are doing mmf threesomes, I still often leave the room and let my wife have some alone time with the other man. That works for us since both of the men we play with are friends we have known since the 80s. My wife has been playing with one of the men since the mid 80s. When we had kids at home and my wife didn't work, she sometimes played with him at his house since he worked nights.

[Shore2Please 612]

A little off this thread topic but I got a few private messages concerning my use of LOVE. We all use the word in many ways. I loved the movie. I love pizza. I love the way that looks on you. I just love this or that. Nobody is going to mix that up with the way I love my husband or may children. The word love has to be understood in the context it was used.

 

Making love also has many meanings to me. We all know you make love with your spouse or significant other. To many that means you are having sex. To me making love has a romantic quality to it. I have only made love to a few people. For the last dozen years I only made love to one man. We also had sex. Over the years we had sexual contact hundreds of times. Many of the times were romantic, slow, making love. This is what I really like and I wish we had more time to do. In reality we had sex many many times. With kids and work schedules we don't always have time for making love. An early morning quicky, no time for romance, just enough time for both of us to start the day right. Morning where I was awoken with a mouth between my legs or the days I woke him up by taking him in my mouth. or the showers that were more. These weren't love making, these were acts of love.

[Sophy 569]

We started as a same-room couple only, then after some experiences we are now more flexible.

 

We still prefer same room, that allow us to play as a team and play all of us together or divide the action in a group of three if one person want to take a break.

 

However "scenic panic" can be an issue (especially in males), a way to resolve it is doing separate-rooms. Separate rooms can be very fun as well, We have had a very passionate sex during separate rooms, the fact that you can focus on only one person is a plus, in my case I love kissing passionately during sex and my husband is totally OK with it, however I can't say the same about the other lady, so during separate rooms I feel free to kiss a lot more.

[MacNfries 123]

I think a person may tend to be a bit more self-conscious when their spouse is in the room observing, thus interfering with their own concentration of "pleasure". So I tend to believe it could be a bit of both ... the spouse's presence, and ability to concentrate.

 

Plus, don't leave out the fact that the male & female genders often approach sex and passion in different ways. This is mentioned in John Gray's book "Men Are From Mars ... ". Definitely worth reading while laying around a pool or something.

[living_free 44]

You make a lot of sense to me. I don't think taking the word "Love" literally is right for your context, didn't think many would.

[Shore2Please 612]

We had a talk about meeting our first time friends again and how we should approach the same room or separate room question again. I wanted to know why he liked to be in the same room. He explained that he liked both watching me, me watching him, and he wanted me to be with her and he said he wasn't sharing a bed with him....NO WAY lol.

 

I pushed his buttons jokingly saying that he can watch me and her only if I could watch him and him. I don't really think I want to watch that. Now our first time doing anything as I said was separate and it wasn't until the next day that he saw me do anything sexual with someone else. He said he couldn't believe he was watching me with a woman. I said I couldn't believe I was with a woman and I was somewhat uncomfortable doing it with the two of them watching. I have now been with women a couple of times but never alone. I had been thinking that maybe if I were alone with a woman. He said it was hot watching me sucking the guy and that he was so proud. I reminded him that I didn't really "suck" the guy but more like he "fucked" my mouth. I told him that watching him do the same thing to her was exciting but I thought letting her give a slow bj would be more exciting.

 

I wondered if he treated her that way when they were alone. He said not really. So my point was you were showing off in front of me and her husband. Wouldn't it be nicer to do things softer and slower without an audience. He said he would like to watch me do exactly what I did privately and I said he would never be the same with him and the other wife watching