Feeling selfish that things aren't equal

[wetrafters 19]

Hello, my husband (of 14 years) and I have decided to try swinging, however, I have some reservations about him being with another woman. He expresses that it's ok that I don't do something I don't want to, after all, it's about having fun, and he agrees we try MFM. I am truly appreciative that he isn't pressuring and is supportive and doing and saying all the right stuff. But I feel selfish now, like I'm getting what I want and I'm not doing as much for him as he is for me. We are moving slowly, I am not saying MFMF will never happen, but what if it doesn't, if I can't ever get there? He is saying he'll be satisfied either way, but I am struggling now even with MFM. I don't want guilt and selfishness to have any part of our fun.

[funcoupledayton 2,710]

I would suggest reading The Ethical Slut and Opening Up and continuing to talk with your husband. These books have good, practical advice and examples of real life couples practicing non-monogamy.

 

For me personally, I would not swing if we didn't both have sexual freedom. Not everything can be equal in swinging, but I think there should be a baseline equality.

[angelkin 1,327]

I am not trying to be a smartass, but why not take him at face value? I mean hear his words and trust that he's being up front with his feelings?

[kikonkrome 845]

We played with a 'couple' where she is the only one playing and he just hears about it later. They certainly seem to more than make it work, they just loved it. I mean he is really grinning from ear to ear when we come out and tell him about it. I think the uncomfortable ones are us. Now that we have been in the 'lifestyle' a while I have seen this more often than I expected. Men have the many of the same insecurities and issues that women do, We are just not 'allowed' to admit it, I guess. It's similar to a woman allowing her SO to have affairs on the side, a historically common occurrence. Thankfully we live in more modern times that allow women to do the same? I guess? (sorry not really making the correct analogy).

 

If he is saying that is what he wants and is really happy with that, I do not see any reason why you wouldn't take that at face value. Have fun!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

My wife and I learned that swing does not have to be an even-Stephen proposition. We both have fun in our own ways.

[TheRedHalf 81]

We started with MFM's for the same reason. I really enjoy watching her take pleasure from others and that's enough for me. Over time we developed a good relationship with another couple and that's helped us move to an MFMF. I'm not saying this is the way it always happens but it worked for us.

 

We guys are funny beasts and sometimes we like to see our ladies jamming with another guy. I say jump on that ride and have fun!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

It took me a lot of persuading to get my wife to try sex with another man. She thought I wanted her to have sex with another man so that I could have sex with another woman. She said she couldn't be able handle the idea of me having sex with another woman. I'll admit that the idea of swapping wives interested me but the idea of sharing her in a MFM was just as exciting to me.

 

I wasn't interested in reciprocation. I was happy to watch her experiencing sex with other men. She also felt guilty but I reassured her that even though the conditions that she would have sex with other men as long as I didn't have sex with other women were conditions I was happy to live with.

[wetrafters 19]

Thank you all! After talking and talking and talking some more, we have decided to not go any further. We weren't on the same page, and aren't going to proceed until we are!

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Always move at the pace the slowest person is comfortable with.