Is it a good idea to be friends?

[PandO 103]

We have not done anything yet, I am wondering is it a good idea to make friends get to know them and then get engaged in sex, or just meet just for sex?

[MrDiscover 802]

That is up to you, you'll find people here have different preferences about that. We (beginners) have chosen the first route, but we find the vanilla friendship part removes some of the edge of sex. It is great to have friends with benefits, but sometimes the friendly coffee and tea time in the evening lasts forever since it is so good to chat and drink, by the time we decide to hit the bed(s), it prooves to be difficult to get in the sex mood. If we are going to look for a second couple (or single man), I think we will try the other route, just sex.

[Guest]

Our experience is that it is much easier just meeting people and having sex. You have an established, somewhat unique relationship with each existing friend. To suddenly change the nature of the relationship is, in fact, changing the relationship. We have attempted it twice with once being semi-successful.

[MrDiscover 802]

But then you are talking about an existing friendship going from vanilla to mixed, right? We have met these friends on SDC and so swinging was from the beginning one of the goals. We only grew faster as vertical friends then horizontal friends.

[oc1234 436]

In truth my wife and I are more "non-monogamists" than "swingers." That means that the few people we play with have been friends first and, as we have gotten closer to them as friends, we have gotten closer to them sexually. While this works for us, it is not a way to get a great number of different playmates.

[kikonkrome 844]

We are definitely sex first and then see if we can become friends. This sounds a little harsh. We do make some get to know you time, just so we have a base line. It's really important to me that the other couple is nice and friendly. It's a real turn off if they are not. Actually it's a total deal breaker.

 

So far the we have had a 'vanilla' experience with one other couple. We went to dinner, etc. it was fun!

 

The rest of the couples we have only met at swing clubs. Not that we haven't tried, just the way it's worked out.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

We my wife and I started, we planned to make friends first, talk about sex later. Maybe we wen about it the wrong way but the result, basically, was that the only sex we were getting was when we got back to our own house.

 

At a certain point we decided that "tryout" sex would be OK. This continues to work well for us. Some people stick around to become true friends.

[angelkin 1,326]

It is an age old question - friends first or fuck first. It's certainly worth discussion, but the archive might give you some insight into past comments on the topic.

 

I'm in the camp of fuck first, friendship might develop organically later.

 

If the sex is bad, we're not likely to want to hang around them as more sex wouldn't be desired. If you make friends first and the sex sucks, it's harder to disentangle yourself from the benefits part of your friendship.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I think the answer depends on how close you need the friendship to be before you get to the sex. We almost never play with anyone before we get to know them a little, and decide that we like them with their clothes on first! We also look to feel some kind of chemistry, and a good comfort level, before getting naked. For us, the whole experience is better when you have a more well-rounded connection to the people you are playing with.

 

Now, does that mean that we insist on all our play partners becoming bestest friends? No, and that is an impossible thing to hope for in any case. But I will say that a few of our lifestyle friends have grown to be some of our closest friends!

[asncpl 730]

Although we have some good friends in the lifestyle, we're solidly in the sex first camp. The friendship developed later. While we don't make friends with everyone we have sex with, it's nice to have a few friends in the lifestyle.

[TricianMike 788]

Being friends can be good but might cause problems. We had always kept our lifestyle apart from vanilla friends until recently. We have good friends that approached us. We have a great vanilla relationship with this couple. We both enjoy being with them. Good looking, healthy and great sense of humor. We are their first. I read too much into what I thought was a problem. I got too involved in this imagined problem. If they were just lifestyle friends I would have just dismissed what I thought. On the other hand, having sex with people you totally enjoy is great. We have laughs and are very open about so many things.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

As previously stated, there are two camps here: friends first and fuck first. Both are the right way. The question is which is the right way FOR YOU. We prefer friends with benefits, but that's just us.

[cplnluv1 874]

Hopefully everyone you meet will be a friend sooner or later. Meeting someone you know outside of the lifestyle can be challenging. We had posted last summer that we were meeting a business associate. People wrote us not to do it. The old expression that you shouldn't sh.t where you eat. I know know the guys shared pictures before we met and both made up their minds that this was going to happen. I still had the last word on this but it did work out. Looking back, we weren't discreet, and luckily we have no regrets.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

We've done both. We've found fuck first works out better. We do have quite a few good swinger friends.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

The sex will be more enjoyable and comfortable if you get to know each other as friends first. IMO