Does age play a factor in swinging bareback?

[angelkin 1,326]

A couple of recent, unrelated posts, have me wondering if age plays a factor in bareback play. I mean, as we age, does the STD risk seem or appear to be less of a concern? Is it a perception that older swingers (say in the 60 yo range) are more selective, or more cautious in choosing partners. Any chance that as we grow older it seems to matter less as the realization of our own mortality becomes palatable.

 

Please excuse me if I've been insensitive. At 45, I wonder if I will feel differently in a few years.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . Please excuse me if I've been insensitive. At 45, I wonder if I will feel differently in a few years.

It is a remarkable coincidence that you should ask this. Mrs. SW and I were just talking about this. At our age, if it ain't a STI that gets us, something else will.

 

Four years ago, a staphylococcus aureus infection, from a scratch, almost did me in (three months in a hospital). I could bite the big one in a highway crash. Probability of catching something fatal from intimate human contact is no greater than these risks.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Mr. Sun and I have talked about this and we're open to playing bareback with others once the kids are grown and have their own kids. Our first priority is them, especially since they are young. We don't want to take greater risks right now that will end up being fatal at our age. I couldn't imagine how devastating it would be on them were something to happen to us. Losing a parent is hard enough at any age but I think it's much more of a damaging experience when it happens when they are little.

 

However, truth be told, we take greater risks everyday just by driving around the city. Our last day on this earth could be today for all we know. But for now, we plan for the future for our family and that means taking less risks.

[oc1234 435]

It does for my wife and me. I am 71 and my wife will be 70 this fall. We have played with only a few people and we started in the 80s before HIV. We have continued to play bareback with our very long term friend who started us playing. We have also added a new playmate about 18 months ago. We don't play with him that often, but when we do it's bareback. If we were playing with a number of new people we would probably reconsider and require condoms no matter what the new playmates' ages were.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

At 46, we're not there yet, but I can see that being true for us too. Once your kids are grown and established on their own, your house is paid for, your career is well established and retirement is something you are starting to think about, and all the other day to day concerns those in their middle age have are starting to drop away, then it would seem like less of a risk. If something did happen, then you aren't having to deal with everything else along with that too.

 

I also think that perception of risk fades with time on just about anything. You still know it's there, but have accepted it. Someone making their 200th skydiving jump doesn't perceive the risk in the same way as someone making their first.

 

There may be a with age comes wisdom factor too. Personally, I think the general perception around STD's is 90% based on propaganda. Much of society tends to think any STD means your junk is going to turn a weird shade of green and fall off two days later, while the truth is, for most, you're going to go to the doctor, get a pill, and be all fixed up in a few days just like you would for most other things. There are some big exceptions to that of course, like HIV, but I think as people age they start to see through the hype and put things in the proper perspective. As SW_PA put it above, if that doesn't get you, something else will.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

From a physician--

 

Ultimately, this is all about how risk is perceived, assessed and managed. STIs are real, they are prevalent even in older segments of the population. Age is not protective. However, older swingers who prefer to remain in closed groups are obviously at less risk than those who are more promiscuous--and it is an impression that older swingers tend to have relatively fewer couples they play with.

 

Bottom line, there are plenty of STIs out there. With whom you play and how you play and what level of protections you choose all are risk management decisions. The nature of play is that when you accept risk, you are also accepting risks for others--partners and other playmates, for example. That's rather different from (say) skydiving, where the risk is yours alone.

[PandO 103]

STIs are one of my biggest concerns right now. We have 4 VERY small children to be here to parent for at least 18 more years. They are MUCH more important to me than even the absolute best sex I could ever imagine. It's one of the things I'm really struggling with on how to proceed forward.

[asncpl 729]

As someone who plays bareback almost half the time, I have never put much thought about the age thing but we have unwittingly done what Angelkin said. Most of our bareback partners are older. What the other posters said are certainly true in a logical and reasonable way, but I am afraid my thought process is simpler. We don't have kids, and there is definitely some truth to facing our own mortality. Whether it's true or not, we have the impression that older swingers are a bit wiser and have more experience in choosing partners. Luckily for us, we have never caught any STIs (knock on wood).

[Guest]

Of course, it all depends on how old we're thinking. It may become less about the idea of bareback and more just about the arthritis in the fingers. It's hard enough to get those damn things on as it is.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Arthritis: I can prick my finger but I can't finger my prick.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Arthritis: I can prick my finger but I can't finger my prick.

 

What a catchy slogan!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I've continued to think about this subject, and I wonder if age has to do with it in more ways than one. We've been discussing it just from an individual perspective, but it takes two. So, I wonder if it's not only your own age, but the age of those you are playing with too?

 

If they are older and your sense and/or assumption of them is that along with age has come wisdom and responsibility, then does it become more of a group trust thing? Back to my skydiving analogy, very few things in life are free from the influence of others, either direct or indirect. Even if you are taking the plunge by yourself, someone flew the plane to get you up there, hopefully without crashing on takeoff. Every time you get behind the wheel of a car, you have evaluated group risk and trust that other drivers you encounter will follow the rules of the road, etc. and not wipe you out (and we all know how well that can be trusted).

 

So, the next question is, say you're 65, would you have more reservations about playing bareback with someone who is also 65 or who is 25? I think there is both direct and indirect trust involved in swinging bareback, and I think age likely has something to do with it.

[tribbles 490]

Older guys may have more trouble staying hard and a condom is an erection killer for some. I think that plays some part in the choice as well.

 

We are more scared of cancer than any STI cuz even HIV will take awhile to kill us.

[Shore2Please 611]

We have only played a few times and at first it wasn't even in the game plan to use protection. Prior to getting married I had sex with a few guys and though I had been on birth control for other reasons I would say protection was a sometimes thing. With my husband of course it was never an issue for us. After having kids we were both fixed so I really didn't have much experience, especially in recent years, with condoms. Swinging wasn't even in my vocabulary till last year. Bareback until then was riding a horse without a saddle. My first swap experience wasn't planned and until that point when we both realized that this was happening and he asked if I was on birth control, he was already in me, that I thought about what if. It wasn't until we were at our only house party that it became an issue. I was with someone and he asked me to put a condom on him. I have to say it was a mood buster and I felt like a spaz trying to open one up and get it on him. I did see everyone was using them, so I imagine it is what is done.