Is sex different for women than it is for men?

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Awhile back, a thread made a comment about sex being different for women because we're accepting something to be inserted inside our bodies whereas men don't. I suppose it's like saying it's easier for everyone to want to explore something by poking our finger at something but we're much more sensitive about someone putting something into our ears.

 

Do you think there's anything to this? Does a woman require a bit more trust in their sex partner than a man does because something will be going inside them instead of doing the insertion? Or could there be something else to it?

[MrDiscover 802]

Men can't get pregnant?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Interesting question, I'm looking forward to following this discussion.

 

I think there is much more to it than the something inside you aspect. That could apply to men too if pegging, fingering, or other sorts of anal play were involved, and while it's certainly true that different sex acts take different levels of trust in your partner, on that sliding scale I think straight vaginal intercourse is probably on the lower half of the list. I'm not female, so I can't speak to that concern, but when you think about it, males have their own thing there with putting part of you in something else, meaning you don't have total control anymore. Again, vaginal sex isn't going to be the stuff of nightmares, but think of receiving oral sex - that's just one good chomp away from having a really bad day. So, I think there is trust required by both genders.

 

As MrDiscover said, risk of pregnancy adds another layer for females. And then there is all the societal/culture stuff - when a guy does it, he gets a wink and grin and maybe even an outright attaboy. When a woman does it, she gets shamed or even worse. Some variant of that is pervasive and something we have all experienced over and over, even if only indirectly. It's always been that way to some degree, and no matter how good of job you have done distancing yourself from that type of thinking, it has just been drilled into people so much that I think it's impossible to totally erase the effects of it.

 

Throughout history, women have always carried most of the burden and risks associated with sex. Given that, not surprising that how you approach it varies by gender.

[Guest]

I think there definitely differences. There's the pregnancy thing, a greater risk of disease, etc. They lick, we swallow. They spurt and wipe off, we have to clean out. But more importantly is probably the emotional and needs differences that are certainly associated with having sex.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I agree with everything above.

 

Also, I feel like as a woman I have to have more trust to have sex with someone since almost all men are bigger and stronger than me. They can physically hurt me much easier than I could hurt them, they can overpower me and force me to do something I don't want to. They control the STI prevention I use (condoms).

 

Dan Savage says that if straight men want women to be more open to casual sex, they need to make the world better for women. If women weren't afraid to get pregnant (better access to birth control) or be raped or hurt (work to end "rape culture" and domestic violence) or be humiliated (stop slut shaming, double standards). I think there's definitely something to that.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

I sure hope so!

[Guest]

On the other side of it, most men can just turn over and do another and then maybe another.............

[Shore2Please 613]

Pregnancy has never been a problem for me. Been on birth control since in HS and now tubes tied.

I am not that experienced with that many men, so I can't be an expert on this. Before being married, I know the ones I was with were pretty much there for them. I know that they wanted me to enjoy but once they were done, they were done. I have been with ones that were done with a bj, and I went along with it. Self esteem? LOL

When I met my husband he was more into making sure I was taken care of. As a matter of fact he would usually get me there during foreplay. There were times though that I didn't get there.

In my short time in this thing, the first man I was with was very attentive. We were alone and he was sensitive, romantic and made sure I was being satisfied. After we cuddled before doing things again. That was the first time and alone. In front of others he was not as romantic and caring. When he came he was done.

Is it different? Depends on the situation.

[JandKinBoise 859]

I think this is very subjective to the person. I have met women who had to have a serious relationship before they could allow themselves to be penetrated. Other women are more at ease with it. Same with guys really. There was a time when the standard belief was that the guy just had to show up and he was ready to go. I have found that to not be the case that often. Many men need time to adjust to a partner before they can have sex. Especially guys that have jumped into bed and ended up making a trip to the clinic.

 

I describe my wife as a homosexual male, in a woman's body. We have met men for drinks and gone directly to their house or a room for sex, after an hour of telling lies over drinks. Her clothes fly off and she's cramming a dick in her in short order. Maybe we've just been lucky but 5 years of a pretty busy bareback mmf life and no sti.

[couplers 4,717]

The best person to answer this question is that Jenner person.

[Nightclubber 11]

Not sure men want sex a lot more then women I reckon, and also from what I know women like trust and understanding whereas a bloke just wants to fuck.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Back in September there was a ad on Craigs List, asking what Bi males saw as the difference between sex with men & women. I answered with my opinion, answered some subsequent & was eventually rewarded with a doc containing a dialog between the questioner & about a dozen Bi men. What it boiled down to is if they were looking for companionship mixed with the sex they consorted with women. If they wanted a fuck or BJ the used a man. Only twelve respondents is not a conclusive poll but it does suggest something.

[let's do it again 416]

I think the big difference is choice of your partner. I think women can choose about any man that they want to have sex with, at least easier than the man. If the female doesn't want sex then the male has to search for another that is willing. Let's face it, a woman decides how many partners they want to have. I have wondered how women would handle the problem of not getting it up to perform. If I would guess, probably like a male handling pregnancy or the scare of pregnancy,  not very well !

[NC_Seniors 519]

I *think* it was Jerry Seinfeld who said that while women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place! 😂

[Billygoat 445]

In a word…..Dah, of coarse.  But we think it is more based on how the two genders are raised, treated and experience.  Depending on your age (generation), where you were raised (Bible Belt vs california), how you were raised (strict religious, spiritual, open/tolerance) greatly influences sexual expectations, acceptance…..how to act/react.

 

With females (don’t touch, it’s dirty, good girls don’t) Save, preserve, protect, a gift, only when you are married, wifely obligation.  Not allowed to discover own sexuality, preferences, likes/dislikes etc.  Males…..in a word it is expected….only taught to be careful and considerate.  A physical need.

 

I can’t begin to tell you how many women we have met in the lifestyle that never discovered their sexuality, likes, wants and desires.  And many that at over 40 never had a real orgasm….just what they thought was an orgasm.

 

I’m speaking about those who are now over 55 and older.  Younger generations are only marginally better off.

 

so I tried to get the Queen to respond to this.  No go.  Makes my case I guess.  She feels “funny talking about this”.

 

After some discussion over coffee she gave me permission to present her thoughts.

 

never had the “talk”

good girls don't

boys/men expect/need that

only with your husband, wifely duty

”…any dog and cat can do that, we are not animals..”. Seriously I heard her mom say that.

Sex for her is if relationship based making yourself available to and for the one you love.  Hookups and swing playmates are mostly on desire, can say yes or no.

 

Desire allows her control…her power.

 

She liked our experiences in the lifestyle.  Allowed her to explore…learn more about pleasing various men. 
 

rarely did she ever feel obligated and quickly learned she was in control.  Increase her self worth, Gave her the power and choice to please, if she wanted to.

 

She did learn and thought she had to give some level of sex to build and keep a relationship.   Realized later she didn’t have to.

 

She never thought or felt less than because sh had to take a penis inside her.  She always thought it was something special.

 

 

Other than the occasional meet up with Old swing friends we have largely retired from the lifestyle when our last favorite club Closed.  We now play between ourselves

 

but the door is always left open to have any of those we’ve known in the past join in on occasion

 

 

 

 

 

 

[couplers 4,717]

On 6/1/2015 at 2:46 PM, cplnuswing said:

And then there is all the societal/culture stuff - when a guy does it, he gets a wink and grin and maybe even an outright attaboy. When a woman does it, she gets shamed or even worse. Some variant of that is pervasive and something we have all experienced over and over, even if only indirectly.

I know what you mean, but believe things are changing.  During the time I have been nonmonogamous, my situation has gone from totally hiding it to (while not being totally open about my poly family) not denying what has become common knowledge.  People ask about my family and I'll discuss our children, etc. but no one probes our sex life.

 

The short of it is that people (co-workers, running partners, coffee shop friends, teachers) both men and women, especially the young, want to discuss their intimate relationships, as if my family arrangement gives me particularly deep insight.  A few men have asked for emotional advice, not sexual.  The women, however, have been all over the place, crying about their love interest, asking about birth control, disappointed by or bragging about sex.

 

As my posts show, I have an opinion on just about everything and I give it along with a variety of options and alternatives.  

Edited January 1, 2023 by couplers

[JessicaJamison 864]

It is absolutely different.  Everything that feels good to a man happens inside our bodies.  Then add to that if they refuse to wear protection, and refuse to pull out we face the consequences of potential unwanted pregnancy.  Men can get their dick wet and walk away, while we potentially have to deal with the consequences.  Then finally there is the issue of if we decided to stop because the man is hurting us or doing something we are not comfortable with we always have the fear that the man will just hold us down and do what he wanted anyways.  Ever have a man decide to choke you during sex, well I have and that is scary as shit.  We do not all have that fantasy.  Ever seen a well endowed guy decide to fuck her throat for a just little too long.  I've had that one too, we can't breath so that's scary.  We also do not all love anal sex, yet I've had five men decide to do it anyways.  If you're not ready for it a dick in your bum really hurts.  Or you could just try to kill us.  They say a man fears being rejected by a woman, while women fear being killed by a man.  So yes, sex takes trust for a woman and yes it is different. .  

[couplers 4,717]

3 hours ago, JessicaJamison said:

They say a man fears being rejected by a woman, while women fear being killed by a man.  So yes, sex takes trust for a woman and yes it is different.

Thank you for that observation and succinct statement.  Although I already knew this subconsciously, you made me realize things about myself - my attitudes and the way I have lived.

[let's do it again 416]

6 hours ago, JessicaJamison said:

It is absolutely different.  Everything that feels good to a man happens inside our bodies.  Then add to that if they refuse to wear protection, and refuse to pull out we face the consequences of potential unwanted pregnancy.  Men can get their dick wet and walk away, while we potentially have to deal with the consequences.  Then finally there is the issue of if we decided to stop because the man is hurting us or doing something we are not comfortable with we always have the fear that the man will just hold us down and do what he wanted anyways.  Ever have a man decide to choke you during sex, well I have and that is scary as shit.  We do not all have that fantasy.  Ever seen a well endowed guy decide to fuck her throat for a just little too long.  I've had that one too, we can't breath so that's scary.  We also do not all love anal sex, yet I've had five men decide to do it anyways.  If you're not ready for it a dick in your bum really hurts.  Or you could just try to kill us.  They say a man fears being rejected by a woman, while women fear being killed by a man.  So yes, sex takes trust for a woman and yes it is different. .  

Sex is different, and I agree with your point of view, but I would like to add to it. How about men fearing falling asleep after sex with the woman and dreaming about John Wayne Bobbitt, or the woman telling you not to wear a condom or telling you to cum inside, "I can't get pregnant or I am fixed! You never know these days the kind of person that you may have sex with, some of my best lovers were crazier than a pet coon! Also watch out for the cell phone and social media retaliation! Another is being used sexually for revenge, a good way to get your butt kicked and not even aware it's coming.

[David Lovell 165]

Amy and I just finished discussing following a visit from swinger friends. Amy said a sex must be different for a woman since all cocks are different. She enjoys my shorter length in a different manner to which she enjoys 9 inches from Steve. It takes longer to get ready for his bigger cock and lasts longer when things get comfortable.  Apparently Vicky said she likes a shorter cock inside her so there's lots of room to play inside her pussy.  Steve never hits her G spot with the head of his cock and always finishes deep-deep inside her. Vicky ,ikes the feeling of cum inside all of her pussy. Amy said she likes cum deep inside her because she lovesthe feeling of it trickling out.

[MrMrsswinger 205]

On 1/2/2023 at 1:49 AM, JessicaJamison said:

Then finally there is the issue of if we decided to stop because the man is hurting us or doing something we are not comfortable with we always have the fear that the man will just hold us down and do what he wanted anyways.  Ever have a man decide to choke you during sex, well I have and that is scary as shit.  We do not all have that fantasy.  Ever seen a well endowed guy decide to fuck her throat for a just little too long.  I've had that one too, we can't breath so that's scary.  We also do not all love anal sex, yet I've had five men decide to do it anyways.  If you're not ready for it a dick in your bum really hurts.  Or you could just try to kill us.  They say a man fears being rejected by a woman, while women fear being killed by a man.

 

Reading this just pisses me off. I know these things happen, I've encountered these things in my profession. The idea that there are men that do whatever they want (and get away with it most of the time)....it just pisses me off.

 

On topic, generally, I think women tend to have more emotion attached than men do. I know some guys who just like to run up their count, with anyone who will lay down with them. I also know two women who enjoy sex to the point that they're not real picky when they go out looking to get laid. To each their own.