Wife found a playmate, his wife isn't interested, what do we do?

[DigitalShadow43 25]

Hello everyone,

 

My wife and I recently started looking into the lifestyle. We have been married for 13 years. We are in the starting phases, and I just want to make sure we have all our bases covered. I have read some of the guidelines about setting rules, code words, and such. The part I am having to deal with now is the emotional side of things. We met a couple recently and they seem really nice. The guy has a total crush on my wife, but his wife is not totally into me. So this means that he is giving her all kinds of attention, and she is LOVING it. They text and flirt all the time. I'm trying to strike up conversation with his wife, but only getting short responses. He said that basically she would "take one for the team" so he could get with my wife. I am very happy that my wife is getting all this attention, but not sure how to deal with everything.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Welcome to the forum, DigitalShadow43. I'm so glad you felt comfortable enough to jump in and ask for advice.

 

As for this couple...drop them and find another couple where there is a 4-way attraction between all parties. If you go forward, you and the other wife will not have a great experience and this should be fun for all of you. How would you feel if the tables were turned and your wife was "taking one for the team" so you could have fun? Wouldn't you want her to also have fun? And I am sure this current situation isn't making you feel all that great personally. Look for another couple. If I were you, I wouldn't feel comfortable about having my spouse playing with someone who is willing for their own spouse to "take one for the team". It doesn't sound like this other husband cares much about his wife's happiness.

[couplers 4,817]

Hello, glad to have you here on the Swingers Board.

 

What to do in this this situation depends on how you and your wife feel about it. Would you be willing to let your wife play with the other husband while you and the other wife just took in the action? If you two are naked it might spark some action. It would certainly be starting off on the right foot with your wife. You can let the reciprocity come later. Taking one for the team is just too uncomfortable all the way around.

[DigitalShadow43 25]

I would not feel comfortable putting my wife in the situation to take one for the team. And the woman in question. It's not like she is repulsed by me or anything, it's just that apparently she has a crush on another guy, and wants him (on her own) He told my wife that he would let her have her crush if he could have his (with my permission) Being completely new to this, I don't like anything about that situation.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

If you don't like being in this situation, walk away. If your relationship with your wife is in the right place, your wife won't want you to be in this situation either. Clearly, this other couple is working on a tit-for-tat and using your wife as a means for the other wife to get what she wants.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,027]

WELCOME to Swingersboard.

 

This has happened to my wife and I several times. The guy is all ga-ga over her and the woman is playing the perfect imitation of Greta Garbo, "I want to be alone."

 

From experience we learned:

 

1. Should not become involded in other people's drama

2. Should not take one for the team

3. Another couple is right around the corner. I mean, really, there is an endless supply.

 

~Michael

[funcoupledayton 2,710]

I don't think this is a good way to start off. I'd look for other couples. You don't want to play with a woman who doesn't want you. It's not worth it.

 

Also, your wife playing with him makes them even, but what about you? If swinging is something you want to experience for the first time together, you may feel left out.

 

I'm also a little wary of crushes in the lifestyle. A lot of day to day contact (texting, etc.) with someone other than your spouse tends to breed hurt feelings. I would just be careful.

 

You might revisit your wife and him playing sometime in the future after you are comfortable in the scene and have other friends. You could all go to a party or club and everyone could play with the person of their choice.

[DigitalShadow43 25]

Thank you guys for the advice! I think we're going to move on and look for other couples. I like the idea of keeping him in the back pocket for later on when we have more friends to go to. After all, this is supposed to be fun for both of us!!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Welcome to the Swingers Board!

 

You've gotten great advice already. Just reading some of the words being used like "crushes" and how the other couple seems to be handling things, I would shy away, especially since you are new to this. I see lots of red flags and just don't have a good feeling about it. This isn't the type of couple you want to have helping you along breaking into swinging.

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

We don't have many rules, but one that will never be set aside is 'taking one for the team'. It's just not right and a very selfish thing to do to your partner. I wouldn't even keep them for later. Sounds like there is the potential for just way too much drama here.

 

Bah-bye...

[AngelandTiger 367]

This is a bag o' drama waiting to happen. One of our ONLY immutable rules is "NO TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM". There are just so many ways this can go wrong. And the Tit for Tat relationship they have is worth avoiding. They're treating each other improperly...how are they going to treat you?

 

Drop this couple like a hot stone and find another who value you both!

 

T