Having a threesome for the first time with my boyfriend?

[Guest]

I have been with my boyfriend for two years and our communication on his behalf has not been too great. He started to cheat on me and I caught him first before making that mistake but still he was looking. So I asked him what does he want out of our relationship he said more excitement in the bedroom. He would like to bring in another female and that it would make our relationship better bring us closer together. My feeling towards this isn't against having the threesome, and also thinking about having married swingers too, but that's later, right now threesomes.

 

I'm worried about him wanting this threesome because I don't turn him on anymore. He said that's not it, that he is still attracted to me, but I'm worried he might want the other female over me. I know it hasn't happened yet, am I just looking too much into this right now? I have had a threesome before but it wasn't with a boyfriend.

 

Boundaries have to be set. How do you find the right female? Do you keep having the same female or do you change so no attachments might happen? This is all new to me. I have never been asked in a relationship to do this because your spouse is bored or wants more excitement every now and again. Is this just a way to cheat without really cheating? Are there signs to watch for that might show that this is the case? I am willing to try to make my relationship more exciting by trying new things. So does anyone have comments about this that might help? I'm very curious. He is 34 and I'm 47. He likes older women. So please any info. Hopefully this was explained good enough. Thanks.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

First off, welcome to the Swingers Board!

 

I will focus my answer on just one of your questions since I think it is the most important one you asked, and that is "Is this just a way to cheat without really cheating?"

 

Swinging is based on total honesty, and most swingers very much frown upon cheaters because cheating = dishonesty. Swingers who are in this for the right reasons don't see their swinging as a way to get some strange without technically cheating. Instead, they see it as a shared thing that is to enhance their primary relationship. Given what you've described though, my opinion is your boyfriend falls into the first group and isn't in this for the right reasons.

 

You also mention the communication isn't too great. If you are going to swing, you absolutely must have excellent communication. Without that, it's doomed to fail, and could end the relationship. Please, don't even think about trying it until the communication is there at the necessary level.

 

The last thing is that your relationship together is still fairly new. I try not to pre-judge people, but two things that always make our caution flags go up in swinging are very young people and very young relationships. In our experience, both of those things can cause problems with a couple who are trying to get into swinging. It's not a given, just more likely. I think it gets back to the communication in that there just hasn't been enough time for it to build to the level it needs to be. We're no different, us trying to swing two years into our relationship would not have worked out well.

 

So, my advice is to just hold off of this for now, work on what needs worked on with rebuilding trust and improving communication, and then at some point in the future if you both are still interested and your relationship has stood the test of time, then maybe revisit the subject.

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Communication, love, trust are all essential to be successful in the LS (IOHO). By your own admission, your communication is weak and trust is not any better. Our advice: STAY AWAY FROM THIS.

 

Too often we get people like you posting just like your post and in reality all their partner wants is to be able to cheat by calling it swinging. Swinging is swinging, cheating is CHEATING. On top of this is you haven't said anything about you even being interested in a threesome...just that your BF wants a threesome. This does not sound like the place you should be...or the boy you should be with. Good luck and best wishes.

[Guest]

I forgot to mention that I am interested in a threesome, it has been a fantasy of mine for quite some time. And thanks for the honesty, greatly appreciated. I wouldn't mind the threesome but like I said and you both have said I don't think he is in this or wanting this for all the right reasons. It would be a little different if we were together longer and maybe there would be more trust and communication. That's what we are missing is the communication.

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Laurie, I think you are on the right track. It's always a good thing to try to improve your communication but we agree with you...he's not in this for the right reasons. If you are ever in Nor Cal and still interested in a threesome...

[Guest]

Well i wish i was in cali still i would have taken u up on that lol