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Pklon

The evolution of swinging

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The world of swinging has changed over the years. Come September I will have been swinging for 12 years and I have seen a lot changes over the years. My parents have been at it for nearly 30 years. We have seen lots of changes in our local swinger club, and resorts we have been to. When I started there was less the 10 or so girls/women who were under 21 that were members at the swinger club where I go to and even less guys. But over the years the crowd of young people started getting bigger. Now there about 30 or so girls/women members and about 10 or so guys (almost all the guys are 21 at the club and most are wannabe porn stars who are looking for practice).

 

At the resort there were a bit more people in the under 21 (depends where you go) since it was people from different parts of the world who vacation. But over the years the number has grown to nearly 10 percent of the guests that are under 21.

 

Over the years I have noticed that there were more and more people whose parents are swingers as well. When I started it was just a handful of people whose parents were also swingers and now it seems it nearly tripled over the years.

 

Do you think that swinging has become more acceptable over the years? Back in my parents days there was no internet and that, they had to do it the old fashioned way, from key parties to going to strip clubs together to see if there was another married couple that enjoyed going to strip clubs together. Now today there is everything to help people in the lifestyle.

I'm curious to hear you all, what changes you have seen over the years? Do you think the changes have been positive or negative to the lifestyle in general?

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Since we started, on-premise clubs have gone legit in Canada, and we're seeing a lot more of swinging in the mainstream. The networks are, of course, working hard at farming the sleaze factor to get ratings, but the spotlight is highlighting more than just the seedy underbelly they're looking for. They're starting to see it's just normal, ordinary people who do this, that they actually aren't sick or crazy, and people are starting to ask questions. I think that's great. Now if anyone wants to express their love for one another through monogamy, that's their choice, great for them, but I like that our chosen marriage style - expressing love through the gift of non-monogamy - is starting to be shown for what it is: intelligent, logical, loving, sane, ethical and completely valid.

 

As our kids have reached adulthood, it's come to my attention that their generation seems to be more sexually adventurous. My daughter told me about school dances where some of the guys were getting blowjobs on the dance floor. ??? WTF? Where the hell were the chaperons when this was going on? A far cry from ye olde high school dance from 1990. Teenagers are always pushing the envelope like it's their job, and the stigma of being sexually active is virtually nonexistent any more, so owning their sexuality and being the baddest, dirtiest slut seems to be what all the "cool kids" are aiming for. Project that forward a few years into college et voila: the newest members of Club Wicked, much to the club owners' delight I'm sure. I don't have a problem with my kids doing whatever they want as long as they're taking care of themselves physically and emotionally. We still haven't told them about us, but we're less worried about it now. You're over 18, welcome to adulthood, mommies and daddies do dirty things, deal with it.

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Two things I have to wonder about:

 

Concerning the girls who give BJs at school dances (which probably doesn't happen very often at all) and wanting to see who can be the biggest, baddest slut, is it possible that society's "rules" about sex cause this? Meaning that, they're looking to appear "cool" to others by breaking the rules? And that maybe if we got rid of these rules, kids would not see it as a way to look cool anymore?

 

Also, is it possible that we're drifting away from the "couples-only" swinging? I know some people say it's not technically "swinging" if singles are doing it, but it's sex with people a person is not romantically involved with just the same. Maybe more women are starting to realize that they CAN own their sexuality and, if there were more knowledge about the Lifestyle out there, go to sex clubs/parties by themselves instead of having to couple up first?

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One thing that I have noticed is that it is okay for women to be much more open with their sexuality. When I was in college, I NEVER saw two women kiss, let alone passionately, in public. Now college girls do it seemingly all of the time to attract attention and excite the boys. Threesomes are much more accepted and are looked at as obtainable while when I was that age they only happened as letters in men's magazines (meaning if you were lucky enough to have one, you wrote a men's magazine to tell everyone how lucky you were). Sex is okay now and more and more people are exploring what they feel comfortable with doing. I'm sure you can imagine what kind of theater you had to go to in order to see a movie about BDSM (even if '50 Shades' is IMHO not a good example of a BDSM relationship). I've also heard about how kids are more than willing to have anal sex since they can keep their virginity intact and not risk pregnancy. 10 years ago, few people would know anything about polyamory (other than joke about the Mormons) and now there are several TV shows that focus on it. We live in very interesting times...

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We live in very interesting times...

 

Yes we are. I think it great that people are being more honest about it to one another. Even if it to your kids. Your kids will love you no matter what if your honest to them. Better then lying to them. But I do get why some parents lie to there kids about it.

But I am curious for parents and their kids who are both swingers, did you tell them that were swingers or did you all get caught by meeting each other at a club/party. Not sure what would be worse knowing the first time for other people

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Small thing to comment here: never told my kid about Santa or the Easter bunny or any of those mythical things. What people seem to overlook is once the kids find out that they don't exist, they also realize that their parents have lied to them...

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All kinds of sex has occurred since man was invented. We just go through times when no one talks about it in public, to times with it is flaunted in public. Pick your era... "Victorianism" inhibited the openness of it in the Anglo-Saxon culture for far too long. :)

I prefer everything in it's own time and place, regardless of cultural mores of the moment.

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We've always tried to normalize sex for our kids, but in a balanced way. Now that they're older, we're not shy about telling them to find someplace else to be for the weekend because things are going to get drunk and dirty. Photos might be taken. Which usually gets a reaction like, "Oh my God, that's gross. Yeah, I'll be at my friend's place, good luck with that. And stay the fuck off my bed."

 

We're at a point where I can now give my daughter better advice about sex. Advice that isn't just "don't do it." It's more like, if you're going to do it, don't be stupid about it, and don't put up with a man who doesn't worship you like the goddess you are. And I try to remind her who and what she is: an actual goddess, a vessel of the mysteries of all things feminine, unique and beautiful and powerful. So get up off your knees and own your divinity, girl! Expect respect. Require it.

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Intuition, I like your empowerment speech for your girl. However, also be sure to tell her that SHE has to have the same considerations for her partners, too. It can never work if it is just one way.

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Intuition, I like your empowerment speech for your girl. However, also be sure to tell her that SHE has to have the same considerations for her partners, too. It can never work if it is just one way.

 

You're right about that beardedone! Pardon my omission. There's a reason that I'm heterosexual, and it's because I am in love with the virility and vitality that men offer. Their intoxicating mixture of aggression and vulnerability are a siren song for me. There is nothing so delightful and attractive to me as a man who owns his sexuality, and is self-assured and confident enough to allow a woman to be fully herself without feeling threatened by her. I leave it to my capable husband to advise our son in such things, because he seems to have mastered the art of manhood so well.

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Intuition, I like your empowerment speech for your girl. However, also be sure to tell her that SHE has to have the same considerations for her partners, too. It can never work if it is just one way.

 

I was thinking males are gods too. A vessel of the mysteries of all things masculine, unique and beautiful and powerful. So get up off your knees and own your divinity.

 

It does mean you find two people who understand how special being alive and sharing is. :)

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I am sorry if my focus on the female side of things made it seem that I didn't believe the same of men. I think it's just that no one has been shy about encouraging men to find their power. Women, on the other hand, have generally (and historically) been encouraged to toe the line, not rock the boat, not make a scene, get along, roll with the punches, and above all please, please, please. That has been changing, but we still have a ways to go.

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No apologies necessary! It's just important that none of us lose sight that we are all consenting and we all are on equal footing, in this respect.

Now, who is better than whom at BJ's is a whole 'nother topic! Hahahaahaha.

Enjoy your sojourn.

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