Curious and don't know how to bring it up

[nemesis910 15]

Hi, I'm curious about the lifestyle, but have not brought it up to my wife thus far. My wife and I have been together since high school, I had some sexual encounters before her, but I am her first and only so far. I have thought about the lifestyle for a long time now, and have finally decided I should talk to her about it but don't know how to bring it up. I'm not sure if it is something she would be into, and also wouldn't want to dive into the deep end of full swap immediately. We have a very strong relationship and I could not ask for a better woman In my life, but I kind of want her to be able to experience more than just me. I would not mind being with another woman in a sexual nature as well with her consent, but I'm not sure how she would feel about it and I don't know how to bring it up to her either. We were both raised with strong Christian backgrounds, and I don't know if she would take kindly to the subject, she is open-minded sexually, we get pretty freaky in the bedroom, but I'm not sure if the swinging lifestyle is something she would be ok with.

[Alura 2,778]

Use the late Mrs. Alura's favorite question: "_______, how do you feel about mate sharing?"

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Bringing up the subject for the first time is full of anxiety, no doubt. I would do it by proposing to her that you visit a swingers club together with the only goal of having a fun and exciting night out together, and if anything happens at all, it would be you two having sex together. You probably noticed there is one word that I used over and over in that last sentence, and that is "together". She needs to understand that this is something you would be doing for yourselves as a couple, not that you are just looking to have sex with someone else or live out a fantasy of seeing her do something with someone else.

 

Another key thing is no strings attached, no expectations. Just propose you two go to see what it is like. If you don't like it right away, then you can leave. Or, maybe after a few hours, you've both decided it isn't for you, so then leave. Assuming she will be the more hesitant of the two on this idea, that free to leave at any time needs to be understood up front to help make her more comfortable. If she does agree to go, then don't try to push things, just go and soak it all in and watch and learn. I would be you will both be surprised what swingers are really like, and it will break some stereotypes you have in your minds.

 

She might not be interested, and if so, then you'll just have to live with that. But, the subject has been broached, the seed has been planted, and the lines of communication have been opened. Even if she says not interested right now, at some point, she may bring it back up. Or maybe not, but you won't know until you try. Some couples jump right in after first discussing it, while others kick the idea around for years before finally taking the plunge. There is no right or wrong way, it's what works best for each couple, and everyone has their own timeline that is right for them.

[MrDiscover 802]

I can't give you a tailor made advice, because I don't know you both good enough for that. I can only tell you how we did that. I noticed during sexy talk in bed, MsDiscover was open to fantasies of other people joining us. I already knew she is mildly exhibitionist. During heated sessions, I kept bringing up swinging now and then and it really turned her on. Then came the hardest part, talking about it sober the next day. Referring to the dirty talk. She was not negative about it. I kept the talk short and shallow. And took a long time before bringing it up again (as soon as I had enough courage again, that is ) This took months and months and finally on one day, she started the discussion herself and she showed me a possible way of exploring it. Key was time, patience and not pressing the subject.

[Lionheart72 2,192]

When I brought up the idea of swinging to my wife, I'd first done what every good 21st century guy does... I'd googled it. I'd found a couple of good websites which had FAQ sections. So, when first broached the topic, I showed her the FAQs I'd found. We read through them together and talked about what we'd read. The rest, as they say, is history...

[nemesis910 15]

I appreciate all the replies, I just need to get the balls to bring it up. I keep playing over different scenarios in my head of me asking her about it like "how would you feel about us having sex in front of another couple" or "have you ever thought about being with another guy?" I'm just nervous, I can usually talk to her about anything, but this is probably the most difficult thing I have ever wanted to discuss, its kind of a deep fantasy of mine. If the time ever came I'm not sure she would be ok with me pleasing other women, she is a bit jealous (and has a bit of a trust issue related to events of her childhood) when it comes to that, but I'm thinking maybe if we both agreed that its a two sided and we both get pleasure from being with others then maybe the jealousy won't exist. I don't mean to sound like a dick but i would want both of us to swap if the situation where to present itself, not just a MMF thing. Thoughts? Thanks again.

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Start off simpler than that. Ask her about her fantasies and share yours with her.

[GoldCoCouple 4,072]

Also, sounds like you two could benefit from trying to open up your lines of communication so you can talk about these things.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I agree, start a few steps back from that. Both of those questions are about sex. Don't worry about the sex part yet, concentrate on the doing something fun and edgy together like the club. If you find out you both are comfortable in that environment, then the sex talk about how far you want to take this little adventure can come later.

[nemesis910 15]

Again thanks for the tips, She trust me, its other people she has trust issues with. I'm going to start slow and see how it goes.

[Bob250 74]

As a cautionary note, before you open the swinging worm can, be sure about YOUR OWN motives for entering into the lifestyle. While swinging can enhance and strengthen an already good solid marriage, it can be murder on a weak or new one. Do your own homework on yourself, then if your mindset is a healthy, positive one, broach the subject in a conversational manner. DO NOT attempt to convince, cajole or con.

[eoghan 17]

The only advice I will give you is to take it slow. I'm my/our experience it's usually the guy who initiates it and i can tell you first hand (for us anyway) she immediately thought I wanted to screw around. We don't swap partners. We are only into mmf so maybe I'm not the best to advise you but I still think you need to thread carefully. ... ask yourself this 'what if she says no'? What if she is adamant that it's not for her?

I say this because I met a guy who was desperate to see his wife fucking another guy. He eventually talked her into allowing a male escorts fulfill his fantasy. Then he wanted a repeat and she said no. She told him she had allowed it once to please him. He kept pestering her but she still refused. This guy's wife was drop dead gorgeous and they had a little boy. He left them because she wouldn't do it. Ok, that is an extreme example but it is true.

Take your time. You know her better than anyone else. It took me almost a year and I honestly believe that if I tried to rush it or push her, I would have failed.

Good luck