This is the LS?

[Swirl 27]

Ok, I'm not a swinger, being in the process of divorce, and entering this life as a single male, I'm on a massive team of visitors. Swingers are mainly couples, single women mainly welcome, single men mainly not so much; I get it, and accept it. Still, some definitions elude me. Por exemplo, 'swinger events', or 'swinger parties'. My recent intro into the LS was one of these, and whereas I thought it might be a low stress way to get my feet wet (in fact, they talked me into coming on just that premiss), I must confess to feeling disillusioned, exploited, and confused by why this wasn't simply very poor (but not for the 'hosts') prostitution. 14 men @ $60 each, silently milling around, studiously avoiding eye contact awaiting their turn at the single woman in attendance (the host's wife) is the LS?

 

Bad actors in the LS you may say, but these people had dozens of comments on a very popular board, which was a leading factor in compelling me to 'attend' - I swear some of these terms smack of euphemisms coloring up some drab crap. Not only that, there were regulars there who did see this as the LS. The entire setup, once taken all in, dallied just enough in the trappings of, what I gathered the LS to actually be, in order to advance the profit from single men, complete with well rehearsed spiels through the evening starting immediately with, "3 couples on the way and, amazingly we found two unicorns too", "on the phone with one of the couples who can't make it", "unicorns chickened out", "it's like this sometime, sorry, next time k?".

 

Look, I am hardly indicting the LS with this post, NOT. AT. ALL. In fact, my hope is twofold: to warn other newbies (SINGLE MEN), and to get talked back off the ledge myself. I've learned up front and clearly that there is much room for abuse in the LS (the many positive comments about them was certainly disappointing). I will never attend a "donation" "event" again (btw, if any wonder, I passed up my turn with the ho, oop!, hostess).

 

Tell me. What is the Lifestyle really?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

The Lifestyle is a reflection of society at large which means most people are great....but most isn't all. As you discovered, there are people out there just waiting to separate single guys from their money and call it swinging. Actually, $60 sounds low, so if there is a silver lining here you learned your lesson the hard way for fairly cheap.

 

Fakers posting positive (or negative about the competition) messages isn't unique to swinging either, happens all the time on the internet. It's buyer beware, so you'll want to do your research at more than one place. The fact that the regulars, which from your description I assume to be some of the other single guys since that is all that was there, saw that as typical swinging doesn't surprise me. From their perspective, I'm sure it is typical. Swinging as a single male is tough, the supply FAR exceeds the demand, so for the lazy ones who don't want to make a good effort at breaking into that small percentage of successful single male swingers in the real swinging world, then those kind of events are where they are going to end up.

 

Go to a reputable on-premise club. Yes, you're going to pay a tidy sum to even get in. At many clubs, yes, you are going to be limited on what nights you can attend or even what parts of the club you can be in without being accompanied by a couple. The beginning is going to be frustrating, you may sit all by yourself all evening without anyone approaching you, probably for several nights. Sooner or later though, if you work at it and work at presenting yourself as the best you can be, you may get invited to a table or to dance, you'll start to gain confidence, and you'll gain a network of friends. And then things will start to take off for you, because you worked at it.

 

Or, you can go somewhere with no restrictions on single guys and be one of those guys making a nuisance of themselves walking around jacking off watching couples play. That's easy to do, pony up some cash to get through the door and you're good to go. But, you're not a swinger, you're a spectator.

 

What many single guys don't understand about swinging is you (rhetorical single male, not you personally) are wanting to play in our world, meaning couples. You bring absolutely nothing to the table that's not already there from the male halves of other couples. You have an anchor around your neck to start with based on the reputation of your brethren (see creepy wandering jacking off dude above). The club owner knows you are desperate, and can actually be a liability to the rest of the crowd, which is mainly couples, and that's why you pay what you do.

 

All of those are generalizations, they don't cover all single males, but for many couples, until proven otherwise, you will be considered one of THOSE single males. Your job is to prove that you are not, and then you will start to be invited inside and see what swinging really is. There's definitely a place in swinging for single males, there's just not many seats at that table.

[CB&DD 219]

Cplnuswing gave you a ton of great advice. The only other thing we can think to add is this. If you get turned down by someone don't show your disappointment, by that we mean don't get defensive or start asking questions. We've turned down single males cause we were out for couples play on that particular night that may have had a chance on a night that DD wanted a mmf. As soon as they show they're butt hurt they are out of the running for good, immaturity is a huge turn off. Be respectful, polite, approachable and keep plugging away. It will all come together for you eventually. Good luck.

[tribbles 490]

Sorry it went bad for you but 60 is cheap. We, as a couple, have paid less and more to find a particular party is not for us. If we decided to never donate to any party again, we would miss a lot of fun at the ones that we do have a wild time at.

 

I think the lifestyle is people who don't want monogamy finding ways to have fun that works for each person in an environment anyone can say 'no' or 'stop, lets go home' at.

 

For some it's gangbangs, for some it's bi-everyone parties, for some it's one or two select folks they care for as great friends, and others it's poly with loving your partners.

 

It's not one thing, that's for sure!

[Swirl 27]

Cplnuswing, thank you for your considered and expansive response.

 

What many single guys don't understand about swinging is you (rhetorical single male, not you personally) are wanting to play in our world, meaning couples. You bring absolutely nothing to the table that's not already there from the male halves of other couples. You have an anchor around your neck to start with based on the reputation of your brethren (see creepy wandering jacking off dude above). The club owner knows you are desperate, and can actually be a liability to the rest of the crowd, which is mainly couples, and that's why you pay what you do.

 

Yes, exactly what I do understand (I began my post with it, but also understand you were speaking generally, and further, to how hard this ignorance has made it for all single guys). The mere thought of being the wandering jerkoff™... If I ever get that log dumb desperate, I'm joining the priesthood. Damn, can't even say that anymore without double meanings. ARE there men who AREN'T desperate creeps? Digression over.

 

I've been accused of being too honest for my own good, but I'll cop to the desperation of men for sex. Frankly, on the whole, we're better for it, in my view. Mine simply does not manifest in the wandering jerkoff™. Never has, never will. I do not and cannot view this lifestyle through that type lens. If it's only to get laid, and not to share, learn and laugh, I'd rather not do it. That don't make me special I know. Just sayin.

 

Again, your counsel and suggestions are very much appreciated and will inform what I do.

[kikonkrome 844]

Well two things.

 

First if you learned that party was not for you for only $60 you did well. Not that big a deal it's just one night of many.

 

Second just because you are single does not mean you can not be a couple. I had my first swing experiences as a single guy that brought in different women that were interested. Now as a married swinger, we run into singles (men and women) that have brought a new friend. Some people are more adventurous than others. Some just want a friend that can lead the way.

 

Finally it is in pretty poor taste of you to judge on the hosts wife who wants to pull a train. If you want to judge stay in the vanilla world.

[Swirl 27]

Finally it is in pretty poor taste of you to judge on the hosts wife who wants to pull a train. If you want to judge stay in the vanilla world.

 

ROFL

 

You were doing so well...

Not taking that bait, but thx for playing.

[PleasingHer 52]

The lifestyle is a little rough for single men. Events charge single men up the nose because horny dudes will pay it. But as you noticed the dick to puss ratio is way out of balance.

Then the bed news. Some couples are voyuers or exhibitionist, they won't swap. Just wanna watch or be watched. Then you have the couples that don't want to play that night. They just want to talk to friends and enjoy the scene. You have already eliminated 1/2 the club.

Now you gotta find someone your into, the wife is into, their wife is into you and her husband is into your wife. If that occurs, then you have see if they wanna play or just set something up for another time.

In short, even when you are married the odds are stacked against you. You have to keep on trucking. So if your first shot was bad, it probably won't get better. Just go to a bar and pick up single chicks. Swinging is actually tougher

[Swirl 27]

It does seem daunting with a side order of creepiness precisely because of the aforementioned overabundance of horny dudes willing to pay for it. Is it really worth it? Fair question. It would appear that, in at least some ways, my vision of what 'it' is may be askew.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Maybe some clarification about what you experienced would help things here since there are several ways to take what you wrote and none of us was there. Was this advertised and specifically planned as a gangbang party? Was the woman engaged and enjoying herself like it was something she desired or was she just going through the motions?

[tribbles 490]

It does seem daunting with a side order of creepiness precisely because of the aforementioned overabundance of horny dudes willing to pay for it. Is it really worth it? Fair question. It would appear that, in at least some ways, my vision of what 'it' is may be askew.

 

Is it worth it? When it's great and you not only have sex but laugh and know you will see the same folks again and have fun?

 

HELL YES!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

When it's bad, it can be really bad. But when it's good, it will redefine your definition of what good is. The problem is finding when it's good isn't easy, or everyone would be doing it.