Open marriage - Does she really want me to have a friend?

[Guest jke123]

Hi, I am new here. I need some advice from the group. Me and my wife have been in an open marriage for 10 years. Everything has always been good. We have good communication, sex, etc. In the beginning we decided that each of us should have one long-term friend who we are attracted to. OK. She has now had a long-term friend going on 5 years and I am cool with it. They hang out sometimes, text, talk on the phone, and sometimes chill. But when I meet someone who I find attractive and try the same things, I always get a bad vibe from my wife. Or, she brings up that we have issues building up and that I need to focus more on her. But as long as I do not have a friend, our world is perfect.

 

Guys...Could you help me figure out if I am reading to much into this? Or does my wife really not want me to have a friend?

[kikonkrome 844]

I think your wife is playing you. No she has no interest in it being a two way street.

 

I think you should trust your instincts.

 

Good luck with working this out.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I agree, she enjoys it for herself but is not ok with you enjoying the same. Swinging needs to be equal, where both parties feel like the relationship as a whole and all individuals involved are benefiting and enjoying a positive thing. When it's any other way, then that's when the problems start to build. It may be time to pull back from the idea entirely. You've been doing it for a good long while, and things are getting worse, not better. That's not the progression that is supposed to happen.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

It certainly sounds suspect, but it may be that she doesn't realize what she's doing.

 

I actually just talked to my wife about the opposite problem... she's happy that I have a friend, but I started feeling like she was taking it as an opportunity to not work on some of our stuff. I told her so this morning and she got a really thoughtful look. She hadn't consciously realized she was doing it until I said something. We had a good talk.

 

Which is a long winded way of saying I think you need to talk to your wife about this. Don't be confrontational or accusatory, because as I said she may not consciously recognize what she's doing and if you are aggressive it will be natural for her to get defensive. Instead, approach her gently and in a thoughtful and loving way and she will be more likely to respond in kind.

[JAPrufrock 588]

Guys...Could you help me figure out if I am reading to much into this? Or does my wife really not want me to have a friend?

 

Exactly what Lionheart72 said. The only one who knows the answer to this question is your wife.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I talked my wife into having sex with another man while I watched on the condition that I wasn't doing it so that I could have sex with other women.

 

Having sex with other women wasn't a part of my fantasy or motivation.

 

I didn't mind watching a man have sex with my wife without having sex with his wife. I wasn't interested in reciprocation.