Tell current doc or find a new one?

[JAPrufrock 588]

So, there is probably a thread that already exists for this question, but it's 1:26am here, and I should be in bed right now.

 

I love my OB/GYN. She delivered both of my children, she is super nice, attentive and sweet. I cannot bear to tell her Mr. Prufrock and I are planning on swinging. I know, she's my physician. I don't pay her to judge, I pay her to make sure I'm healthy (which she does), and I also know I shouldn't care what other people think. But I just don't think I could muster up the courage to tell her.

 

At the same time, I have to make sure I'm healthy. I'm planning on getting the HPV vaccine, as it's totally worth it considering Mr. Prufrock's and my own past sexual history (wish I had considered it four years ago, when it would have been routine) and when I do start actually having different partners (if I ever get there) I'm definitely going to get routinely tested.

 

So, is it crazy to get a different physician? I guess I'd have to get a whole new OB/GYN since insurance won't cover two paps/well woman exams a year Although I suppose I could just go to a different physician for the testing only.

 

Also, how often do you all get tested? After every encounter? Monthly? Yearly? Only when something doesn't seem right?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

This is one subject where there is a wide range of approaches. Everyone needs to do what gives them piece of mind, and that runs the gamut from nothing different to full disclosure and regular testing.

 

Speaking personally, we haven't done anything different. We haven't told our doctors just because we don't see any need to tell them. We don't have sex with others all that often, are confident in our knowledge of STD's and prevention, haven't had any issues or symptoms, and don't get tested regularly. If some issue did come up, then yes, we would tell them because it is then relevant to the situation at hand, and I'm sure do some testing.

 

I would say if you are planning on regular testing, then you probably will want to discuss that up front with a doctor or other qualified professional just to make sure you are doing it in a useful way and not just throwing money away buying a false sense of security. An example would be testing after every encounter. The question there is when. One week, two weeks, two months, six months? Different things have different incubation periods, etc. so there is no simple answer there. Another example would be what is tested for, like herpes. From my understanding, it's not typically included unless you specifically ask for it to be. Those are the kind of things you would want to work through with a doctor if you are going to do regular testing.

[JandKinBoise 859]

If you have been going to the same doc, you should have a feeling for her as a person. She may be fine with this and help you thru it with good solid advise. I think it would be more difficult to discuss this with a new doctor you don't know at all.

My last medical issue was swinging related, not std but too long to go into here. I didn't have a doctor so I had to find one. I had to go in and tell him about the event that brought me to him. He wasn't all that understanding. Kinda treated it like a joke. Like the first time he examined me, he was like "so this is the little guy that can go for hours on end'. It took me several visits before we began to develop a relationship. Then a couple months ago he dropped dead from a massive heart attack. Now no doc again.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

The Mrs. and I have told our doctors- her Gyn, and the primary care doctor that we both have. They have been cool about it (especially our primary doc- she is great!), and we feel better knowing that we can now discuss anything health-wise that we need to without crossing that "disclosure barrier" again. Your mileage may vary, of course.

 

We do get tested periodically- about twice a year for us. Cplnuswing makes a good point- different diseases have different incubation periods before evidence would show up in an STD test, and some may take months to be reflected in a test. So we do not feel like it would be worth it to get tested after every encounter.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

When my wife first told her OB/GYN what we were up to, her staff almost had to pick her up from the floor and revive her with smelling salts. You would think that a woman who had been an officer in the IDF would have no more surprises in her life. Makes me suspect that many people hide their sex lives from their doctors and settle into a game of "find the STI if you can".

 

Anyway, the GYN soon settled into completely disattached mode and recommends tests on the basis of other indications that would call for tests. The tests seem to be the same tests that any patient of the same age group would have.

 

Oh, and she sent my wife home with a box of condoms and said, have your husband and whomever use these. My primary care physician did the same for me when I told him what we were up to. He too seems to be working on the basis of writing a prescription for a test only when there seems to be an indication.

 

My wife and are OK with this situation. But I'm ready to lay a bet that a physician would give different advice to a person of child-bearing age. What makes you reluctant to reveal to your GYN? Is this person also the leader of the Harper Valley PTA or a next-door neighbor?

[Mochacino 188]

My GYN knows and at first while I was met with a bit of a chilly tone she soon warmed up to fact that this was just a part of my health history. It may have had something to do with the fact that I'm sassy and don't stand for poor treatment! I simply asked what the difference was in a woman who was sexually active with multiple partners and single and myself who happen to be married and understood the value of safe sexual practices? Hubby's doctor didn't care at all and high-fived him... So there's that. We both get tested twice a year. If you find it easier to stay with your current doctor arm yourself with info in case you are met with the lecturing type! ;-)

[angelkin 1,326]

I shared with my gyn openly, prefacing the conversation with "we are in a non-monogamous relationship" and that we use condoms as a method of STD prevention. I'm glad I told her. She remarked that the only comments she would have had for me was condom use and we already had that covered, so to speak.

 

When I was very actively swinging, I got tested every 6 months. In the last couple of years, only once each year as we are only recently dabbling in swinging in this new relationship.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Angelkin brings up a good point, and that is if we were going to tell, instead of just bringing it up, we would bring it up and then elaborate that we use condoms, etc. There's probably less of a chance of it being uncomfortable for both parties, not to mention being more productive, if you put as much info as you can out there up front and then get affirmation or suggestions instead of just leaving it wide open to where "the talk" has to start at square one.

[JAPrufrock 588]

Thank you all for your input. I've decided that, if I'm adult enough to start swinging, then I'm adult enough to have a candid conversation with my GYN.

 

What makes you reluctant to reveal to your GYN? Is this person also the leader of the Harper Valley PTA or a next-door neighbor?

 

It's not that, it's just everyone at her practice, including her, are so nice. I've gotten to know them in the past seven years, especially since I've had two children in that time span, and my pregnancies were somewhat higher-risk. I dread losing their respect. Some of you mentioned your docs turned cold, and that would really upset me. Still, if that's what happens, then maybe they weren't so nice to begin with...

[asncpl 730]

Although it's not always the case, I think doctors are supposed to be non-judgmental. We all have or will have some embarrassing health issues that need treatment, and they may have nothing to do with swinging. I remember I was so embarrassed when I went to the doctor for my very first yeast infection. I haven't told my ob/gyn but I did tell my primary, and she has been nothing but professional and caring.

 

I usually get tested every six months, but that's because we play bareback sometimes. Sometimes more often depending on if we are starting bareback with new partners and the frequency of play. You'll have to see what works best for you.

[intuition897 2,179]

I was supposed to bring it up at my recent physical, but I chickened out. We still aren't active yet, so we won't need to do anything with it just yet. But once we get going, I'll have to bring up the subject with my doc. She's been my doctor for over 20 years. I had mentioned it to her some years ago, but she probably thought it was a passing phase. It's not. We just haven't been active in it.

 

I think I would like to have a candid discussion with her about it, however, and stop pussyfooting around the issue. After all, the swinger's philosophy is that clear communication is always a good thing. Right? She's entitled to her opinion, but we know what we're doing. We're simply being responsible and asking for her professional help to keep ourselves as safe and healthy as possible. I'd even go so far as to offer to answer any questions she has about it, because it can only help her in her practice to better understand an alternative lifestyle that surely some of her hundreds of patients might participate in. I just hope she doesn't blow it out of proportion.