We are actually meeting a couple for drinks...

[JAPrufrock 588]

Holy crap guys! We're actually meeting the "poly" couple for drinks tonight. I didn't mention it before because so much seemed tenuous, but no, it's happening, tonight.

 

AHHH.

 

I know that our firsts are pretty lame right now, no exotic and erotic scenes here (yet), but we're taking things slow. Considering how nervous I am right now, that's probably a good thing. (I wish we could just jump in like that!)

 

I will be sure to update after we meet.

 

*tries to not freak out while at work*

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Every first step is a milestone. The fact that you have arrived at this point is something that should be celebrated. The trust and commitment, the communication, the strength of your relationship have all got to be amazing and even that is better than most relationships and should be celebrated. We are excited for you as well. Take it easy and enjoy the experience. Don't set expectations too high, look at it as you are just meeting another couple with whom you share a common interest with...and depending on how things go, might see naked having sex We still get excited when meeting a new couple and we've been doing this for...well not that long. The antici...

 

...pation is wonderful as is the unknown excitement and underlying sexual tension.

 

Good luck and we wish you the best but it's also okay if things don't spark as well. Let us know how it goes.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I'm so excited for you guys! Just remember, it's just meeting for drinks. If you or Mr. Prufrock aren't comfortable with them, then you had a nice night out meeting new people and that's it. I don't know if there's plans to go elsewhere if you all click but if so, don't let that pressure you. Don't be afraid to say no. And come up with a signal between you two to let each other know if you're interested or not (a kick under the table, pulling on a thumb or pinky, etc.) or just excuse each yourselves from the table and let them know you two need to discuss things first--if asked to meet them somewhere after drinks.

 

I hope you and Mr. Prufrock have fun this evening!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

If it happens within the borders of the State of Ohio, what could possibly go wrong?

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Great suggestion. We have an understanding that if one of us mentions that they forgot to feed the animals that we are 'not interested'...and if one of us says no, then the answer is no.

[JAPrufrock 588]

There's a mutual agreement that we aren't playing on the first meeting, so at least that pressure is off. I will definitely let you all know how it goes!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

How exciting! You've gotten a lot of good advice already, so I'll just say good luck and have fun!

[Ebonylehigh 254]

Good luck and have fun!!!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We always have that same mutual agreement, but if one person isn't interested in the other couple, why waste too much time on them (we've met some great people but we've also met some total train wrecks).

[angelkin 1,326]

It is certainly exciting!! Enjoy the experience and conversation - not playing takes the pressure off and drinks is better than dinner for a first meet. You'll be fine and we are excited to hear how it goes!

[sunbuckus 3,569]

So, how did it go?

[JAPrufrock 588]

So, it went really well and we all got along, but Mr. Prufrock and I don't think it will go beyond friendship.

 

First and foremost being lack of sexual attraction. I have more to add on this but I think I'll talk about it in the other Attraction thread I started somewhere.

 

Second is that they didn't seem terribly connected as a couple. I'm not sure if it was nerves or the fact that it was a long day or what, but it took Mrs. PolyCouple a long time to warm up. Add to that she did a TON of eye-rolling at comments her husband made. One or two in jest, is just fine. You know, like he has a hobby she's not into and she kind of exasperatingly rolls her eyes to be silly. However, she did it a lot, and it kind of made me uncomfortable.

 

The second thing was he dropped, somewhere in the conversation, the fact that they were in bankruptcy. I'm pretty sure it was a slip-of-the-tongue. Now, I could care less what their financial situation is, in fact I'd prefer not to know, but now that I DO know, I recognize what a strain having money problems puts on a perfectly good marriage.

 

I don't know, those two things seem like red flags to me... Am I overanalyzing here?

 

We had a great time, it was a ton of fun getting dressed up, and for once I felt like talking to strangers came to me naturally. Mr.Prufrock actually came out of his shell and talked too (not going to lie, I was worried about that.) We had some things in common and were able to have that moment at the end of the night where you look at the clock and realize three hours flew by without ever realizing it. I'm just not sure if we'd be compatible as anything other than friends.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

No, you aren't overanalyzing, you are spot on in fact. Not seeming 100% connected is an instant deal killer, and the fact that was so easy to pick up on it a couple of different ways indicates that is likely running strong through their relationship...best to stay away in terms of actually playing.

 

The bankruptcy thing in and of itself wouldn't mean anything to us one way or another, but, like you say, that is a huge stress on a marriage and then when you see what you think are signs of that stress being manifested, then that's just further confirmation something isn't quite where it needs to be with them.

 

What you experienced is pretty much par for the course. You had fun, surprised yourself with how well you interacted with strangers, had a pleasant visit with them even if nothing is to come of it, and maybe made some new friends but not playmates. More often than not, that's how those meets will go, and then all of a sudden, bam, you'll hit the perfect match and the chemistry bursts into flames

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Sorry to hear that it wasn't a match, but then again finding a match isn't SUPPOSED to be easy. In the same circumstances, we would do exactly what you are doing. Still, you went out, met some new people, had a good time, and probably had pretty good sex after you got home. Still, this is why we're always stressing meeting another couple sooner than waiting until later. There was no spark, and that's a big important thing (IOHO). Move on and start looking for couple #2 (and report back). Be patient, don't compromise, have fun, and it will all eventually fall into place.

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Congratulations--your first "first date"! What you experienced is pretty much par for the course.

 

If you approach meeting other couples via SLS or some similar site, you'll probably find the following.'

 

Maybe 1/10 couples that you text or even chat with on the phone will make it to a first date.

 

Maybe 1/4 couples that you have that first drink or dinner with holds any appeal to you for a second date.

 

Maybe 1/2 couples that appeal to you will want that second date.

 

The math isn't that bad. IM and phone conversations are limited in both time and effort costs. If you plan the dates as just the two of you but with the excitement of meeting another couple as a plus, you'll look forward to those times, and it might be a couple or three months before there's interest, comfort and chemistry.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Did you tell them about Swingersboard?

[JAPrufrock 588]

Did you tell them about Swingersboard?

 

Um... I mentioned I was on a message board, but I didn't plug it. Mainly because I wanted to be able to be candid with you guys. Selfish, I know.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Um... I mentioned I was on a message board, but I didn't plug it. Mainly because I wanted to be able to be candid with you guys. Selfish, I know.

I am often similarly circumspect. And now you know my devilish reason for asking.

[JAPrufrock 588]

I am often similarly circumspect. And now you know my devilish reason for asking.

 

It sucks, because I really wanted to. This is such an awesome community and has helped us out so much, but, I guess I just wanted to keep y'all to myself

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I wish we could be candid on our SLS profile and recommend SB to others through there but then we lose any anonymity we currently have when asking for situational help and wouldn't want other couples to wonder if we were talking about them here. Therefore, there isn't any link from there to here unless you already happen to be a member here and there and make the connection.