Newbie swingers' boot camp!

[intuition897 2,179]

Mods, if you can find a better forum for this thread, please do move it. I'm not sure where it fits.

 

I had a brain wave. I've been reading posts by newcomers to the lifestyle and I remember us being there ourselves. It's overwhelming, scary and you feel like a fish out of water. You don't know what's appropriate, what's not, and you have no idea what you should expect. There's such a huge learning curve, and I know it's kind of part of the experience, but still... I have to wonder how many of those monster mistakes could be avoided if couples had some guidance. Do we really need to make the painful mistakes to learn? Or could we still learn without the damage?

 

Why is there not something like a newbie boot camp? A one-week resort take-over dedicated to getting newbies started out right in the lifestyle? Workshops on such things as club or house party etiquette, how to host a house party, STD protection, "speed dating" for swingers (learning to communicate with your partner), how to read and write a great profile, communication workshops, getting-over-jealousy exercises, body image discussion groups, and maybe a discussion group where sensitive questions can be addressed anonymously (such as about penis size, having a medical condition, or a physical disability). And of course, lots of opportunity to socialize with other newbs and veterans alike.

 

We learned a lot from a more experienced couple, but we actually had our first full-swap experience with another "virgin" couple like ourselves. And it worked out great! Looking back, though, it's easy to see how many ways it could've gone wrong. Now that we consider ourselves more along the "veteran" end of the spectrum, we know it's important to "give back", and not avoid new couples. We've all been there, and we sure appreciated the guidance.

 

So what does everyone think? Does that sound like it would be a good idea, or would it be too intimidating?

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I think it sounds awesome. When are you going to open up this Newbie Boot Camp of yours? The question is: how many would be willing to travel to attend this boot camp? Then there's the logistics of the whole thing and gathering swingers who are willing to help out in any and all aspects. I'm not sure vanillas would be able to do any major roles which really limits the pool of people you can grab to help work the boot camp.

 

If it's successful, then you'd have to see who would be willing to travel to different locales to have the one-week boot camp repeatedly.

[CB&DD 219]

It sounds like a great idea but may be hard to set up. Trying to get a lot of new people who are interested and them all being able to attend at the same time seems like it could prove difficult. Plus you'd have to count on a lot of no shows due to nerves, how many times have you read about people backing out or wanting to after pulling into the parking lot of a club. If those hurdles could somehow be taken care of then we think it would be perfect. Wish there would have been something like that when we started, We would probably still go to one now.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Sounds like a good theme week for one of the resorts. Market it as no pressure and no strings attached, and it just might draw a decent crowd who would consider that as sort of just an add-on to a regular resort vacation. Kind of like getting two FREE nights lodging AND a FREE flat screen tv (9.5" screen per fine print) if you just will give them 30 minutes of your time for an informational seminar

[intuition897 2,179]

That's kind of what I was thinking, cplnuswing. I agree, as a standalone event, it would be hard to organize. But piggybacking on another convention, or as a theme week at a resort, it could be very successful. Veteran couples who would volunteer to organize or run seminars/groups/workshops could get a discount on their stay or something. If someone came up with a simple template for a plug & play boot camp, you could conceivably tack it on to any already-scheduled convention. You know, as long as you had some folks able to volunteer to lead them.

 

Alternatively, you could run it weekly or monthly at local clubs. Or even online, although it's nice to be able to interact face to face.

[JAPrufrock 588]

If it was a day-long thing, maybe. At most a weekend. For us, as parents with little kids, it's hard to get out of the house for extended periods of time, and even harder to have a vacation all to ourselves. This isn't the case for those without kids or with grown kids, of course. I like the idea of having it at a club, kind of like an extended meet and greet.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

If it was a day-long thing, maybe. At most a weekend. For us, as parents with little kids, it's hard to get out of the house for extended periods of time, and even harder to have a vacation all to ourselves. This isn't the case for those without kids or with grown kids, of course. I like the idea of having it at a club, kind of like an extended meet and greet.

 

That's a good point. We would be in the same boat; we would have a hard time getting away for just one overnight, much less a week's worth.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

It might work; if I can be a camp councelor

 

Seriously, if people paid money, they'd expect results. Could we promise that?

[Mbgdallas 203]

As a newbie too I think you are on the right track.

 

I would think a program at every convention that would allow the first time attendees an opportunity to get some beginners training and a special program to get them engaged easier. Such program may include some convention long game that would encourage and help the newbies mingle with those of more experience. Also, they newbies could be identified in some way ( ie special ribbon or some things) so that the more experienced could be encouraged to seek them out and help them engage.

 

As far a clubs go... May have a special newbie night once a quarter or something as a theme night with the same type of arrangement to help introduce the newbies into the LS.

[intuition897 2,179]

It might work; if I can be a camp councelor

 

Seriously, if people paid money, they'd expect results. Could we promise that?

 

Yup! You can be a camp counselor.

 

And no, they don't get promised results. They get a disclaimer speech at orientation that tells them 1) you get out of this what you put into it, and 2) swinging is simply not a good fit for some couples. Period. This is where you find that out. Probably wouldn't be a bad idea to have some resources to refer the not-so-swinger couples to if they need professional counselling; there would invariably be those couples who might be trying swinging as a last-ditch effort at saving a troubled relationship.

 

What are some other activities or workshops you can think of?

 

How about door prizes/draws for gift bags? Like ready made go-kits for playdates (lube, condoms, breath mints, mouthwash, towels...this needs to be a thread of its own: what to pack for a playdate). Gift certificates to adult toy stores. SwingersBoard merchandise. Stuff like that.

 

Mbgdallas, those are some great ideas! I've actually heard of some clubs that do help newbies out by giving them pins or stickers that identify them as new. This way the staff can help make their night as enjoyable as possible, and helps other couples know to give them adequate space to get oriented.

[longun45 115]

I doubt you could do it on a regular basis, being that different people are at different points in this journey. Not only could it get really expensive, if they decide it's not for them then they may feel somewhat cheated. A better option would be a seminar on tape. We already know what they are thinking and you can tell them they are not alone, others have and continue to feel as they do. The videos should be short, no more than 5-8 minutes and focus on a particular topic.

 

Topic can include

 

Open communications

Trust

What do you want? Fantasy, Ideas, flirting, petting, oral sex, full intercourse, toys.

Monogamy

What is it like when you watch your spouse get laid.

What to look for in the other couple, man, woman.

What rules do yo want.

 

The list could go on and on.

 

At a swing convention it would be good and I think you could have some really good workshops. But few have the time and the resources to attend. Traveling and hotel costs can add up quickly.

 

And yes you could plug the board as additional resources.

[irishrover 15]

I'm totally new to site and swinging.  How do. I go about learning?  Bootcamp? Videos?  Sites?