House parties, how do you normally receive invitations?

[JAPrufrock 588]

For those that attend house parties, I'd like to know how you get your invitations. Do you get them from good friends? From people you met at a meet and greet or club? From SLS or online groups? From your Aunt Mildred's Second Cousin? Does an owl fly by and drop one into your lap?

 

Furthermore, does it matter where you get your invitation from? Will the resulting party differ based on the kind of invitation?

 

You may be wondering why I'm asking this question. The answer is that we were invited to a house party through SLS last month (we couldn't make it, babysitter woes), and we were planning on going to the one they're throwing this month. I'm just trying to get a read for how that party would go since the invitation base is wider (so far 15 couples, 15 males and 6 unicorns have RSVP'd).

[Ebonylehigh 254]

We have received our house party invites from people we met at events, from hot dates and from SLS people we contacted just to meet one on one. We wouldn't go to any with such high singles numbers being that we play only with couples. Each party experience has been different even from the same hosts.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

The answer is any and all of the above except aunt Mildred.

 

Yes, even with the same hosts, the character of a party might differ from one occasion to the next. We host parties and we (somewhat selfishly) filter invitation lists for the types of people whom we enjoy. But it seems to result in the guests enjoying each other as well.

 

We use different invitation methods for different events:

 

• a sign-up list at an SLS Group or SZC party page

• special invitation by SLS mail, e-mail or phone when we want a really select group

 

We are invited to parties through other-people's SLS groups. We also go to the so called "open" parties. The potential for drama unfolding at one of these is, however, a bit higher.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Well, first the sparrow tells the owl, who tells the bear of very little brain that there will be a party. Then he'll pass it on to a long eared rabbit who will write out the invitation and then the owl will drop it in our little laps.

 

:P

 

Normally, we go to the "donation" type of house parties that are listed on the SLS events/calendar. Then we sign up and go. Occasionally, we will get a private invite that isn't listed on SLS from those we have met before. Those are the types where a potluck dish is the entrance "fee".

 

We also try to avoid parties where there's a lot of single men in attendance. And sometimes the location/venue of a party plays a part if we have visited that specific address before.

[angelkin 1,326]

As an attendee and also an occasional host, I've got some insight (as does SW_PA).

 

Party invites come in various forms...friends or friends of friends, local area, sign up and be the elite selection of the hosts, Hot Dates, and random.

 

And I've extended a wider range. People we've played with, chatted with, met at the club, met on THIS forum, at Meet n Greets, local area, Hot Date seekers, and people I've wanted to meet that seem interesting yet never met. Also fakers (those we want to go away). LOL.

 

In the past, the parties I've thrown have been via invitation only, never open to sign up.

 

And as SW mentioned, the tone of the party varies from one to another, even with the same attendees.

 

So, are you going?

[njbm 2,901]

We like small, invite only house parties. A lot of people don't have them because they are a lot of trouble. We hope to host one, but wonder if we have enough room. I think we do.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

We get some house party invites from friends we know well who are hosting them. We have also had good friends offer to score us an invitation to their friend's house parties. And once we represent ourselves well at one of those "friend of a friend" house parties, we have often gotten a direct invitation from the host for the next party. We attended one house party that was kind of an "after-party" following a meet and greet at a vanilla location (winery), which was open to all of the members of an SLS group who attended the meet and greet (that was a hot party!). There are a few parties (hotel takeovers, really) where we have received an invitation by virtue of belonging to a Facebook group that is putting on the event.

 

BTW, I second the thought that every house party plays out in a unique way, depending on the particular attendees and their collective moods at the time, as well as the tone set by the hosts, phase of the moon, etc. Is it a function of how we got the invitation? Not so much that, I think. It's more directly a matter of how much the attendees know, like, and are comfortable with each other. If it's a party being put on by a host who knows everybody well, and manages the attendee list for maximum compatibility, then the party is going to have a different tone than parties where attendance is more "open to the public".

[JAPrufrock 588]

Thanks for all the responses. Angelkin, we haven't decided yet. We're leaning towards yes, since we FINALLY found a babysitter, but holy heck is babysitting expensive! The other reason that makes me hesitate is that there seem to be a lot of single dudes that signed up to go...

 

Mr. Prufrock and I, after much debate, have decided we'd like our first time to be with a couple, preferably an experienced one. I'm not sure if it makes a difference, but the general consensus is that parties with a ton of single dudes are to be avoided.

 

If we do go, I'm banning myself from looking at the profiles of people who've signed up to be there. I am DETERMINED to have a good experience, and am not giving myself a chance to talk myself out of it.

 

Also, is playing required at a house party? I'm not ruling it out, but I'm also not sure Mr. Prufrock and I are at that point yet. We're kind of at the "go to see how it is and meet new people" stage, but I don't know what the etiquette is or expectations are.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . Also, is playing required at a house party? . . .

No, no, and no again.

[Formybubu 56]

 

Mr. Prufrock and I, after much debate, have decided we'd like our first time to be with a couple, preferably an experienced one. I'm not sure if it makes a difference, but the general consensus is that parties with a ton of single dudes are to be avoided.

Just because they are signed up our experience is most of the singles never show up. I have seen on SLS in Parties that are couples only where several singles sign up to attend. We also see the same couple and singles singed up for several events on the same day, so take the list of people going with a grain of salt.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

JAPrufrock, we were just at a house party last weekend where one of the couples did not play (her Aunt Flo had come for a visit, and he didn't want her to be left out of the fun alone). It was no big deal at all- the two of them seemed to have a great time chatting with whoever was in the kitchen, while other people played upstairs (well, to be fair, he did also go down on one woman who was sitting on the kitchen counter...). People would filter down from upstairs, in various states of undress and happy exhaustion, and chat while getting a drink or a breather.

 

Honestly, couples going to an event where playing happens, and not playing (because the woman is having her period, or for whatever reason) is not at all uncommon, and is in no way against etiquette or protocol.

[JAPrufrock 588]

Well guys, it's official! We got a babysitter (our niece is awesome!) and we signed up to go. It's not until the 29th, so we have some time to get all nervous about it I'll report back once we've gone.

 

We may not play, but I'm determined to have a good time, even if a thousand badly behaved unicorns follow us around. Now that we've been to a club, I think we're a little more prepared. It is a donation-type party, but I asked the hostess if we could bring anything anyways. Anyone have any good advice?

[sunbuckus 3,569]

By donation-type, what exactly do you mean? Like donation in cash or donation in food? Where we are located, "donation in cash" isn't really optional, that's just what they call it but it's mandatory to attend the party.

[JAPrufrock 588]

Cash donation. I figured it was mandatory, it's only $15. But I offered to bring some water anyways.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

You're so thoughtful. Usually, couples will bring their own alcoholics beverages as well and some will take water just in case the hosts don't provide it. In our experience, usually cash donation parties mean that the hosts will provide some snacks and mixers (soda and juice) but everything else you need to bring--condoms, lube, towels, alcohol, etc.

 

I hope you two have a great time at the party!

[angelkin 1,326]

If it's a "donation" that's required, the hosts are treading on thin ice. I've not been to a party like that and given some of the horror stories I've heard on here about zoning laws and "private" parties, I'd be a little concerned.

[Guest]

Our first invite came from a couple we met at Desires and who lived within an hour’s drive. We then got invites from folks we met at that party. We have also gotten invites from couples who frequent the same couples club as we. Interesting, none of the invites have been from anyone that we played with prior to their first invite.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

angelkin said:

If it's a "donation" that's required, the hosts are treading on thin ice. I've not been to a party like that and given some of the horror stories I've heard on here about zoning laws and "private" parties, I'd be a little concerned.

There is nothing to make me believe that guests at a donations-requested party are at hazard. But the hosts are putting themselves at risk especially if the situation includes cars being parked all up and down the street, the party getting noisy, or any number of other things that might attracted unwanted attention. I was not able to find the thread within which there was a discussion of Phoenix-area people getting into trouble for hosting big parties and asking for donations but I did find a couple of other relevant discussions.

 

Oh, Noes! A Swinger Party In Our Neighborhood?? Say It Ain't So!

 

Donations and House Parties

 

My wife and I formerly attended parties at a big house in our area and the host would have a tip jar in plain sight. He started to perceive that many regulars were not putting tips into the jar so he changed it to "you must sign up ahead-of-time at SLS and make your donation at the door." We stopped going at that point in time. Some time later, we ran into the guy at a meet-n-greet event. He said, "parties are temporarily on hold." Somebody got bent out of shape about paying and getting no play so he made his complain to a wider audience.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I agree with Angelkin, on the donation party issue.

 

The first event we went to years ago was an open invitation house party with a small donation required. It was a relatively good experience because it gave us a lot of confidence. The guests were much older and bigger than us. There were also quite a few single guys. We did not play with anyone, but it was sort of fun. I wouldn't go again though.

 

Now we only go to parties where we know the host well. When we host parties we only invite people we know, like, and know will get along. We've gotten invites from people we've met at meet and greet and at the club, also sometimes friend of a friend. We invite people from meet and greet. I think it's fine to ask people you meet if they go to parties or host parties, converse about what it's like and then ask them to keep you in mind for the future. If you like I'll invite you next time we host.

 

I would definitely look at the guest list and maybe contact a few of the couples you think might be a good match. Just say hi, I see we'll be at the same party, I hope you'll say hi and open your face pic to them. If there is no one you think you'd be compatible with on the guest list, I would use your sitter time to go to a club or another event.

 

Play is never required. It really depends on the party and the guests how wild things get. I think though the chances that you will be asked to play are greater at a house party than anywhere else.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I'll ring in here again about the "donation fee" for parties. As I mentioned in the first link that SW posted, the big parties where we are located are open to most people on SLS. I say most because half of the time, hosts will state that they will only select a few single men who sign up so that there won't be too many at a party. Others state that no single men are allowed. Otherwise, if you are a couple or a single female, sign up all you want. Now, whether those couples and singles show up is another thing.

 

From what we have witnessed, many of the hosts either have them at their house, a rented house, or a rented bungalow at a resort. The majority of the time, as long as the hosts keep the music at a low enough volume, make sure visitors park where they need to be, and party-goers don't run around the streets half-naked, then they don't experience any trouble and continue to have parties like this.

 

For those who host at a rented venue, we find it practical that they ask for a "donation fee" because it does cost a lot of money to rent a house/bungalow. They also provide quite a lot of mixers and food. Then there's the trouble of buying bed sheets, wipes, special light bulbs, decorations, and etc. On top of that, they often have swinger friends who volunteer to help out in terms of security, guarding the door, having a check-in/out for personal belongings and alcohol, etc. and I'm sure they often get a bit of money for their time as well. We have spoken to hosts and they break even most of the time when throwing a party so if they are doing this to make money, it's really a bad business to get into. (Believe me, when we first started, we thought they must be raking in money but there's so much that goes on when hosting a party, and usually, you aren't playing either so we figured it wasn't worth it.)

 

Concerning small, private parties, only a dish for the potluck is requested. Those types of parties can range from just two couples to twelve couples. The only time we've attended a small private party that consisted of a handful of couples that still required a "donation" was when it was held in a hotel room and the couple hosting couldn't really afford the room themselves. It wasn't any different than two couples splitting the cost of a hotel room.

[JAPrufrock 588]

funcoupledayton, thank you for the advice! We'd love to go to one of your parties! We had an awesome time at the meet and greet. If it weren't for the distance and childcare conundrum, we'd go again.

 

We're torn. As of yet, none of the profiles stuck out at us. I think we'll be one of the younger couples there, which I don't really mind, but there are a TON of single guys signed up, 20 guys to 16 couples. At the same time, Princeton just had their Black & White party, and they're doing a foam party this weekend, so we're worried no one will be there on the 29th. Decisions, decisions. Mr. Prufrock is leaning towards the club.

[4iscompany2us 25]

We have 2 groups that have house parties and both of them have a closed secret Facebook group.

[ThisGalNextDoor 17]

Yes, Yes, Yes and YES. I have received invitations online (SLS) but rarely go to those. I have gone to them directly from a M&G via invitation but the one I attend most often is put on by a couple I have gotten to know over the past three years. They will post the party in HotDates on SLS and then send several of us an e-mail letting us know the date and theme.

 

My first question ALWAYS if it is a new party is "what should I expect" and boy have I been surprised by some of the answers. One example "we expect everyone with F everyone by the time they leave." Well hell no, I don't even know you people and I ALWAYS get to decide who I F and when . . .each of us has that right. The parties I attend are not like this at all, do people "play" yes they sure do. Sometimes we know it, sometimes we don't. Lots of time it is more a dance party and M&G for later 'playing' and almost always someone is in the hot tub.

[parabola 24]

We have gotten invites via pm on Sdc, sls, and our couples facebook. There was a kik grp that had cpls in it that hosted regular house parties as well.

[Roliin75 53]

We host parties just about once a month. We have Never asked for money! I've never heard of that before! We supply everything except alcohol: towels, mixers, snacks, lube, condoms, you name it. Usually people bring us a hostess gift: flowers, cookie platters, someone even bought us lifestyle jewelry (the best gift we ever got!). Nothing is expected.

 

We only invite people we have met personally (usually at a swing club) and sometimes we ask guests to bring a couple if we are short on people. We will never invite people from SLS or SDC because we have learned they are never who they claim to be. This way there are no surprises.

[MarniJohn 172]

In the past we tried a few parties that were posted on SDC and never enjoyed. The people looked nothing like their profile pictures and often were a lot older than their posted ages.

 

I thought I had read somewhere that charging for a party in a private home is against the law. Might want to check that out.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Roliin75 said:

We host parties just about once a month. We have Never asked for money! I've never heard of that before! We supply everything except alcohol: towels, mixers, snacks, lube, condoms, you name it. Usually people bring us a hostess gift: flowers, cookie platters, someone even bought us lifestyle jewelry (the best gift we ever got!). Nothing is expected.

 

We only invite people we have met personally (usually at a swing club) and sometimes we ask guests to bring a couple if we are short on people. We will never invite people from SLS or SDC because we have learned they are never who they claim to be. This way there are no surprises.

 

Wonderful, wonderful. This is very much the same way that my wife and I make our invitations. Much wisdom in what you say.

[Freaky.Fiona 74]

Aunt Mildred, she’s such a saucy slut, who really knows how to put on a great party (and is so much fun with everyone)! Seriously, it varies between text, emails, phone calls, face to face (as mostly just couples we already know, though a new couple may join us when an existing group member invites them).