Lopsided communication between couples?

[Ebonylehigh 254]

I have no idea what to title this, I hope the Mr. doesn't mind but I am just frustrated and have no idea what to do.

 

So we have been seeing a couple, they are great we enjoy them and they enjoy us. After a few meets we exchanged cell numbers and have been texting each other. Mr. E and I are both very open about our texting, we never ask for specifics but sometimes we share our highlight reels. It has become very clear my play partner and I are texting much more and it leads to a greater build up and anticipation for next meet. On the other end my hubby and his play partner aren't texting as much and when they are together there is this warm up period that our side doesn't have.

 

This situation has happened once before as well, where the male half and I really have great chemistry and connection which manifests in person and via text. While Mr. E and his play partner not so much. The women show and say that they are having a great time with hubby so it is definitely not a sex issue.

 

I honestly just want him to get the same level of excitement and fun as I am getting. I am wondering if there is anything we can do on our end to help with that.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Mrs. Ebonylehigh, my Mrs. and I sometimes have a similar problem. On occasion I have gotten out in front of her in chatting with another couple (usually the female half) before we meet in person, and feel that I know one or both of them better than the Mrs. does by the time we meet. It has made for some awkwardness from time to time!

 

One thing we try to do when texting is to send everything in a "group text", where every text a person sends goes out to the other three people. It feels more like a conversation among all of us that way, and even if some of us are not contributing as much as others, we can all benefit from the sexy warmup! It also has the added advantage that everybody feels more secure knowing exactly what kinds of texts are passing between their partner and their opposite number. If we and the other couple are truly comfortable, we both feel fairly uninhibited in flirting and getting things heated up!

[kikonkrome 844]

One thing we try to do when texting is to send everything in a "group text", where every text a person sends goes out to the other three people. It feels more like a conversation among all of us that way, and even if some of us are not contributing as much as others, we can all benefit from the sexy warmup! It also has the added advantage that everybody feels more secure knowing exactly what kinds of texts are passing between their partner and their opposite number. If we and the other couple are truly comfortable, we both feel fairly uninhibited in flirting and getting things heated up!

 

So we do this as well. I some partners kinda vary about how chatty they are in general.

 

I was noticing we were connecting more with couples where she was chatty and he was quiet. I then tried to be more chatty and outgoing to the female half and I seemed to even things out.

 

That being said, our 'success' with four way chats is pretty miserable. Our norm is three way, with the female partner, my wife and myself...nope I don't get it either. She doesn't even include him. I think I will have a chat with them about that, because you're right four way would be more fun!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . I honestly just want him to get the same level of excitement and fun as I am getting. I am wondering if there is anything we can do on our end to help with that.

I will not attempt to provide an analysis but when I read this, I could hear my wife's voice in my ear. She tells me this same thing. I assure her that my female counterpart and I are having great fun and that she should have no concern. I write plenty at this Web site but I text infrequently.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

I will not attempt to provide an analysis but when I read this, I could hear my wife's voice in my ear. She tells me this same thing. I assure her that my female counterpart and I are having great fun and that she should have no concern. I write plenty at this Web site but I text infrequently.

 

Unfortunately he has made it clear that not getting that same pre work up does take away from the encounter. He does want similar interactions to the ones I am receiving.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

We've come across this as well. I like to text, so if the other male likes to also, it can get lopsided. It can sometimes become concerning for me in terms of whether the other woman is into Mr. Sun. Then it makes me want to back off and make sure there is interest on the other side as well.

 

However, Mr. Sun isn't much of a texter. He does his best but he says, "I do have to work during the day, you know!" Work, pshaw! Anyways, I usually air my concerns to the other couple and then we allow Mr. Sun and Mrs. Playmate some time to talk and warm-up before anything happens.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

We actually do the four way text with couples but have noticed as we all got comfortable the branch off happens then the communication between him and the female half wanes or is very bland. I am beginning to feel like I need to ease up to make things more fair, this goes with my flirting as well. It sucks because I really feel like the texting adds to the next encounter nicely and it's fun. But hubby feeling left out isn't going to work for me.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

Mr. E here. Very glad mrs decided to post this because it has become a little frustrating in terms of best way to approach it.

 

We've come across this as well. I like to text, so if the other male likes to also, it can get lopsided. It can sometimes become concerning for me in terms of whether the other woman is into Mr. Sun. Then it makes me want to back off and make sure there is interest on the other side as well.

 

This this and so much this! From my perspective it's so hard to gauge the female's interest or level of enjoyment especially once we move past the first or second encounter. For me (actually for both of us) we are pleasers and a good amount of the joy we get from these experiences is knowing our partner enjoys being with us. Of course the in person expression of that goes a long way, but the texting serves to reassure that as well as help build anticipation for the next time. It's clear when we get together with this couple (or any couple in the past where there has been this disparity in communication) that between mrs e and mr playmate there is a greater level of flirting, or wanting between them because they have sowed the seeds by texting. Whereas between mean playmate and I we seem to be two steps behind them. I have tried to draw from mrs playmate some level of that, but after multiple attempts where it seems like pulling teeth it feels like being at the tipping point of making it negative and making me question if indeed she is enjoying the experience.

 

 

Work, pshaw!

Literally made me LOL.

 

Anyways, I usually air my concerns to the other couple and then we allow Mr. Sun and Mrs. Playmate some time to talk and warm-up before anything happens.

 

We do this as well. But the warm up feels so distant. It's like we are strangers and we shouldn't be if this is the 4th time we have been together. I don't think the texting between meetings works in every situation but for us in terms of our repeated encounters it helps a lot (and conversely it's absence is felt strongly)

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Anyways, I usually air my concerns to the other couple and then we allow Mr. Sun and Mrs. Playmate some time to talk and warm-up before anything happens.

 

We do this as well. But the warm up feels so distant. It's like we are strangers and we shouldn't be if this is the 4th time we have been together. I don't think the texting between meetings works in every situation but for us in terms of our repeated encounters it helps a lot (and conversely it's absence is felt strongly)

 

 

To be honest, if it gets to be the 3rd or 4th time and it still feels this way, we stop playing with them. We have yet to find a couple where there's a 100% gung-ho attitude between all four of us. Absolute four-way attraction has been difficult for us to find. I can easily see why some couples go more toward threesomes because it's a lot easier...except for finding the unicorn bit because dammit, I want to take it easy once in awhile and see Mr. Sun do all the work in a FMF!

[Ebonylehigh 254]

To be honest, if it gets to be the 3rd or 4th time and it still feels this way, we stop playing with them. We have yet to find a couple where there's a 100% gung-ho attitude between all four of us. Absolute four-way attraction has been difficult for us to find. I can easily see why some couples go more toward threesomes because it's a lot easier...except for finding the unicorn bit because dammit, I want to take it easy once in awhile and see Mr. Sun do all the work in a FMF!

 

As this is Mrs E. This is exactly what I know but didn't want to face. You are always honest and absolutely right. We will need to cut ties with this couple. Sigh... I now know why threesomes are some people's ideal choice.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

To be honest, if it gets to be the 3rd or 4th time and it still feels this way, we stop playing with them. We have yet to find a couple where there's a 100% gung-ho attitude between all four of us. Absolute four-way attraction has been difficult for us to find. I can easily see why some couples go more toward threesomes because it's a lot easier...except for finding the unicorn bit because dammit, I want to take it easy once in awhile and see Mr. Sun do all the work in a FMF!

 

The four way attraction is starting to feel like it's own mythical creature hunt. Bigfoot or Loch Ness monster?

 

You're right though I totally see why threesomes are easier since it's harder to sync up four people. I will say though that the couples we have seen where that happens it looks so awesome - like they are living in some alternate reality or higher level of swinging. Lol.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Ebonylehigh, don't give up! We have found several couples where we have a four-way match. Now it's often true that one of likes our opposite number a little more than the other of us likes theirs. But we have numerous couples with whom we like to hang out, do things together, and enjoy hot play. It's not a myth- we are not Bigfoot, nor the Loch Ness monster!

[Ebonylehigh 254]

Ebonylehigh, don't give up! We have found several couples where we have a four-way match. Now it's often true that one of likes our opposite number a little more than the other of us likes theirs. But we have numerous couples with whom we like to hang out, do things together, and enjoy hot play. It's not a myth- we are not Bigfoot, nor the Loch Ness monster!

 

We try to keep the hope alive coupleinmd. It's good to know that you have at least had those experiences. We would be fine if it was a good match for four and maybe two have a greater than the other two connection. That would mean the play was still good for all .

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Remember how hard it was to find a two way match when looking for your SO. A four way match is way more difficult, but just like unicorns, they can occasionally be found and once found you will find that it was worth the difficulties and persistence.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

As this is Mrs E. This is exactly what I know but didn't want to face. You are always honest and absolutely right. We will need to cut ties with this couple. Sigh... I now know why threesomes are some peoples ideal choice.

 

I wouldn't necessarily cut ties with them, it's a case by case thing. If you two are comfortable with the lopsidedness, then I'd say stick with it. But if it causes enough problems where it isn't fun for one or both of you, then look for another couple. Swinging should be fun!

[Ebonylehigh 254]

Remember how hard it was to find a two way match when looking for your SO. A four way match is way more difficult, but just like unicorns, they can occasionally be found and once found you will find that it was worth the difficulties and persistence.

 

The crazy thing that we can't wrap our minds around is the fact that this search should be so much simpler than finding our SO. It's just fun sex between willing people!!! But even saying that I realize it can't be that simple because the truth is even the sexual connection is built on more than just the actual act of having sex. We continue to hold out hope for when that is found.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

I wouldn't necessarily cut ties with them, it's a case by case thing. If you two are comfortable with the lopsidedness, then I'd say stick with it. But if it causes enough problems where it isn't fun for one or both of you, then look for another couple. Swinging should be fun!

 

Mr. E here. I don't think it's at the cut ties point yet. It's more of a we can see it getting to that point quickly as the gap between the two sets of play partners becomes more and more obvious with continued meetings

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'll just add to the chorus of don't give up yet, it's worth the wait! Not to take anything away from those who prefer something else, but when two couples are really in sync in all directions, then it is a wonderful thing. We've never pursued a single for a threesome, and know they work great for some people, but what always comes to mind when I think of that is something we often heard about parenting when we were young new parents ourselves - two or four will get along great when friends come over, but when it's three, sooner or later one will feel left out. That seemed to usually hold true, and we've always kind of taken the same strategy for grown-up playdates.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

I'll just add to the chorus of don't give up yet, it's worth the wait! Not to take anything away from those who prefer something else, but when two couples are really in sync in all directions, then it is a wonderful thing. We've never pursued a single for a threesome, and know they work great for some people, but what always comes to mind when I think of that is something we often heard about parenting when we were young new parents ourselves - two or four will get along great when friends come over, but when it's three, sooner or later one will feel left out. That seemed to usually hold true, and we've always kind of taken the same strategy for grown-up playdates.

 

Totally agree. We have mentioned that between us as well about the feeling of left out.

[longun45 115]

I like a lot of what has been said about being left out. I first know this is courting, getting to know another person intimately. Some people, many women and men for that matter, do not know themselves very well, and may even feel guilty about the pleasure received from another person. They may even fear it. to overcome that fear ( which may not be possible) First tell her about you, not graphic detail. I would suggest a few questions.

What is your favorite color and what color reminds you of being safe.

What do you fear most - you may get a false answer on this one

What type of food do you like.

What activities do you like most.

How do you feel when you have someone flirt with you. ( this is a loaded question) Women from my experience tend to not be so graphically receptive.

What turns you on / off.

And for gods sake pay attention, and pay attention to her. Stroke her ego. ( do I need to add stroke your SO too)

Guys we are for the most part easy - we have one switch. Many guys though also the same problem especially at first. We (Both sexes)have been programmed against sex and really programmed against sex for fun.

Then when in their presence check the body language. See if it matches or is sending out conflicts.

As for the mythical matching couple - forget about it. No expectations, be open and it may show up from a completely unexpected place. In other words quit working at it so hard and have fun. You will attract what you need.

[PeterJ 960]

As for the mythical matching couple - forget about it. No expectations, be open and it may show up from a completely unexpected place. In other words quit working at it so hard and have fun.

 

This makes great sense to me. We live in a complicated, challenging world. And as the saying goes, don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.