Swinging and hotwifing, does my husband want to be with other women?

[Nwhappy2 27]

As I said the hubby and I have really been communicating a lot on all of this and the more we talk obviously the more comes out and last night he told me he wanted more than anything for me to be his "hot wife". Naturally I say geez baby what else do I have to do? I'm constantly pushing my body beyond my limits to stay fit for him. Then he shows me the definition of "hot wife" ohhhh. He is hoping that once we do a swap encounter I will be comfortable enough to do things so he can watch then after take me himself. Which I will say is hot. My only concern is once I do this for him that he will want the same in return and I am not set up that way. I don't think I will ever be able to just watch him with another woman but wanting all to play. Now he knows this and says he doesn't want that at all but his fantasy and the things he thinks about has to do with watching me get as sexed as he will "allow" then he will take over. Bringing me to another level...

 

So he asked me to search voyeurism so I can see that he is not the only man who has these fantasies. I realize that but I guess I still have a little part of me that thinks he will want the same in return. Maybe it's just because all of this is so new and we are getting deeper in our own sexuality together that we have ever gone. This is really not a question but maybe I could get some input from y'all on here to give me some insight on this. I've been looking for threads on this topic and found one but it was just asking a quest "exibitionist or voyeurism"

 

Would love to hear what you guys have to say..

[MrDiscover 802]

We accidentaly discussed this last week and agreed we are open for solo dates. Hotwifing, however, is different than just solo dates, it often includes parts of the dynamics between the partners too. Where the male is more or less monogamous e.g. We are not into that side of it. The HW-aspects (again, for both of us) we might like is choosing a date, the part of dressing your partner up for the date, helping choosing cloths, drive him/her to the date, sending pics, calling during/afterwards, reclaiming etc. etc.

 

There is a board on HW'ing called Our Hot Wives. It seems to be well-moderated but we find the atmosphere over there a bit more harsh and direct.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

First of all, you have to take him at his word. If he has told you that he is only interested in seeing you do this, then that is what he is interested in. This isn't uncommon (hot wifing or whatever the verb form of 'wife' is), there are other forum boards set up just for them.

[Nwhappy2 27]

I wasn't sure where to put this and I was also really surprised when this came up. I really respect everyone's advice on here and have no where to talk about any of this outside "us". So MOD please move this where you feel it should go.

 

I'm really into trying the swinging thing but I just wanted some advice on this subject surely didn't mean to offend.

[JAPrufrock 588]

Nwhappy2, this is the perfect place for your question, since you haven't started swinging yet. I don't think you offended anyone. MrDiscover and GoldCoCouple were just letting you know that there are other boards specifically for hotwifing, if you wanted to look there for more info. Also, those that post there may be able to better answer any questions you may have specifically regarding that subject.

 

I can't find a specific forum for it here, but type in hotwifing in Swingers Board's search function and you should be able to find plenty of threads to get you started.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Hi, Nwhappy2. I think GoldCo has some good advice, in that you should take him at his word that he isn't looking for reciprocation for himself. However, I would highly recommend that you do some introspection and seek out what triggers your insecurity/jealousy about seeing him with another woman. Some people are naturally not jealousy about anything while others find themselves on the other spectrum.

 

When we first expressed interest in non-monogamy by sharing fantasies, I was like you...I was more than happy to have sex with other men. That's the honest truth. I was not comfortable about the thought of Mr. Sun with another woman. However, the part of me that feels guilty about having something that I am preventing someone else from also having, didn't sit right with me. I did tons and tons and tons of reading here. I did a lot of thinking and evaluating of my thoughts and feelings. More reading. More thinking. I knew that the best course of action was to start with a couple. We would both have our cake and eat it, too. I couldn't logically get upset with Mr. Sun because I was partaking at the same time.

 

Did I feel jealous at our first swap? Yes. But I didn't stop thinking and reading. I came to terms as to why I was jealous and insecure. Gradually, I found myself not jealous when we swapped with others. By the third time, I didn't experience jealousy. Mr. Sun continued to come home to me every night. He didn't run off. I was reminded that he loved me, not these other women. We were sharing these experiences and memories together. Being non-monogamous didn't change the fact that he was, is, and will continue to be the awesome, loving husband and father that he is.

 

Overcoming these mental barriers is something you want to break down and have to do for yourself. No one else can do it for you. Kind of like eating healthy and losing weight.

 

Concerning the "hot wife" thing, JAPrufrock and MrDiscover are correct, the majority of the members here mostly engage in couple-couple swapping. Hot wifing and cuckolding, while they are discussed here periodically, aren't the main subject matter around here. If you want more opinions and thoughts about hot wifing, you'll find a wider group in a hot wife forum.

[JAPrufrock 588]

Mr. Prufrock and I started out talking about MFM. I don't really think it's hotwifing per se, but I think for him, seeing me with another man is a huge turn-on. For me at least, I want his participation. I don't mind him watching for a bit, but I want him involved eventually

 

Personally, I don't like the idea of swinging just being about me. I know he gets something out of MFM, but I would still feel as though the experience is one-sided. This journey is about US, not me. For this reason, and a few others, we've decided our first experience will hopefully be with a couple.

 

A note about possessiveness/jealousy. The more I think about swinging (and Mr.Prufrock with another woman), the more visible my insecurities are, and the more I realize about myself. Once I come to these realizations, I can start breaking them down. Why do I feel this way? What is the worst possible outcome? What is the best outcome? Are these based on reality? Are my perceptions skewed by my own opinions of myself and others? Etc...

 

One thing I've noticed is that I'm really hard on myself, very self-judging and self-deprecating. I'm starting to understand why I am that way, and how truly unhealthy that is in all aspects of my life.

 

Obviously everyone is different, and some people are 100% ok with keeping their experiences limited.

 

If your husband says he isn't interested in being with other women, then I would take him at his word. There are men out there like that. Mr. Prufrock was honest with me when I asked him. He said that the idea of being with another woman, while watching me with another man, was a turn on, but that he understood how I felt, and that the last thing he'd ever want to do is hurt me. That alone is why I am trying my darnedest to be ok with the idea of him with another woman.

 

Sunbuckus, your post gives me hope! It is possible to vanquish jealousy! I am actually looking forward to having our first experience so I can see how I really react, and hopefully work from there.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I have to say, that we were very fortunate to have a FMF with the female half of our first couple and it helped immensely because we did the couple swap, we did the MFM (with the male half of our first couple), and then the FMF. It was enjoyable to see Mr. Sun in such ecstasy and trying his best to please two women! I think he got more than he bargained for!

[JandKinBoise 859]

Revealing a fantasy as intimate as this probably didn't just pop up. He really is just thinking about seeing you. There is very little 'tit for tat' in this stuff.

 

He is your husband. Do you think he may be manipulating you for his own end? If this doesn't fit his usual behavior, he is probably being honest about his fantasy and desires.

[Nwhappy2 27]

Thanks for all the advice!! So we've talked more about this and for now I'm more comfortable with MFM first because I absolutely want him involved or couple swap, we did the FMF. I agree with the thought of how can I be jealous when we are both receiving a "gift" from the other. I have come to the realization that my hubby would at some point like to watch me and that's fine. But we will be slow poking (no pun intended) this whole LS. There just so many seneris and so many different ways this can all go..

[JAPrufrock 588]

Just to be clear, are you talking about all four of you having sex (swapping with another couple) or him doing the opposite of hotwifing (having sex with another woman while you watch or aren't there)? I don't know that hothusbanding is a thing in any case, from what you've indicated here, I don't think he wants to do that. Mr.prufrock flat out told me he wasn't interested in being with another woman if I wasn't there. I'm thinking your husband is probably much the same way.

 

Right now Mr. Prufrock and I are strictly same room. I know that a lot of swingers start out this way and morph to separate rooms, we're definitely not there though, and I don't really see that happening for us. Maybe when we get more comfortable with the whole thing, who knows? Never say never!

[Nwhappy2 27]

No I mean swapping with a couple. We've decided since we are new that this would be best. To get comfortable with all of this. Right now I'm still not wanting to just watch... maybe that changes but maybe it doesn't. Which he is ok with.

 

I wanted to thank you all for your honest comments, I've been thinking about them and the hubby and I have been talking a lot about this and suddenly I was hit with "the big red truck" or "a light bulb came on over my head". After ten years of being in this marriage we are able to tell each other our darkest fantasies and possibly acting them out. How cam I make my own insecurities a judgment. I will not... I'm flattered actually. I am definitely the slower half in this because I really don't know my darkest fantasy but I'm willing to figure it out with hubby. Again I'm flattered. Knowing that he feels the same has brought us passion for each other we didn't know we had... we do now!!!!

 

Also after reading your post, you're right, some self looking needs to be done. It really has already started and it is a good thing that I'm not doing this digging inside alone... wow what a revelation.

 

What a ride this is becoming!!!!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

My wife thought that I was trying to talk her into having sex with other men so I could have sex with other women. She said she couldn't handle watching me having sex with another woman.

 

Watching her having sex with other men was my fantasy. I never expected reciprocation from her.

[mrsneakyinpa 15]

Similar situation with my wife. For a few years I've been encouraging her to let another man seduce her into bed with my complete permission. Particularly her ex b/f who for other reasons than sex didn't stay together. Of all her b/f's, he was the best in bed and was sure to make her orgasm every time. While they didn't stay together, she has fond sexual memories of him. When I encourage her to rekindle the sexual fire with him from time to time, it is arousing to her. She says she hopes I don't expect her to let me sleep with an old g/f. And I don't want to. I just want to share her sexually. And so far, all pillow talk has been about this ex, Jason. When I suggest a man she may have met that she finds attractive, and thankfully she will tell me when she meets "attractive men", I think her mind does the logistical math and in the end it's not as arousing as climbing back into bed with a very convenient ex that is a known quantity. She doesn't quite understand my interest in it, and I'm not sure I do myself. But there's no denying that it's there and I WANT her riding his cock all night. I actually have no interest in being there. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'd love to watch. But the distraction of me being there would ruin the moment for her, and it's just the knowing she did it, and hopefully her recounting it to me later that I'm looking for.

 

So, all that to say and agree with other men. Sharing our wives sexually for her's and our pleasure doesn't require us to be shared.

 

-Sneaky

[kikonkrome 844]

The 'hotwife' just want to watch thing is more common than we originally expected. We have had a few fmf threesomes, and an ffffmm (not even sure what the hell you call that) where the other guys just didn't participate and just want to watch.

 

At first we were confused, now we take it in stride when we are talking with a new couple and we hear that he just wants to watch or wait outside.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

an ffffmm (not even sure what the hell you call that

 

I would call that a whole lot of fun...you need to post that story. How do you even get something like that set up?

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

.... How do you even get something like that set up?

 

Was in a few fffmm & a lot of other odd combinations. In those cases it was usually the ladies setting it up. I met a particular pair who were skilled and motivated part organizers.