Gamesmanship......WTF?

[Bob250 74]

I've been to a few house parties and weekend getaways. At some of them, there seems to be a propensity for group/party games. Can somebody explain this to me? Now......I came there for sex. I didn't come there for karaoke, naked twister, or any of the myriads of adult word games or contests. I came there to fuck. What is the attraction for games playing in a swinging environment?

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Well, for one, some people just like playing games in general. Another reason is that others need a "warm-up" period. For those who people who haven't yet played with the other attendees at the house party, games are a way to feel more at ease with them. Another tie-in to that is that some people aren't as outgoing as others. Some people need a way to "break the ice" with others. If a house party is large enough, you'll have groups of people who just hang out with those who know each other, which leaves those who don't know anyone. In these cases, it's like a junior high dance...many people standing around, eyeing each other but scared to walk up to others and be rejected. Games help in those situations.

 

When we first started swinging, we had a similar mentality as you. We couldn't understand why people would stand around and talk for a few hours before playing. We were ready to experience whatever came our way. However, now that we've had our experiences, we've come to enjoy the "more than sex" aspect. Hanging out, talking, and chilling out with other swingers is a nice way to just be around those who also share this "taboo" hobby of ours. If we don't play but found ourselves having an evening of great adult conversation, it was a wonderful night meeting new people.

 

If you read a lot of the advice to new swingers here, you'll see that there's a lot of emphasis on going to events with no expectation of having sex with other people. If you go with that expectation, you're going to walk away with more disappointment than necessary. It also makes one see the LS in a negative light. If you go knowing that you're getting out of the house with your partner and at the end of the night, you'll most likely have sex with each other no matter what. In this situation, many couples find themselves enjoying the evening because there's not that "pressure" of having to hook-up with other people.

 

Nowadays, I actually find it very offensive when a male comes up to me and asks to play without even trying to invite me into conversation. For me personally, I much prefer the experiences where I'm not viewed as a blow-up doll to be used for their pleasure. I'm a human being who wishes to be treated as one.

 

That's not to say that the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am way is wrong. It isn't. That's just how some decide to navigate the LS. Others choose differently. It's just another layer to see if a couple/person matches with what you are looking for when swinging.

[Bob250 74]

I understand the idea of a "warm up" period before playing, but I prefer it to be conversation (with casual references to boundaries, etc) and snacks and the like. At one house party we played a form of adult bingo, where the first person to bingo got to pick his/her first playmate for the evening. I thought it was a very juvenile approach.

[JAPrufrock 588]

At one house party we played a form of adult bingo, where the first person to bingo got to pick his/her first playmate for the evening. I thought it was a very juvenile approach.

 

And I would have booked it out of there faster then you can say "Betty White." First off, I hate bingo. I am not exaggerating when I say I've won twice in my entire life. It's boring. Secondly, what if the person they chose didn't want to play? That puts them in an extremely awkward position. I wouldn't consider the above a good ice-breaker game at all.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

First, I want to say that one of the hallmarks of the lifestyle for the Mrs. and me, and an unexpected benefit as well, is the open and honest relationships we have built with many of our lifestyle friends. These have been some of the nicest, most considerate and respectful, and (importantly) non-judgmental people we have ever met. There are all kinds of ways of navigating this lifestyle, and we appreciate those who are open to understanding, rather than judging.

 

Bob, I have seen more than once a tone of judgment in your posts over the last few days. Just because a particular method of dealing with the world doesn't line up with yours, does not mean that it is wrong, immature, weak, or otherwise invalid. I invite you to go with the flow, my friend!

 

As to the topic at hand... We have been to numerous house parties in our first year in the lifestyle. We have actually attended only two where games were played, one playing Cards Against Humanity, and the other with a "pick a slip of paper and do what it says" game. In both cases, the games were a good way to help new people to get to know each other, and for everybody to relax and get into the mood. As much as I'm up for getting to the sex as soon as possible, I have learned to calm down and let people get comfortable first!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

We aren't big fans of games, but we're OK with starting out with them to get things going. The thing is, if that hot couple we're really interested in finds playing a game or two makes them relax and feel more comfortable about potentially rolling between the sheets with us later that evening, then "game on"!

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

And I would have booked it out of there faster then you can say "Betty White."... What if the person they chose didn't want to play? That puts them in an extremely awkward position. I wouldn't consider the above a good ice-breaker game at all.

I agree with you about that. The best icebreaker games are those where the people doing the "sexy thing" get to choose who they do it with! And of course, no one should ever feel pressured into doing anything they're not comfortable with. At the one party we've attended with a sexy icebreaker game, there were one or two people who "passed" after getting a task that they were not comfortable with, and the rest of the group were able to be cool about it. But others took full advantage of the assigned "tasks" to get familiar with people they wanted to play with later!

[Bob250 74]

First, I want to say that one of the hallmarks of the lifestyle for the Mrs. and me, and an unexpected benefit as well, is the open and honest relationships we have built with many of our lifestyle friends. These have been some of the nicest, most considerate and respectful, and (importantly) non-judgmental people we have ever met. There are all kinds of ways of navigating this lifestyle, and we appreciate those who are open to understanding, rather than judging.

 

Bob, I have seen more than once a tone of judgment in your posts over the last few days. Just because a particular method of dealing with the world doesn't line up with yours, does not mean that it is wrong, immature, weak, or otherwise invalid. I invite you to go with the flow, my friend!

 

As to the topic at hand... We have been to numerous house parties in our first year in the lifestyle. We have actually attended only two where games were played, one playing Cards Against Humanity, and the other with a "pick a slip of paper and do what it says" game. In both cases, the games were a good way to help new people to get to know each other, and for everybody to relax and get into the mood. As much as I'm up for getting to the sex as soon as possible, I have learned to calm down and let people get comfortable first!

First off, the chances that I might "go with the flow" are pretty much not happening. I would not have accomplished what I have or overcome the obstacles I have by following the herd. Yes, I can be judgmental, but when I am, it is usually to prove a point or advance a new and different idea. Rarely to cause anybody any anxiety. If you feel that I'm trying to be overbearing, sorry but you're off base. Address the subject and don't worry about the form, is my motto.

[Bob250 74]

I completely understand the idea of a "warm up " period, where people can relax and get acquainted. My point is that games have the potential to do the opposite, so why play them? Nobody, yet has explained how playing games can increase my knowledge of my potential sex play partners. I was at a party where they did games. Most of the people liked it, but I did not and soon left. I was not alone, a couple of other couples didn't participate and we left about the same time. So, as an 'icebreaker" it was a success, but not in the way the host and hostess wanted it to. I prefer intelligent, witty adult conversation. A good suggestion would be that if you are hosting a house party and intend to play games, that you make sure that those people you invite are ok with it. The very best way to avoid issues is to address them beforehand.

[Bob250 74]

I wonder sometimes if, in the LS, that conversation isn't becoming a lost art. People seem to be willing to do anything to avoid talking to each other. I love talking to people (and listening to them) almost as much as I love fucking.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I completely understand the idea of a "warm up " period, where people can relax and get acquainted. My point is that games have the potential to do the opposite, so why play them? Nobody, yet has explained how playing games can increase my knowledge of my potential sex play partners.

 

I think it depends on the people playing the game and what game they are playing. There certainly are games that are not as conducive in getting to know others better as other games are. For example, group games like Cards Against Humanity or Twister will definitely provide a lot of laughter and hijinks whereas Bingo will not because you have to focus on the numbers and your individual Bingo card.

 

However, the people involved also play a part. If you have a group of people who all enjoy playing a specific game, they will more likely have fun doing so together. There are games that allow for conversation during and/or between rounds and sometimes conversation is prompted by the game itself. On the other hand, if you have a mixed group of people that include those that don't like playing games with those that do, the former will most likely put out a vibe of annoyance that games are even introduced. This has the likelihood of rippling over to others in the group and the vibe/party environment is ruined.

 

If you really dislike games and prefer conversation only, stating that upfront (in person or in a profile) will allow you to better connect with those that feel the same as you. And the same goes for those who enjoy games--mention a love for games and they'll find others who fall in the same group.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Who says that you are not allowed to engage people in conversation while you are playing a game? Some lifestyle friends who live in Florida during winter and here during summer have introduced us to a really great game called Fast Track. It's not available commercially but if you type it into Google, you'll see that a lot of people manufacture boards at home and sell them on-line. It's all the rage with the swingers who live in The Villages. Old folks like us are not able to fuck all day and all night. During breaks, we play games (or nap).

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Address the subject and don't worry about the form, is my motto.

I think I will go ahead and base my feeling about people on the totality of the image they present to me. Whether I'm playing an icebreaker game, or engaging in conversation, I (and, I'd wager, most every other member of the human race) look for opportunities to understand what people are about. This understanding comes from more than just the subject/content of their conversation- it also comes from seeing how they carry themselves, body language, seeing how they treat others, etc. If, for example, I'm talking to a person, and the person comes across as an arrogant, self-absorbed bully, I will likely not seek out that person's company even if the content of their conversation is intelligent and witty.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

You are always welcome to host your own parties with your own friends. There is no reason to complain or make fun of people who enjoy it and swing successfully. If you don't like games don't go to an event with games.

 

We play a game at meet and greet and it has been very successful in getting people to mingle, approach people and converse. No sex is allowed there, so really the whole event is pointless, right?!

 

We've also played Cards against humanity at our house before playing and that worked well. Often we skinny dip, but I guess that's a pointless exercise, too.

 

Another very successful party we attended had a custom jenga game. We played for a short time and then it was a crazy orgy for hours.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Some lifestyle friends who live in Florida during winter and here during summer have introduced us to a really great game called Fast Track. It's not available commercially but if you type it into Google, you'll see that a lot of people manufacture boards at home and sell them on-line.

 

I love games, SW, so I had to Google it. It came back with more than one game--could you please specify which result I should look at?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I love games, SW, so I had to Google it. It came back with more than one game--could you please specify which result I should look at?

Looks like this one. I'm be pleased to show you how to play.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I'm always game (hahaha) to learn new things.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]4278[/ATTACH]

Looks like this one. I'm be pleased to show you how to play.

 

That is totally not what I expected! I thought it was some kind of fast track to sex. Is it related to swinging in any way or just a fun game that swingers happen to like? It looks kind of like Chinese checkers.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

That is totally not what I expected! I thought it was some kind of fast track to sex. Is it related to swinging in any way or just a fun game that swingers happen to like? It looks kind of like Chinese checkers.

 

 

I was thinking the same thing, funcouple!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

That is totally not what I expected! I thought it was some kind of fast track to sex. Is it related to swinging in any way or just a fun game that swingers happen to like? It looks kind of like Chinese checkers.

The game is not about sex; just a fun game. I will not be able to say for sure what has made it so popular with Florida swingers but I will attempt to guess.

 

* Easy to learn so if the house guests are new, they can get into it quickly

* A round does not take very long -- no need to delay bedroom time

* It is designed for either four players or six. You play in teams -- just the thing for a "couples" party

 

It's more like Parcheesi than Chinese Checkers. You don't roll dice; you move according to which card you turn over.

[Bob250 74]

You are always welcome to host your own parties with your own friends. There is no reason to complain or make fun of people who enjoy it and swing successfully. If you don't like games don't go to an event with games.

 

We play a game at meet and greet and it has been very successful in getting people to mingle, approach people and converse. No sex is allowed there, so really the whole event is pointless, right?!

 

We've also played Cards against humanity at our house before playing and that worked well. Often we skinny dip, but I guess that's a pointless exercise, too.

 

Another very successful party we attended had a custom jenga game. We played for a short time and then it was a crazy orgy for hours.

Personally, I would think that skinny dipping is very much to the point.

[Bob250 74]

I guess, perhaps the main issues I have, are that I do like to talk before and after sex, and regard conversation as the best method of social interaction. Also, I'm not into games even during vanilla times. I play poker, euchre and chess....not much more than that. In point of fact, other than chess and possibly checkers, I have never been a fan of board games , at all. Plus, I don't like performance games like karaoke or twister or charades. So I guess I will just have to be a bystander.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Nobody, yet has explained how playing games can increase my knowledge of my potential sex play partners.

 

Actually the parties you've attended where games were played did allow you to get to know your potential play partners better. In your case it allowed you to learn that you were not interested because their interests did not align with yours. In their case the same.

 

Just because games are being played doesn't mean you have to participate. You can stand around and chat with those not playing, while those playing enjoy a little good humor to "break the ice" and get them feeling comfortable in their environment and with those around them.

 

A good suggestion would be that if you are hosting a house party and intend to play games, that you make sure that those people you invite are ok with it. The very best way to avoid issues is to address them beforehand.

 

A host should not have to run every potential activity by every potential guest any more than thy should have to get every potential guest approved by every other potential guest. That would be a logistics nightmare. Again, just because an activity (of any type) is occurring at a party doesn't mean you have to participate in that activity. That's typically not the hosts intent. And, for those rare hosts who do believe they get to control all action for the evening those parties should be left in a hurry and avoided as much as possible.

[Bob250 74]

Actually the parties you've attended where games were played did allow you to get to know your potential play partners better. In your case it allowed you to learn that you were not interested because their interests did not align with yours. In their case the same.

 

Just because games are being played doesn't mean you have to participate. You can stand around and chat with those not playing, while those playing enjoy a little good humor to "break the ice" and get them feeling comfortable in their environment and with those around them.

 

 

 

A host should not have to run every potential activity by every potential guest any more than thy should have to get every potential guest approved by every other potential guest. That would be a logistics nightmare. Again, just because an activity (of any type) is occurring at a party doesn't mean you have to participate in that activity. That's typically not the hosts intent. And, for those rare hosts who do believe they get to control all action for the evening those parties should be left in a hurry and avoided as much as possible.

I don't think telling potential guests that, " we like to play games" would be THAT much of a logistic handicap, really? But I do agree that if you don't want to participate, you should feel comfortable enough to refuse, gracefully. Trouble is, those parties where the "games" are a focal point of the evening, and you are coaxed to participate. I dislike this very much.

[Bob250 74]

Actually, this thread is becoming like some of the parties I've attended. Me not wanting to play games, and posters trying to convince me it's fun. LOL What do you ALWAYS hear? "Come on and play....it'll be fun". I guess I'll never get the connection between playing games and sex. I understand the "ice breaking" aspect, but what I'm talking about is a house party where the purpose is to have sex, I'm not talking about parties, in general.

It's like NORI, the seaweed stuff they wrap Sushi in. I don't like it, I've tried it, many times, but I still don't like it. My GF and most of my friends like it, and I keep thinking that if I keep trying it, that maybe I will see what they see. But it's no use, I can't stand the stuff.

[Bob250 74]

I'm not a bad guy, really I'm not. I love to talk to people, and I love to listen. I really enjoy being with other couples and sharing experiences.........as long as it's real and spontaneous.

[Mbgdallas 203]

I think you miss the point Bob. The games are to help the shy and uncomfortable get into the situation. Sounds as if you are not shy and therefore the games unnecessary. Great. But for those of us who are and not good at starting conversations the games help significantly get the evening started.

[JAPrufrock 588]

I don't think you're a bad guy, Bob250. And I don't think anyone here is trying to convince you that you should like icebreaker games. You started your post asking about them, and people gave their opinions on the matter, most of which being: they like icebreaker games provided they are the right kind of game.

 

I get that you prefer to just talk, and introverted people like me are appreciative of the extroverts who take the initiative to come over and start conversations, but sometimes even extroverts need help to do that, (or maybe there just aren't enough extroverts in the room.) Mbgdallas said it right, shy people sometimes need a push or a reason to start talking to other people, and games often provide that.

 

I think people are getting frustrated with you because the message you're sending out is that, because icebreaker games are unpleasant and unnecessary for you, they must be the same for everyone else. You now know that's not the case. There are plenty of people who enjoy games at parties, just as there are plenty of people who don't. So next time you're at a party and the host pulls out Taboo (which I love, BTW), or Twister or whatever, find the people who are moving towards the edge of the room and make connections with them while everyone else plays. If no one else shares your dislike of games, hang back, leave the party, or put a smile on and stick your right foot on a red circle

[Formybubu 56]

Bob has missed the entire point of the Lifestyle. Being the Single male, you are an invited guest to house parties because the host(s) or another couple felt you were a good fit for the group. Not because you can fuck. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can fuck, but it takes a special guy to know the art of Lifestyle fucking. You would be cock blocked and asked to leave if you ever showed up at one of our parties with the attitude of I'm here to fuck. The singles that attend our parties understand they are there for the ladies additional pleasure. They understand they don't make the rules. and in order to fit in to the group you play the games that the host wants to play (within reason).

Until you understand your place in the lifestyle party scene you will be on the outside looking in. At least here in our circle.

[Bob250 74]

Bob has missed the entire point of the Lifestyle. Being the Single male, you are an invited guest to house parties because the host(s) or another couple felt you were a good fit for the group. Not because you can fuck. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can fuck, but it takes a special guy to know the art of Lifestyle fucking. You would be cock blocked and ask to leave if you ever showed up at one of our parties with the attitude of i'm here to fuck. The singles that attend our parties understand They are there for the ladies additional pleasure.They understand they don't make the rules. and in order to fit in to the group you play the games that the host wants to play (with in reason).

Until you understand your place in the lifestyle party scene you will be on the outside looking in. At least here in our circle.

I'm heartily glad I'm not in your circle, then. You see, I'm an American, and believe that everybody has rights and opinions that matter. Apparently, in your circle that isn't the case. You follow the script or get out. Well, I've never been much of a follower, and don't expect to, any time soon. So you and your "circle" would not be one I would have any interest in.

Considering your definitions, of what are or are not the "rules" in your circle, it's pretty amazing that I get so many invitations, and call backs. Perhaps other "circles" are more open minded than yours?

[Bob250 74]

I don't think you're a bad guy, Bob250. And I don't think anyone here is trying to convince you that you should like icebreaker games. You started your post asking about them, and people gave their opinions on the matter, most of which being: they like icebreaker games provided they are the right kind of game.

 

I get that you prefer to just talk, and introverted people like me are appreciative of the extroverts who take the initiative to come over and start conversations, but sometimes even extroverts need help to do that, (or maybe there just aren't enough extroverts in the room.) Mbgdallas said it right, shy people sometimes need a push or a reason to start talking to other people, and games often provide that.

 

I think people are getting frustrated with you because the message you're sending out is that, because icebreaker games are unpleasant and unnecessary for you, they must be the same for everyone else. You now know that's not the case. There are plenty of people who enjoy games at parties, just as there are plenty of people who don't. So next time you're at a party and the host pulls out Taboo (which I love, BTW), or Twister or whatever, find the people who are moving towards the edge of the room and make connections with them while everyone else plays. If no one else shares your dislike of games, hang back, leave the party, or put a smile on and stick your right foot on a red circle

LOL, Maybe I can get them to switch to strip poker.

[Bob250 74]

Actually , I would like to thank everybody for their opinions (whether you agree with me or not), and I will try not to spoil any ones games. All I can say is that if I'm ever invited to a party, and they play games, drink Budweiser, and have sushi with Nori, then the hostess better look like Mila Kunis and the sex better be spectacular.

[JAPrufrock 588]

LOL, Maybe I can get them to switch to strip poker.

That's actually not a bad idea, depending on how intimate the party is and how well you know everyone. If you find a game you DO like to play, you could always suggest that. I've never played poker, and don't know how, so strip poker wouldn't go very well for me!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

All I can say is that if I'm ever invited to a party, and they play games, drink Budweiser, and have sushi with Nori, then the hostess better look like Mila Kunis and the sex better be spectacular.

 

Some of our best swinger friends drink Bud Light. I don't judge them for it. Wait, that's a lie. Yes I do.

Either way, we still have very good sex with them.

[JAPrufrock 588]

Blech to Bud Light. I'm not a beer drinker, when I do drink it, I like Blue Moon. I prefer Strongbow and the like, as long as it's not too sweet.

 

Sorry for the thread-jack! Now back to your regularly scheduled discussion.

[Bob250 74]

That's actually not a bad idea, depending on how intimate the party is and how well you know everyone. If you find a game you DO like to play, you could always suggest that. I've never played poker, and don't know how, so strip poker wouldn't go very well for me!

Well, since the object of strip poker is to strip, it would seem like the perfect game for a swingers house party. Trouble is, what would I do with all of the clothes I would win. LOL

[Bob250 74]

Some of our best swinger friends drink Bud Light. I don't judge them for it. Wait, that's a lie. Yes I do.

Either way, we still have very good sex with them.

Bud is bad beer, so Bud diluted with water could only be worse.

[Bob250 74]

Blech to Bud Light. I'm not a beer drinker, when I do drink it, I like Blue Moon. I prefer Strongbow and the like, as long as it's not too sweet.

 

Sorry for the thread-jack! Now back to your regularly scheduled discussion.

Luckily, living so close to Michigan, I get to drink a lot of very good craft beers, when I do drink beer. But I'm primarily a port and whiskey man.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Actually, this thread is becoming like some of the parties I've attended. Me not wanting to play games, and posters trying to convince me it's fun. LOL What do you ALWAYS hear? "Come on and play....it'll be fun". I guess I'll never get the connection between playing games and sex. I understand the "ice breaking" aspect, but what I'm talking about is a house party where the purpose is to have sex, I'm not talking about parties, in general.

It's like NORI, the seaweed stuff they wrap Sushi in. I don't like it, I've tried it, many times, but I still don't like it. My GF and most of my friends like it, and I keep thinking that if I keep trying it, that maybe I will see what they see. But it's no use, I can't stand the stuff.

 

See Bob, here's the problem. You started this thread asking Why people would want to play games and what the point of them is. So, people replied with their opinions on the subject. They don't match yours and therefore you feel like we are trying to convince you to play games. No one is trying to change your mind or convince you to do anything they are just sharing their opinion. We could say the same thing "That Bob, he's trying to convince us that games suck and shouldn't be a part of any swinger party, now I feel like I'm being forced to not have games at my parties - especially if Bob is going to be there." See how that works?

 

The thing about forums is that people use them to share their opinions. If you don't like said opinions then you move onto the next post. Asking questions = Asking for opinions. If you don't want to hear other people's opinions then don't ask questions.

[Bob250 74]

Sorry, Julie, but I have never said to anybody that they could not play party games. What I stated was my personal opinion of them. Disagreement is not the same as condemnation. I wouldn't go to a party and pitch a bitch if somebody was playing them. I don't see the need, but can understand why others do. Those posters who voiced their opinions, I'm grateful to, those that condemn me for my opinion, I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I'm not out to kick over anybody's haystack.