Online security and swingers personals sites. Concerns?

[JAPrufrock 588]

So I logged into Facebook today and my news feed had blown up with all the mention of the Ashley Madison hack and the fact that the leaked data appears to be valid. I'm not going to lie, despite the fact that Mr. Prufrock and I don't have an account with AM, my stomach dropped thinking about it. We do have accounts on SLS and SZC.

 

When I read the articles, I was mostly upset for the broken families that are going to come from all this. Yeah, the parents messed up, but the kids are going to pay the price

 

I briefly thought about deleting our accounts, but I'm not sure that would do anything. Apparently, AM didn't delete user's information after accounts were deleted, I wonder how many sites follow suit.

 

So what about you guys? How do you all feel about online security and swinger's personals sites? Are you worried about your information? Will you close your accounts?

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Very timely subject, and one worthy of discussion.

 

The two concerns with the leak: 1. Being exposed. 2. Financial information compromised.

 

I'd say the only people that really need to worry about being exposed are celebrities, politicians, and others in the news. Looks like Josh Duggar is the first victim.

 

The potential for credit card exposure is the bigger concern in my opinion.

 

So, I'm not worried about the first, and we paid for a lifetime membership 10 years ago with a card that was cut up several years ago. So, for US, there really isn't any worry.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

In regards to swinger sites, I don't worry too awfully much. Our jobs could possibly be at risk, but we're not high profile people in the world. We have both met people from vanilla life, my husband has a colleague who is in the lifestyle with his wife. I am generally open if someone asks me directly so my closest friends and some people in my church know we're non-monogamous. I also feel strongly that what we are doing is not hurting anyone and is the right choice for us. I will stand up for that in an articulate way and I believe that decent people would respect that. If someone wants to embarrass or shun me for my ethical choices that is their problem and not mine.

 

Also, being on a site doesn't prove anything. You could always say it was just a game or a turn on. Their are thousands of profiles out there just lurking around, never meeting anyone.

 

As for Ashley Madison, a cheating website, I have seen facebook postings of people giddy with excitement that cheaters are getting their due. I totally disagree. We don't know their situation, maybe they are on the site with permission or even their spouse wanted them to be there (cuckold type thing)? Maybe they are cheating discreetly to keep things together for an incapacitated spouse? I used to see the world much more black and white, over time I realize that there are so many shades.

 

I agree that is is very tragic for families that are broken up by the release. My hope is that maybe they will get counseling and come to an agreement that is best for everyone and not just serve papers immediately.

[JAPrufrock 588]

As for Ashley Madison, a cheating website, I have seen facebook postings of people giddy with excitement that cheaters are getting their due. I totally disagree. We don't know their situation, maybe they are on the site with permission or even their spouse wanted them to be there (cuckold type thing)? Maybe they are cheating discreetly to keep things together for an incapacitated spouse? I used to see the world much more black and white, over time I realize that there are so many shades.

 

I agree that is is very tragic for families that are broken up by the release. My hope is that maybe they will get counseling and come to an agreement that is best for everyone and not just serve papers immediately.

 

I saw this too, and it saddened me. Don't get me wrong, I think the act of cheating is awful, but who am I to judge other people? I just kind of wish I could go to people who cheat and tell them to talk to one another. Some people cheat because that's just what they do, but I think that there are others who do it because their marriage is lacking something, mainly open communication. I didn't think it was possible to love Mr. Prufrock more than I did, then we started talking more and opening up, and a whole new level of love and respect bloomed. It makes me sad that other people don't have that.

 

I want to know why the hackers hacked and exposed the data in the first place? It just seems like a really crappy thing to do, IMHO, that behavior is way worse than the cheating.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I just kind of wish I could go to people who cheat and tell them to talk to one another. Some people cheat because that's just what they do, but I think that there are others who do it because their marriage is lacking something, mainly open communication.

 

Sometimes even open communication doesn't work to prevent cheating.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

No, nothing is going to change. Depending on what sort of data purge policy a site may have, then it's very likely too late, you are in the system and canceling now would just mean you have a canceled account that you paid for instead of an active account that you paid for, but you are likely still in their database. From the financial aspect, I've had my card compromised one time, and it was at a little well-established mom and pop eatery, the last place you would expect. No matter what you do or how careful you are, it can happen.

 

My opinion is this is just the story of the day type thing, and sex sells, so that's why it has blown up so big, but after a few instantly recognizable names get thrown out there in the next few days to help drive the story, the American two day attention span will kick in and interest will wane. For those few high profile names that do get thrown around, there is a ready response that I've already seen put forward. Think about it - the hackers have the database, how else would they have posted it? What else can you do with a database you have had possession of for more than a month? You can EDIT that database. There's all the plausible deniability anyone (and their attorneys and PR firm) high profile enough to matter needs, and once the celeb aspect is gone, the media will instantly lose interest. The whole thing quickly becomes so muddled that no one knows which way is up or what to believe, and that will be the end of it until the next big data breach comes along at Wal-mart, the IRS, or wherever.

 

Some enterprising web person is already putting the data into easily searchable form so they can launch a "Check Ashley Madison" website and rake in some traffic and money while the getting is good...now the database has passed through two hands, even more questionable as to it's accuracy. This will hang on for a while, but more as part of pop culture than anything I think.

 

As to why the hackers did it, from the way it sounded back when it first got started it was suspected to be an inside job. Your run of the mill disgruntled employee walking out the door with a thumb drive in his/her pocket and a plan. I don't know if that is still the current thinking, but at the beginning, that was the theory.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Ok we are on all the sites together so just who are they going to tell. Nice thing about the lifestyle is it's a joint activity nothing like cheating.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

Here is what I fail to understand. Ashley Maddison never was a good place to hide. Any divorce attorney could, presumably, and at any time, create a profile there and go hunting. Suspicious spouses could do the same.

[PB&J 1,086]

I have to admit to being delighted at Josh Duggar getting outed. After doing his best to prevent same sex marriage, and making money off a reality show which was all about "perfect" marriages, he deserves to get dragged in the mud for hypocrisy.

[MirianaNeko 16]

All I can say is ouch and is everyone here ok?

[MirianaNeko 16]

Ok we are on all the sites together so just who are they going to tell. Nice thing about the lifestyle is it's a joint activity noting like cheating.

 

agreed