What advice do you have for newbies going to a swingers club for the first time?

[TNT 1,155]

Don't be afraid! Seriously, we attended our local social last night, and it came to me while sitting there holding two beautiful women on my lap that the people we party with are truly other than my brother the best friends I have. One of the women attends as a single when her husband has to work and requests that Teresa and I escort her as they don't play alone. The level of trust in us that this implies touches me, but even more lets me know that my behavior is correct. For us the clubs are just a meeting place with like minded friends( insert theme from Cheers here) and one of our ambitions is to operate a club. Many of the people who come as newbies are unsure what to expect when attending a club or social. Here goes:

 

1. We recommend an off premise club for your first experiences. Besides being much easier to find, they offer a no pressure environment as no sex is allowed, only good conversation and sexy dancing.

 

2. The people there will not jump you when you come in the door.

Most clubs offer an orientation meeting for first timers and will offer to introduce you around, but if your wish is to sit and observe you can do that too.

 

3. One of the most common complaints about any club is the "cliques". We have never had that problem, but we TALK to the regulars at a new club. Understand that many of these people are old friends and perhaps intimates. Introduce yourself and become part of the clique.

 

4. No expectations. On your first visits go with no plans to have sex with any one but your SO. Some people are disappointed when their fantasies are not immediately fulfilled, but hey, you should just have had a good night. Go home and make mad passionate love together while whispering about which of the people you met would be fun to fulfill those fantasies with.

 

5. Use the people you meet as a sounding board much like this forum. We have spent many nights at a table with a newbie couple just answering questions and giving them the benefit of our experience. We have the tshirt from most experiences and hell, if you talk to the newbies, when they are ready you usually get picked for that first time because you made them feel comfortable.

[naughty A 23]

What is the best time to arrive at a club? Early, soon after they open the doors? or after there are already a fair number of people there?

 

Early is better because it gives you the opportunity to talk to people in smaller groups.

 

What is the right size for a club? i.e. number of people in attendance or is that also more a personal preference?

Smaller - 30 couples. It is less likely that you will meet someone you hit it off with perfectly but you will get to know all of them fairly well.

[TNT 1,155]

Getting there early is always good, allows time to talk before the crowd arrives and the music goes up.

 

We too probably prefer the smaller crowds, however at a larger function if we know several people we just form our own small party within a party. Teresa is a social butterfly and will usually circulate through the crowd greeting old friends and meeting the new ones. I normally entertain our core crowd. I have found my most effective attention getter is wearing a tie, as many of the lovely ladies just want to take it off. I also dance (poorly), but the willingness to dance usually results in my receiving the attentions of several ladies again. Men that don't dance are my best allies.

[geeman 15]

We went to an on-premise club for the first time, and I'm glad we did. We didn't play with anyone that first time, but it gave us a chance to see other people playing and made us feel more comfortable about it. In the beginning we would have felt uncomfortable meeting a couple at an off-premises club and going somewhere else for the sex.

 

I would suggest starting on a couples-only night, as sometimes the single males can be overwhelming.

[Guest screaminggood]

Saturdays are definitely more crowded. Depends on the clubs, but in ours, singles are allowed in on Fridays.

[twoforone100 45]

All good advice. We would also say if you have met a couple who goes to said club it helps as well. A few introductions goes a long way.

 

Email the club for what to wear.

 

Other than that just go and have a good time. Know that everyone there was just like you at some point.

 

Most will talk with you. Some won't just like everyday life.

[bendmeovernow 17]

I was overly body shy when we started out. We started at an on premise club and have gone there as our club home for 3 yrs now. The trick is to talk to the hosts. Talk to the people there that are core (regulars). They will give you sooo much info it's crazy.

 

Call a few clubs and ask them about your concerns. Ask them what most wear. Most are a casual but kinda dressy for the guys and something sexy or comfy for the ladies. At our club home we see people in slacks and polo shirts to shirts and ties. The ladies I've seen from the little black dresses to a skirt and sexy top. And after hours a knitted mini and bra.

 

The best advice is to just go on a slower night. Depends on the place but Friday is usually slower and just go to have fun. Don't worry about finding someone. Just go to get out of the house and have some fun. (Fun not always being sex.)

 

There is one cpl at our club that goes for the boobs. They like to see boobs and that's it. They go out there and look at boobs and suck a few willing ones and go home and fuck each other.

 

Find a club that is your body type of a mix of them that way if you're body shy you know your not the biggest or smallest person there. That's a BIG help for those like me.

 

If you have someone that is more pushy and you have tried to get rid of them, talk to the host or one of the core people there. They will help out and if it continues they throw them out. We have sooo many people that we go to a club they had issues at and I've asked them who they told this to and they say, "Ohhh, we didn't say anything We didn't want to rock the boat and all that." Do you know that many issues can be resolved and all will be happy if you just say, "Hey, this person is bugging me." Soooo PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH A PERSON AT A CLUB TELL SOMEONE THAT'S WORKING THERE OR THE HOST.

 

Think of it this way, you do met a guy upstairs that you 'gave into' and he starts getting out of hand and you don't want to continue and someone does help you out of the issue. Now you're safe and later you find out that someone had the same problem earlier with the same guy. That could have been prevented if the first person said, "Hey, that guy's a creep and needs to be tossed out."

 

And the last thing I guess would be make sure your on the same page as your spouse or date so that you don't go find them in bed with someone if you didn't agree to that. Make sure that you tell or ask the other if it's okay for you to go upstairs with this person or if your playing as a couple and what you can and can't do with someone else.

[bendmeovernow 17]

Also, when we went, we agreed that I'd not get pissy and uptight and worry about anything. So I put myself in a state of mind that I was a sexy momma and that I wasn't as shy as I really was. For us, it was a surprise visit. I told him he could call the club and he made sure to tell them we'd be out there that Friday nigh, much to my shock. But I guess he knew me well. I did have fun and I soooo enjoy how I am today than back then. As he said that night, leave the worries and drama at the door. Just go to have fun and not worry about it.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I thought this was an awesome post for newbie swingers who are planning on going to a swingers club for the first time.

 

I would add letting the hosts know it's your first time and asking for a tour of the facilities. Also, I would recommend just going and checking out the atmosphere and taking note of the different body shapes that everyone has if you are concerned about that attractiveness of your body.

[Guest sandraandalex]

Here's what worked for us: 1. No matter what happened: no crime, no foul. We went to experience the environment, if a mistake happened, it was due to ignorance or the moment in time, not malevolent intent. 2. Hey, we might just be playing with people we just met. 3. If we woke up the next morning with regrets, it was a interesting thing we tried that didn't work out. It in no way defined who we are, our relationship, marriage or future. 4. Be open to the idea that you just might have a great time. Oh ? What happened for us ? We met a great couple and fucked ourselves stupid.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

What happens in the club stays in the club.

[kikonkrome 844]

For god sakes smile and be friendly. It's a real doggy downer when there is some couple siting in the corner with grim faces on.

 

Talk to as many people as possible. You just might learn something. And do yourself a favor, shut up and listen to the people that are there. I find it fascinating for about five minutes listening to your non-existant swinger story, but if you want to learn from people and engage them you need to listen to them.

[MarniJohn 172]

I think you should plan to arrive early, find a place to sit so you can observe. The "cliques" are usually the regulars and can be very friendly to newcomers. When you approach the bar for a drink, smile at the couples at the bar. If you're a woman try smiling to the woman, same for the men, that way it won't look like you're simply hitting on someone. Try to strike up a conversation with people. Be friendly and be open. If you meet couples, chances are they will be there the next time you go and you will have someone to say hello to!

[JennyB904 21]

Are there any good clubs in CT?

[Mr&Mrslemonhead 15]

Did you get a response to this, and if so any suggestions?

[Only4Fun85 6]

My simple advice is don’t be nervous or reserved to spark conversation with anyone that peeks your interest. Also, you’ll have a better chance of a connection with people sitting alone and not in a group. We recently met the perfect couple just by sitting next to them by the pool. We hit it off, had an awesome time with them, and stayed in touch. We just booked a weekend in October with them at another club.