Wife wants to experiment with a woman

[averagejoe1534 20]

A little background, we're new to the forum (actually it's only Mr. Joe right now). Married 12 years and recently experienced a sexual awakening. She's 37 and I'm 36. The sex was always there, but dare I say vanilla. Though I know she's always been gorgeous, she started to work out a bit the past year and feels much better about her body and boy does she have a WILD side. We've done things I never considered we would ever attempt. Perhaps not as wild as some I'm sure. We've been talking about our sex lives more and recently confided that she's interested to be with a woman. Perhaps it's only a fantasy, but that got me to think maybe she would actually be interested to let this play out. But how to do it? Can I keep making suggestions about it? If it's only a fantasy, I don't want her think it's for me. I'm not even sure I could please two women! Why else do it, right?!

 

I'm not experienced in the lifestyle either and have concerns like most people about privacy, STD's, jealousy, etc... I don't really know the ins and outs (pun intended) of planting this seed. Are there chat rooms available? Would anyone suggest posting a profile (with her permission) to meet? I think we would be into doing things on a cam with a female or another couple. Any particular video chatting apps better than others? FaceTime? I'm doing my research and want to bring her in on it once I know she would want to do it for real. I apologize for being all over the place. I am new here and I'm sure to get the hang of it after a little while! TIA!

 

Joe

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Working together to come up with and post an online profile never hurts, and even if you find out the online swinging thing isn't for you, I still think it's a good process for couples to go through. Writing it down in a profile helps you narrow down and perfect your rules and boundaries, what you are looking for, and so on. New profiles usually get plenty of attention too, and that evaluating contacts process is also good practice for when you need to do it face to face and not just online.

 

The best thing though I think is to do some research and try to find a good club. Clubs have everything there all in one place, and you can do as little or as much as you like. Just being at the club and around swingers in person will help you pick up on the vibe and how things work. Clubs are also the most direct route to finding girl-girl play too, so if that is the driving interest, then that makes a club visit an even better idea.

 

All clubs are different, and each has its own feel and crowd. Even different days of the week at the same club can be different. A Saturday is usually best I think, that's when the crowd is at its peak and Saturdays are usually geared more toward couples.

 

I know some people have used camming as a way to get into swinging, but we don't have any experience with it, so I'll let someone else answer that part of the question.

[JAPrufrock 588]

I would keep opening up the communication. Talk about anything and everything, even if it isn't sexual. The closer you two are, the more open you two are with your innermost fears, desires, and secrets, the easier talking about swinging will come. A few folks on here started watching a swinging show (I think it's Swing on playboy? I've never seen it so I couldn't tell you) and that helped open up their discussions on swinging.

 

If you've already brought up swinging to her, how did she react? Did she immediately say "no way!"? Did she contemplate it? Based on her reactions you could consider asking her to set up a profile on one of the online sites (like SLS) Be sure to set it up together, that's half the fun! You get to talk about what it is you're both looking for. What excites you, what turns you off, rules you want set. There are a bunch of threads on here about how to figure out rules, etc... Whatever you do, DON'T set up a profile behind her back.

 

Then, get together and take fun pictures of BOTH of you, and put them up. Make sure to hide your faces if you don't want face pics up online. You'll have better luck with your profile if you have pics up. Make sure to have at least one face pic you like so you can send it to couples who you're interested in.

 

Is it only another woman you want to bring in? If you're worried about her thinking it's only something you want, you may consider seeing how she feels about a MFM, or just trying out a couple swap, if that's something you're interested in too. That may help alleviate the "it's all for you" jitters she may have.

 

Like Cplnuswing, I've never cammed so I can't give you any advice on that.

[averagejoe1534 20]

Thank you to both of you. I considered clubs, I'm nervous about the pressure to participate. I suppose if we're up front about it, it won't be a problem. I also considered strip clubs. But that could be costly and doesn't provide privacy/anonymity.

 

She brought up the thought of women after I told her I once had a MM encounter in college. It turns out it wasn't completely what I wanted, but it was hot to play. Part of our sexual awakening has been anal play with her. She can't get enough! So occasionally I started entering and using a thumb and that drives her wild! So I've mentioned about a MFM and she doesn't seem receptive. But this is before any talk of swinging has happened (remember, I'm doing my research still). She still is self conscious about how her body looks after several children.

 

I guess I don't know where I'm going with this. I think I need to take my time and discuss this a lot more. Maybe it is just a fantasy, which I'm fine with. I only want to make her feel comfortable, maybe this will take a lot longer than I think. No need to rush I guess. Plus I think any more research needs to include Mrs Joe.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Hello again, averagejoe1534!

 

The Mrs. and I are fans of meeting people through online lifestyle sites like SLS (swinglifestyle.com) or APG (altplayground.net). We find it much harder to meet and talk to strangers "cold" at a swingers club. But there seem to be lots of people here who swear by the club experience! We do enjoy clubs a lot, but the way we have the best time is by going on a "date" with another couple. But I say, what the hell, give it a try and see if it works for you!

 

If you are considering a club, here are a couple of things to put your mind at ease about it. First thing to know is that, at least in our experience, you will not feel pressured to play! Part of the ethic of the lifestyle is that "no" means "no"! And the clubs we have been to enforce this rule with gusto. If they find that somebody is acting out of line, the offender is ejected immediately. People take this seriously! That said, it certainly is possible that you'll meet some nice people, chat for a while, and if they feel like you all are hitting it off, they may ask if you'd like to join them in a playroom. You should feel absolutely free to politely decline, and they will most likely understand completely, since you two are new to all this. If you're feeling adventurous, you could suggest that you will be happy to join them in the room, but just for playing in the same room without any touching between the couples. Another way to enjoy the club is to meet and talk with some of the interesting people, take in the sexy vibe, do a little dirty dancing if you guys are into that, and then you and Mrs. Joe can go into a playroom to have some fun together! Most of the clubs we have attended have intentionally bad soundproofing between the rooms, allowing you to hear all the sexy sounds coming from the other rooms- this is a huge turn-on! One detail about the playrooms: if you leave the playroom door open when you go in, that is a sign that you're looking for company! If you want to remain us disturbed in the playroom, simply close the door.

 

Strip clubs might also be a fun place to start out your adventure with Mrs. Joe. It seems like the dancers LOVE to give lap dances to the women who come in!

 

Just a note about expenses. Many clubs charge a membership fee, as well as an entry fee per night. I have a feeling that a cover charge at a strip club, plus a lap dance or two, might actually run you about the same as (or less than) a membership plus an entry fee at a club.

 

I hope you two have fun together, whatever you decide to do!

[averagejoe1534 20]

Thanks Couple. I'm sure these responses are common. Sometimes it's hard to find an existing thread that's almost exactly our situation. I'm glad everyone here has been nice so far with responses even if it's redundant.

 

That being said, great point on the price comparison. I understand about the membership/door fees. I'm also sure at strip clubs, women may get in free or significantly discounted. I'm no regular there, but I've heard the same things about dances with women. Could be fun :-)

 

I've also heard many lifestyle clubs are strict about the "not interested" rule so I'm no longer concerned about that. I'm sure the answer varies by the couple, but what is the etiquette when being asked to play with another couple? I guess, what I'm asking is what if the Mrs isn't hitting it off with Mr Couple, but I'm interested in Mrs Couple? Hypothetically, of course I'm sure we'd fall back on our individual couple rules. Ever run into that or similar situation?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Don't worry at all about asking any questions here. Every question is just a little bit different since every situation or every person doing the asking is just a little bit different, so we can always all learn from it even if the topic in general has been brought up before.

 

Yes, swing clubs aren't cheap. Strip clubs could be a fun way to start to expand your horizons together, and not saying you couldn't build on that toward swinging, but remember, at a strip club you are buying what you are getting. Yes, the dancer may think it's more fun when one type of person buys something versus another type of person buying the same thing, but either way, you're buying it, so the dynamic is just different no matter how good of an act she puts on.

 

Swinger etiquette is to just be polite. A simple "We appreciate the invitation, but we're new and still deciding on our limits" would be fine. Too, most swingers are really good at reading body language and picking up the signals people are putting off, so if you aren't interested in playing, most people will probably have picked up on that before the time comes when they normally might extend an invite.

[averagejoe1534 20]

Thank you all. I actually spoke to Mrs. Joe today about the forum. Taking it slow, but I think tonight or soon we're going to re-emerge on here as a couple and see where it takes us! I don't think there's a way to update this current user name, so it'll have to be something different I suppose. I plan on showing her the previous posts and advice from all you great people!

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

That's great, averagejoe! We're looking forward to hearing from both of you!

 

There's no question that a four-way match is much easier to find than a two-way match. Now, in your scenario, where you've got some sparks with Ms. Couple but your wife isn't feeling it with Mr. Couple (of course, I know you don't mean ME!), this can be a tricky one. If that happened, would you want to play with Mrs. Couple on your own? I would categorize that kind of thing as more of an "advanced swinging" scenario, just because the potential for hurt feelings (Mr. Couple's and, more importantly, your wife's) seems greater. I would personally advise against pursuing that kind of situation at this point, until you both have proven to yourselves and each other that you are very comfortable with the other playing, and are unlikely to feel left out or resentful if one of you gets to play while the other one doesn't.

 

Also (and others might pipe up with their experience on this), I feel like in a scenario in which a couple is mingling and talking to people together as a pair, they probably expect to play together as well. It seems like it would be VERY awkward to talk to a new couple for a while, then ask only one of them to go to a playroom. That said, I am NOT advocating that your wife play with Mr. Couple, just to keep things polite. Much better to simply skip playing with them altogether.

 

See you on the board as a bona fide couple soon!

[averagejoe1534 20]

Thanks CoupleInMD, of course I don't mean you. I like your advice though, it makes logical sense. Rules are rules. The whole point of this is to do this together, at least for us. I don't know where this is leading. Likely nowhere, but again I can't say enough thanks to those that have been actively responding to my questions the last few days. As for the 4-way match, that's up to Ms. Joe. I have suggested the MFM in the past. I want her to be happy. I'm sure I'd be happy in most situations as long as I'm a part of the process. She's even mentioned how hot it gets her to see me flirting with another woman. I think that's the hint that made me explore this site. Stay tuned I guess!

[cplnluv1 874]

We were that couple looking for a woman to join us. My wife had been with women before we were married. It was me who suggested. No luck finding a F. We went the couple route with the stipulation of girl play. Ended up swinging by mutual wants. We realized there are others like us so we now meet new couples with no pressure. I think meeting someone online works if you use caution. Also plenty fakes and flakes there. If you find someone make sure everyone knows the ground rules. First make sure your wife really really wants to do this

[JessicaJamison 864]

So If it is just a fantasy right now I, personally, wouldn't want to be pushed into it by my husband, I would want to make those decisions myself.  I would just let her know that you want her to be fulfilled, and that includes sexually, so if the opportunity to experiment with a woman ever arose you would hope she knows you want her to take it and experience her fantasy on her terms. And that you will always love her and be there for her no matter what.  After that it is in her hands to decide.