How did you feel at The moment of truth.

[BandC 15]

Hi, this is my first post here.

 

This past weekend, after I had be perusing this site for a few days I decided to find out how my fiancee felt about the idea of swinging. I was a little apprehensive about bringing it up because I had kind of hinted at it before and she had given signals that she wasn't into it, but I felt like she was just too shy to admit that she had any thoughts of that kind and it turned out I was right. She admitted to me that the idea of having two guys at once really turned her on. It's very exciting to know that she is even considering the possiblility of trying it at some point. She also acknowledged that there is a flip side to me allowing her to have sex with another man which is me having sex with another woman. I think I will have to let her have the man first, which I'm willing to do if we ever get to the point of actually doing this.

 

It's such a strange place to be in right now. I love my fiancee more than anything in the world and I am seriously considering letting someone else have sex with her. I asked her if she could have sex with someone else and still love me and she said yes, and I believe her because she is a (naughty) angel and would never lie to me, and I know that no matter what kind of physical contact I may ever have with another woman that nobody else is my Angel and I'll love her forever. That's what I call her, my Angel.

 

I think it would be very arousing to see her have sex with someone else, but I keep wondering if I'm going to feel like I've lost something special if I let someone else touch her. She was a virgin when she met me, and I very nearly was ( I had one sorry little encounter before I met her that I wish had never happened, but that is a whole 'nother story). Did any of you guys out there feel like that the first time you saw your wife penetrated by another man? I know communication is key, and we have great communication so nothing is going to happen unless we are both comfortable with it, but you never really know what you are going to do at the moment of truth until it happens. I'd really like to hear how other guys felt at that moment. I'd like to hear what the girls have to say too actually.

 

Thanks for reading my long post,

 

B

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Hi BandC and Welcome to the Board.

 

First, I'm a female, but you last line said "girls" too! Right off the bat, I think that it is great that you are giving this some serious thought before just jumping right in. Whatever decision you end up with will be the best for the two of you if you approach the idea with reason and caution and "information."

 

I don't know enough about ya'll to give any real opinions, but I want to throw out a few things for you to consider.

 

Communication...you addressed that...but you also mentioned that ya'll are not married yet. Certainly, unmarried people can have just as good communication as those that have been married for many years, but on the surface, I tend to feel that couples that have been together for a long time have had the opportunity to "explore" themselves fully and to really "know" each other - all parts of the communication thing.

 

She admitted...be certain, 100% certain, this is something she is really interested in and she isn't just giving you lip service...thinking that the idea will go away. This kind of goes back to the communication thing. Sometimes we see that women agree to swinging when in reality they don't really have any desire to do so. That being said, there are many women that really enjoy it, and many were the initiators!

 

This statement concerned me a little...

 

"I think it would be very arousing to see her have sex with someone else, but I keep wondering if I'm going to feel like I've lost something special if I let someone else touch her."

 

...but I would imagine it is something many go through. Before going further, I would suggest you get your own feelings about this firmly established.

 

As a suggestion, ya'll may want to consider same room sex with another couple before actually involving a single male or actual swapping of partners. That might give you some good avenues of thought and open the communication doors even wider. Just kind of build up to it more gradually before going all out.

 

You will get all kinds of answers...and that is the good thing about this board...lots of different views. But certainly, don't hesitate to ask questions as they come to you...and we all wish you the best! - EBF

[Alura 2,775]

Welcome to the SwingersBoard, Band C! We're glad you joined us and wish you the best experiences in whatever y'all do.

 

We'd suggest y'all not get in a hurry. Learn a lot from the archives on this board, from questions asked of current members and, most of all, from each other.

 

Let things develop naturally and keep your communication with each other. It's your most important asset.

 

Alura

[biblonde 22]

Welcome

 

Hi i am the she half...Make sure you talk ALOT about any kinda swing before you jump into it. May i suggest a couple to start with. I also agree same room sex to start with to see how you feel about even haveing someone else with you guys. We have been together 21 years and i was to shy to admit that i wanted to try it but once we started talking about it i opened up and told him what i wanted. But we talked months before we ever did anything. We looked on sites (i wish i found this one earlier) We asked alot of questions of each other, And set strict ground rules to start. Once we started our search we talked with the couple for a couple months meeting them for dinner and makeing sure we were comfy with them.

Another good thing to do is go out and watch guys flirting with her and visa versa...does it make ya jelous??? Imagine what if they were with her...how does that make you feel?? In this lifestyle jelousy doesnt work.

 

And My husbands opinion of watching me with another man (and no at first he wasnt real sure that he would enjoy haveing another man with his wife) He Thought it was so sexy and said he got to see just how sexy i was while having sex. It was a major turn on for him to watch me. And i love watching him!! We know that the people we are with are just "playmates" and friends. Niether of us feel threatenend or jelous. We have a strict ground rule that we never push....If anyone involved is uncomfy with anything at anytime they can stop what is going on or stop all of it without any hard feelings. So if one of us decided we just dont like what we are doing or who we are with it stops and we go. We always let the other couple know this and they have the option as well. This is a game of fun and we dont want anyones feelings hurt or someone not comfy!

hope this helps a little

that is my 2 cents for today.....s

[fun_pairTX 26]

Talk a LOT, try and envision every possible scenario, then talk some more. When you both feel comfortable go ahead and get your feet wet. Just remember there are no guarantees once the drawers hit the floor. Reactions are not predictable. Mrs Fun and I have a rule that anyone can say stop at any time no questions asked. This really has assuaged any of our trepidations. We went from zero to full swap without any real problems.

[BandC 15]

Thanks all for the replies.

 

I should probably clarify something. We are engaged to be married but that doesn't mean we haven't been together long. We have been together for over three years and engaged for about one and a half years. The only reason we are not married is that we don't make much money and we want to have a nice wedding and not just go down to the courthouse and get hitched. I just wanted to mention this so that you didn't think we are a couple who barely know each other yet.

 

I don't think it would be possible to be emotionally closer to someone than I am with C. That's why I am pretty sure she isn't just telling me what she thinks I want to hear. The concept of letting her have sex with another person is not a new one, it's just that before the fantasy was exclusively me watching her with another woman which she is seriously into. I don't really have any reservations about her playing with a girl, which seems to be pretty common among us guys. I guess it's almost a double standard to be all rah-rah about her being with a girl and scared about her being with a guy, but it's probably because I don't see other girls as potential rivals for her love and of course there is the whole feeling of possessiveness (it's just a gut feeling, I know I don't own her). That's the thing though, those are just knee-jerk feelings. I know intellectually that she is probably capable of having sex with anyone else and will always come back to me.

 

Anyway, don't worry guys we are not going to rush out this weekend and try to get it on with someone. I know she and I will be doing much more talking about it before anything gets even close to happening. The talking about it is half the fun, it's exciting to talk about something new like this with her.

 

B

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Hi again, B and C...it seems that all of us add our 0.02¢ and the end result is more details coming out. Ain't that just life!

 

The really great thing I see here is that you are giving serious and realistic thought to this entire thing...and nothing can beat that. I saw that in your first post, and I guess I should have commented on it. Hang around, and keep asking questions...that's the best way in the world to figure out what will best suit the two of you.

 

Take care!! - EBF

[biblonde 22]

I am glad to hear you arent in a hurry. And yes talking about it is half the fun. I think you are going into this with your eyes open!! I know what worked for us was fantasizing in our minds to help get used to the idea of seeing our spouses with another. The real thing is different but this help. The first time is a little wierd but hopefully in a good way. We are taught to have only one partner for life so this lifestyle kinda goes against that and you get those strange little thoughts. we have found that playing has made us even closer than we were and has added a touch of excitement to our sex life..althought that was always a great thing!! We feel more open about talking about things we want to share, We look at woman and discuss them as well as men now. And that is a major turn on to both. We love watching others flirt with us and knowing that we will be going home together. We both know the other is our one and only and that we will never leave each other over this. So i wish you the best of luck and if you decide to swing enjoy! if you decide not to at least you know you can discuss your fantasies and be comfy. You dont have to live out every fantasy...

 

s

[BandC 15]

Thanks for all the kind words and advice EBF and biblonde. You guys are really nice.

 

Too bad you guys aren't close by, I'm sure C would like to get to know you.

 

Part of the thing that was so cool and makes me excited is that when she indicated she was receptive to the idea of swinging it gave me a glimpse of a wantonly sexual side of her that doesn't come out as often as I'd like. She's extremely sexy when she lets it all out. It would be interesting to see how she acts with other people because she really is quite shy with people she doesn't know. It would be nice to see her break out of her shell a little.

 

B

[biblonde 22]

LOL you sound like my hubby...He loves me getting attention. and he says it brings out the "real" me. And i have learned to let the real me come out more often. He enjoys it when i am felling sexy!!

 

You have taken the first step and it seems as though she is interested so contune to chatt with her about it and ya never know !!! I told my hubby no for 20 years about having someone play with us. He never pushed the issue though. He was totally shocked when i admitted that all along i would like to be with a woman and find out what it was like to be with another man...he was my first and only. And as for feelings afterwards with me and i think him to there was no doubt how we felt about each other. Niether of us felt any less tward each other it actually made us close and desire each other even more. I always worried that he would think less of me or desire me less but it was just the opposite. He says it turned him on to watch me. At first he was doubtfull he would enjoy seeing me with another man. but as it turned out he says that i looked so sexy having sex that he got even more aroused so??? ya never know. everyone is different. It is real important that you spend alot of time talking about your feelings and setting ground rules. cover all the basis in your ground rules from kissing to flirting and such. What you think you can handle or not handle. The rules can change as you are more comfy and make sure whoever you play with ( if you decide this is for you) knows all your ground rules and dont let them push you into anything that you dont want. You always have the right to say NO or leave. Your mate is more important than they are. If you keep that in mind you will enjoy.

 

s:claps:

[BandC 15]

Sounds like good advice biblonde and we will be sure to use it. I searched and found a thread about how much most of the guys seem to enjoy seing her with another guy and the more I read about it the less wierd I feel about it because I know that lots of other guys feel the same way. Like everyone else said, it would be very sexy just to see what her having sex looks like from the "outside" so to speak. I think it's just all about finding someone we can be comfortable with. I think if she really wants this then it it pretty inevitable that it will happen. We only get one try at life and I'd hate to not know what this is like. Man I'm such a perv!

[biblonde 22]

Naw you arent a perv!!!!! I think most of us in the world would love to live this lifestyle but are to afraid or not confident enough in themselves to try. And as the she part ....i love watching him and knowing he is getting her off...some strange part of me gets off on the idea that he is doing that and that she enjoys him. At first it is a little on the wierd side to watch you can get all sorts of feelings going on but hopefully they are good ones. Watching and knowing she is in love with you is the most important part. I also love watching the girls flirt with him and he enjoys me getting attention. It is all good. And never forget it is all a learning process...find out what makes you both happy and go from there...the options are endless!!!

 

s

[BandC 15]

Thanks for the encouragement. I can't wait 'til the weekend so I can talk to her about this some more. We never get to see each other during the week because of our work schedules. It sucks.

 

I really like this board. Almost everybody on it seems mature and friendly. I hope I can meet some people like that around here.

[Konehead 15]

I am by no means an expert, however we found same room sex with another couple to be a fantastic way to break the ice. We are fairly new at this and this is how we got introduced to The Lifestyle.

 

I think this is most arousing if you and your partner stay as close to the other couple as possible. This makes it so you will be able to look into each others eyes and look into the other couples eyes with a slight turn of the head. It creates a very intimate setting and it isnt too extream for new couples.

 

Anyway, there is my $.02 .

 

Good luck, and have fun.

[OhioCouple 41]

Off topic here for a moment...

 

Konehead,

 

I just love your signature lines.

[Konehead 15]

Thank you very much.

[Houmacpl 15]

I would add my own thought :P

 

Invite her to do some reading on her own, in addition to what you talk about. She may come across things you didn't mention, and be able to better judge how she would react to certain situations. Maybe find someone (anyone on this site) that you can discuss certain aspects with, maybe people close to your own age group, to get a closer point of view.

 

C

[BandC 15]

I haven't been looking at this board much because I've been letting my feelings sort themselves out and letting C roll the ideas over in her mind without me putting any kind of pressure on her. It was a pleasant suprise to come home from work on Friday night and see that the swingersboard was at the top of the website history on my browser and knowing that I wasn't the one who put it there! I proceed to talk to C about it and find out that she has been thinking about the idea alot since I brought it up with her and she decided to check out this site on her own. If anything she seems even more excited about it than I am and I'm pretty excited about it. We spent a large part of the weekend just talking to each other about what's exciting about the idea and what our fears are and it's just reinforced my belief that we are as close emotionally as two people can possibly be. I don't know when or if we will ever actually attempt to make these fantasies reality, but just knowing that we can talk to each other about ANYTHING and not have to worry that the other is going to get mad makes the whole thing worthwhile. I have a feeling it will happen though. She seems to want it VERY badly. That woman is a firecracker I tell you.

 

She's also pretty shy at the same time which is probably why she hasn't posted anything herself.

 

B

[yawanna 17]

BandC.... you two sound just absolutely lovely and a great couple from your postings

 

My husband and I met when we were both participating in swinging as singles. He was one of those rare but treasured 'good single guys'. He was pretty much dabbling while I had been involved for a number of years. We had one couple in common, just friends for him. We got to know each other outside of swinging but quickly learned we each were involved in swinging lol.

 

While we were dating, I got a call one night from swinger friends inviting us to a small private house party. I asked him if he'd like to go, he said sure, so off we went.

 

It was our first time together in a swinging venue. From that night on we knew we'd be okay together in swinging. You are right BandC....it's one thing to talk about it, it's quite another to have it actually happen and to gauge your own reactions and emotions. Just be there for each other, don't wander off or anything and talk about it after. You'll know if this is something you can do, and how.

 

[MrYaWanna 15]

Well I normally just read over YaWanna's shoulder but the first post in this thread called out to me. As my lovely Mrs already said, talking about it and doing it are two completely different things. That first house party we went to was true test for me. It all made sense in my head, and in our conversations, but now we were going to go through with it. I'll never forget that experience. I actually stopped what I was doing so I could watch my Love do it with another man, then another. Tell you what, it was great!! I was so happy that my brain and heart were on the same page. Afterwards we talked it all over, every detail. Communication!! Ever since I have known that this is right for us. I know who she will coming home with, I know where her heart is and I know swinging is a bonus for us. If we never did it again it would be no loss to our relationship. But the fact that we know we can do it and have fun with it gives us another option.

 

As other posters have said, talk it all over...then talk it all over again. Recognize that it may not work for you and you won't beat each other up over it if it doesn't. You won't really know till you try.

 

Have fun and be good to each other.

[hfire269 16]

Welcome!

Heres a thought. Smething that you may want to try is choose something that you and her cant not do to any one else. Like french kissing or something along that line and make it so that you ONLY do that with each other then you will always have a "SPECIAL" thing to do:-) when your in each others arms. That why you will not have lost that something special that you see in her:-) Godd luck and remember move though this only as fast as everyone is comfortable with.

Hfire269(female half)

[MCityCpl 15]

You sound an awful lot like my wife and I when we first started out. If you, by some miracle of god, didn't figure it out; communication is the biggest must. Not just after trying it out, but before (which is definately more important). To date, we've just been soft, but are definately open to going full swap once we meet a couple that we feel comfortable enough with. The first time you see her with another girl is obviously an instant classic memory etched into the back of your head like a cave drawing. BUT, the first time you see her even fool around with another guy, like you said, it's a different story.I, for one of many here, find it SUCH an immense turn on to watch her getting pleasured, and also pleasuring him. To me, at least, it's kind of like watching her in a porno, only MUCH better. Even though we don't have sex with other couples (yet), we have mind blowing sex when we get home from a club, just thinking about watching each other.

 

You are definately making the right steps, and great decsisons. Keep us updated on how things go, better or worse. When in doubt, TALK.

[BandC 15]

Thanks for the encouragement and advice everyone.

 

Funny you should mentions the kissing hfire, as this is the thing that has blown me away most. I was thinking along the same lines you are, about keeping that between C and I as something special, but C really surprised me in alot of ways over the weekend, and one of them was she really wanted to see me kissing other girls (along with doing everything else imaginable with them). Now, believe me, I am not complaining about this in the slightest, but the intensity of her desire for this has kind of stunned me. Her enthusiasm for the idea has grown several times over what I ever expected it to be, so much so that it's almost scary. I know she's going to be reading this and I hope she doesn't take that in the wrong way. It's just that her having such an intense desire to see me with other women was totally unexpected and it's really amazing because I know she is sincere. Do any of you other gals have feelings like that? Does the idea of watching your man with other girls drive you crazy? I expected that to be the thing she'd be most reluctant about.

 

It's kind of funny. I'm the one who brought the subject up to begin with and now I feel kind of like the "conservative" one. I guess her intense enthusiam has forced me to look at my fears all that much more closely because the possibility of it actually happening has increased greatly. Having read how so many guys find watching their loved one getting pleasure from another man so arousing, I'm pretty sure I would to, but part of me still finds the idea very "scary". The fact that C seems to want to throw me at any woman I find attractive makes me feel almost like some sort of prude for having those scary feelings. Part of me wants to see her do it with another guy just so I will actually KNOW how I'll feel about it, instead of just wondering and worrying about it. I guess after her being so adamant about be being with other women I kind of feel selfish for having any reservations at all. I really do feel in my heart that I want to let her do it though.

 

I think I'll stop here before this post gets even more rambly than it already is.

 

Looking forward to your responses,

 

B

[troufault 15]

Your fiancee C sounds a normal girl. It seems reasonable that since she has never experienced another man she is curious and is trying to persuade you to take the plunge so she can find out.

She reminds me very much of a wife I met once, married for three years, who was a virgin on marrying and who had married a virgin. She was the keener to swing.

I suggest you take it in stages. First take it in turns to tell each other a fantasy, both of you trying to outdo the last story. In this way you will both be better able to make a proper assessment of the other's commitment. Next, as already suggested, do some soft swinging two or three times.

And it is so important to set up well-understood (between you) signals so that you know how the other is feeling at any time and to make a solemn promise to take due notice if one of the signals is displayed.

Take it easy. Don't rush. Set yourselves a mutually agreed time horizon before you start properly.

[BandC 15]

Well, since my last post I think we've definitely been through the first stage you mentioned. We had a couple nights where we missed quite a bit of sleep because we were busy exchanging fantasies and then having VERY hot sex. C has taken this fantasy and really made it her own. It's very sexy. She's also very gracious, saying she'd be willing to let me have another woman before she has another man. I always figured it would be the other way. Who knows what will actually happen?

 

She keeps finding new ways to surpise me too. She's told me she wants to go out to a public place with lots of people and have me point out to her women that I find attractive. She gets really excited just talking about doing that. She really is amazing.

 

I think she and I have definitely shown each other that we really are wanting to try swinging. Now we just have to figure out how to take the next step. I think the idea of having same room sex with another couple is a good idea.

 

B

[good times 991]

Originally posted by BandC

She's also very gracious, saying she'd be willing to let me have another woman before she has another man. I always figured it would be the other way. Who knows what will actually happen?

 

B

 

When my wife and I first started it went similar to the way it seems to be going with you. We went to a couple of non swinger parties where we ended up having a couple of soft swinging experiances spontaneously. This got us talking about it and at the time not knowing anything about swinging we decided it would be ok for each of us to experiance sex with a few single friends we new were willing. At the time we both thought my wife would try it first. But as it turned out I was the one that had the first experiance. It was overall a positive experiance for both of us as kind of an ice breaker, but after we had both had one experiance this way and finding this forum and reading the advice of others we decided that we would only participate together with couples from that point on. Good luck.

 

R

[troufault 15]

Yes, the fantasy thing sounds good.

 

That C really loves you is abundently clear from her wanting to find out what it's like to experience being penetrated by another cock only while you're there.

 

I'd like to talk to C, if I may:

 

C, be sure to take it in stages so that the scene becomes familiar and therefore you feel comfortable in it. Before you have sex with anybody else, for example, go to a few parties and play sex games, perhaps including one that involves feeling a number of erections, before soft swinging while watching the people around enjoying each other. And when you do actually start true swinging, notice when you get home afterwards how your lovemaking is so much more passionate and meaningful.

 

You have lots of heavens ahead.

[ionsawmill 86]

You're both apprehensive, but exceedingly curious.

 

You're both slightly jealous, but selflessly generous.

 

You're both afraid, but definitely aroused.

 

You love each other deeply, but leave room for others in your relationship.

 

You admit that you don't have all the answers, but you're willing to learn.

 

Congratulations! You sound like ideal swinger material.

 

My wife and I aren't "officially" swingers yet, but dedicated seekers, like you. Good luck and may your love for each other continue to grow.