Why do single males act like assholes to women?

[DVEGAS1 19]

As a couple we enjoy MMF.

 

I enjoy sharing her pleasure, I am not Bi and the choice of guy is always hers.

 

I don't know if it could be called her fantasy but what she feels safest doing is meeting up with a potential male playmate at a lifestyle club, we have partied at the Red Rooster Club Las Vegas many times.

 

We have had a couple of successful experiences but not many.In fact our first MMF experience was at the Red Rooster.

 

The type of guy she looks for is one who is respectful to her, dressed nice, and of course clean. Many times there are single guys who would be perfect, but their approach takes them from what could be a great evening to no way in hell.

 

Although she is not looking to fall in love, she still wants to have somewhat of a connection.

 

She is quite hot and our experience has been if she is left alone single guys surround her like a pack of dogs in heat. Not so bad except they act like dogs in heat also. She gets lines like "I would sure like to have a piece of that", "Can I have sex with you" etc etc. One guy said "I would sure like to see what those tits look like" or some guy will leer at her while whacking off in his pants.

 

I am not saying she does not like this kind of talk, but not as an opening line.

 

These lines may well work if a guy shows her some respect maybe takes the time to meet her have a bit of a conversation, flirt with her in a respectful way.

 

I can not count the number of times that from across the room she has made eye contact with a guy who interests her only to have the guy come over and make some crude comment about her tits or ass or what he wants to do to her.

 

Come on guys this is a total stranger you are making these comment too. Do you really think walking up to a woman anywhere and making those comments that you are going to score...maybe 1 in 100.

 

Not all single guys are like this but it seems there are more then there should be.The times we has connected with a guy who knows how to treat a lady the evening as been amazing.

 

These are ladies, wives, moms, etc they are not hookers.

 

For me this is disappointing, I miss out on a potentially fun evening.

 

If only these guys knew how many times a different approach would have provided them an unforgettable evening.

 

After my long rant, my question: Do other couples feel this way or is it just something we are doing wrong? Are our expectations too high?

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Welcome to the forum, DVEGAS1. And I absolutely agree with all of your post. There's nothing that you two are doing wrong but just a sign that a lot of single men in the LS think that swinging is a way to get "easy pussy" and think those lines are what women want to hear. Just as it is difficult to find a single female, it is hard to find a respectful, single male who understands what swinging is to for a swinging couple.

[Mbgdallas 203]

Well it certainly fits the old adage that all men are dogs. I find this extremely upsetting and disappointing in a way but I think it mostly comes from the unrealistic expectations given in porn and erotica.

 

My father taught me to respect women and therefore I still have a hard time talking dirty and certainly can't treat them as a piece of meat even if that is what they want and I know that is what they want. Am I just a wimp or do my values weigh that heavily on me. I don't know but it doesn't change the fact that you should always be respectful. I also find that I need to "fall a little bit in love" with any potential play partner or there is no attraction. I would think that kind of a connection can only be made through respectful conversation.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Welcome aboard, DVEGAS1!

 

You are not doing anything wrong, and your expectations are not too high! Your story is unfortunately not at all uncommon. The Mrs. and I have run into plenty of disrespectful guys, where you feel lucky that they managed to tell you their name before launching into the dirty talk about which of their parts they want to rub against which of her parts. The other, quieter but no less annoying, version is the creepy single guy at a club, who lurks near couples, looking for an invite to join them in the hot tub, in the playroom, in the group room, in the bathroom...

 

The good news is that there are some respectful single guys out there! No, they are not a myth- every once in a great while, we meet a single guy who is an actual complete person, who can converse about topics other than sex, who is patient enough to ramp the flirting up gradually, and who can make the woman feel safe, as well as desired for the totality of herself rather than just her body parts.

 

So, you mentioned that Mrs. DVEGAS1 enjoys meeting guys at a club. If it meant a higher likelihood of finding a real, respectful person, would she be willing to try a different method? Perhaps you two could get a profile on SLS, APG, Kasidie, or whichever site is popular in your area. Make your profile interesting, and also make it clear in there that you are looking to meet only guys who are respectful, complete people who seek a friendly connection before trying to make the panties drop. You could even make it clear that the two of you want to meet men first for dinner or drinks, without any play at the first meeting. I would think that might sort out some of the "Hi, let's fuck" crowd.

 

Good luck in your search for the mythical respectful single guy, and do come back to let us know how it's going!

[SwingAcademic 22]

It would be great if all these clubs had a standardized "course" that everyone has to take before joining a Lifestyle club. Part of the course could be to teach these disrespectful males how to be respectful, as well as the reasons why.

 

It's very difficult for these men to wrap their minds around the idea that women in the Lifestyle DON'T like jerks. This is because "being a jerk" is what attracts vanilla women many times. I think a "course" of this sort would help.

[MrDiscover 802]

Many men don't see their behavior as a problem that needs to be fixed so a course won't change much. It will be boring as hell for those men since they don't see it as needed. It will be boring for the rest of the men too since they don't need it in the first place. Making a course mandatory is a fine way for a club to go bankrupt in a matter of months.

[SwingAcademic 22]

MrDiscover said:

Many men don't see their behavior as a problem that needs to be fixed so a course won't change much. It will be boring as hell for those men since they don't see it as needed. It will be boring for the rest of the men too since they don't need it in the first place. Making a course mandatory is a fine way for a club to go bankrupt in a matter of months.

 

I meant that this course would be something that would apply to all clubs, not a new one for each individual club. It could take place away from an actual club, and, of course, be paid for by the prospective member.

[MrDiscover 802]

I don't know the economic situation for clubs in the US, but it would surely close down a lot of clubs here if this course 'how not to be a jerk' would be a legal mandatory thing for all clubs (and saunas etc?). They already suffer a lot from home parties and the internet, it will be the last kick in the head. Plus, not all clubs have memberships and people are not registered most of the time so it would be hard to check this. And, again, it would hurt the good men and it won't fix the bad. Sorry, bad plan IMHO.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I am once again reminded of how ridiculously lucky my wife and I seem to be... We too favor threesomes (and the occasional gang bang) with single guys. Despite doing it many times, usually with strangers, sometimes with strangers with whom we never exchange words beyond "can I touch her", we have never once had this kind of problem. Almost without exception, every single guy we have encountered has been polite, respectful and appreciative. We have literally had more guys say "thank you" to my wife and shake my hand afterward than we've encountered guys who acted like jerks.

 

I'd love to be able to say what's different but my only guess is that it just happens to be the single guys who frequent the clubs we go to are polite, respectful fellows.

[SwingAcademic 22]

I don't know the economic situation for clubs in the US, but it would surely close down a lot of clubs here if this course 'how not to be a jerk' would be a legal mandatory thing for all clubs (and saunas etc?). They already suffer a lot from home parties and the internet, it will be the last kick in the head. Plus, not all clubs have memberships and people are not registered most of the time so it would be hard to check this. And, again, it would hurt the good men and it won't fix the bad. Sorry, bad plan IMHO.

 

There just needs to be some way for people to know in advance how to behave in a club. To me, it was all common sense. To others, it apparently isn't. I would think clubs would do better if there was a way to accomplish this.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

The creepy-male factor at a swingers' club is self regulating. After paying a $100-$150 admission fee several times and realizing no action, the creepy guy gives up on frustration and does not return. No training needed.

[SwingAcademic 22]

The creepy-male factor at a swingers' club is self regulating. After paying a $100-$150 admission fee several times and realizing no action, the creepy guy gives up on frustration and does not return. No training needed.

 

$100-150 admission fee might keep out a lot of normal people as well. That fee, plus bring your own alcohol? Some may say no way.

[Guest]

We enjoy mom, have had maybe 10 of them. After trying the swinger club thing, and online sources, we moved quickly to merely picking up guys at bars. We go to a nice hotel bar or restaurant bar, eat, drink, kind of mind our own business until some guy is friendly enough to strike up a conversation with one or both of us. Many times, this doesn’t happen until one of us goes to the rest room and steps away for a cell call. It maybe just be a conversation or if he strikes my interest, I include some flirtation in the conversation. The caliber of guy seems much better then way. It starts with friendliness, not some expectation of sex on anyone's part. I know some couples do this but begin with just the lady at the bar; we start together so whoever gets friendly, starts knowing there is two of us.

[DVEGAS1 19]

Hi everyone thank you for the advice and comments.

 

It is nice to know we are not the only ones who have had this experience, it really is too bad because single guys would have so much more success by just being normal.

 

The lounge idea is appealing we have thought of trying the lounge pickup, the thought of it is very exciting to both of us, her concern has always been the lack of security if things go sideways. Even though she has to tolerate the crudeness of some of the guys in a lifestyle club, all the clubs do have security.

 

Pre setup would not work for her, she likes the fact that it is spontaneous, in fact that is the part that really tuns her on.

 

Thank you for all again for your responses and your assistance, we are not giving up, we are going back to where we had our first successful MMF experience this Saturday,we have had success there a couple of times.

 

In the end it does not really matter this is all about enhancing our own sex life, and our favourite is always with each other, so no matter what the night will be a success.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

The fantasy and theory of picking up men at a bar/lounge is fun and definitely spontaneous but aside from the security issue, we are also concerned about cheating husbands and boyfriends. We don't want to be part of someone cheating on their wife/girlfriend. Some couples are okay with that risk but we aren't. Just another facet for you to consider.

[SwingAcademic 22]

MrDiscover said:

I don't know the economic situation for clubs in the US, but it would surely close down a lot of clubs here if this course 'how not to be a jerk' would be a legal mandatory thing for all clubs (and saunas etc?). They already suffer a lot from home parties and the internet, it will be the last kick in the head. Plus, not all clubs have memberships and people are not registered most of the time so it would be hard to check this. And, again, it would hurt the good men and it won't fix the bad. Sorry, bad plan IMHO.

 

Looks like another poster had the same idea I did:

 

Newbie swingers' boot camp!

 

Make everyone attend this boot camp before entering the clubs.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

SwingAcademic said:

Make everyone attend this boot camp before entering the clubs.

 

Heard about a club that required prospective members to attend a seven hour orientation class. I expect that eliminated all but the most determined.

[love2dp 53]

I only read half the first post, but I get the jist. Why are you not closer dangit. I would love a regular thing with a good couple. I'm trying to find my swinging partner in crime so to speak. But until I find her for couple's fun I'm on my own. I know there has to be a shit ton of single male creeps out there unfortunately, which makes it bad for the good single guys out there like me. I am that 1 in 100 respectful guy. No lines, no dog in heat attitude.

 

It takes some gall to put those rude disrespectful lines out there to women. Not my thing at all. I would love to attend a swinger party, I'm just too scared to do it on my own. Mainly because I don't want to be viewed as one of those very guys you're speaking of. No way, I just can't. I will if I meet Ms. Right. Then her and I can get out freak on together. Until then its masterbation for relief lol. Being single sucks ass lol.