We Are Having Real Trouble Meeting People Online

[kikonkrome 844]

So the wife and I have been active in this for pretty much a year now, and after a bit of analysis I am not having any fun with people online!! I am seriously wondering if others are?

 

It's like they have their bozo bit set to a one, hard to explain. The only couple/people, and we met and played with in real life were meh..ok...but in all honesty had some social issues. She didn't wear any makeup, and he would not shut the fuck up to get a word in!! Like I had to get a ten minute breather to help myself think.

 

We also just had so many numerous fails with meet and greets it's not funny. It's not that big a deal as we never scheduled ourselves out of our way. Something like dinner or drinks with the wife and if they show great, if not we are having a date.

 

I guess the last 'encounter' would sum things up. We began talking to a couple really local to us, a few blocks. Schedules didn't really click, no big deal. I gave them the heads up we were going to be at a swing club on a given night. No text back, no phone call nothing, no big deal, figured they were busy. So we are having a good time at the party. He walks up and introduces himself. OH, surprise!! Cool...I go out of my way, am friendly, etc. Meet the wife, introduce them around the table to all the people we were talking to, etc. She didn't chat much, neither did he...ok cool.

 

Later we were hanging out in the hot tub (just my wife and I), he stops by, we invite him and his wife to join us. So we try chatting with them, find out they had done this alot, etc. Man was she a drag, nothing good to say about anybody or anything. I still wonder, was this real? Why the fuck are you here, if everything is so bad? I even point blank asked her what she liked? 'I know it when I see it' was her sassy answer. OK whatever??

 

So that was that. My wife and I went to another area of the party.

 

I guess my point is EVERYBODY we have met online has had some kind of screw loose? We have a great time at parties, have met people we are friends with long term, everything great. I am just incredibly demoralized with any kind of online encounter right now.

 

Any feedback?

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

It's definitely a mixed bag. I think many people online are just looky-loos or enjoying the online chase. Plus it's so hard to tell from a profile or online conversation if you will be compatible. We almost never meet new people out for dinner or drinks, too many flops in our first year. Then we started going to a local swing club. We'd go about once a month. Once you know a few people you start to get invited to parties.

 

In my area it seems like most "real" swingers just use the online sites to find out about events and keep in touch, not really as a way to meet new people.

 

After a couple years we took over a meet and greet group and that is when things really got good. Just going out and meeting a bunch of people in a low pressure environment makes it really easy. Even better than a club because there is not an expectation to play, people are just there to have fun and socialize. Then when you meet again to play it's much easier because you know there is an attraction and you get along. Are there meet and greet groups in your area?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

My wife and I consider ourselves to be very successful with swing. But it was more than a year before we met a couple who were safe, sane, and compatible. And this was in spite of the fact that we were using a three-pronged attack; on-line, swinger clubs, and meet-n-greet events.

 

It was hard work and there were discouragements similar to those you describe. But the reward was that once we started to meet just the right people and we became members of their network, the need for the World Wide Web disappeared. We are still signed up for our on-line accounts but we are able now to ignore the silliness.

 

Look forward to your reward.

[longun45 115]

As with anything that involves looking for gold or people it is a numbers game. It takes time to learn the areas, learn to small talk, ask the right questions and in the correct manner. It takes a while for them to become comfortable with you and you them. You find lots of people who do not mesh well with you. But after you have learned and they get to know you, things get easier. In reality, it is like that in any endeavor. Now, you do not do this full time if you are normal. You do this like maybe two weekends a month. How long would it take you to get good at anything working at it only two weekends a month, and in reality it is much less than that as it is usually only 1 day out of that weekend, maybe.

 

It reminds me mostly of sales. The swing sites are leads, they say they are interested and may be available. You need to check out the size, color and attachments. You know what you are looking for and what you want. To get frustrated is normal, but resist the urge and drop all expectations, just have fun with it. I have found in my experience that if I want to attract a woman I forget about it. I have fun, it puts out an aura and that is the attractant. Usually I attracted far better than I would have picked out. The same thing works in all areas of human attraction. It is not a straight line as many would like, it is a bank shot sometimes 2 rails, sometimes 6 rails or somewhere in between. Never have I had it be a straight line.

 

And instead of using others nets to meet people set up your own. funcoupledayton had a good idea taking over the meet and greet group. They met more people and prescreened more people. That allows for comfort that is important in human relations. House parties done correctly, have prescreened people with a comfort level and are considered OK. Does it work every time - nope. You are dealing with Human variables and they are sometimes fickle.

 

Over all have fun with it, drop expectations, know you are searching for the gold and it just takes time. And always look for a reason to like someone, it will make you smile and smiles are a part of the attraction. People want to be around happy people.

[kikonkrome 844]

Yeah thanks!

 

I didn't mean to imply we had no successes, it was just more of what you two described. Th 'online world' was/is just such an epic failure. This with me investing a lot of time in it. I really let our account go. Now I am doing exactly what you described, just touching base with events that are happening, maybe a friend or two. Not really bothering with the meeting someone thing.

 

We have had phenomenal success going to clubs, both when we travel and local. Really impossible to believe great time.

 

We have had to take a pass on the house parties we have been invited to so far as schedules just don't allow it. This is certainly another factor. We just don't have the time available that others do, or we just can't make the time available that others do.

 

Still it is refreshing to get the feedback from others about the online world.

[njbm 2,901]

Our best times have been at small house parties. You can make friends easily and you can play with more than one couple, at least to some degree. Our meetings with other couples on SLS have been hit or miss. The odds of a four way match are slim. We have low expectations and we have a sense of humor. We are only meeting people and perhaps fooling around, how serious is it? At a party, you can mix and match, you don't have to play with both spouses, you can each play with someone of interest.

 

We had a great time on a lifestyle cruise. If you have the time and financial ability, it is difficult to go on one and not have a good time socially and sexually if you want to do so.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We met each other on line...it wasn't easy and we both dealt with a bunch of clowns and crazies before we ran across each other. It also took a lot of time as well, but we didn't want or expect meeting the 'right' person to be easy. Now, take that and multiply it by four. It's REALLY hard to find four people who click, but once you find it, it was worth the effort and time. If you don't need for there to be a connection, finding play partners is relatively easy, but if you want more, it takes more...time, effort, work, communication, etc, but you also get more back. Not easy, but that just makes you value it more when you find it.

[robaval 220]

We met each other on line...it wasn't easy and we both dealt with a bunch of clowns and crazies before we ran across each other. It also took a lot of time as well, but we didn't want or expect meeting the 'right' person to be easy. Now, take that and multiply it by four. It's REALLY hard to find four people who click, but once you find it, it was worth the effort and time. If you don't need for there to be a connection, finding play partners is relatively easy, but if you want more, it takes more...time, effort, work, communication, etc, but you also get more back. Not easy, but that just makes you value it more when you find it.

 

We find it difficult to meet a couple where all four of us get along well. It takes lots of effort and time. We simply decided early on that quality before quantity is one rule and neither of us will take one for the team. So, we have one couple we meet with every couple of months on special overnight dates. Single men are somewhat easier to find, but check them out that they are not sneaking around behind the girlfriend or wife's back takes some time.

 

J&R

[AngelandTiger 364]

In our area, it's doubly hard because the only swinger's "club" within 2 hours drive is only a monthly meet and greet, and a small one at that. IIwouldn't call the crowd at this monthly meet and greet "cliquish", because that has a negative connotation. Most all do know each other, and we were there twice before we ever met the hosts or were shown around. The host was interested in Angel, but he and his wife were only interested in women, not their men. We noted that we only play as a couple, but thanks. That didn't stop the host from asking Angel (when she had gone to the bar and I was at the table people-watching) if she'd play with them singly, and asking once more before we left, again when IIwasn't around. Kind of a bad taste in the mouth. So, we spend a lot of time online looking, and I do a LOT of talking, emailing, KiKing and texting. We do get quite comfortable with some, make plans, exchange pics, and sometimes meet. When we don't meet, it comes out of thin air.... They'll just stop answering in mid conversation, they'll develop some exotic malady, or they'll "have to work early", and say they want to reschedule, but when you try to do so they don't respond to communication. Those that we have met, we haven't really had much success with. One couple was very Gung ho but new, and the wife of the couple and I were going great guns, REALLY had chemistry, and we're both naked and ready to have sex before she noticed that her hubby wasn't into it, although it was his idea. We met them 2 more times and each time there was some trivial thing that caused the husband's OCD to keep him from getting hard and getting into it. Even sex in the same room with own partner was out, so we cut our losses. Another couple seemed to like us, we had our first date (with our "No play on the first date" rule), and we tried to keep in contact (which they asked for) but they never replied. We don't have time to waste: 5 teens, school responsibilities and work keep us only able to "play" on Fridays (and not every Friday). It's quite depressing. We've recently abandoned our "No play on the first date" because it's so difficult to find time to play... And really, if we like them at the time, it doesn't make sense to try to work hard on finding another time when the opportunity is right there in front of us.

 

Anyway, do others feel this way? Our online contacts seem to be great until they disappear for no apparent reason, or cancel on the day or the day before the meeting that we've worked so hard to change our schedules to make time for.

 

T

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

That's part of the problem...there are fakes (men) who set up profiles for their own titillation and couples who set up profiles where only one member is interested in actually doing anything or one or both chicken out when it comes time to meet. Plus being bi-racial can (not for us however) be a challenge. I checked out your profile on SLS and while you didn't SAY you wanted a review, I think you could add a bunch more information however...let others know a bit more about WHO you two are. Take out the 'fluffy' comment...neither of you look fluffy in the pictures, but you do look sparkly! I like shiny things...

 

Just keep going, sometimes it's hard to but the only other option is to give up. Keep trying and eventually it will happen.

[AngelandTiger 364]

That's part of the problem...there are fakes (men) who set up profiles for their own titillation and couples who set up profiles where only one member is interested in actually doing anything or one or both chicken out when it comes time to meet. Plus being bi-racial can (not for us however) be a challenge. I checked out your profile on SLS and while you didn't SAY you wanted a review, I think you could add a bunch more information however...let others know a bit more about WHO you two are. Take out the 'fluffy' comment...neither of you look fluffy in the pictures, but you do look sparkly! I like shiny things...

 

Just keep going, sometimes it's hard to but the only other option is to give up. Keep trying and eventually it will happen.

 

HI,

 

I'm not sure, if you were replying to my post, that you checked out the correct profile. We don't mention "Fluffy" anywhere in our profile nor would we. We are Angelandtiger on SLS.

 

And we'd love a review (just put out a request for one). If you want to see our gallery, just ask (that would be great). '

 

Tiger

[longun45 115]

AngelandTiger - stop trying so hard. It sends out the wrong vibes. Remember you are trying to attract people to play with. Newbies like me may need some extra assurance to know it is really ok. If they had the guts to actually meet two sexual dynamos like you, it can be somewhat intimidating, hyping an already new uncertain situation. Read my post on your profile.

[MrDiscover 802]

For what we want, 3-4 dates a year because we have very little spare time for the LS, online is great up to now. We are very comfortable online (we found each other online too, 14 years ago) and looking and meeting online saves us a lot of meets (don't have the time for them). Our online accounts are short and to the point, we only share one picture (or even none) and let the chat do the rest.

 

The filter flow is: we don't reply on any account, we let the others come to us. After the first filtering, we chat a bit on the dating platform itself. If it proves to be genuine and intelligent (enough), we show a bit more about ourselves. Then we exchange face pics. Still a 'click', we make a Whatsapp group chat and chat a bit there with all people involved. If that goes well to, we have a drink and maybe have a full date the same evening.

 

Advantage is we can wave these activities into our busy schedules. Disadvantage could be too much communication in until first meeting in real live (wasted time and worse: wrong signals/false hope). However, works for us so far.

 

p.s.: MsD does not like clubs or house parties so that limits us for meeting spontaneous.

[kikonkrome 844]

The filter flow is: we don't reply on any account, we let the others come to us. After the first filtering, we chat a bit on the dating platform itself. If it proves to be genuine and intelligent (enough), we show a bit more about ourselves. Then we exchange face pics. Still a 'click', we make a Whatsapp group chat and chat a bit there with all people involved. If that goes well to, we have a drink and maybe have a full date the same evening.

 

I met Kiko online as well. One of the things that helped the attraction was the fact that she [bOLD]WAS NOT[/bOLD] interested in exchanging a bunch of emails, etc. Pretty funny.

 

What you have described seems pretty typical though, and there is a good chance we just don't have the patience.