First time I am considering cheating on my wife...

[victoria'dreams 141]

First let's go back in time. Before I met my wife I experienced almost everything in a relationship. Traditional vanilla, cheating (in early age), swinging and open relationship. From all these experiences I knew some I will not choose again and it is cheating and an open relationship. Don't get me wrong I had wonderful time doing it but they are too violent to the relationship and I hated myself cheating so much that I couldn't handle it anymore.

 

Since I met my wife I've been honest in all my words and we had open communication and trust. I never had sex with anyone - when my wife wasn't in the room - Sex has been incredible and super hot with her and we started talking about fantasies. She had none, I had and she was very curious about it. We met a couple and it wasn't hot for both of us the evening was quite a disaster... We had some threesomes and it went really well. Specially the MFM ones as my wife's fantasy is to be with multiple men at once. She is not bi-sexual or even bi-curious she is not attracted by women at all... We had in fact more (x3) mfm than fmf. Always in a private room (hotel, our place) as we do not like clubs.

 

We establish some kind of equal rules as we will have from time to time some fmf and mfm fun. But 1) she do not want sex with any of her friends (and she has extremely hot model like girlfriends.....) and 2) finding girls online is just HELL!

We put an account on a swinger website and as my wife is really good looking we got literally 50 messages a day from single guys, 10 from couples and 0.002 from single girls. And the ones from single girls starts like that "Me and my lover would like to...". And it's not like we're the couple with the super hot female and the male is overweight, hairy, old, bold and has a 4 inches penis. I'm good looking, I work out and girls like me. I "used" to be very successful with women.

 

I used to, before we had kids... and we had such a great sex life too... now we barely have anytime me and her and we have sex after a very long day, when the kids are in bed, exhausted, before our night when the baby will wake us up at least three time...

 

I love our kids, no regrets but our sex live went from extremely hot and almost a constant dream to something like sex between two zombies...

 

We love each others, we still are very strong in our relationship, we just don't feel sexy. Well, she does feel sexier as we did meet few guys for threesomes. A couple of weeks ago we rented a suite in a beautiful hotel, the guy was sweet and really hot looking, big cock, she had a really good time. Me? I was ok, but not so into it like I used to. That time I felt old, unattractive, tired, and asking myself why I am doing? I use to feel like some kind of 'alpha' male, good in bed, a great catch. Today, I don't know anymore and I'm doubting.

 

Then, going to work a week ago, crossing the street in the same direction, there was that girl, absolutely beautiful that smiled at me. A bit like my wife, really tall, blonde, simple and elegant. She probably is ten years younger and have no kids. It's was almost a feeling of a time machine. The girl walk down the subway and I follow her because it is just my direction to work. I bough a subway ticket and during that time I lost her. I go to my subway line and enters and she is just sitting there near. She smiled at me just a bit, than go through some papers she had in her bag. I guess she's a student.

 

A couple of station later I leave the subway and at the same time 1) hate myself because I didn't talk to her and will never see her again and 2) I am so happy I didn't talk to her because it is just WRONG.

 

Yesterday, as it happen in movies I'm in that shopping mall and arrives at the same time to the exit door and who is that person? Her of course! I open the door for her and she passes, thanking me and smile again. And that girl is like super gorgeous! I'm just shaking. We go outside and she takes the same route as me. We are waiting at the light and we both smile and find the situation funny. The light takes a long time and I moved towards her and spoke to her. Something really simple that I saw her in the subway last time and told myself if I see her a second time I have to tell her how beautiful she is (I know, super cheesy right? sorry...). She blushed and was really touched. The light went green and we continue walking. And we have the same route. And I joke with her that I am actually not following her it's really my way home. For two or three minutes I walk and I can hear her steps behind me. Finally I stop before entering another shop and tell her good evening. She stopped and smiled and was so sweet. We greet each others with our names and speak a few words. And she says: "I would love to have coffee with you" and then "but I have a boyfriend". I told her I've someone too and I never do this. We had a bit of a silence and I said it's better we both go to our homes then. She agreed but was still there standing. I said, I saw you twice, if I meet you for a third time than we HAVE to get a coffee together and talk. She laugh and said "Yes, okay". Then she continue walking.

 

I was thinking 1) I'm such a great husband, faithful and honest to my wife, I am so proud of myself and 2) you are such an idiot why in the hell did you do that you will never ever meet that girl again or any girl like her in your life!

 

And that moment, I was clearly thinking that if I see that girl again, I will definitely and without any hesitation do everything as possible to have sex with her. The feeling I had with shaky hands and strong attraction for a stranger was so long gone...

 

Than I went home to my wife and the kids.

 

The story could end there, but that same day I go home. And my wife tells me she loves me so much (made me feel like I am such an asshole because of the other girl) and THEN she tells me she wants to be fair and as it is so hard to find single girls for us, that she is thinking it's find if I just fuck a girl someday. She's afraid of it, she is jealous, but she can't stand seeing me so desperate about sex lately. She doesn't know if she wants to know everything, or nothing or if she even could do it. But she tells me it's really important that there are no emotions at all.

 

I had the worst night, not just because of our baby crying but because I am now really lost. I got a crush on that stranger girl that isn't single and my wife says that I could maybe fuck someone on my own but I guess not that girl because the story is a bit somehow romantic and she is hot at hell?

 

And I can't tell my wife I talked to that girl before my wife told me I can have sex with someone right?

 

Please help with your thoughts. And my apology for the very long, long post!

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

I am thinking you have three choices 1. Establish communication good enough you can talk out these things. 2. Suppress everything & keep the marriage as it is. 3. Cheat.

 

Your call

[MrDiscover 802]

Since I met my wife I've been honest in all my words and we had open communication and trust. And I can't tell my wife I talked to that girl before my wife told me I can have sex with someone right?

 

Why can't you? You have nothing to hide, in fact the chance is big she will appreciate a) your honesty b) that you made the right choice and was honest to the other girl about your relationship.

[enhancer 1,587]

There are some things to consider when thinking about cheating!

 

If your wife did it to you and you found out would you still love and cherish her like you do now?

 

Is a possible amazing one night sexual experience with someone new worth possibly losing your life as you know it?

 

If you did cheat and your wife found out would she ever forgive you and trust you again for doing what is the ultimate betrayal to her?

 

If she did forgive you what do you think the chances are of you two being able to continue living the lifestyle you do now without the communication and trust that are so important in making things work?

 

Both of us personally would end our relationship the minute we found out the other one cheated, because for us there is no love without communication and trust.

[JandKinBoise 859]

Dude, a hall pass is a hall pass. You obviously need this in your life to help bring out the man in you right? Imagine the confidence it would build in you. Your next mfm will be a mind blower for your wife.

 

We have a lot of sexual ups and downs over our life. You have an opportunity to turn this 'down' around to the benefit of you and your wife. I think its awesome that she saw this problem, knew the answer and provided you with the possibility of a cure. Fukin' go for it man.

[longun45 115]

If you talk to your wife NOW before you get really out of control, she can provide an emotional grounding for you.

 

She is tired after a long day, kids, work and all of the other stresses cause the fatigue. Get some of the stresses off of her. See if you can get her a day off from everything and out of the house so she can decompress and relax a bit.

 

Second are you eating right and is she eating enough? Very important.

 

In short Improve your communications, and remember why she is important to you.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

And I can't tell my wife I talked to that girl before my wife told me I can have sex with someone right?

 

One, not only can you, I really think you should.

 

Two, I think now is not the time to be having sex with someone else. Now is the time to be working on your relationship with your wife and kids.

[victoria'dreams 141]

I am thinking you have three choices 1. Establish communication good enough you can talk out these things. 2. Suppress everything & keep the marriage as it is. 3. Cheat. Your call

I did 1&2 full time. I always tried to find a balance between our needs, desires in an open dialogue and solution. I just had a drop of (3) and got such a boost… just very seducing.

 

Why can't you? You have nothing to hide, in fact the chance is big she will appreciate a) your honesty b) that you made the right choice and was honest to the other girl about your relationship.

I have nothing to hide, I never yet cheated, but when I was talking to that girl in the street my first fear was that someone we know sees me and tell my wife. I knew I was doing something wrong talking to her. At the same time, I did the right choice and not pushing it trying to get her number and I went home. So you are right

 

There are some things to consider when thinking about cheating!

If your wife did it to you and you found out would you still love and cherish her like you do now?

Is a possible amazing one night sexual experience with someone new worth possibly losing your life as you know it?

If you did cheat and your wife found out would she ever forgive you and trust you again for doing what is the ultimate betrayal to her?

If she did forgive you what do you think the chances are of you two being able to continue living the lifestyle you do now without the communication and trust that are so important in making things work?

Both of us personally would end our relationship the minute we found out the other one cheated, because for us there is no love without communication and trust.

I agree with everything you says. I am against cheating and if me or my wife did, it will end our relationship and our lives plus our kids in chaos. The last time I cheated on someone was like 15 years ago.

 

Dude, a hall pass is a hall pass. You obviously need this in your life to help bring out the man in you right? Imagine the confidence it would build in you. Your next mfm will be a mind blower for your wife.

We have a lot of sexual ups and downs over our life. You have an opportunity to turn this 'down' around to the benefit of you and your wife. I think its awesome that she saw this problem, knew the answer and provided you with the possibility of a cure. Fukin' go for it man.

That is so good to hear that! I know it’s not what I planned to do but if she gives me that hall pass I will refill my whole sexual batteries and without the pain of lying and cheating. I’ve been so clear, trustful, honest, I just need to be bad a bit. I see it has a phase and want to go back to my lovely sexual life with my wife the way we were when we met. Thank you for these words I feel you understand my feeling precisely!

 

If you talk to your wife NOW before you get really out of control, she can provide an emotional grounding for you.

She is tired after a long day, kids, work and all of the other stresses cause the fatigue. Get some of the stresses off of her. See if you can get her a day off from everything and out of the house so she can decompress and relax a bit.

Second are you eating right and is she eating enough? Very important.

In short Improve your communications, and remember why she is important to you.

I do take care of her as much as I could. I work like crazy, on the way home buy some really good food and cook right when I arrive for everyone. Take care of the kids, we out them to bed, we clean the place, boom it’s 22:00 the evening starts. This night for example we woke up twice for the baby and he woke up at 5am… We are both tired. Somehow I am horny all the time, even exhausted… She tells me I’m the one, I shouldn’t care, she still finds me the most attractive and she loves the sex with me and that is nothing personal but she is just tired all the time and it removes her desires. Any women here had the same feeling after having babies? I crave for getting the feeling I’m still hot and very desired…

 

Now is the time to be working on your relationship with your wife and kids.

The now is the time period started when she got pregnant with our first kid. And it worked, we love each others, we communicated very well, we’ve been doing everything together and not hiding anything. And the fact she is thinking about a more equal ‘swinging’ life might be the result of that?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Only one thing comes to my mind right now. Whether or not the deed is done in secret, if you wife eventually meets this woman and receives the impression that she is looking into a mirror and seeing a younger, slimmer image of herself, you're toast.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Hi, victoria'dreams. First of all, I salute you in being able to write all of this down and being open to advice. Not a lot of people can or want to do that.

 

Second, I don't know how many kids you have but the first year of a child's life can be difficult on a couple, due to lack of sleep and the needs of the new child. I find that the first child is always the hardest because there is a lot of adjustments that the couple needs to make and the couple isn't always prepared to make them. Yes, being too exhausted for sex is one of them but this is just temporary. Eventually, the child will demand less time as the years go by and the time to have sex will increase.

 

What you both are going through right now can be called a difficult time. This is just one of those times when your relationship will be tested. Will your reaction to the frustrations of life be a positive or negative impact to your relationship? Will you take note of the issues and sweep them under the rug or tackle them head on with your wife?

 

Honestly, juggling a young child with work and keeping your marriage can be tough, especially when it is a new experience. My advice would be to put your energy (what you have left) into strengthening your relationship with your wife and cherishing these moments with your young child. These moments don't last forever. Also, take some couple time, just you and your wife, to get away for dinner and romance.

 

The feeling that you can't even be honest with your wife about how you met, talked, and feel about this other woman shows that there is some room for improvement in your relationship with your wife.

[kikonkrome 844]

So babies kinda really blow...not fun at all. They're cute, but not a lot of fun. I have more kids than I can remember the names for (OK just kidding, depending on the day, kinda) and I can tell you that the years when they are babies was no fun.

 

So you want to feel connected, and 'be bad'. Stop feeling old (ok, kids also age you, I get that).

 

Do you tell your wife about the girl on the street? WTF for?? Make your wife feel like shit? "hey, baby me and this girl on the street were into each other, I asked her for coffee and she said yes". I seriously doubt that will end well. Really not a lot has happened. You are still debating on actual follow through, etc. Every male into sex debates that.

 

So what's the question?

 

Have a full blown old school affair? I thought you got out of open relationships because of the bs? You have no time and energy for the wife, so now you need to make time and energy for another woman as well? Really?

Find a FWB? Interesting do you get the Hall Pass? Again got to make the time and energy?

 

Oh yeah and don't forget the 'drama' that a girl on the side is going to cause. How long do you think she will want to be second fiddle? If you are lucky she will just blow you off one day. If you are lucky.

 

I have two solutions,

 

First Baby Sitter, sitter.com, sitter-city.com. Get one that is background checked to spend the night. Have her show up early so Mom can take a nap. Then go out on the town and be bad and do all those things you used to do with the wife reasonably well rested. Have one of those nights together where all you do is eat, drink and fuck. Oh yeah and take off work. My wife and I did something similar to this yesterday. We took off the day at work. Got the kids to school. She slept in, then we spent the morning fucking, it was great. I didn't have to get in a car. She didn't chase the kids. Family can drain your energy, take time to renew it.

 

But KikonKrome isn't this expensive? Yes, yes it is. You know what's more expensive? A divorce, a failed marriage, years of marital therapy, years of therapy for the kids after the divorce. Losing your shit because a fucking baby is crying at three in the morning for a month or two straight! Seems like it is cheaper to pay for the baby sitter. Kids are great I love having mine, but remember to take a break.

 

Second solution Pro. You don't pay a girl for sex, you pay them to leave you alone after it. If new Mom can not bare to leave the little ones. If you really need to get some strange. When you use a pro at least you minimize the damage. They are just another element in the erotic tool kit. If you work it right you get Mom, the baby sitter and the pro. By the morning you feel great and you are back to being Super Dad. I have never done this. It does seem viable especially in areas of the world where they are legal. Mom and I have taken the 'Wild Over Nighter' with friends. The older kids don't even realize you are gone, much less the younger kids. Again this seems cheaper to me than the therapy, drama and divorce.

 

So those are my two idea's the first one is well battle scarred and tested. Really the kid thing is a lot of fun, but to enjoy them you need to take a bit of a break. Personally I like to take my breaks with my wife, but not everybody can. Just remember you only have about 18 - 20 years before they are gone. Better figure something out for the long haul.

 

Now I got to run and find out why one of the kids got a 'C' in religion, WTF Religion? It's suppose to be a gimme 'A'.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I do take care of her as much as I could. I work like crazy' date=' on the way home buy some really good food and cook right when I arrive for everyone. Take care of the kids, we out them to bed, we clean the place, boom it’s 22:00 the evening starts. This night for example we woke up twice for the baby and he woke up at 5am… We are both tired. Somehow I am horny all the time, even exhausted… [/quote']

 

Been there, done that. It was exactly the same for me when my wife and I had our kid...

 

You know what I did? I got a subscription to an amateur porn site and a lot of kleenex. Then, with my wife's agreement, I took a whole lot of sexy naked pictures of her and posted them on the site. This course had two very positive effects. The first part gave me an outlet for all the bottled up sexual energy. The second part helped me reconnect with my wife as a sexual being without requiring all the time and energy of actual sex... and after a little while, we managed to find that time and energy too.

 

Your wife recognizes your frustration and desire for what it is. She's trying be supportive... but you know what I heard her say (key phrases highlighted):

 

...she is thinking it's find if I just fuck a girl someday. She's afraid of it, she is jealous, but she can't stand seeing me so desperate about sex lately.

 

She is afraid. She is jealous. She recognizes your frustration and she wants to give you and outlet. She wants to be "fair" but she isn't completely comfortable with this. That doesn't sound like a real hall pass to me... more like a live grenade.

 

In my not-so-humble opinion, you need to suck it up, jerk off and be with your wife.

[victoria'dreams 141]

First of all, you have no idea how much I appreciate your posts. Very intelligent answers, I appreciate the time you spend, going on the same way of my thinking or the opposite, it’s always interesting for me and makes me reorder/change my thoughts.

 

 

Only one thing comes to my mind right now. Whether or not the deed is done in secret, if you wife eventually meets this woman and receives the impression that she is looking into a mirror and seeing a younger, slimmer image of herself, you're toast.

That is so exactly true. My feeling is that if the girl would have been really different than my wife and not the ‘type’ my wife knows I like, I would feel less guilty I talked to that girl the other day. Less scared my wife gets jealous.

 

 

Hi, victoria'dreams. First of all, I salute you in being able to write all of this down and being open to advice. Not a lot of people can or want to do that.

Thanks Sunbuckus

My advice would be to put your energy (what you have left) into strengthening your relationship with your wife and cherishing these moments with your young child. These moments don't last forever. Also, take some couple time, just you and your wife, to get away for dinner and romance.

The feeling that you can't even be honest with your wife about how you met, talked, and feel about this other woman shows that there is some room for improvement in your relationship with your wife.

I do feel separated in my mind with one side that feels horrible and guilty and the other side enjoying the thought of that encounter. It’s been years since I had a fight inside me like that. I don’t think I could ‘cheat’ anyway since she brought up that ‘hall pass’ possibility and have to find a way to rebalance our couple with new type of experiences. That my wife would stop trusting me is a huge nightmare. My parents made the worst divorce as possible when I was a kid and not doing like them is from extreme importance. I’m having a schizophrenic episode.

 

 

Do you tell your wife about the girl on the street? WTF for?? Make your wife feel like shit? "hey, baby me and this girl on the street were into each other, I asked her for coffee and she said yes". I seriously doubt that will end well. Really not a lot has happened.

True. I can’t and shouldn’t tell. Not with that girl and not the kind of “romantic” way I met her.

Oh yeah and don't forget the 'drama' that a girl on the side is going to cause. How long do you think she will want to be second fiddle? If you are lucky she will just blow you off one day. If you are lucky..

That’s very much possible. But I’m not into meeting a pro. And can’t find anyone online. My wife would love I just meet a girl and I fuck her. Which is partially irealistic… I’m not going to go out at night on my on to chase a drunk girl. I’ve to kind of meet someone. Another thing is that my wife do not want me to have an affair. It has to be a one/twice maximum thing. That isn’t easy to ask someone for that or I need someone in the exact same position as I am in my life.

First Baby Sitter, sitter.com, sitter-city.com.

We finally found one, from a serious internet website and this is already such a release for us. We’ve been going out only once my wife and I yet, but it was so nice. The love we had is still there, we’re not blaming the other for the tough times with the kids and as soon as we have a good (better) night we feel in romance again. Like you guys said it’s just a phase it will go, we tell each other that and we do see our future as something great and fun. We’ve two kids, the older one is very young but so fun. The younger one is 9 months old and as cute as he is it’s just really tough and it’s sucking all the energy we have.

 

 

She is afraid. She is jealous. She recognizes your frustration and she wants to give you and outlet. She wants to be "fair" but she isn't completely comfortable with this. That doesn't sound like a real hall pass to me... more like a live grenade. In my not-so-humble opinion, you need to suck it up, jerk off and be with your wife.

That’s the thing I should have explain better to you guys: my wife do LOVE the lifestyle and experiences we had. She had the fantasy of MFM, even with more ‘M’s and even with even more ‘M”s already way before she met me. She loves that live we have and the sex between us + sometimes that extra sex meetings we have. She wouldn't like to stop that. We don’t meet much because of our difficult time period but the last time we did was really recently and she just loved it. She always does.

Because of that, she wants to be fair and find a solution where she can still have that + I also can get lucky too. We tried to find girls online, didn’t work out. She do not want sex with any of our friends and meeting couple isn’t really our thing. The “me” meeting a girl for sex is the solution she thinks could be fair, I can’t lie, I love that idea too. If not, we’ll continue just saying “hey would be great to find a girl to” and we at the end we only could meet single guys. Don’t get me wrong I like these sex meetings we had but we’d like a more balance situation when I can be the center of attention to sometimes. I’d love to have a new girl in my arm sometimes, the same way my wife enjoys these new guys. Of course, meeting together or meeting on my own is totally different. Is it impossible to make something out of this? I want to find a way where I do not have to lie + some situation where I feel the same way my wife feels when we have a MFM. She gets such a boost, I don’t. I’m actually starting to getting jealous of her situation (except the face that she getting so tired with the kids… of course).

 

It would be much easier if we would fit in the more standard lifestyle meeting couples and enjoy it. I know. Sorry guys we have such a complicated unusual situation… Hope I make more sense in my dilemma?

[longun45 115]

At the risk of being repetitive

 

She is normal for a woman.

 

Childbirth and having a baby is a huge strain on the body and it gets depleted of nutrients. Do stay on the prenatal vitamins. Have the doctor check a nutritional panel for deficiencies. Diet: Lots of veggies, animal fats, coconut oil ( which is also good for the skin and hair) and proteins. Carbs - not so much ( carbs provide power but not rebuilding materials) Do not overload on any one item. If she is breast feeding make sure she is eating enough and drinking enough water.

Exercise is important to the body and it helps with situational depression, walking is good to start. Start slow and build up. It also helps build endurance. Light weights is also a good start.

It also makes the body direct resources to where the demands are.

 

And remember since this is NOT the first child and if she did not rebuild after the first baby, she is making up a deficit first, then she can recover. It will take months to happen to full recovery. She will recover and get more energy.

[kikonkrome 844]

That’s the thing I should have explain better to you guys: my wife do LOVE the lifestyle and experiences we had. She had the fantasy of MFM, even with more ‘M’s and even with even more ‘M”s already way before she met me. She loves that live we have and the sex between us + sometimes that extra sex meetings we have. She wouldn't like to stop that. We don’t meet much because of our difficult time period but the last time we did was really recently and she just loved it. She always does.

Because of that, she wants to be fair and find a solution where she can still have that + I also can get lucky too. We tried to find girls online, didn’t work out. She do not want sex with any of our friends and meeting couple isn’t really our thing. The “me” meeting a girl for sex is the solution she thinks could be fair, I can’t lie, I love that idea too. If not, we’ll continue just saying “hey would be great to find a girl to” and we at the end we only could meet single guys. Don’t get me wrong I like these sex meetings we had but we’d like a more balance situation when I can be the center of attention to sometimes. I’d love to have a new girl in my arm sometimes, the same way my wife enjoys these new guys. Of course, meeting together or meeting on my own is totally different. Is it impossible to make something out of this? I want to find a way where I do not have to lie + some situation where I feel the same way my wife feels when we have a MFM. She gets such a boost, I don’t. I’m actually starting to getting jealous of her situation (except the face that she getting so tired with the kids… of course).

 

It would be much easier if we would fit in the more standard lifestyle meeting couples and enjoy it. I know. Sorry guys we have such a complicated unusual situation… Hope I make more sense in my dilemma?

 

Sorry I read this twice and am unsure of what you are asking?

 

Are you asking for permission just to have MFM, to have an outside affair with your wife, to just spend time looking for FMF? How do you find FMF? All of the above? I get that your head is jumbled that is what the board is for if you add and clarify a bit it would be helpful.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

That’s the thing I should have explain better to you guys: my wife do LOVE the lifestyle and experiences we had. She had the fantasy of MFM' date=' even with more ‘M’s and even with even more ‘M”s already way before she met me. She loves that live we have and the sex between us + sometimes that extra sex meetings we have. She wouldn't like to stop that. We don’t meet much because of our difficult time period but the last time we did was really recently and she just loved it. She always does.[/quote']

 

From your previous posts, I never had any doubt about this.

 

Because of that, she wants to be fair and find a solution where she can still have that + I also can get lucky too. We tried to find girls online, didn’t work out. She do not want sex with any of our friends and meeting couple isn’t really our thing. The “me” meeting a girl for sex is the solution she thinks could be fair, I can’t lie, I love that idea too. If not, we’ll continue just saying “hey would be great to find a girl to” and we at the end we only could meet single guys. Don’t get me wrong I like these sex meetings we had but we’d like a more balance situation when I can be the center of attention to sometimes. I’d love to have a new girl in my arm sometimes, the same way my wife enjoys these new guys. Of course, meeting together or meeting on my own is totally different. Is it impossible to make something out of this? I want to find a way where I do not have to lie + some situation where I feel the same way my wife feels when we have a MFM. She gets such a boost, I don’t. I’m actually starting to getting jealous of her situation (except the face that she getting so tired with the kids… of course).

 

... and this too is perfectly understandable and understood.

 

It would be much easier if we would fit in the more standard lifestyle meeting couples and enjoy it. I know. Sorry guys we have such a complicated unusual situation… Hope I make more sense in my dilemma?

 

Actually, in a lot of ways, I have been in very similar circumstances. My wife and I usually did MFM or gangbangs and rarely if ever hooked up with couples. Like you, I found myself interested in hooking up with women for either FMF or separate play. So, really and truly, I understand perfectly where you are coming from.

 

However... and this is a BIG however... your wife just had a baby. - Pause a beat. - Your wife just had a BABY. This is a important. Add to this, your wife, while she wants to be "fair," is still clearly ambivalent about you playing with another woman. Combine these two facts and now is not the time for you to be hooking up with another woman.

 

I'm going to repeat this for clarity, because I am getting the sense you really don't want to hear it but I feel you really need to...

 

1 - Your wife just had a baby!

2 - Your wife is not entirely comfortable with you hooking with another woman right now.

3 - Therefore, now is not the time for you to be hooking up with another woman.

Period. Full stop. End of line. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. You are done.

 

Later, after this whole baby thing has settled down and you and your wife have the energy and time to be together again, you can revisit her ambivalence, get to the root of it and eventually, I honestly predict, you will be able to hook up with another woman. Key word: Later, as in not now. Probably not this year. Maybe not next. But eventually.

 

Once more for clarity - Now is not the time.

[victoria'dreams 141]

Sorry I read this twice and am unsure of what you are asking? Are you asking for permission just to have MFM, to have an outside affair with your wife, to just spend time looking for FMF? How do you find FMF? All of the above? I get that your head is jumbled that is what the board is for if you add and clarify a bit it would be helpful.

English isn’t my primary language and probably this doesn’t help making people understand me precisely. I’ve a reverse problem now, I am sorry but I don’t really understand your question… what is an outside affair with my wife?

 

I'm going to repeat this for clarity, because I am getting the sense you really don't want to hear it but I feel you really need to...

1 - Your wife just had a baby!

2 - Your wife is not entirely comfortable with you hooking with another woman right now.

3 - Therefore, now is not the time for you to be hooking up with another woman.

Period. Full stop. End of line. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. You are done.

Later, after this whole baby thing has settled down and you and your wife have the energy and time to be together again, you can revisit her ambivalence, get to the root of it and eventually, I honestly predict, you will be able to hook up with another woman. Key word: Later, as in not now. Probably not this year. Maybe not next. But eventually.

Once more for clarity - Now is not the time.

Dear Lionhearted, sorry if I seems to you I am avoiding your advices. It is not the case at all I read everyone here careful and trying to not avoid a thought or solution that I might not like.

I am happy that you get clearly my situation and thoughts and I know we have some very similar history and preferences in our respective couples.

But because we are having a discussion here, even if I am the one asking for advices and the one not sure about what do to, it is acceptable to not entirely agree or adopt one solution made by one adviser. You seems extremely certain about your thoughts which might help you a lot choosing and taking decision. But I don’t totally agree with what you say, even if you say it many times. And please do not feel offended or not heard.

In my situation, not hooking up with couples came both from me and my wife. But the mostly meeting single guys and less single females was more of a result of situations and opportunities then a choice by taste.

so 1-Yes. 2-Yes but I will remove the “right now” as she never did that and she just do not know her reaction. It will still be the same in a further time. 3-Why is not not the time? - that post pregnancy time might change but not the fact single guys are way much easier to meet.

 

We recently decided to start again slowly in the lifestyle. She wasn’t against it we decided together and she did enjoy the (in fact two) mfm meetings we had.

 

Because it is much harder for a woman, from the pregnancy to giving birth body change breast feeding etc etc. It would be very naive to imagine that just because of that difference, men just can shut any thoughts they have in their heads and the trouble being an husband, father, in your head is. It is a sort of a taboo as a man in a couple with kids isn’t allowed to speak about his feelings, desires, because of the very true huge biological difference between a man and a woman is when is it to make babies.

You see so many couple separating, hate between the two, wives left alone, because of the very difficult time couples go through with babies. It’s been about four years since my wife got pregnant the first time and trust me I was there all along. I was trustful and I never cheated. The “just wait not yet be patient” is a melody going on loop since so long. I arrived to a point I need a solution to make it stop because I just can’t. Now that we start to meet people again, it is the time, I think, for a new formula.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

But because we are having a discussion here' date=' even if I am the one asking for advices and the one not sure about what do to, it is acceptable to not entirely agree or adopt one solution made by one adviser. You seems extremely certain about your thoughts which might help you a lot choosing and taking decision. But I don’t totally agree with what you say, even if you say it many times. And please do not feel offended or not heard.[/quote']

 

I'm not offended but my position is not going to change. What I believe I am hearing from you is that you are looking for someone to validate a choice you've already made. I'm clearly not going to do that. If you've already decided on a course of action, I feel you really shouldn't be asking for opinions. If you've made a choice, own it and live with the consequences. If you feel that you need someone to validate that choice, maybe it means that you aren't as comfortable with it as you want to be. Maybe that means that you know it's a bad choice but you want to do it anyway.

 

so 1-Yes. 2-Yes but I will remove the “right now” as she never did that and she just do not know her reaction. It will still be the same in a further time. 3-Why is not not the time? - that post pregnancy time might change but not the fact single guys are way much easier to meet.

 

1 and 2 are, in their entirety, the answer to why 3. If the first two are true than the third is also true. Until the first two change, the third will remain true.

 

Since you and I are just going in circles, I'm going to stop. You know my views. Take them for whatever they are worth to you.

 

I will conclude by saying that I sincerely hope everything works out for the best for you, your wife and your family.

[victoria'dreams 141]

I'm not offended but my position is not going to change. What I believe I am hearing from you is that you are looking for someone to validate a choice you've already made. I'm clearly not going to do that. If you've already decided on a course of action, I feel you really shouldn't be asking for opinions. If you've made a choice, own it and live with the consequences. If you feel that you need someone to validate that choice, maybe it means that you aren't as comfortable with it as you want to be. Maybe that means that you know it's a bad choice but you want to do it anyway.

Since you and I are just going in circles, I'm going to stop. You know my views. Take them for whatever they are worth to you.

Wow that's something You are the typical stubborn that attacks people on your own weakness. Just accept that people could not agree with you all what you say. Asking me to masturbate for two additional years as a cure for my problems isn't what I am going to do. I'm different than you in the fact that I am open to dialogues and enjoy when people do not think like me. Please try alternatives to resolve problem even if you personally in your own life will not probably do. Every couple is different. For the same reason you are accusing me, I agree you are right and a dialogue with you seems just impossible and won't change a thing. I will conclude that I also sincerely hope everything works out for the best for you, your wife and your family. No hard feelings.

[victoria'dreams 141]

To be clear if I told that story about that girl I met in the street, it is to say that after years of trying to avoid any of that, years of always be true, honest, faithful, I had for the first time the desire for doing something I am not supposed to do. I just had the fantasy of fucking someone else for too long and just couldn't manage it anymore.

 

My question is simple: could you have a different lifestyle for both part inside a same couple. That the result is equal in terms of fun & satisfaction, fairness.

 

To be more clear: my wife enjoying threesomes, probably small gangbangs and me (as she puts the idea out) meeting single girls for sex on my own.

[MrDiscover 802]

Of course, if you both are okay with that. There is no official handbook on these things. Only you two are to decide.

 

But I agree with a lot of the above about the pressure normal life, being a parent, combining this all with work etc brings to the bed. It seems she is not completely okay with you having a solo date, it sounds more like giving in.

[kikonkrome 844]

My question is simple: could you have a different lifestyle for both part inside a same couple. That the result is equal in terms of fun & satisfaction, fairness.

 

To be more clear: my wife enjoying threesomes, probably small gangbangs and me (as she puts the idea out) meeting single girls for sex on my own.

 

Ahh see how we have reached some clarity?? What a beautiful thing!! Your welcome.

 

Only you and your wife can decide. Swinging relationships, etc. are not tit-for-tat. Something like that seems to work for the 'Sister Wives' on TV. You will have to work this out with her.

 

There seem to be others in the lifestyle that do exactly this, or are really close to it.

 

Good luck with it!!

[victoria'dreams 141]

Thank you kikonkrome. The situation is getting very nice over here

[swingingnot4me 17]

To be clear if I told that story about that girl I met in the street, it is to say that after years of trying to avoid any of that, years of always be true, honest, faithful, I had for the first time the desire for doing something I am not supposed to do. I just had the fantasy of fucking someone else for too long and just couldn't manage it anymore.

 

My question is simple: could you have a different lifestyle for both part inside a same couple. That the result is equal in terms of fun & satisfaction, fairness.

 

To be more clear: my wife enjoying threesomes, probably small gangbangs and me (as she puts the idea out) meeting single girls for sex on my own.

 

As others have said, every couple is different. Its not for anyone to judge what is right or wrong for both of you as a couple. However, I think its safe to say she may be making choices and descisions without all the information. It sounds like she is being totally honest with you, but your only telling her what you think she should hear. It may be under the guise of protecting her feelings, but without full disclosure how can she make a choice and feel good about it?

 

I think before you preceed with anybody, you need to be honest with her. Tell her about the meeting, and talking to this girl. See her reaction. Then open up a dialog with her about it, or the possibility about hooking up with this woman or any other. Make sure she is 100% on board with this, knowing everything. But it does seem like shes giving in, which could spell disaster.

[victoria'dreams 141]

There are two things. First there is that idea from my wife about me having sex with a girl. And second there was that girl I met and wrote about opening that thread. For that girl in particular, I met her again and we had coffee together, went great but I strongly felt it wasn't right. I told my wife about her but I had to remove all of the romantic parts about the meetings in the street and a half lie is still a lie. I felt that girl is in a weak relationship and is not looking for NSA sex. Also I was starting to think of her a bit too much as I should and it just felt again not right. Didn't contact her since and won't. Not easy cause she is drop dead gorgeous...

 

My wife would like me to have sex with a girl. We talk a lot about it and I am not rushing to it. My wife feels she's been too lucky compared to me and would like to find a fair balance for both of us to continue our fun with other people. We're not into couples, not into clubs and she is not bi or even bi-curious which isn't helping finding girls for 3somes.

 

We're going on a ground we do not know. We both do not want to hurt the other and we talk. You can't be certain of your post-reactions after a new event. The best you can do is talk trying to not avoid anything that can hurt and be the most prepared. Still I believe you can't be certain.

 

She told me yesterday that she doesn't want to meet guys for threesomes, before I fuck a girl. We both feel the balance went way too much on her side and we, with our specific relationship, taste and wishes, try to make it more even. I can tell many of you (most of you?) see it as a possible disaster. Cause it is true it is very unusual.

 

I'd like to add that, even if my wife had a baby almost a year ago, she does look like a victoria secret model today. You can't see she even had kid. So it's not like she had to get in shape and on my side I'm going to fuck some hotter girl. As I said before we had a meeting recently with a man and she just loved it. She'd like to have that again + our very special loving life. We're an happy couple, in love and we have great communication.

 

Here is how my wife looks today: http://www.swingersboard.com/members/164793-albums374-picture4737.html

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

She IS a victoria's secret model!