Should I look for a swing partner or convert a vanilla?

[WidowedSwinger 25]

Question... Does a young, good looking, newly widowed, veteran Swinger Gentleman have a chance of meeting a partner within the lifestyle or does he have to convert an open-minded vanilla?

 

Thank You for your thoughts.

[longun45 115]

The short answer is yes.

The strategy is no different than when you want to attract any female. You just hunt in different places.

 

1. Go where you would expect to find her.

2. Stay put, Relax and interact and get to know people. Let them get to know you.

3. Enlist them in the hunt after you get to know them and they you. This maximizes your odds of success.

4. Get ready for the long haul and be open to all invites.

5. Expect nothing. It keeps you from becoming desperate, nothing says failure like desperation.

6. Rotate clubs one in a while. Repeat.

[kikonkrome 844]

So this is not really a binary question and it really mostly depends on you.

 

Have you thought about what you want?

 

What is stopping you from looking at both?

 

I would recommend spending some time doing some self analysis. Write down what you are looking for? Is it just fun, or something more serious? What personality traits?

 

After that get out there and enjoy the search. There is no 'single' person that is going to be your complete match, but strangely enough I think you will find that you can get pretty darn close.

 

Feel free to share with us your thoughts and feelings. This is also where an experienced good therapist could be beneficial. Obviously you will need one with an open mind.

 

I am sorry for your loss, and wish you the best of luck in the next phase of your life.

[couplers 4,724]

Find, don't try to convert. The one thing I have learned above all else is to be honest. Pretending to be someone you are not or liking something you don't only sets you on the wrong path and wastes time. Although conversion might be possible, there is also the real likelihood that you will be perceived as having a hidden agenda. It's not the same as when a couple slowly grows into the lifestyle together.

[WidowedSwinger 25]

WOW! SO true on "a couple slowly growing into the lifestyle together" because after the first 12 beautiful years together, that is exactly what we did.

We evolved over all those years before we were both ready and it was an amazing adventure~!

and then for me to go out and duplicate that it just doesn't happen.

So, the more I think about it, the more I think that the most ideal scenario would be someone who walked the same road I did.

~Had a great marriage,

~Discovered the lifestyle and it was great

~She is now widowed.

I have dated and some were very opened to the Nudist Lifestyle and some were not.

But, finding someone who understands the swing lifestyle has been quite a challenge.

I often think to myself, just let time and fate take it's course.

I have NOT ventured out to any swing clubs since losing my wife.

And yes, I am always honest, you can only be that way in a situation like this.

Yours and/or anyone else's feedback is always welcome.

[WidowedSwinger 25]

Thank you for your kind words.

Since my loss, I have not looked hard enough within the lifestyle.

I spent too much time on Vanilla sites and actually, believe it or not,

I met a woman on a mainstream dating site who was divorced and was a veteran swinger.

She too wanted that again...

Unfortunately, our personalities just didn't work so we never even got nearly far enough to play even together.

I DO KNOW exactly what I am looking for. I want what I had, a solid loving, fun swinging relationship but again that took over a decade to get to that point with my late wife. If I could "get pretty darn close" as you say, that would be great.

I see a therapist but could not imagine bringing this up to her but I have only been seeing her a very short time.

Thank you again and feel free to respond.

[WidowedSwinger 25]

Good advice.

Thank you!

[kikonkrome 844]

I DO KNOW exactly what I am looking for. I want what I had, a solid loving, fun swinging relationship but again that took over a decade to get to that point with my late wife. If I could "get pretty darn close" as you say, that would be great.

 

When I posted my reply I thought you would say exactly that. Unfortunately that relationship you had is gone, through no fault of your own. It happens.

 

What I recommend is making a list of qualities that you are looking for, loving, fun and swinging can be some of them. Then give some thought to which of those qualities are most important to you. It will really help get your head together in regards to what you will find.

 

The reality is, although unfair, you are now just another single guy with the rest of them. You realize where you stand in the swing 'hierarchy'? The clubs are not exactly filled with single women looking for a guy to swing with. So at this point doing everything you can to enjoy dating I think is fair. Singles can swing, it's just not called swinging as there is no partner involved. There's nothing stopping you from having a good time like you are swinging. Do not look at every date, hook up, whatever as a chance to replace that relationship you lost.

 

In regards to whether 'vanilla' women can be convinced to swing, I would disagree with the majority on this site and say yes it is possible. You said yourself it was a long period where you grew into the lifestyle. You might go through that experience again with somebody else. Would you give up the experience the first time around?

 

Feel free to post your thoughts, we are here for you.

[WidowedSwinger 25]

Thank you again.

 

The basic situation here is that along with my best friend, we discovered something great and that includes, the spice to our lives, the friends and laughter, etc. THEN, to try to explain that is so hard to someone who has never experienced it. (as I'm sure you all know).

 

Which brings me to an answer to your question of what is MOST important. Within the first year of our marriage, we went to a nude beach together for the first time, from there it was a nude cruise and then another, and then more local nude beaches, resorts close and far, raising children nude, more friends and more fun. And of course, NO TAN LINES OR SOGGY BATHING SUITS! We could not bring ourselves to wear suits anymore!

 

Now, since widowed, when I meet a woman, I do tell her, almost immediately, I'm a nudist, and there is NO way I can change that. More women converted than I thought. Most loved it. I know I need to be more patient with the swinging. I was very lucky (Blessed) with my first 15 year adventure, right up to the last two years in the swing lifestyle.

[kikonkrome 844]

Thank you again.

The basic situation here is that along with my best friend, we discovered something great and that includes, the spice to our lives, the friends and laughter, etc. THEN, to try to explain that is so hard to someone who has never experienced it. (as I'm sure you all know).

Yeah again that must be really hard and it is obviously difficult for you to work through

 

Which brings me to an answer to your question of what is MOST important. Within the first year of our marriage, we went to a nude beach together for the first time, from there it was a nude cruise and then another, and then more local nude beaches, resorts close and far, raising children nude, more friends and more fun. And of course, NO TAN LINES OR SOGGY BATHING SUITS! We could not bring ourselves to wear suits anymore!

 

It sounds like a great life you two had together!

 

Now, since widowed, when I meet a woman, I do tell her, almost immediately, I'm a nudist, and there is NO way I can change that. More women converted than I thought. Most Loved it. I know I need to be more patient with the swinging. I was very lucky (Blessed) with my first 15 year adventure, right up to the last two years in the swing lifestyle.

 

Well if that's working for you and your enjoying meeting and converting/introducing women to a nudist lifestyle I would say go for it!! Might even introduce them to swinging as well.

 

I mean somebody has to be their first time. My first swing experience was not with my wife. Now that I look back on it I certainly introduced four different women to the lifestyle with like no experience. One now certainly includes my wife. I think the term introduce is better than convince, because there has to be a lot of curiosity from the individual.

 

Sometimes life throws some real curve balls that we just need to embrace as best we can. Your still alive and have a lot to offer, enjoy this phase of 'being single'.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

I would say look EVERYWHERE (especially on line) but just make it a point that you are a nudist and are looking for a woman with the same mindset. At least this is a starting point where you will know that she doesn't mind being around others naked...