Accept the invitation? or Reject it.

[Bob250 74]

GF and I have been invited to a holiday resort for a week take over, after the first of the year. It will be a clothing optional, and swinging event. As many of you know, GF and I are not swinging, at least until we have defined our marital status, with me being more amenable to swinging and her less so. However, we are both confirmed naturists, and would love to go, but not to swing. The problems are, 1. we both get a lot of invites, and I am wondering if the week will be spent refusing offers, instead of enjoying the beach festivities, and 2. We don't want to be a drag on the other couples. So I would like to know how many posters think we should go, and how many think we should refuse , and do something else?

[benawyl 35]

If you are steadfast against swinging then you should not go. The only reason to go to a party, takeover or club is to fuck other people. That's the sole reason for going. Now finding somebody to fuck while there can be an issue but that's a different story.

[Mbgdallas 203]

If you are steadfast against swinging then you should not go. The only reason to go to a party, takeover or club is to fuck other people. That's the sole reason for going. Now finding somebody to fuck while there can be an issue but that's a different story.

 

I thought swinging didn't necessarily have to be about "fucking other people". I also thought that it could be about being watched or watching others. Did I get this wrong?

 

I would think that going... Not going... Could depend on a lot of other factors as well. Personally I would love to go just to hang out... Maybe watch some... Hopefully be watched... But overall just to pick up on the overall vibe and as a way to a gradual entry and first step into the LS. So to me the question may be are you just steadfast against "fucking other people" at this time and otherwise open to the LS or not.

[Bob250 74]

If you are steadfast against swinging then you should not go. The only reason to go to a party, takeover or club is to fuck other people. That's the sole reason for going. Now finding somebody to fuck while there can be an issue but that's a different story.

Swinging is ONLY about fucking other people? Apparently , I didn't get that memo.

[Bob250 74]

I thought swinging didn't necessarily have to be about "fucking other people". I also thought that it could be about being watched or watching others. Did I get this wrong?

 

I would think that going... Not going... Could depend on a lot of other factors as well. Personally I would love to go just to hang out... Maybe watch some... Hopefully be watched... But overall just to pick up on the overall vibe and as a way to a gradual entry and first step into the LS. So to me the question may be are you just steadfast against "fucking other people" at this time and otherwise open to the LS or not.

WE are certainly open to all of the party events being planned, and we even would not mind "performing" for an audience. Not to brag, but we're pretty hot when we get down to the nitty gritty. LOL The only thing we are not doing is actively seeking out other playmates.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Personally, if you two are working on the relationship and putting swinging on hold, going to a swinging event might be too tempting to resist. Go to a non-swinging clothing-optional event instead or some other hobby that you two enjoy together.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

The only reason I see NOT to go would be what sunbuckus said, that if the swinging subject is sort of unfinished business between you then no use risking ruining a holiday by putting yourself right in the middle of something and maybe hurrying the issue along faster than it needs to be hurried. But, if that's not a worry, then I'd go.

 

If you like putting on a show for others to watch, then I'm guessing you are already beyond what more than half of the attendees are willing to do themselves, so I don't think too many are going to be checking your back pocket to see if you have your gen-u-ine full swap swinger card and kicking you out the door if you don't.

[Bob250 74]

Personally, if you two are working on the relationship and putting swinging on hold, going to a swinging event might be too tempting to resist. Go to a non-swinging clothing-optional event instead or some other hobby that you two enjoy together.

The issues we have are those I mentioned. Temptation is not an issue.

[Bob250 74]

The only reason I see NOT to go would be what sunbuckus said, that if the swinging subject is sort of unfinished business between you then no use risking ruining a holiday by putting yourself right in the middle of something and maybe hurrying the issue along faster than it needs to be hurried. But, if that's not a worry, then I'd go.

 

If you like putting on a show for others to watch, then I'm guessing you are already beyond what more than half of the attendees are willing to do themselves, so I don't think too many are going to be checking your back pocket to see if you have your gen-u-ine full swap swinger card and kicking you out the door if you don't.

No, we are definitely on the same page as far as active swinging goes. WE are truly into each other, so that is why it wouldn't make any difference to us if people watched us fuck. And , I must say that the people who invited us, are very cool and wouldn't be a problem, as they are longtime swingers and close friends with my GF. So Our issues would be with anybody else who would make offers or invites. There will be lots of other activities and it would spoil the fun, if we had to be constantly deflecting wannabe playmates.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

The issue is that you don't want to swing and she does, is that correct?

[Bob250 74]

The issue is that you don't want to swing and she does, is that correct?

You have it backwards. Although she is a former swinger in her first marriage, she isn't interested in repeating, while I wouldn't be averse to a FMF, for example. But, we put our relationship first, last and always.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

My apologies. Well, if she doesn't want to swing at all, how does she feel about attending the event?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

So Our issues would be with anybody else who would make offers or invites. There will be lots of other activities and it would spoil the fun, if we had to be constantly deflecting wannabe playmates.

 

Well, without knowing what kind of crowd the event attracts, then hard to say. If it attracts people who go fully expecting to play each and every time, and having to deflect them would spoil your fun, then I wouldn't go. If it's the more typical crowd where some are there to explore, some there to watch, and a few there to actually play, then I wouldn't worry about it.

[Bob250 74]

My apologies. Well, if she doesn't want to swing at all, how does she feel about attending the event?

No sweat. She is friends with the people who invited us, also she is as much a nudist as I am, but she also doesn't want to be hit on, and not be able to enjoy the socializing.

[Bob250 74]

Well, without knowing what kind of crowd the event attracts, then hard to say. If it attracts people who go fully expecting to play each and every time, and having to deflect them would spoil your fun, then I wouldn't go. If it's the more typical crowd where some are there to explore, some there to watch, and a few there to actually play, then I wouldn't worry about it.

See, this is what I've been saying to her. Not everybody is going to want to jump my bones, or hers. There are going to be plenty of other things to do.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Please correct me if I remember incorrectly, but you both met in the LS, she was seeing a LS girlfriend to play behind your back, you two decided to focus on the relationship after that mistrust, but you two still want to stay friends with those you met in the LS...right? At this event, will there be those friends in attendance? If so, there is a higher chance of them asking to play if they aren't aware that you two are taking a break from swinging.

 

But in the chance that I mis-remembered your situation and it doesn't have anything to do with keeping in touch with swinger friends, if your girlfriend is attractive and usually gets offers to play when you two went out in the past to swing, then, yes, it can be a distraction or stressful to reject others (depending on her personality). However, if she's been in the LS long enough, it shouldn't be too hard to say, "Thanks for the offer but we're taking a break from swinging," or, "Thanks but we're not playing this weekend."

[Bob250 74]

Please correct me if I remember incorrectly, but you both met in the LS, she was seeing a LS girlfriend to play behind your back, you two decided to focus on the relationship after that mistrust, but you two still want to stay friends with those you met in the LS...right? At this event, will there be those friends in attendance? If so, there is a higher chance of them asking to play if they aren't aware that you two are taking a break from swinging.

 

But in the chance that I mis-remembered your situation and it doesn't have anything to do with keeping in touch with swinger friends, if your girlfriend is attractive and usually gets offers to play when you two went out in the past to swing, then, yes, it can be a distraction or stressful to reject others (depending on her personality). However, if she's been in the LS long enough, it shouldn't be too hard to say, "Thanks for the offer but we're taking a break from swinging," or, "Thanks but we're not playing this weekend."

Yep , that is basically what happened, although I would stress that her actions were not motivated by a desire to be deceitful. She is very honest and would have been more forthcoming about her feelings, if she was aware of what those feelings were. Once she had decided how she felt, she was absolutely straight forward, and has since given repeated proofs of her loyalty and honesty. Also, I would point out that she was emotionally involved with the other woman, not sexually involved.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Just because you are there, doesn't automatically indicate you are going to jump into bed with any or everyone else there. If you have friends that are going to be there (sounds like she does), I don't see how it should be an issue. Do the socializing thing and when (or if) you do get an offer for more, just explain that you two are not ready to go any further right now. Unless this is an event where everyone IS expected to just jump into the pile and play, I don't know of anyone who would be offended or put off by this. Most swingers I know are very respectful of the other couples limits. Especially after a couple of days, I doubt if it will even be a problem. Of course, the main question should be does SHE want to go and would SHE be comfortable doing this. If she is, and you are, then go.

[Bob250 74]

Just because you are there, doesn't automatically indicate you are going to jump into bed with any or everyone else there. If you have friends that are going to be there (sounds like she does), I don't see how it should be an issue. Do the socializing thing and when (or if) you do get an offer for more, just explain that you two are not ready to go any further right now. Unless this is an event where everyone IS expected to just jump into the pile and play, I don't know of anyone who would be offended or put off by this. Most swingers I know are very respectful of the other couples limits. Especially after a couple of days, I doubt if it will even be a problem. Of course, the main question should be does SHE want to go and would SHE be comfortable doing this. If she is, and you are, then go.

I agree, so we have tentatively decided to go. It is going to be a lot of fun, and because of the nature and location of the event, there is a very low possibility that we would be "outed" as nudists. We definitely need some time away from the rat race.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I think you could go and have a good time. However, I would expect to be hit on. If having to decline will be so annoying it ruins things for you or her, then I wouldn't go. Once you decline, if you do so firmly and politely and do not send mixed signals, that person shouldn't pester you again.

 

We were recently on vacation at a clothing optional resort. Some of our friends who were there also are in an exclusive poly arrangement. They felt that people did not socialize with them as readily, once they knew there wasn't an option to play. That is true to some degree.

 

So, basically, if you can go, have fun and focus on each other and don't mind explaining that you don't play I would think it would be a good time.

[Bob250 74]

I think that once we have made it plain to all that we are there for the nudism and "fun in the sun" activities, then it shouldn't be a problem. The majority of people are strangers, but there are enough who know our situation to make it still a group fun time.