Husband interested in swinging, but I'm a straight female - Problem?

[madrigal0404 15]

My husband and I have been married for about 6 months. Fantastic sex life, a lot of trust, brutal honesty and the other things that go along with a great relationship. We are not young, naive and have had enough experience in both of our lives to know ourselves very well. I knew before we got married that swinging is something that interested him, and there was not a single point where I have been opposed to the idea, in theory. The practice part frightens me a bit, but in theory, I have no objections. It has never been something I wanted, thought about or considered in the past, but I have always been aware of it and am generally really open-minded. I have always been a "moral" person, not in a religious way, but I have always been a loyal one-man woman. I am not opposed to alternatives at all, the situation has just never arisen.

 

He brings it up on occasion, then drops it, brings it up, then he freaks out and drops it again. It is confusing because when he brings it up, I take the time to put myself in that place mentally, and start digging into my research. When he drops it, I drop it. When he brings it up again, I have to start from scratch mentally. That part is a little frustrating. At this point however, I am just going to assume I should do my research knowing that this is something he is interested in. I think he is just afraid that he may be trying to pressure me or sound like a salesman. He knows that I would rather have the honesty than anything else, and has become more comfortable with that being a part of his desires. The fact that he desires this doesn't bother me either, I just need to figure out where I am, and he is willing to be patient and wait for me to "catch up".

 

At this point, I cannot say that I am interested in swinging, but I also cannot say that I am not interested. I am in some strange limbo that can lean either way at any time. I certainly do feel it is something I would be open to at some point. Although our relationship is built on something fantastic, I feel like we should be married longer, for whatever unknown reason. He finds the length of our marriage irrelevant. We talk about it a lot, we have created a profile online and had started conversations with some couples, but it hasn't gone anywhere for a variety of reasons. I don't know if I am keen on the online profile thing, and feel that a better "introduction" for me would be more immersive, so to speak. I would much rather go to some pressure-free event or party, be around people and see what occurs naturally. It seems difficult to do this without making a big membership fee investment, so I hesitate to spend a big amount of $$ for one or both of us to be completely turned off.

 

Basing this assumption on online profiles alone, there is only one major fear I have. I am not bi or even bi-curious. I have no desire to play with another woman, and never have. It seems as if female play is required, or expected. Is it possible for a fully straight couple to be successful in the lifestyle? Does anyone have experiences they can share in this area?

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Madrigal! Congratulations on your recent marriage

 

It is interesting that your husband is hot/cold/hot/cold to the idea, and I'm sure that's frustrating. I think a lot of discussion is in your future, if ever you are to get to swinging. There are places that you can go that are lifestyle friendly, both here and abroad. There are also swinger clubs in your general area that might give you an opportunity to dip your toes in the pool and see if it is appealing.

 

As to whether being bi is a requirement...NO...absolutely not! My wife is 100% straight. She can appreciate the beauty of a woman, but has zero...and I mean zero...interest in playing with women. It's just not on her radar. She readily grants she finds Jeri Ryan (7 of 9 from Voyager) to be exceptionally beautiful, but she would have no interest in playing with her. We've been active in the lifestyle for 7 years now. Her not being interested in playing with women does not seem to have an effect on things

[cplnuswing 4,713]

bbarnsworth could have been writing for us, we've been in the Lifestyle about the same amount of time, we're both straight, and it hasn't had a negative effect at all. About the only difference might be is when looking at online profiles; if bi play is emphasized as something that's important to them, then we would pass on that profile just like we would with a profile that emphasized anything else that we aren't into, BDSM for example. For those who enjoy those things, more power to them, just not something we are personally into. Everyone has their preferences, and one thing you will notice about swingers is it's all about respect - respecting other preferences, respecting their relationship, respecting each other, etc.

 

We have played with couples where the other female identified as some level of bi...never been a problem. No attempts to "convert" someone or anything else. Yes, on occasion you may be asked. Just like always, a polite "no thanks" is all that is required and it will end there with no hard feelings at all.

 

Having said all of that, yes, there are a few "bi-furious" females in swinging. Identifying them isn't difficult, and if it's online, then you just pass on by. If it's in person at a club or something, then you just handle them like you would anyone else who is pushing the limit. Just because it involves the same sex doesn't bring with it any special difficulty.

[xx1448 18]

I'm straight. Shes straight too. No interest in bi. Both of us fantasize mfm during sex. Taking it casually. Welcome. I'm new to. The site is cool. Some sincere people. ( sw pa. Cplsn ).

[Guest sandraandalex]

If the woman says she's straight it would never enter my mind to suggest anything else. Yes, it's fun to have a girl once in a while, but Swinging is all about having fun and sometimes my bi side is part of the fun, other times it's not. In fact there was a couple we saw a lot for a while and she was shocked when I said I enjoyed girls too. She said I never gave a hint of it, which means I knew and understood her boundaries well. Besides, it meant I could totally focus on her husband and that was really fun too. Infinite diversity in infinite combinations.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

First, I want to WELCOME you to Swingersboard.

 

My wife and I consider ourselves very successful in the lifestyle. We are both as straight as arrows. We play with people who are bisexual. None of these have ever tried to "convert" us.

 

About the on-line aspect. A lot of foolishness goes on and patience is required. The good news is that these websites also list open parties and meet-n-greet events.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Sit down with your husband and tell him what you wrote here. If nothing else, this will most likely open up new levels of communication you never imagined existed. This is obviously a fantasy of his but every time he starts thinking it may become real, he gets frightened and stops (be careful what you wish for...). Talk to him...even if you are not interested in going any further. Opening lines of communication is almost never a bad thing.

 

As for not being bi...the swingers that we have met are some of the most polite people we know and would never do anything to make others feel uncomfortable. As long as they know what your limits are, they usually will honor them or they wouldn't be there in the first place. Don't worry about this at all, just let any potiential couples know what your limits are and you should be just fine.

[SAMnTINA 362]

Welcome. Talking about it is a good way to get things started. When you are ready just do what feels right for you. It's not about what others do what it is about is the two of you sharing and having fun.

[ZoDee 81]

My husband and I have been married for about 6 months. Fantastic sex life, a lot of trust, brutal honesty......

 

At this point, I cannot say that I am interested in swinging, but I also cannot say that I am not interested. I am in some strange limbo......

 

I think it's pretty simple. Take the plunge and dip your toes in the water.

 

By that I mean create an online profile and chat to some couples & actually meet a few of them for coffee & drinks.

 

There's no commitment to swinging in that, but you will meet nice ordinary people and that will better help you assess your feeling.

[Guest]

You need to sit down and discuss it with him. In our case, we were much like you, a later in life second go around for both of us. Swinging came up while we were still dating, offered up by another couple that we me as an invitation. He was fore it but I was concerned because the other woman was bi. It ended up that we bypassed that invitation but chose to enter the lifestyle through MFM, it was less threatening to me and ok with him. Later we moved to swaps and other stuff and I am so glad we did.

[Sheiscurious 19]

Hello and welcome

 

I do not have as much experience in swinging as most people here it seems and I am.not currently swinging but ni have in the past and have done the Craigslist thing ( no good ) SLS ( pretty good ), and a lifestyle club (fantastic ) . While you are correct there is a lot of couples where the woman is bi in experience most of the people we know and met are not pushy about it at all . Yes of course every couple has their " thing " that is a must but to each their own . There are plenty of couples out there . Good couples will not pressure or lie . Take your time and you will find what you are looking for.

[findinganswers 369]

This is from a husband of a newbie couple. We never even talked about swinging. We are both straight. Our very close friends sprung on us that they have been doing this for years. This is also my wife's closest friend for many years. Looking back, how did we not know? I am trying to remember how we sat and listened to them open up to us. Me? I immediately undressed our friend in my head and thought all nasty things. My wife sat pretty quiet. For me and the wife it was at first a giggly and fun topic for us to joke about privately. Our would you questions became could you questions. I started googling swinging and swapping which brought me to this forum. Like you we were looking for answers. Our first posts were similar to yours. First was friends a good idea and second the bi issue. My wife like you had no bi or curious thoughts. From what we could determine our friends were straight but she said she has done many things with women. I would call that bi situations. He never did anything other than 3somes. After we discussed whether we could and decided maybe, my wife said if we do don't expect her to do anything bi. We are pretty open and joked about the possibilities. In my head, I was hoping she would but I only joked about it. I think muff diving was the key to set her off. Me just being me. I told her I was looking forward to me muff diving her good looking best friend. I can't answer what happens in other settings or what the expectations the couple you meet are. We were able to talk about our apprehensions with our friends. So many questions. My wife was very open about not having oral sex, with either of them. They said they wouldn't push anything.

Now when we did do this, our first and only time so far, my wife didn't do, but she was on the receiving end of what is called bi. Our friend looked for my wife;s approval before doing anything. There was some kissing and light touching. It was way exciting for me to watch. When the friend went down, my wife closed her eyes. When she tried to go 69 my wife just shook her head and she stopped.

My wife and I talked after. She still doesn't know if she can do bi things but she admitted she enjoyed what her friend did, but she added that I know she likes to get oral.

Don't think I answered anything, did I?

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

When we first started, Ms. Gold wasn't interested in women, but said that she was willing to kiss and touch another woman's breasts. The first couple we were with wasn't interested in ANY girl/girl interaction...and so none happened. There was a time that Ms. Gold asked if she could kiss the other woman and she politely said no, thank you, and that was that...no problems, no pressure.

 

The couple that we have been dating for some time now, well things have been different. While Ms. Gold repetitively has said that while she isn't interested in JUST a woman, she now doesn't have any problems with playing with a woman (and she has proved that numerous times now). She now lists that she is bi-curious on SLS (don't like the label, but it's the closest option available), and while I know that some of it is curiosity, most of it is for the effect it has on the men.

 

As I have said before, just because a couple says that the woman is bi or bi-curious, don't rule them out. Just be up front and 99% of the couples out there will honor her choice and not make this anything to be concerned with.

[gingerandwasabi 39]

I think your in a great place. It sounds like you are able to communicate openly and honestly with each other and ask for what you want. Keep that up and you will have a great marriage with or without swinging.

 

As far as getting started with swinging I agree that meeting couples online is more difficult than attending a party. We no longer have an online profile and the only thing we miss is the party information. But we have plenty of venues with parties in our area. See if you can find some parties events or meet and greets in your area or attend a swingers club on a Saturday night The bigger the better because it provides some anonymity to be lost in a crowd if you want to be until you feel more comfortable. You can just dance and flirt with your husband then when you are ready you will find swinger couples much easier to talk to than people at a vanilla party.

 

When we attend these parties we always have a great time and great sex with each other regardless of weather we meet another couple we want to play with. For us we often meet another couple to flirt with and then keep things going usually between the ladies talking and texting until the next party where we will plan to meet and play if we like them. That prevents us from getting into something that was good for one of us but not the other and it gives us plenty of time to decide what we are comfortable with. Still sometimes we know on the spot this couple is right for us and that's a lot of fun too.

 

My wife does not consider herself bi. She never initiates. But she enjoys the feel of a woman's soft body against hers. about half them time another woman has initiated bi play. About half those times she has said no without a problem. That leaves about a quarter of the time she has enjoyed all manner of bi experiences with another woman but that only happens when the stars align and it's what she wants.

Best.

[Alura 2,775]

Welcome from Oklahoma, Madrigal! I hope y'all find answers here, or at least enjoy your visit with us.

 

My wife did not initially consider herself bi-sexual. When confronted up front and personal with the question, she found she adapted enthusiastically.

 

To swing or not to swing? My late wife and I found our major reason for wanting to swing was to capture an aspect of sex that eluded us. When we were both single, we had sex for fun, and usually fun alone. After we discovered how much meaning our "love making" held for us, we had a difficult time having sex for fun with each other. We always drifted into expressing our love for each other. That was wonderful, but we wanted to recapture the "fun" aspect. We found that we could do that with people we didn't love.

Thanks for joining us!