Wife popular at party, husband (me) not so much

[njbm 2,877]

My wife and I attended a lifestyle party of around nine or ten couples. We attended the hosts' party once before and enjoyed it. My wife and I first played with another couple in one room. They are old friends that we have played with before and we had a good time.

 

Due to the small room we were in, my wife and the other husband went to another room. They fininshed playing and a succession of men went on to play with my wife. I have no objection to this except a couple of the men's wives declined to play with me. At all. So my wife barely came up for air for an hour or two and I was left holding my you know what.

 

My wife is quite attractive and is in very good shape. I could afford to miss a meal. The party was not attended by Adonises, however.

 

I do not begrudge my wife having a good time. It is a turn on to know everyone wanted her. Most of the other women either were into other women or just pooped out early.

 

My wife asked what she should have done differently. I asked if she knew what I was doing and she said no. I said she should have taken a break, asked what I was doing and maybe go back to the men and recruit one of their wives for me.

 

Is this just the breaks at a house party? Is there a way to wave your husband into the action?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I can relate to this situation. Something similar happened to me soon after we started receiving invitations to private house parties. I was feeling envious of my wife's success. Even nowadays this same situation will occasionally arise. I no longer resent the fact that my wife is able to choose her targets while I need to work a little harder. I am satisfied with the idea that I have my fun often enough. I have learned some things in the process; sitting around with my dick in my hand and a long look on my face does not make me attractive. Wearing a smile, flirting, and making pleasant conversation very often lands a girl right in my lap. Cheer up. It gets better.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

A few observations...

 

1. Women seem to make the selections in the LS. This alone ought to catalyze their partners into thinking about what attracts women to play.

 

2. Appearance does matter. Numerous studies in the vanilla space have illustrated this obvious fact. Appearance includes weight and height, but it also includes grooming, fashion, hygeine etc. Women will not initiate or continue a conversation with anyone (male or female) whose presentation they find unattractive or boring. Appearance is part of presentation.

 

3. The other part of presentation--personality reflected in conversation content and style--also matters. Wit, grace, and so on are noted. A side note on power: women like both powerful men (think Henry Kissinger) as well as sensitive men (think Alan Alda). Women tend not to like men who abuse power (physically or verbally as in rape or bullying). They tend not to like weak men (Gaspar Milquetoast).

 

4. Appreciation of the lady--compliments on her presentation--matter to most if not all women. Genuine interest in who she is, what she is wearing, and most important what she thinks are part of your attractiveness to her.

[njbm 2,877]

I think I was as attractive if not more so than the other men at the party. It seemed like a lot of the women played with each other or not much at all. My wife played with a lot of men, only one other woman was really playing with multiple men. The other women were not playing.

[njbm 2,877]

I chalk it up to what happened one night. Glad I get to go home with my wife. A couple from the party contacted us to go out. Onwards and Upwards!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

I chalk it up to what happened one night. Glad I get to go home with my wife. A couple from the party contacted us to go out. Onwards and Upwards!

 

Yup. Sometime the dance card has a wait list, other times empty. And you make the most important observation: spouse is always and forever #1! The subsequent invitations are always interesting--have fun!

[TwoFunTexans 103]

Interesting topic. We've not attended a party but I can see myself feeling odd by that. Maybe a good suggestion/rule might be to check in with the other every so often to make sure they're ok. Even if they are doing ok it would make me feel better to know they care.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I chalk it up to what happened one night. Glad I get to go home with my wife. A couple from the party contacted us to go out. Onwards and Upwards!

 

They must have noticed what an excellent and well balanced couple you two are. Congrats on letting a less than ideal situation turn into a positive.

 

As for the "checking in" at house parties: Our experience is that house party activities can be very fluid, and asking someone to remember to check in while the action is ongoing can present a problem. In other words, you get a few bodies messing around, things get a bit wild, and time starts FLYING by. What seems like five minutes to the lady enjoying an intense MFM is five hours to the guy not getting any action (and vice versa when the male is having fun). Expecting a check in just might be an invitation to a broken rule and hurt feelings.

 

Have fun with the new couple!

[longun45 115]

Learn how to small talk and do it well. Also learn how to give deep orgasms that can go on for hours, do it on someone and the girls will talk.

If you need to lose a bit of weight and tone up a bit. As you get to know people things will turn around. Just be up to it.

 

The other thing is don't take it as rejection. People need time to recharge, use the small talk to make that time pass. Offer to get drinks, or snacks. Offer back rubs.

[NWAtlSwing 522]

Women are more in demand than men in general. Just the way of the world.

[Alura 2,774]

Among the Lakota and Cheyenne, there was a custom called "Standing in a Blanket." If a warrior had a fancy for a young lady, he would ask her to stand in a blanket with him. They did this in the middle of the village. Often, when a young lady was popular, she would be standing in a blanket with a young warrior while several other warriors, anxious for their turns with her, waited in line.

[njbm 2,877]

Were you at our house party, Alura? I'm glad my wife was popular, she handled the room with aplomb. Just no fun to be doing nothing in the interim. I think the wives of the men my wife was playing with could have stepped to the plate and played.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Were you at our house party, Alura? I'm glad my wife was popular, she handled the room with aplomb. Just no fun to be doing nothing in the interim. I think the wives of the men my wife was playing with could have stepped to the plate and played.

 

I disagree with this.

 

We like house parties specifically for the reason that the expectation of couple swap play is much lower. We can each find a partner we like and play with them even if they are not married to each other. My husband has some friends he really enjoys, I am never going to play with their husbands. He would not ask me to do that and I'm pretty sure the husbands, being nice guys, would not want me to step up to the plate because my husband was with their wife.

 

Would you really want a wife to pity fuck you because her husband likes your wife?

 

I'm not something to be traded. It's not a tit for tat.

[njbm 2,877]

It doesn't have to be tit for tat. No one should take one for the team. My wife played with seven guys while their wives kibitzed in the living room. It was her choice, no one forced her. But it is a swing party. None of those women could have played with me or some of the other men? I just didn't see much effort from a lot of the women in the group. My wife thinks their husbands pressure them to go.

[njbm 2,877]

There were also a few women there with whom I would never play for various reasons.

[Suburbanites 20]

There were also a few women there with whom I would never play for various reasons.

 

I would be interested to know a little more about this, and why you feel this way.

[njbm 2,877]

One thinks I look like her ex and two of them I have played with before and we are not sexually compatible, Suburbanites. Fundaytoncouple, it's not pleasant to be referred to as a pity fuck. I've played a lot and I think I have my appeal and there are people on the board who I've played with who have complimentary things to say. That's a little rough. I certainly would not want anyone to play with me involuntarily or out of obligation. If I knew that was the case, I would not play with them.

 

My wife and I have noted the experience and we will adjust and move forward in seeking fun.

[NYFlirts 158]

I think it's the nature of the beast that men are hunting women in this LS. It's why almost all the main LS profile pics are of women and not men or both partners in the couple. Guys are out hunting for more and more... girls, not usually as much.

 

My wife and I have come to agree that we're both most comfortable "playing at the speed of the slowest leg", so we make sure we adjust how far and fast we're going based on how our partner is doing.

 

What seems like five minutes to the lady enjoying an intense MFM is five hours to the guy not getting any action (and vice versa when the male is having fun). Expecting a check in just might be an invitation to a broken rule and hurt feelings.

 

Brilliant points!!!

[Guest]

I think that in most cases, the lady is going to get more invites than the man. I mean, my guy is as good looking and fit as anyone but after you subtract the ladies who are interested in ladies, the stats favor the women interested in doing men. We get around this problem by making it known that we are interested in swaps, MFM, or even MMFM, or, at house parties, orgy like activity.

[njbm 2,877]

One of my misunderstandings was that we would be swapping with other couples. As the night wore on, I realized that almost every guy was hitting on my wife as if they were both single. At the next party, I will look for a woman with whom I would like to play and the heck with her husband. Also, people who attend this party pre-list on SLS. We may contact good couples in advance. Now that we've been to two of these parties and my wife has played with almost all the male attendees, we should be better known. Modestly, my wife's performance was epic. I told her she may get a case of champagne next time.

[Mbgdallas 203]

One of my misunderstandings was that we would be swapping with other couples. As the night wore on, I realized that almost every guy was hitting on my wife as if they were both single. At the next party, I will look for a woman with whom I would like to play and the heck with her husqband. Also, people who attend this party pre-list on SLS. We may contact good couples in advance. Now that we've been to two of these parties and my wife has played with almost all the male attendees, we should be better known. Modestly, my wife's performance was epic. I told her she may get a case of champagne next time.

 

Is this really true. This could be most troublesome for me.

[j&rcouple 42]

We only swap together so if either one is not happy we don't do anything just some good conversation

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

The latter comments in this thread speak to an asymmetry or two that are worth comment.

 

1. One reason that couples attend house parties is that it provides options around play. There is no need for both partners to play. There is no need for both partners to play as a couple. Need is different from expectation, which is why those expectations ought to be discussed in advance. Expectations are different from boundaries, of course, but lack of respect for either can result in disappointment. Perhaps there should be a separate thread.

 

2. One reason that couples date other couples is to explore whether there is chemistry all around. 2+2=4 is wonderful. Other variants, not so much. Candidly, it takes a lot longer to find interesting matches this way than at house parties, and the matches tend to valued differently. There are expectations and boundaries that also need to be discussed, and a date usually creates a specific opportunity for discussion in advance for both couples. Often a first date is clearly bounded, (e.g. "This is a vanilla, make-your-acquaintance, meet for drinks or dinner somewhere, no expectations or plans beyond.") and thus relatively easy to set expectations. If there's a second date, the need for conversation anticipating eventualities and looking at expectations and boundaries resurfaces.

[enhancer 1,585]

Like it or not women are always going to have it easier finding others to play with then men! This is true in the vanilla world as much as it is in the swing world! It doesn't even matter how attractive the person is. It is just the way it is. Don't know how many times we have been at a bar and watched as a women who was not even very attractive just made herself look like she was looking and was swamped by men including some that would be considered attractive. Can't say the same for the men. They really need to step up their game to stand out and succeed.

 

For us this kind of thing is not an issue, because we are in this lifestyle for shared experiences and only play together with others. This is how we both want it to be and it works for both of us. Sure it might limit the amount of play outside of our relationship, but we are not in this for numbers. We are in this for shared quality experiences. The only way we will swap is if their is a four way connection. If there isn't neither one of us feels like we are missing out on anything, because we know we are going to go home and have amazing sex with the person we find more attractive then anyone anyways. There is no doubt that Ms Enhancer could go to a party and get plowed by multiple guys any given night, but it would do nothing for her, because it is not her thing.

[njbm 2,877]

I think that my wife did enjoy having encounters with multiple men and I have no objection to that. My only objection was that I did not have an opportunity to play with other women as the night wore on. If we only played with other couples where we both liked the other couple and vice verse, we would have been done quickly at this party. We hope to swap with couples that we meet on SLS, but we rarely get a four way match and if that was all we did in the LS, we would have quit by now.

 

My wife had a 9.9 evening, I had a 7, I will only gripe a little and with reflection and the comments, I understand the steps I can take to do better next time.

[Ebonylehigh 254]

Hmmm, I might be in the minority here but even at a house party where we play separately I'm not really going to go all in unless I have already assisted or can see that hubby has someone to play with or at the least is feeling her out to see if play will happen. I have gone and played with a partner but after if he has not played, I am not going into another encounter. It's not about tit for tat for me but more so that I want us both to enjoy our time out. I would expect him to do the same if there is a night he is more popular than me. We are still a team.

[kikonkrome 844]

Hmmm, I might be in the minority here but even at a house party where we play separately I'm not really going to go all in unless I have already assisted or can see that hubby has someone to play with or at the least is feeling her out to see if play will happen. I have gone and played with a partner but after if he has not played, I am not going into another encounter. It's not about tit for tat for me but more so that I want us both to enjoy our time out. I would expect him to do the same if there is a night he is more popular than me. We are still a team.

 

awesome...

[njbm 2,877]

That is considerate of you, Mrs. Ebonylehigh. I think my wife was thrown for a loop, was passed from guy to guy and lost track of time in an orgasmic haze. She played fully with four guys and there would have been a fifth, but as they started their full swap, my wife saw dressed people walking by the open door and obviously leaving the party. That snapped her out of it and made her realize it was late and she had been at it for a long time. I did not break it up because I never saw her have a better time. The scene was better than most porn. She was working on multiple guys through much of it. She said I was free to join in, but I didn't want to inhibit her or the guys. I did get a thrill out of seeing it when I checked in every 10-15 minutes. Quite a few other voyeurs and people who jumped in to suck her boobs, etc. If there was only one other woman playing, I might have had something to do. Not mad at my wife, disappointed in the other women. Next time, she'll take a break. She may have champagne and roses waiting for her at their next party.

[Eddiem 139]

I could see this happening. I have a good friend in the LS and uses SLS. He loves life as does his wife after they started in the LS a few years back. He honors the code and never EVER suggests we vanilla people join him and his wife as our friendship is too special. That being said.. he mentioned to me..."man if your wife was to go to one of the parties the guys would be waiting in line for her..." for me... I feel as though I would fall into the same as you NJBM.

[benawyl 35]

Couple swap play is lower at house parties? Is it much different than clubs or hotel takeovers?

 

It seems at every event I've been to it's four or nothing.

[njbm 2,877]

Benadryl, you mean you only see two couples swap?

[benawyl 35]

Benadryl, you mean you only see two couples swap?

 

The only things we've been to have been full weekend hotel takeovers and three clubs. Going into clubs I always assumed it would be everyone for themselves you find somebody and go play.

 

What I've been experiencing is we only play together as a couple so it has to be a four way match. There have been multiple women at these places that wanted to have sex with me but it wasn't a four way situation.

 

I'm getting the impression that most guys won't let their wife just go off and play.

 

One of the clubs we go to is a private residence with only 30-60 couples at a time so I guess you could call it a house party and club at the same time.

[njbm 2,877]

The house party we went to had a few things working against a couple swap: several of the couples had a wife that was more interested in women, I had unsuccessful previous play sessions with two of the women and another won't play with me because I look like her ex and some of the women were one and done and stopped playing early. So with only ten or 12 couple, my wife plays with seven men , I play with one woman. I am glad that I did not interrupt or inhibit my wife. I think she had a lot of fun. This party occurs every couple of months. I have to change my strategy to pursue my "target," a woman I desire.