Intercourse or oral? Which is more intimate?

[findinganswers 369]

We just had our first experience and we are having dinner with the couple. These are very close friends of ours, my wife's best, oldest, and closest friend. They have kept their lifestyle a secret to us. Close friends keeping a secret. They let us in on the secret and invited us to have fun. We resisted and then over time decided we would. Prior to this swinging was not a thought.

 

To get to my question, we did swap and play. I was more than eager to go down on our friend and she didn't hesitate going down on me or my wife. Well my wife didn't reciprocate. She did have sex and we all know she liked the sex.

 

We are at dinner with our friends and we are discussing things. We all can understand why my wife didn't go down on her friend. My wife is straight and never said she was curious. The question was why not on the husband? I know my wife enjoys oral. She gave me a blow job the first time we had sex and is very good at it even now.

 

Now she says oral is very intimate but we say she had sex with him. What's more intimate than that?

[Guest sandraandalex]

Actually, this is not an uncommon point of view. Sex , a penis into a vagina, is what sex is. Oral, is more of a chosen act. Taking a man's cock in your mouth is more personal from a certain point of view . It's a more common point of view than you may perceive. As with many things, our beliefs are built from our points of view which are infinite and diverse. Look at it the way, if she finally does perform oral on him, it's an expression of amazing sexual trust and he should be flattered. For many women, actually a lot of women, it's not just a blow job.

[findinganswers 369]

We are all reading your answer. She said of course she trusts him. They had sex with no protection. That's trust. We asked her how many guys she blew in her life, 5,10,20? Our friend knows my wife longer than I do. My wife said it was different then. She blew guys because didn't trust them for more. She said no guy ever stopped her. She just wasn't ready to do it to her best friend's husband. He said no problem and asked if she enjoyed the very intimate things he did.

[econobiker 165]

The attitude of which is more intimate depends on the ages of those involved and what era they were brought up.

Many people of the babyboom generation may consider oral more intimate choice than intercourse where as the millennial generation might consider intercourse more intimate with oral being more of a "friendly" or easy contact.

[Guest sandraandalex]

So, what is your question then ? She didn't blow him because she didn't want to. Not all choices require an explanation.

[findinganswers 369]

We are just having fun talking about it. No she didn't want to blow him I guess.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

As a guy, I find getting a blow job more intimate than having sex with a woman. In fact, when I was younger I found it virtually impossible to have an orgasm from a blow job if I didn't truly love the woman in question. Ok, now I sound like a scumbag but it was true. I remember an orgasm from a blow job I had once with a woman whom I'd been dating for a while. I really did love her. It was an exceedingly intense orgasm, far eclipsing any blow job I'd had before. I attributed it then, and now, to how much I cared about her and she for me.

[kikonkrome 844]

As a guy, I find getting a blow job more intimate than having sex with a woman. In fact, when I was younger I found it virtually impossible to have an orgasm from a blow job if I didn't truly love the woman in question. Ok, now I sound like a scumbag but it was true. I remember an orgasm from a blow job I had once with a woman whom I'd been dating for a while. I really did love her. It was an exceedingly intense orgasm, far eclipsing any blow job I'd had before. I attributed it then, and now, to how much I cared about her and she for me.

 

I don't orgasm from blow jobs. Never have. Not that I don't love getting them but orgasming from them is not going to happen.

[Guest]

As a boy and as a man, I have always found it interesting that some girls and then ladies tend toward oral as the first major sex act whereas others definitely vaginal. Interesting thing, I tend to see that same priority in their swing approach. My first wife performed oral on me at 16 but she didn’t lose her virginity until 17. Later when she started playing around, she led with oral. My second wife was just the opposite, lost her virginity at 15 but didn’t do oral until 17. Through out her life (according to her stories) and now in swing, she was much more likely to screw then suck.

[njbm 2,906]

Ice cream or cake? I like both!

[cplnluv1 874]

Not trying to over analyze. Was your wife ready for this swap? Is it possible that the intimacy question is just a deflection. Taking a man in your mouth is an action she has to initiate. You say she has done it many times to many men or guys she dated. She was revolted by the act. Not going down on a woman is a natural reaction if you aren't prone to doing it. Now having sex with a man entering you can be considered passive. It may be much easier to let someone fuck you than blowing a guy if you are hesitant to the act of swinging.

 

We have met a number of newbies and the reaction to a first time is as varied as the couples we have met. You are lucky to have been with an understanding couple

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Fucking face-to-face is definitely more intimate.

 

* Your get to look into the person's eyes -- the eyes are the windows to the soul.

* You get to kiss -- kissing is definitely more intimate than playing around with genitalia.

* It's a team effort.

[Mbgdallas 203]

I don't orgasm from blow jobs. Never have. Not that I don't love getting them but orgasming from them is not going to happen.

 

What's the deal? Why not? I don't either and I can't fugue it out. The feel great but I have never even approached one.

[findinganswers 369]

Fucking face-to-face is definitely more intimate.

 

* Your get to look into the person's eyes -- the eyes are the windows to the soul.

* You get to kiss -- kissing is definitely more intimate than playing around with genitalia.

* It's a team effort.

 

We discussed kissing before we met. We agreed not to overdo kissing but some would be alright. I had sex face to face with her on top. The sex my wife had was doggy so again she was not as active. The kissing between the girls was pretty deep and was initiated by our friend.

 

For those who can't cum from a bj, I can and I love it. My wife also cums from oral.

[love2dp 53]

Any penetration is equal in my mind. One is not more intimate then the other.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I consider intercourse the more intimate of the two, but it's because of the body and eye contact and interaction and working together toward a common goal instead of oral which tends to have more of a giver/receiver dynamic.

 

I think econobiker is onto something with it being a generational thing. Being solidly middle middle-aged, oral sex was always something that was there and just went along with intercourse; not taboo, but not something that just came your way just for fun either. But, in talking with older friends, a higher percentage of that generation seemed to definitely have had (and still do in some cases) a bit more taboo and reservations about oral sex. Since overcoming reservations is easier when there is more intimacy, then that would kind of make sense. On the other hand, in hearing reports from the younger generation, oral sex isn't a thing at all and would fall into the just for fun casual sex category.

 

btw, add me to the list of guys who like oral but only rarely orgasm that way.

[asncpl 730]

The attitude of which is more intimate depends on the ages of those involved and what era they were brought up.

Many people of the babyboom generation may consider oral more intimate choice than intercourse where as the millennial generation might consider intercourse more intimate with oral being more of a "friendly" or easy contact.

 

Since I'm the in-between generation (Gen X or is it Y?), what should be my choice?

 

Definitely agree that it has to do with the times and culture at the time of growing up. My parents emphasized keeping my virginity. Ok, it didn't really help in terms of keeping it until marriage, but it made me think of intercourse as more intimate. I could and did give blowjobs much more casually than intercourse during my teenage and college years. Now that I have been in the LS for a while, it really shouldn't matter but I know somehow I still feel intercourse as being more intimate.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I'll throw in another theory: could "liking" it be a factor? For example, if a woman doesn't really like to do anal sex, would her willingness to have anal sex with a certain playmate be more intimate than a woman who enjoyed anal from the get-go?

 

This thread that also asked whether oral sex or vaginal sex were more intimate.

[ZoDee 81]

Fucking face-to-face is definitely more intimate.

 

* Your get to look into the person's eyes -- the eyes are the windows to the soul.

* You get to kiss -- kissing is definitely more intimate than playing around with genitalia.

* It's a team effort.

 

Got to agree to an extent.

Yes the eye to eye contact does add a huge degree of intimacy as you are sliding your cock into someone & they are reacting & reciprocating with their grip.

 

But also I find drawing a woman's pussy lips and clit between my lip is also highly intimate.

It is a mix of the pleasure & trust involved in finding the boundary between what's just right & not too hard.

 

I think sucking those parts between your lips & teeth is a completely different part of oral with a woman to just licking her pussy & clit.

 

Same with oral on me.

 

There's the just sucking & bobbing on my cock, not too dissimilar to a hand job in some respects, and then there's the deep sucking, nibbling & using their mouths to find the knife's edge of my pleasure boundaries.

[TricianMike 788]

I am torn to what is more intimate. I see it was mentioned that it can be generational. I also think it is different for men than women. Generational, when I was younger the first sex I had was oral, after the first touchy feely and hand job. I think it was what many of us did to keep a boyfriend and not go all the way. I most likely got a reputation but from what I remember most of my friends were doing it. Laughing now but I remember freaking when I got a load on my new sweater. Maybe it was a way stay a virgin, not get pregnant, and keep a boyfriend. For the guys, they weren't as quick to give oral even though I still again remember hoping and making sure I was clean and clean smelling LOL. To this day I still have a strange good feeling undressing a man and doing what comes natural to me. All sex is intimate, I enjoy a man who is orally proficient. I can orgasm from oral so that is a plus.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

I'd say sex is more intimate. It gets hot and sweaty when you are doing it right and you can look into each other's eyes. Oral to me is just a warm up excercise.

[cplnluv1 874]

Sex is intimate. Being nude with someone is intimate. Kissing is intimate. Intimate means being close and familiar. If I am taking a man in my mouth we are intimate. If he is down on me we are intimate. If we are in a 69 position and both of can orgasm it is no more or less intimate than him cumming in my vagina.

[EastInWest 1,524]

I've been watching this thread because for a while, this whole concept of what we considered more "intimate" was a conversation topic for us. Her answers were not exactly what I expected, but two things she brought up:

 

She had a strong reaction against the idea of an unknown man licking and sucking her breasts. By comparison, she would much prefer to give an anonymous partner a handjob.

 

She also pointed out that, given the choice, if she had to satisfy someone she just plain hated, she would prefer to fuck than to suck and felt she could distance herself from that much more easily.

 

With a little more discussion, it became clear that it isn't the stimulation or the act she was sensitive to, but rather the fluids involved. A wet mouth on her breasts made her nervous, and the idea of tasting a man emptying out in her mouth struck her as massively more intrusive than simply feeling him finish inside her.

 

That's theory, not practice, of course, but it was interesting to me because both points came as a surprise.

[NB_DG 15]

Do a Youtube search "Why Blowjobs Are More Intimate Than Sex"

[Guest the Duke13]

Guess it is a personal thing some might think a b.j. is more personal because one puts the cock in ones mouth making it closer to eye contact etc. thus more personal, most would think sexual intercourse is more personal as it is the act of pleasuring the partner and also the act of procreation, which the sex organs are created to do beside pleasuring. But heh if you wife is willing to let your friend be intimate with her and he likes it why knock it.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Guess it is a personal thing some might think a b.j. is more personal because one puts the cock in ones mouth making it closer to eye contact etc. thus more personal, most would think sexual intercourse is more personal as it is the act of pleasuring the partner and also the act of procreation, which the sex organs are created to do beside pleasuring. But heh if you wife is willing to let your friend be intimate with her and he likes it why knock it.

 

It's funny that you brought up eye contact. These threads started us talking about this again, and in the context of doing something completely sober with a stranger, the eye contact was the same thing that she mentioned: she mentioned that she would greatly prefer to be fucked or even to take charge and be on top than to suck a random man, not just because of the issues with the cum, but also because of having the strange equipment in her face and making eye contact with him while he enjoys her mouth. She even mentioned that in a "spitroast" situation, she would prefer I be in her mouth since being able to make eye contact with me while another man fucked her would make her less nervous.

 

Which is a bit of shame, since I have a very specific fantasy about kicking back in an easy chair with a glass of whiskey and watching her nervously take off her top, expose her beautiful DD breasts to a strange man, and kneel down between his legs to lick and suck him to a powerful orgasm in her mouth while she stares into his eyes and contemplates the taste of a man she knows nothing about and will never see again. Does she want to impress him? Will she swallow? Does she pay enough attention to his balls? The perfect, thoughtful appetizer for the heavy meal I'm going to make out of her after he leaves.

[Sophy 571]

We started as a soft-swap couple,we definitely find intercourse more intimate than oral sex.

[J&Wu 412]

As the Guy half I find eating her pussy very intimate especially in 69 with her on top for the precious view more than what is happening to my penis. But when we are Missionary deep kissing without laying on her while continuing to slid in and out is pretty intense as well.

 

If another guy is doing the Fucking I find laying very close and deep kissing much more intimate than her sucking or handling me.

[love2dp 53]

kikonkrome said:

I don't orgasm from blow jobs. Never have. Not that I don't love getting them but orgasming from them is not going to happen.

 

Mbgdallas said:

What's the deal? Why not? I don't either and I can't fugue it out. The feel great but I have never even approached one.

 

The deal is she wasn't doing it right. Whoever she was or those women were...in my opinion. My very first blowjob was from a girlfriend who although just 3 days younger then I, we were both 17 but she had been giving bj's to lots of boys and men and had been having sex since far too young of age. But, certainly all those sexual encounters hones her cock sucking and bj skills ten fold. I've have many bj's from many women throughout my years of being sexually active, but that slut of a woman was and probably is still the best cock sucking my cock has ever had. And yes I could cum like crazy with her. She kept my balls drained daily. Many times more then once a day. I would shoot blanks from being so drained.

 

Later on with other women, plenty of them, I've been able to cum, but certainly as I've gotten older, it is more difficult. That's not the correct word really, more it just doesn't feel good enough to make me cum. It feels great, don't get me wrong, but no, I haven't came from some other women who have given me bj's. Ive determined its them, not me. I guess my cock has to be stimulated just so, with the right amount of squeezing and stroking with a good amount of saliva and action.

 

My ex of 15+ years could suck me till I would cum, but it usually would take her a while. Its also how the female acts. If its a real turnon for her to have a mans cock in her mouth, she is going to be enjoying it much more then a chick who is not so into it, and there for is just performing the act. Unless a woman really likes sucking cock, I don't want her to bother as I will sense and feel and see her lack of enjoyment and enthusiasm, which of course is a turnoff. I can still keep my cock hard enough to enjoy it for the most, but no, I can't cum if that's the bj I'm getting. If a woman is very experienced, loves sucking cock, and swallowing cum, and knows how You like Your cock sucked, she should be able to make you cum fairly easily. Of course your age and overall health is a major factor as well.

 

With my cancer and brain tumor issues I've had you would think I would have zero sex drive. Wrong! My tool works as good as ever, like it always has. I still jerk very often. Regularly for sure.

 

It was after my first brain surgery and loss of half my right lung, when my now ex and I's sex life somehow ramped up and got so much better. Then we broke up lol. Try and figure life out. Its crazy, you can't. At least now I can find a swinging chick who will be lots of fun and who can hopefully keep up with me, and all the cock I'm totally cool with her fucking and sucking.

[Baconheads 438]

I've had blow jobs where I've gone off in like 30 seconds (from a Vegas call girl) and ones that last and linger and when you finally do go off it's like a religious experience.

[Baconheads 438]

We started as a soft-swap couple,we definitely find intercourse more intimate than oral sex.

 

We are a soft couple to this very day. Because we are soft, perfect compatibility and attraction are not totally necessary. We have not yet in three years found our match for full swap. To us full sex is much more intimate that touching, kissing, licking or sucking.

[padoc 1,704]

For us, oral is part of sex. We've already decided to be intimate with a couple when we get naked with them. Once that decision is made, we're interested in orgasms. Where and how they happen is a lot less important than that they happen. We like oral, giving AND receiving, as a part of the experience but tend not to quantify or question where the evening goes once we're comfortable enough for intimacy with the other couple.

[Shore2Please 613]

To me everything is intimate. Once you are naked there is little doubt about intimacy. I have read on here that kissing is taboo for some couples. Does that make kissing more intimate? His touching me was intimate and I felt more intimate during sex. Oral was part of the intimacy. Then when we met again and we were doing oral, both of us, he was going to take himself out of me mouth but I kept him in and he came. I think that was the most intimate. Even more than he came with sex.