First Time Nerves - Rejection & Stage Fright

[TwoTogether 42]

So I may ramble a bit with this question, but appreciate everyone's patience...

 

My wife and I continue to discuss our preparation for going to a club for the first time and she expressed some concerns/doubts about whether anyone would find her attractive. She's in her early 40's (I'm now officially in my late 40's) and she's had children. she works out religiously and eats healthy, but has never had a model's figure. I love her body and find her attractive, but she's worried that nobody would be interested in her.

 

I shared that my perception was that women generally play the Alpha role in the clubs and is more likely to be invited to play than men. Any thoughts/comments on this?

 

Second question - I find the idea of watching or publicly having sex to be totally erotic and it turns me on. But... I wonder if in the back of my mind that I might get there, have an opportunity to play, want to play, but have my body fail to cooperate. Is this common? What is the general reaction/response if it happens? Might this be a LS faux pax???

 

Thanks for the help, and I ought to get used to asking these very 'private' questions if I plan on going au-natural with strangers surrounding me!

[Alura 2,775]

My guess, TwoTogether, is that y'all will do fine swinging. You love each other and are not afraid to tell each other the truth. Y'all're exactly the type of couple my late wife and I enjoyed. Tell your wife not to worry. Some fellow will eat her up. Enjoy the club!

 

Y'know, the trouble with penises is their unreliability. In case of failure, I found that eating pussy is often a quick cure.

 

Laura and I always kept an eye out for like-minded people. One of our best finds was a couple we met at a Ballet. Be alert!

 

Good Luck!

[TwoTogether 42]

Y'know, the trouble with penises is their unreliability. In case of failure, I found that eating pussy is often a quick cure.

Alura, Absolutely brilliant. So obvious that I couldn't see it! Even better - it's something I really enjoy doing! Thanks.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I'm sure she'll have no problem. Swingers are a reflection of everyday society, and as real people, they aren't perfect, nor is perfection sought or demanded by others. Just like society at large, you will find all different body types, personalities, etc. in swinging. Personally speaking, that realness, both body and attitude, is what is sexy in and of itself.

 

Yes, performance anxiety happens, and it's usually the guy that makes the big issue of it in his mind more than anyone. The horny male that is always ready to go at any time with any one is mostly just a myth. Sooner or later it can happen to anyone, and when it does, yes it sucks, but more for him than anyone I think. It's very easy to fall into a self-defeating cycle of the bigger issue you mentally make it in the moment the harder it is to get past it. Easier said than done to just put it aside I know, but there is more than one way to give her pleasure and as Alura said, putting all your attention into something else and off your "troubles" often results in a sudden realization that he is now rarin' to go. Watching the alcohol consumption helps, which can be easy to slip up on because you're probably nervous to start with. Too, I think that just taking a little extra time to socialize and get more comfortable with someone is time well invested. That may not be the case for everyone, but I think for many it helps...the more comfortable you are with someone, the smoother things go.

[kikonkrome 844]

You are going to find personality takes as big a role in sexy as body type. There are all sorts of body types out there and all sorts of different types of people. Just go and enjoy the atmosphere. Talk to as many people as you can. That is what will make a sexy and an exciting night.

 

I think you may be a bit overwhelmed with the scene initially. I am pretty sure everybody is, but you'll soon warm up to it. It's mostly the 'unknown' that get's everybody's mind racing about what will go wrong. First off, there is no need for you to hook up with another couple the first night. Secondly you are going home with your favorite lover. So regardless of what happens it's going to be a great night out with your favorite partner!!! Finally the goal we have as a couple is always to turn ourselves on. Sometimes that is with other people, sometimes that is just hanging out and enjoying the scene.

[JandKinBoise 859]

You guys are going to have SO much fun! Concerning stage fright, worrying about it can amplify the issue. As was mentioned, men make a bigger deal of this than the women. I have been in situations that were very stimulating and I'm hanging like a noodle. Next time, no problem.

 

I think the advise to go and observe, get used to the scene and become comfortable in that environment is excellent. Take the pressure off and good things can happen. I remember my wife was so concerned about having sex with another guy. Now her clothes fly off at the first hint of sex. It's just that first step that is such a big one.