Is it appropriate to mention open marriage in an on-line profile?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I have recently removed from our on-line profiles any mention or hints that my wife and I share an open marriage. The open marriage is a fact but a strong suspicion was growing that open marriage is a notion that intimidates many people and might reduce our chance of hearing from them or receiving an affirmative response.

 

If you see the words "open marriage" in a profile, does it turn you away?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Maybe. For us it depends on how much emphasis it seems to get in the profile. If that seems to be the key aspect, then we would shy away from it, and in fact did that one time with a couple we probably would have otherwise at least wanted to meet. We were less experienced then so a little more jumpy than we are now, but it would still probably be a 50/50 even now. The reason behind that thinking is simply odds of compatibility - if that is what they are looking for, or we suspect that is what they are looking for, and we aren't looking for that, then right off the bat compatibility is less likely. Sure, there are other areas where there may be really good compatibility in terms of attraction, personality, etc. but it's going to be hard to complete the whole picture when you know once piece doesn't fit from the start.

 

If it was just something that they mention about themselves, or something that is there as a possibility but doesn't receive a lot of emphasis, then it wouldn't bother us.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

The term "open marriage" is like so many other terms that often has many different definitions to many different people. "Open marriage" is similar to "HWP" or "professional"...there can be a lot of assumptions when one reads those terms. Some can be positive and some can be negative depending on who the reader is. It's come to the point where if a profile or couple mentions certain terms, clarification needs to be requested. For some, swinging (together, same room) is an open marriage. For others, open marriage is a free-for-all.

 

However, since we are primarily a swinging-together couple, when we see an "open marriage" term in a profile or hear it from a couple, we are automatically put on guard because it hints at play for only one of us instead of both.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

For us, it would not be a big deal. But, for many people we know, it might be a click-away.

 

I would say if you are looking for people who will be willing to play separate, you might want to leave it. Or instead of the vague term, open marriage, describe your play preferences. You might get less attention in general, but more of what you are looking for.

 

For now, you might do an experiment and leave it off awhile and then report back your findings.

[asncpl 729]

I still don't know what exactly "open marriage" means. As Sun said, it seems to mean different things to different people. It wouldn't necessarily turn me off to the profile but it would get some questions from us if we are interested in the couple.

[WesternSwing 504]

It doesn't turn me away, but then again I've spent the better part of my adult years in open relationships or marriages, so I know what "open marriage" really means. But I think for many just wading into ethical non-monogamy "open marriage" sounds threatening. To them,and many others, I think it can sound like you really aren't committed to each other or you wouldn't play separately or allow your partner to have other actual relationships.

 

I guess leaving it in or taking it out all depends on whether or not you want to cull out a certain style of swinger or just explain it on a need-to-know basis.

[edtungsten5858 29]

I see lots of threads here and elsewhere in which folks get wound up on small phrases an then overanalyze it. My two cents: Use direct unambiguous language. We used to modify our ad often if folks seemed to misunderstand something. The lesson was to avoid slang or overly broad terms, like 'swingers'. We enjoyed full swap and many other types of erotic fun, and we would just say what they were in plain English. :-)

[enhancer 1,585]

We really wish people that are in open relationships that play separately would list it in their profile! We have had just way to many couples that don't list it friend us then only have the guy hit us up to join us alone. It is annoying.

 

The wife is always busy, has her full load of play friends or just isn't interested in playing alone we hear from him. We both like women not our problem if their woman doesn't want to be there. Just not the kind of deal we are interested in.

 

If one of the women in these open relationships wanted to play with us alone we would be more interested! Double standard on our part, but hey everyone has their own preferences and that is ours if both partners are not going to be involved.

 

At least if they state it on their profile we know what we are going into and decide for ourselves if we are interested instead of getting blindsided by the guy that wants to play alone.

 

To be clear we have no issue with people that do choose to live the lifestyle this way! If it works for you then awesome. Just something we are both 100 percent not interested in doing ourselves. We enjoy the shared experiences of the lifestyle and that works for us.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

a strong suspicion was growing that open marriage is a notion that intimidates many people and might reduce our chance of hearing from them or receiving an affirmative response.

 

I don't want my response to you to be taken by you as a negative reply in any way but I think that it would be odd that anyone would treat that information in a negative way. You can add them to your "not worth the time or money list". Honesty is always the best policy.