Gf wants to have one night stands

[nitro2u2 17]

My gf and I have been talking about the lifestyle and swinging for some time now. Initially she even refused to talk about it because she was very conservative. Now however she brings up the topic and teases me what she is going to do. She travels for work and for leisure and she expressed one of her fantasy is to potentially hook up with guys she meets there and share stories of those experiences with me. I'm nervous about it but it def is a turn on for me too.

 

However when I bring up the idea of meeting other couples and swapping, etc (which is my ideal preference because I also get to be a part of the action and get the thrill of getting to watch her. And of course enjoy another lady myself too) she doesn't seem to prefer it.

 

Is it normal for a girl to start off going solo and not have the pressure of her bf/husband there watching her first time with another man before she gets comfortable with meeting other couples?

 

Also as a start should I let her have her own way/preference and let her just take the lead?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I think the hall pass or swinging separately type of arrangement is best postponed until you have some experience and your swinging feet solidly underneath you. Trying to do what you describe would be like putting on snow skis for the first time and heading down the expert slope. The first few seconds will be fun and you think you have things under control, but it's not going to take long before you realize this isn't going to end well.

 

The main reason not to do it too is it doesn't sound like you are ok with it. If one or the other isn't ok with something, even if it's the softest of soft swap, then you are going too fast. Both have to be on board with anything that happens in swinging or it will cause problems.

 

I understand that you want to get into swinging, and giving her the hall pass she wants may be the way to do it that will eventually lead to what you want to, but that approach is just fraught with risks and is best put aside while you continue to talk with each other on finding a way that you both can be comfortable with.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

Cplnuswing has gone straight to the core question. No activity should be tried unless you are both happy with it.

 

In regard to the other question, you should not concern yourself with what is the normal way to start off. Think, rather, on what is good and what might be fun for both you and you woman friend.

[nitro2u2 17]

That makes a lot of sense - thanks so much!

 

Just curious... she likes to talk about it with me now and watch me get excited as she shares what she is going to do with another guy. Should I not encourage this then? How should I elegantly bring up the case that she shouldn't be meeting another guy without me and that we should do things together... without ruining her excitement and interest in the topic.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Maybe MFM threesomes would be a good middle ground? You like the idea of her being with someone else, but you don't want to be left out, and at least at this point while she has expressed interest in her being with another guy she isn't interested in couples. So, a MFM threesome would seem to be the solution there. Maybe introduce that idea into the fantasy talk and see where it goes. It might just be something fun to fantasize about, or those conversations may lead to something more serious in terms of actually making it happen and how to make swinging work for you both as a couple.

 

The only caution I'd throw out here is that even very convincing talk doesn't always translate into reality. She may see this as sort of a role playing type titillation game, and just because she is willing to do that, even being really into it, doesn't mean that she will feel the same when the game starts to become real life. The worst time to be talking about swinging is during sex (or sexy talk). If it does start to seem like something that my become real, then you two need to sit down with a quiet Saturday morning cup of coffee or something and really talk this through to get on the same page.

[nitro2u2 17]

Maybe MFM threesomes would be a good middle ground? You like the idea of her being with someone else, but you don't want to be left out, and at least at this point while she has expressed interest in her being with another guy she isn't interested in couples. So, a MFM threesome would seem to be the solution there. Maybe introduce that idea into the fantasy talk and see where it goes. It might just be something fun to fantasize about, or those conversations may lead to something more serious in terms of actually making it happen and how to make swinging work for you both as a couple.

 

The only caution I'd throw out here is that even very convincing talk doesn't always translate into reality. She may see this as sort of a role playing type titillation game, and just because she is willing to do that, even being really into it, doesn't mean that she will feel the same when the game starts to become real life. The worst time to be talking about swinging is during sex (or sexy talk). If it does start to seem like something that my become real, then you two need to sit down with a quiet Saturday morning cup of coffee or something and really talk this through to get on the same page.

 

Makes so much sense! Thanks again. you rock!

[nitro2u2 17]

Maybe MFM threesomes would be a good middle ground? You like the idea of her being with someone else, but you don't want to be left out, and at least at this point while she has expressed interest in her being with another guy she isn't interested in couples. So, a MFM threesome would seem to be the solution there. Maybe introduce that idea into the fantasy talk and see where it goes. It might just be something fun to fantasize about, or those conversations may lead to something more serious in terms of actually making it happen and how to make swinging work for you both as a couple.

 

The only caution I'd throw out here is that even very convincing talk doesn't always translate into reality. She may see this as sort of a role playing type titillation game, and just because she is willing to do that, even being really into it, doesn't mean that she will feel the same when the game starts to become real life. The worst time to be talking about swinging is during sex (or sexy talk). If it does start to seem like something that my become real, then you two need to sit down with a quiet Saturday morning cup of coffee or something and really talk this through to get on the same page.

 

Another quick question along the same lines.. As you said if this is only "sort of a role playing type titillation game" not something she is keen in making a reality right now then is it ok to keep dirty talking about her being naughty during her travels? Or is that going to condition her to believe that I am actually ok with her doing it?

[EastInWest 1,524]

Another quick question along the same lines.. As you said if this is only "sort of a role playing type titillation game" not something she is keen in making a reality right now then is it ok to keep dirty talking about her being naughty during her travels? Or is that going to condition her to believe that I am actually ok with her doing it?

 

Like you, we do not swing, but talk about it. I don't know anything about your relationship, but my gut reaction is that you should have a conversation and clarify that sex is currently something you do together, swinging or not. If she wasn't interested in swinging at all but now she's interested in this, specifically, I have to wonder why. One bad path this could take is her misunderstanding you as being OK with it and that could impact or rationalize her decision-making when she's tempted. A worse path could be that she is already tempted and is fishing for your approval.

 

As other - more experienced - posters have noted, regardless of anyone's intentions, "letting" her "take the lead" is more likely to leave you unhappy and resentful than it is to magically go where you want it to go. You need more communication there. Once you're on the same page and can trust each other's understanding of the situation, you can have all the dirty talk you want.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Another quick question along the same lines.. As you said if this is only "sort of a role playing type titillation game" not something she is keen in making a reality right now then is it ok to keep dirty talking about her being naughty during her travels? Or is that going to condition her to believe that I am actually ok with her doing it?

 

I think you need to let her know that you are enjoying the dirty talk, and are happy for it to continue, but make clear that it's not something you are ok with being reality at this point, and then explain your why's on that (feeling left out, etc.). She may see that as a contradiction and stop doing it all together, but you may be saving yourself a lot of heartache too resulting from their being a misunderstanding on what exactly is going on here. When you are explaining the why's would be a good time to introduce the idea of threesomes as a middle ground.

[enhancer 1,586]

First of all the only way to get everything sorted out and be on the same page is to start really openly communicating with each other! If you can't do that then I would suggest not doing anything lifestyle related. What she is talking about wanting to do is the hot wife thing. Don't think if you let her do that it will change into you being able to be with others to, because it might not. If you are okay with her being able to be with other people and you only being able to hear about then go for it. Otherwise probably not the best way to try and jump into the lifestyle, because you will just be filled with resentment.

[longun45 115]

She is testing you, seeing how far you will go with it. If you give her permission, she will think about it, she may even act on it. When and IF she tells you about it she will gage your reaction as to how you would really handle it. Her fear of your reaction will be very high. But she also has to sort her feelings about it out too. Remember, Women give sex to get love, Men give love to get sex.

 

Things to sort out.

Take your time and see how she feels about you with other women, part of every woman fears loss or being proved inferior (false fear really, but it is there none the less). Casual sex or sport sex is not the norm for most people. You truly have to like it and have fun with it and it is distinguished from making love.

Be sure and make her have orgasms like crazy and you can combine them with fantasy if you like. Orgasms do not have to come from penetration. Use the information here to broaden you knowledge of how women orgasm and what it really takes.

 

Clues

Does she masturbate for fun feelings? Does she love to orgasm?

Does she like to play with you and give those feelings?

Does she like you to play with her and give her those feelings?

 

To learn more about women's orgasms check out rebootyoursexlife.com

 

Have fun, check in and let us know how it's going.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Take your time and see how she feels about you with other women, part of every woman fears loss or being proved inferior ( false fear really, but it is there none the less). Casual sex or sport sex is not the norm for most people. You truly have to like it and have fun with it and it is distinguished from making love.

 

This is very much spot-on. I went through my formative years having regular casual sex. Mrs. EastInWest did not. She married young, and was raised that sex is mostly something done for a man's benefit. With that said, she also likes to look at women, masturbates to porn almost daily, and will admit, from time to time, that there's some fairly intense fetish that she wouldn't mind trying. She LOVES sex, and always has a hard time reconciling that with the guilt trip. Keeping her open means keeping her aware that I *want* her to feel uninhibited and that she isn't being a bad or diminished Mrs by showing me that side of herself. How open-minded and honest about her own desires she is from one week to the next depends a lot on how successful I am at reinforcing that I respect and love her sexually hyperactive side *and* her very loyal nature at the same time. Knowing how her sexuality works, I can put comments she makes in their proper context.

 

For the OP, if I were in his shoes, I'd want to know what the true context is. That he isn't sure what she is thinking and is considering just letting it go to see what happens signals to me either that he is reluctant to hear the answer or that she has been dodging the question, which is a communication problem.