Why is it easier to reach orgasm with one woman than another?

[EricSacto2 19]

I find it difficult to cum through sexual intercourse with my wife before she gets raw and have me pull out. However with another woman, I can only last a minute or two before I reach the point of orgasm and have to slow down. I'm bareback with both women.

 

I've been wondering why that is the case.

 

My wife is thin while the other woman is a bit curvy. The other woman's pussy also feels a lot better than my wife.

Maybe the curviness makes her pussy feel better.

Novelty? I've been married to my wife for over 25 years and have only been having sex with the other woman for a couple of years. I don't feel the rush of NRE with the other woman when I'm with her. There isn't an emotional attachment. It's just sex.

My wife has a low sex drive due to anti-depressants My wife has sex with me because I'm horny and she's doing it out of duty while the other woman is always horny.

 

I'm thinking that this other woman exudes sex pheromones which my body picks up subconsciously.

 

What are your thoughts and observations?

 

Thanks in advance.

[a_d_xxx 663]

Orgasms happen in your head, not in your dick. You have a lot of mental baggage associated with having sex with your wife, if I knew Ms A was only having sex with me because she felt duty-bound to do so I wouldn't be arroused enough to come either.

 

I would guess that when you are with a women ready, willing, able, and eager for you, it pushes all of your mental buttons so you are primed for climax before you even start.

 

D

 

Oh, and I don't believe human pheromones are really a thing

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

The two most significant factors that I perceive are the "slipperiness" and the "tightness". In regard to slipperiness, too much friction makes me uncomfortable and becomes a distraction. With women who are my age group, using a lubrication like pure coconut oil reduces the friction.

 

In regard to tightness, I receive a better feeling when the further-down portion of my penis is feeling squeezed. I do sometimes, in fact, halt the in-and-out motion and simply push myself firmly into a woman's vaginal canal just as the ejaculation feeling is starting to come to me. Some women react to this by making the squeeze a little more firm; this possibly being an unconscious reaction.

 

I have perceive some other smaller factors. One particular woman comes to mind. She becomes so excited that she writhes, wiggles, and flops around the bed like a landed fish. When she does this, she pushes me out.

 

One final observation. The longer I'm in the lifestyle, the less I believe that ejaculation is the ultimate destination. I believe that I have released myself from a burden by simply enjoying what's along the way.

[kikonkrome 844]

My wife has a low sex drive due to anti-depressants My wife has sex with me because I'm horny and she's doing it out of duty while the other woman is always horny.

 

Wow what a boner killer. I feel with you for this and honestly I am not sure how I would deal with it. I find nothing worse than sex with anybody that isn't into it. For me that would totally explain the situation right there.

 

Now that being said, my wife always makes me orgasm and other partners not so much. I think your level of excitement can vary pretty heavily from partner to partner, and from one time in your life to another. I know that near the end of my first marriage I had no desire to have sex with my ex-wife, and to make matters worse, anybody I meet that reminds me of her, is a turn off as well.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I think a_d_xxx hit it on the head. Having sex with someone who wants to have sex with you versus someone who doesn't are worlds apart. I wouldn't want a male to screw me if he felt obligated or if he considered me his "last option".

[EricSacto2 19]

Thanks for the feedback. I think it's probably due to the woman's sexual desire. When I'm with my wife, she does try to get into it but it's still not as arousing.

 

Oh, and I don't believe human pheromones are really a thing

 

Don't know if the smiley face meant the comment was a joke. In my social psychology class, there was discussion about a study that strippers make more money on tips when the are ovulating. However looking online for more details, it seems the study had a small sample size.

 

I have a very close co-worker friend to whom there is mutual sexual desire that hasn't been acted on because she doesn't want to betray her husband (long story). When I'm with her, there are times that I find myself more aroused than usual. It is usually because she's horny herself. Coincidence or causation? Not really sure.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I could be that you have grown comfortable with your wife and something new is exciting.

[EricSacto2 19]

I could be that you have grown comfortable with your wife and something new is exciting.

 

I've thought about it too. The other woman I'm with isn't exactly new to me anymore. And when I'm with the other woman, I don't feel the excitement like I did when I first gotten together. I think I've gotten comfortable with both women.

 

Also, I rather be comfortable than something new and exciting. The problem with something new is that I have to worry about more things - staying hard, how I'm performing. While I still to that somewhat with somebody I've been with, if something doesn't go as planned (e.g. I get soft or cum too quickly), I don't feel so self conscious.

[a_d_xxx 663]

@EricSacto2

 

I don't believe there is much scientific evidence that pheromones exist, or perform the 'magical' function that we attribute to them.

 

e.g: Pheromones a myth in mammals

 

However, there are plenty of reasons for the behaviour you are experience that do not require them. Maybe women feel sexier when ovulating (this at least has some scientific studies to back it up) and therefore female strippers perform better? Maybe your coworker telegraphs her arousal to you through body language, vocal intonation, etc. and that establishes the context you need to feel more aroused?

 

Regardless, if pheromones do exist, there is little you can do to control them. However, your relationship with your wife, the context you two establish around sex, CAN be modified and improved. Personally, I'd prefer to focus on that instead of throwing my hands up and saying "Oh, well, it's magic scent particles and out of my control."

 

D

[EricSacto2 19]

@EricSacto2

 

I don't believe there is much scientific evidence that pheromones exist, or perform the 'magical' function that we attribute to them.

 

e.g: Pheromones a myth in mammals

 

However, there are plenty of reasons for the behaviour you are experience that do not require them. Maybe women feel sexier when ovulating (this at least has some scientific studies to back it up) and therefore female strippers perform better? Maybe your coworker telegraphs her arousal to you through body language, vocal intonation, etc. and that establishes the context you need to feel more aroused?

 

Regardless, if pheromones do exist, there is little you can do to control them. However, your relationship with your wife, the context you two establish around sex, CAN be modified and improved. Personally, I'd prefer to focus on that instead of throwing my hands up and saying "Oh, well, it's magic scent particles and out of my control."

 

D

 

Thanks for the clarification. I wasn't betting on the pheromones either. The 'feeling sexier' makes more sense.

 

I agree that I should focus on my wife and I've been working toward creating an atmosphere that is more conducive to her being aroused such as making her life less stressful. I've been going to therapy for my dysthymia and my wife has attended a few sessions with me so my therapist knows her beyond just hearing my side of the story. There isn't much else my wife can do or is willing to do on her side. The conclusion my therapist is that she is who she is and either I learn to accept it or move on. But I digress.

[a_d_xxx 663]

@EricSacto2

 

I would suggest two books:

 

Come as You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

 

Both deal with different parts of your struggle, and though the first is focused at a woman reader, you may find many things in it that are eye opening.

 

D

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Your wife should talk to her doctor about the decrease in her libido with the antidepressants. She may be able to switch to a different one with out that side effect.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

"The other woman's pussy also feels a lot better than my wife."

 

Don't even THINK this let alone tell your wife this. NOTHING feels better than your wife letting you swing and therefore nothing feels better than her.

 

Second of all, as suggested, have her talk to her doctor and/or use KY but knowing that she is doing it only to please you is kind of a turn off.

 

Finally, howdy neighbor! (I won't tell anyone, promise). First time we've run across someone else this close to us. Hope you can get this straightened out.

[econobiker 165]

There has been some research and correlation that curvy, thick, fat, etc women have higher libidos than thin women. That said, the medical condition(s) for your wife is/are most likely the primary reason/s for her lack of interest as others have mentioned.

[kikonkrome 844]

There has been some research and correlation that curvy, thick, fat, etc women have higher libidos than thin women.

 

Really?? Be right back, buying my girl a steak!!!

 

Do you have a link to that?

[EastInWest 1,524]

Really?? Be right back, buying my girl a steak!!!

 

Do you have a link to that?

 

I couldn't find a link to what econobiker was saying, but it did bring to mind that fats in the diet are essential to the production of sex hormones. That's supposed to be one reason many people feel like hell on a low-fat diet to lose weight and they've sort of fallen out of fashion. It's actually very hard on the body because so many processes rely on dietary fats.

 

Spinach; cruciferous vegetables like kale, arugula, broccoli, and brussels sprouts; coconut; avocado; olives and olive oil; nuts, seeds, and peanuts. Also all supposed to contain nutrients that are good for the body processes involved in libido. Vitamin D, E, B6, B12, Zinc, Lecithin, L-Arginine/L-Citrulline all come to mind, and B-complex vitamins are supposed to be especially relevant to libido if you're under a lot of chronic stress, as is Vitamin D if you don't get exposure to strong mid-day sunlight for weeks at a time. (Which is probably most Americans.)

 

It's supposedly not the steak, but the potato on the side that'll wreck you.

[econobiker 165]

Really?? Be right back, buying my girl a steak!!!

 

Do you have a link to that?

 

The quick reference I found was from story about a theory that a James Watson, some science guy involved discovering DNA.

Here ya go:

 

Fat is key to good sex, says DNA man | World news | The Guardian

 

And I am talking about fat but not morbidly obese.