My wife having a 3some with friends

[findinganswers 369]

We recently entered into this lifestyle with very good friends. The wives are long time best friends. Though many on this board told of the negatives of swinging with friends, we have no regrets. Who better to have fun with than people we always thought were fun. They were experienced so though we were nervous, they made it fun. I admit some funny feelings watching my wife with our friend but I try to get by that. Being with a woman who I know for so many years was at first strange and ended up saying wow.

My wife has hinted at having 3somes. Is there a downside to letting her go to our friends without me? I trust my wife and have seen her play with them. I want to take any hesitancy away from her fun. I told her she can spend a night with our friends.

[cplnluv1 872]

Just a few questions. Why does she want to meet them without you? Why don't you want to be there. We always thought swinging was a thing couples do together. We got started because I enjoyed her enjoyment.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

There's nothing that says that they can't have a threesome with you just watching (or directing). This seems the 'safer' way of doing things since there won't be any misunderstandings as to what happened or is going on.

[enhancer 1,585]

We are a couple that only plays together ourselves so it is not something we would be down with! Everyone does things differently though so if it is something you are good with that is your choice. I would feel like a bit of an outsider myself in this situation. Like when you all get together for some normal friend time they would all have that time they had together that you were not part of. It would all feel a little awkward to me.

[kikonkrome 844]

I think you need to discuss the 'why not me join' part with your wife. It's a little odd.

 

Our number one rule with my wife and I is that we are both having a great time, and I think that goes for the majority of couples doing this.

 

That being said, I do know of a couple where he likes to her to go play and he hears about it later? They both enjoy the experience but obviously in a different way.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

If you have any hesitancy, it might be better to not suggest to your wife that she spend the night with the other couple right off the bat. She can have her threesome, but then come home so you two can debrief and make sure you are both OK with this, before going to the extra-intimate step of an overnight stay.

 

To answer your question directly, yes- there is a potential downside to letting her have a threesome play date without you. It's possible that you could become jealous of your wife, not being there to see how she acts with the couple without you there. Also, there is the possibility that you can feel left out of the fun, and resent the fact that she went off to have this sexy adventure while you're stuck at home. Finally, you or she could become worried that she will be pushed beyond her comfort zone, without you there to watch out for her. I'm not saying that any of these things will happen, and the fact that you say that you trust your wife I a good thing. But something is making you have "funny feelings" and hesitancy, and those feelings could hear some examination and discussion ("due diligence") on all your parts before going straight to an overnight threesome.

 

Here's a question for you. Has the idea been discussed of you having a threesome with this couple sometimes, without your wife present? That kind of equitable arrangement can can help to create a balance that gives everyone confidence that they will not be left out of the fun, in the long run.

 

Another idea- what if you all agreed to let her do the threesome, with you present but on the sidelines? Heck, you could be the designated photographer! That would give you both some security, while allowing the event to move forward.

[EastInWest 1,524]

I remember your other thread about your wife and her friend. A couple of thoughts:

 

- Your wife seems to be in the driver's seat here.

 

- Your wife seems to be moving rather quickly into swinging independently.

 

There's nothing wrong with this, if you're game, but I'd hate to see the fun get spoiled on account of moving too fast. You mentioned your wife knew about her friend's swinging for years and didn't mention this to you even when you all first got together. It seems like there's a little gap between her communication with her friend and the communication between the two of you, and that might be a reason to pause about her playing alone if you're uncomfortable.

 

Out of curiosity, would your wife and the other couple be comfortable with the wife and her friend having a threesome with you without the other husband present? If so, well, I'd certainly take them up on that. If not, you might ask yourself where you want to draw your boundaries. There probably SHOULD be some as you test the waters, and hopefully that won't ruin anyone's good time.

 

Not trying to stir up trouble at all. Just pointing out the pattern. I might be colored by my own experience, as Mrs. EastInWest and I are an unusually open couple, I think. We talk about things I suspect many couples won't: I know the graphic "girl talk" details of her friends' sex lives, I know her past and she knows mine, down to names and what they liked. I know her hangups, she can pick girls for me at a strip club and I know she'll pick one I like. Either one of us would be very stunned to find out that the other had anything going on they considered "private" or "personal".

[findinganswers 369]

I remember your other thread about your wife and her friend. A couple of thoughts:

 

- Your wife seems to be in the driver's seat here.

 

- Your wife seems to be moving rather quickly into swinging independently.

 

 

I am sort of laughing. Even when my my wife is in the passenger seat, she might as well be driving.

 

I have learned much since we decided to try this. My wife did know about our friend's lifestyle for some time. She had been curious about it but afraid to act on it. You can say she lived a fantasy through her friend. We have lived a life that is full of sexual innuendo. We have never been prudes but to me and to the most part her, straying was taboo. I have over the years thought, like most men, what it would be like to have sex with my wife's best friend. I don't think I would have ever crossed that line. We have even joked about doing it. Maybe the joke was on me and I never realized it. It has taken her courage to finally let me in on their secret. My wife was scared to imply she wanted to this. I can understand her fear of me taking this the wrong way. We had the talk about why she would want to have sex with someone else. I admit it came as a surprise to me. The more we talked about it, the more excited I became. We discussed the "what ifs". I mean having sex with anyone, let alone our closest friends. That was my original post. I tried to answer the what ifs to make sure there was no what now. Looking back, I am happy with the outcome. If I were going to have sex, who better than with someone we like. Yes lucky it worked out.

 

 

Out of curiosity, would your wife and the other couple be comfortable with the wife and her friend having a threesome with you without the other husband present? If so, well, I'd certainly take them up on that. If not, you might ask yourself where you want to draw your boundaries. There probably SHOULD be some as you test the waters, and hopefully that won't ruin anyone's good time.

 

A threesome with me and the two women has been offered. My wife even asked if I wanted to that first. I said it would be great but I thought it would be better for her to do it with them first. I don't have to be there. I have seen everything before. I feel safe knowing who she is with. I don't think she held back when I was there watching. As far as staying over or coming home, that is not an issue for me. Again, they are our friends.

I am sure there is graphic girl talk. I figure their talks are different than guy talk.

[Shore2Please 612]

I am sort of laughing. Even when my my wife is in the passenger seat, she might as well be driving.

 

I have learned much since we decided to try this. My wife did know about our friend's lifestyle for some time. She had been curious about it but afraid to act on it. You can say she lived a fantasy through her friend. We have lived a life that is full of sexual innuendo. We have never been prudes but to me and to the most part her, straying was taboo. I have over the years thought, like most men, what it would be like to have sex with my wife's best friend. I don't think I would have ever crossed that line. We have even joked about doing it. Maybe the joke was on me and I never realized it. It has taken her courage to finally let me in on their secret. My wife was scared to imply she wanted to this. I can understand her fear of me taking this the wrong way. We had the talk about why she would want to have sex with someone else. I admit it came as a surprise to me. The more we talked about it, the more excited I became. We discussed the "what ifs". I mean having sex with anyone, let alone our closest friends. That was my original post. I tried to answer the what ifs to make sure there was no what now. Looking back, I am happy with the outcome. If I were going to have sex, who better than with someone we like. Yes lucky it worked out.

 

I want to commend you on thinking this out. I have posted before that sex in front of my husband was very different than in separate rooms. From your posts I feel your wife has had these thoughts in her head for a long time. She may be afraid to act out her thoughts in front of you. I was and still am not sure about being with a woman. When I was with a woman I felt I was doing it to please others, including my husband who was watching and cheering me on. He has since apologized. Have you asked your wife if she wants alone time with her girlfriend? My husband and I understand that the experience is quite different when we split up in different rooms. You sre lucky to have friends you trust that you can play with. I would only be concerned if she were doing this with strangers.

[love2dp 52]

In my opinion, swinging is meant to do together. Alone just doesn't feel right. That feels like cheating. Even if consented to by the non attending partner. If my woman is going to be fucked by someone else, I want to at least be there to see it, hopefully be turned on by it, so I can join in on the fun. For me its together or it doesn't happen period. If there is distain for not allowing her to then there is already a problem somewhere that would have me concerned.

[findinganswers 369]

In my opinion, swinging is meant to do together. Alone just doesn't feel right. That feels like cheating. Even if consented to by the non attending partner. If my woman is going to be fucked by someone else, I want to at least be there to see it, hopefully be turned on by it, so I can join in on the fun. For me its together or it doesn't happen period. If there is distain for not allowing her to then there is already a problem somewhere that would have me concerned.

 

I know you said it is your opinion. I read so many threads on this forum. Some say they enjoy same room sex, some separate rooms. . If you are in different rooms, is that cheating? You are saying what you want, does your wife have any say or is it just about you. The majority of comments on these pages are from men. I try to figure what comments are made by women. I like to read what women are thinking. To me cheating is doing something behind your spouse's back, with no knowledge of anything happening. You like to be turned on watching your wife, not every man wants to watch. I got into this because wife brought it up. Actually our friends brought it up and I know my wife was in on the subject. I more worried about our friendship at first. I worried about my ability to preform, somewhat, and if we did do it was the husband better than me. I don't know why those thoughts went through my head, I know our home sex life is pretty pretty good. But we "cheated" with our best friends. Was the sex the greatest I ever had? No! It was different, and very good. It had been so many years since it has been different. We try to keep our home sex fresh and new, but let's face it. So NO this isn't cheating. She has my blessing and full knowledge to enjoy something different. I think I got passed that wife is having sex with someone else, our friends.

[cplnluv1 872]

In my opinion, swinging is meant to do together. Alone just doesn't feel right. That feels like cheating. Even if consented to by the non attending partner. If my woman is going to be fucked by someone else, I want to at least be there to see it, hopefully be turned on by it, so I can join in on the fun. For me its together or it doesn't happen period. If there is distain for not allowing her to then there is already a problem somewhere that would have me concerned.

 

I am not sure if alone is cheating. I too like to watch. It is the reason we started meeting couples. I wanted to watch my wife with a woman was initially the reason. We couldn't find her and went with a couple. The couples we meet all are very new. We meet them because the woman is curious about being with a woman. I have noticed some men look away when I am with the wife. So not every man is turned on my watching his wife get fucked. My feeling is that if you have already been with them as a couple and they are close friends, and you are good with it, let her do it. As a reward you may get the same experience.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

In my opinion, swinging is meant to do together.

 

In my experience, swinging can be "together" even if you aren't in the same room, or even the same building, as your partner. Together is a frame of mind.

[love2dp 52]

I know you said it is your opinion. I read so many threads on this forum. Some say they enjoy same room sex, some separate rooms. . If you are in different rooms, is that cheating? You are saying what you want, does your wife have any say or is it just about you. The majority of comments on these pages are from men. I try to figure what comments are made by women. I like to read what women are thinking. To me cheating is doing something behind your spouse's back, with no knowledge of anything happening. You like to be turned on watching your wife, not every man wants to watch. I got into this because wife brought it up. Actually our friends brought it up and I know my wife was in on the subject. I more worried about our friendship at first. I worried about my ability to preform, somewhat, and if we did do it was the husband better than me. I don't know why those thoughts went through my head, I know our home sex life is pretty pretty good. But we "cheated" with our best friends. Was the sex the greatest I ever had? No! It was different, and very good. It had been so many years since it has been different. We try to keep our home sex fresh and new, but let's face it. So NO this isn't cheating. She has my blessing and full knowledge to enjoy something different. I think I got passed that wife is having sex with someone else, our friends.

 

 

You first Q was if in different rooms is it cheating? If we were going to a club together and we were with a couple swapping full, then no in my mind if he and my woman went to a different room, and we were all cool with it, then no, its not cheating. But certainly if I was not comfortable with that, and she did it anyway, I would be bothered she had total disregard for my limits and what I will tolerate vs fully accept and in fact enjoy. I had no issues watching my woman being fucked by my best friend what so ever. It was certainly a raging turn on. Sure, the first time you "do it" watching your woman who you previously had a monogamous relationship with, sure its a little odd knowing she has your buds cock in her. But then I realize this is a turn on and this is what we wanted to do was experiment with a 3some and DP, so the odd feeling goes away in trade for sexual excitement. Then its easy to have a good time not being jealous about it but enjoying her pleasure she is getting from another guy.

[MarniJohn 172]

I have been in two relationships while swinging. The first we separated when we played. I do not recommend this. We are no longer together and trust me that played a part in our parting ways. I think when you play as a couple it keeps you more grounded with your partner. I see everything that goes on and so does he. We play, we kiss, we part. We don't linger and massage or play with their hair, nothing. Just our way but I feel much better about the lifestyle this way. There's no questions to ask because you are together

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

and there is no doubt or suspicion as to what might or might not have happened. We do this as a team and we do it together.

[findinganswers 369]

We had dinner with our friends last night and we decided the wife would go back to our friends place. She came home early this morning, came to bed, we had sex. Asked her how the night was and she said it was fun, not much different than if I had been there but the 3 of them were in one bed. So far I didn't get the juicy details. She had shopping plans today and I hope to get more of the story.