How to handle a wife with not so honest intentions??

[SASS 69]

Hello. This is my first post as sass other than my introduction. It's kind of long. Hope you guys will read anyway as the only friend outside the web i have to talk to about it is too far away. Here goes...

..

 

Why does everyone assume that if you are swingers, you have permission to cheat? Does this make a man easy prey to those who have only seduction on their mind? That's the sense I get from her. This is what is happening after I rekindled a friendship from high school over Facebook.

 

He was having trouble with his car and everything seemed to be going wrong in his life. My husband who reads all my messages decided that we might be able to help him get his car on the road. So it was with this goal, that we drove two hours out of our way to try to fix a car for my friend. Crazed was unable to help and broke a fuse while trying. He gave them 60.00 to help with parts so someone else might help.

 

After that, the wife of my friend we will call her Sad, found Crazed on Facebook and began a dialogue with him. She sent him a picture of herself with a lot of cleavage and he said he wouldn't object to seeing more of her. She responded by immediately sending a naked picture and then telling him what she wanted to do to him in very graphic detail. He told me he had made a mistake in asking and shared the message archive with me.

 

This conversation ended with her begging him to come over and him telling her that he could not because it was time he would spend with me. He then asked her how her husband was doing and how he would feel about threesomes. She said that he had said he would like to, but he was chickenshit and never would go through with it. Crazed told her that nothing would happen between them without my and her husband's consent. She seemed to understand this then, but later actions say she didn't believe it.

 

We went over there again a few weeks later just because we were passing through their area and while there, made plans to have a date night. Date night went well. We played rotten apples and had a good time, but I kept noticing her making eyes at Crazed and hoping that he would look at her though he was not even checking her out.

 

After date night, she messaged him again and mentioned sneaking off. After the first message with her, we set up our phones with a program we found where all his text messages would come to me as well as him (his responses too). So every time they talk and she sends anything or says anything about hooking up, he immediately asks how her husband is doing and then stops responding. She, however, doesn't seem to be taking the hint. She cheated on her husband recently and has made it clear to us that she doesn't want to be with him.

 

I feel like she is after Crazed and just wants to add him to her conquests. I don't want to loose the new friendship I have but at the same time, wonder if it is a good idea to have it. He also has a crush on me and has since high school by his own admission. What do you think? How should we tell this girl to back off?

[sunbuckus 3,567]

So...let me get this straight. She Facebook stalked him and out of the blue, messaged him with a sexual photograph? She cheated on her current husband. She has obviously made it clear to you that she doesn't want to be with her husband.

 

She's the crazed one. I'd steer clear of them. If you need to, tell your rekindled-friendship-with-the-husband that you'll get back in touch with him after he is no longer with his stalker, cheating wife. Oh, and that he deserves better. She clearly isn't remorseful or wanting to change or put her husband as a priority.

[SASS 69]

Yeah, you summed it up nicely. How to have that talk with him though? I mean its not easy being the bearer of bad news.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Does he know that she has cheated on him?

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

This is definitely a friendship you can afford to lose.

 

Just ignore all communication. Your husband should not even respond to her texts or messages. Not "hi," not "how's your husband?" Stony silence.

 

If the husband wants to be friends talk to him and meet up with him without the wife. Honestly, rekindling the friendship with him at this time might not be in anyone's best interest.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I don't think you should tell him. You don't know him or his life. It's not really your business or your place to be the bearer of bad news.

[SASS 69]

I think he knows it already anyway, and for some reason is holding on. Wether that is because of love, or kis or fear i dont know. He has mentioned to me as well that he is tired of it and might leave, but he doesn't. Before i met her i always encouraged him to stay because i myself believe strongly in the marriage bond and dont believe it should be broken lightly despite what the law says.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

If you aren't sure that he knows, I agree with funcouple--don't mention it unless he has directly told you that he knows. It's a wonder that you know about the wife cheating though.

 

It is their marriage to do what they wish but this is definitely not a friendship that will benefit anyone as long as she is involved.

[SASS 69]

so...let me get this straight. She facebook stalked him and out of the blue, messaged him with a sexual photograph? She cheated on her current husband. She has obviously made it clear to you that she doesn't want to be with her husband.

 

She's the crazed one. I'd steer clear of them. If you need to, tell your rekindled-friendship-with-the-husband that you'll get back in touch with him after he is no longer with his stalker, cheating wife. Oh, and that he deserves better. She clearly isn't remorseful or wanting to change or put her husband as a priority.

 

yeah. The sexual photographs were in response to his joking that he wouldnt complain if she was wearing less in a decent photograph. He has a problem with flirting especially at inapropriate times. So he is part of the problem...but he recognizes this and is trying to do better.

[intuition897 2,179]

I'd say the lady needs to be set straight about who you are and what you're about. From both of you at the same time. It's intervention time. Tell her that integrity is a very big deal to you both as a couple, and what she is proposing is completely devoid of it. If she wants to pursue a physical relationship with your husband, everyone needs to be on board about it. It's just that simple. Cheating. Isn't. Sexy. And if she continues her bullshit, she'll force your hand and you'll have to tell her husband why you can't be friends anymore.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

In answering your first question, people outside of the lifestyle tend to think that swinging means you have permission from your partner to have sex with whoever and whenever you want. Of course, that is far from the truth as cheating is always cheating. Swingers have sex with other people, usually WITH their partner (or at least with their partners knowledge and full consent). Cheating involves the partner not knowing what is going on and is the same in or out of the lifestyle.

 

As for your problem, you already have all the answers you need. Have him just not respond to her ever.

[EastInWest 1,524]

We've had problems like this even though we aren't swingers.

 

- One of her kookier friends started calling me asking for help related to my profession, then started calling for no reason. When Mrs. EastInWest dropped a subtle hint that I'd told her about the favor she'd asked for, she became very awkward and never called me again.

 

- Someone she had previously agreed to have a social glass of wine with in a work context kept trying to follow up on the glass of wine for two years. Once, I walked into a bar to find him hovering over her trying to strike up a conversation. I put my hand on his shoulder, introduced myself, and he literally fled.

 

If you've got any reason to question their intentions, you're probably right. In this case, since she's known to carry on affairs, I think it's pretty cut-and-dry that the people saying it's time to cut her off are entirely correct. If a woman approached me like that and I thought they were acting in good faith, I'd tell tell them to run it by Mrs. EastInWest. If they're not interested in hearing her opinion on it, I'm sure they're not interested in anything I'm interested in.

 

It also sounds like the husband might be a recipe for drama. When his marriage goes "BOOM", you don't want to be caught in the blast radius.

[SASS 69]

Thanks everyone. You guys have echoed how I'm feeling pretty well. Sometimes you just need to hear things from someone else. It's pretty clear to me that the marriage will go boom and I don't think telling her together will get her attention. He already told her that I see all messages and she still insisted on a secret rendezvous. I was ready to go off then but had him remind her that I see everything. She seemed to not remember that. My friend knows that they have talked but only has seen emoticons because she deletes the rest. I thought about telling him but I don't want to be caught any deeper in the middle of the pending explosion.

 

Think we'll just back out of the friendship and hope for the best for them

[SASS 69]

UPDATE: no longer have a stalker problem with either of these two but he still calls my husband every now and then asking if we can get together. Crazed always says no. We both got a text from him last month asking if he could please talk to us. We stopped by his house four days later to talk and he was depressed because nothing is going right for him. Lost job due to temper, wants to leave his wife but feels that he can't...(I didn't ask why). I helped him apply for a job online and we left. We have avoided them since. I feel bad about it. I feel like I should be there for him and yet, I know I can't be. Still hoping for the best for them.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Hope for the best but block his number. Move along, nothing to see here...

[AngelandTiger 364]

" I don't want to loose the new friendship I have"

 

WHY???

 

This is an excruciatingly annoying situation, and one that, in my opinion, you need to extricate yourself from. You seem like nice people, and you feel bad that their marriage isn't going well, and that he is hurting. I understand that. However, in my opinion continuing to expose yourself to this toxic relationship can harm yours, and possibly severely. My advice is to terminate ALL contact with these people. Block their number. Answer NO calls. NEVER go to their house, even if you're just "passing by". I can see that you're trying to do the right thing for them. My opinion is that doing something good for your relationship comes first, under all circumstances.

 

Hope things go well!!

 

T

[SASS 69]

UPDATE

These two have become better friends and they seem to be doing much better in their marriage.

We stopped talking to theses two in May 2016 crazed just stopped answering any text from her especially if it was suggestive. We were invited over for news years and decided to see how it went. They are getting along better and took my advice to do some "soul searching". We had a good visit with them and have been over to hang with them twice since. This weekend we actually had a very good time playing cards and I laughed so hard I cried. We were comfortable with each other and no questionable behavior is coming from the wife. I think we are going to remain friends and also keep at a distance only enjoying an occasional night out with them.

[SASS 69]

welp! I learned a small detail from crazed recently and It made everything clear as to her changed behavior...girls only play when they think their advances are welcome...

so there was a short time when crazed slept over at their house because it was closer to his work and we were still staying quite far away. Anyhow, he had told me that he was not staying there anymore because the husband tried to initiate a threesome and he had said no and wanted to keep things sqaure between us. all he told me at that time was that He was tempted and he left to avoid anything happening. he said that she had taken her shirt off after some amount of drinking and when the husband asked if they could have a threesome, my husband responded by looking at her and saying it was her body and her choice, then telling her that since I wasn't there, he couldn't play, because we play together and not only play alone with permission. he told them he wasn't asking for my permission on this right now. now they have texted him and asked if I would be interested in a threesome/foursome with them. I don't know about it. I find her attractive and I am curious about fmf threesome. And so is crazed. However, I still feel like they are a time bomb! anyhow, we haven't told them yes, because we feel IF we did anything with them, it would need to be laying out all our rules and what we expected. we haven't heard much from them since they asked but I know that is because she got a job and they are both working long hours now. In a few more months, maybe I will feel differently, especially if they have made it past their rocky part of the road. But in the meantime, I am just glad to have them sorted out in that, they know they need to respect us both.

[padoc 1,703]

Crazed is an apt name. Unless you two thrive on drama you are truly crazy to continue to have contact with this whack-a-doodle couple. Run, don't walk to your phone, block them, unfriend them on FB and forget where they live. Nothing good will come of this for you.

[SASS 69]

Crazed is an apt name. Unless you two thrive on drama you are truly crazy to continue to have contact with this whack-a-doodle couple. Run, don't walk to your phone, block them, unfriend them on FB and forget where they live. Nothing good will come of this for you.

 

oh crazed, is very apt indeed!! however crazy we may be, this couple trumps it. But they are among are only friends. maybe because sane people, as you say, run as fast as they can away from us. however, there hasn't been a lot of personal drama of my own in my life in the last few years. only, what I keep drawing to myself. I love to get tangled in it apparently. usually the drama primarily belongs to someone else and I just become the confidant. crazed will not let this relationship go. he wants us to have friends and frankly, they are the only ones showing any interest right now. what I was trying to portray in the first update is that I feel like they (both of them) have become more respectful and more enjoyable company. I feel like they may have been going through some growing pains in their relationship and that they have resolved most of their problems.

 

I don't know how to walk away. no, people usually run from me, not the other way round.

[crazednymphos 38]

Still a tricky situation but avoidance seems too be working out. Thank you all for good advice. I brought her over recently after they called and texted, disaster, the next time and every time since we have begged off and found other new people and friends too spend time with?