New here; want to learn more about swinging

[jp0317 20]

We will be visiting Hedonism, and plan to have non-stop sex while everyone watches. I want to see my wife fucked, but I'm not sure how to bring the topic of swinging up with her. We are both asians and came from conservative family. My wife is currently opening up sexually, but I don't want to rush her to swapping. I bought her magazines with stories of slut wives in gangbang orgies, or wives fucking with strangers. Every time she reads it she goes crazy while we fuck. She does not mention any fantasies, but I suspect she would like to try another cock. How do I lead her to swinging? Please help us out. Recently, she allowed me to post her pics nude on a website, and she gets off with the comments from males who like her. Please advise.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

 

How do you 'lead' her into swinging? You don't. You should enter into it side by side, holding hands. This is a great place for finding the information that you are looking for. Still, the short version is love, trust and communication. You need as much as possible of all three. First step, read everything here. Second step, talk to her. Third, ask us the questions that the two of you still have. Good luck and glad to have you here.

[freddymike 18]

Time to ask yourself who is leading who really? I introduced the subject to a partner once but she said she did not want to corrupt her. It might not work out for you either.

[jp0317 20]

thank you so much will start reading. can u guide us what specific questions to ask thank u

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

I tend to recommend the direct method. -- ask her. You can, if it feels more appropriate, be slightly oblique. Start with a question like, "have you heard of swinging?" or "what are your thought on people who swing?"

[Alura 2,773]

"How would you describe the difference between Making Love and Fun Sex, Sweetheart?

[jp0317 20]

Hmmmm, I'm afraid she might get angry though. And she knows about swingers, in fact when we go to Hedo we decided to book with young swingers week so that we can get lower rates. We're Asians and in our culture swinging is taboo. It's a disgrace and will be shunned by family and friends so I'm not sure how to bring it up.

[jp0317 20]

Making love and fun sex hmmmmm. I'm not sure about the difference. Mmy wife is my first girl and I'm her first too so that is why it is more complicated.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

Start by talking about both of your fantasies and be honest and open so that she also opens up. Get the communication started and keep it flowing. You should also talk about Hedo and what will be happening there since it is a 'swingers' week and that others may want to 'play' with one or both of you. Would she be interested in having others watch while the two of you have sex? Find out the limits and 'rules' and don't violate them. In the mean time, read everything you can find here about how to start swinging (search is always your friend).

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Hello, jp0317, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

 

I see that you have already had some great discussion over here. You mention that your wife is opening up sexually, but I was wondering- does your wife understand the kind of place Hedonism is? If not, you might try describing the types of activities that take place there (naked lounging by the pool and beach, people having sex out in the open while others watch, ... people having sex with people other than their spouses). Gauge her reaction to this, and make sure she is comfortable with the fact that these things are going to be happening around her even if she does not want to participate (if she seems resistant or uncomfortable with the idea that this will be going on around her, maybe consider another resort for this vacation!).

 

Swinging is not the kind of thing that you want to push too hard on. Both of you need to be enthusiastic about the idea, because swinging is kind of a dicey thing for a relationship if you're not both fully onboard. You're asking each other to be OK with sex outside of your marriage, something that is often difficult even for couple who live in more permissive cultures. You two have the added barrier of a strong cultural taboo against sex outside your marriage. So that means that you both must be even more fully committed to this idea, to the point of being willing to break a taboo in order to do it. And even then, you need to have open, honest communication between the two of you- not just about your fantasies and desires, but about both of your fears and concerns. Finally, if you search the archives here, you'll see one mantra being chanted over and over- swinger couples always move at the pace of the slower partner. This guideline guarantees that neither person will ever feel rushed or pushed into swinging, or goaded or guilted into going beyond their boundaries, limits, or comfort zones.

 

Maybe send her around here, to look at some of the questions and answers in the archives. There is a lot of collective wisdom here, as well as some fascinating reading!

[jp0317 20]

She is very aware of what goes on with Hedo. I told her that I created an account with the adult travel forum site and I told her the stories including the trip reports. She loves the public sex part but she did not mention about swinging. She seemed to avoid it. When we're having sex I told her to imagine she is at Hedonism by the pool sitting and having a massage while I eat her pussy and she goes off the edge. I told her to imagine herself in the center of the playroom with couples left and right having sex and she loves it too. But we don't talk about it directly after we have sex.

 

Anyway, I will take your advice to let her on her own pace. I am truly happy now that she is opening up sexually but again I don't want to rush her, we can always go back to Hedo when she is ready. What I'm hoping though is that when we get on our trip we will meet a swinger couple who will break the ice for us. I mean ask us the questions we are both trying to avoid.

 

Thank you so much, I'm learning a lot here. I hope you will give more advice and I will read more.

[love2dp 52]

My ex loved every aspect of fantasy about having a 3 somes, being gangbanged. Even LOVED dvp with a dildo. And regular anal/vag dp as well. But crossing the line to reality was never going to happen. We broke up, nothing relates to sex. I did accept she was not into it. Disappointed sure but not really an issue what so ever for me. But now that I'm single, I will be looking for me a swinging honey indeed. Good luck to you. The fact she has fun sex while fantasizing is a good start. But its a long way from reality and actually swinging. If he sexuality continues to grow and open up, you may just get what you want in the end. But if you push she may back peddle and shut down all together.

 

Tread lightly with her. Let her drive this boat so to speak. As a woman I would think it would feel empowering to her. SHE is ultimately in charge of her sexuality and her body and what she does with it. She needs to be comfortable with it, so as not to scare her away. Good luck and please keep asking questions, and exploring your sexuality together! Its certainly more fun to tiptoe into this lifestyle With a partner then without in my opinion. Being single is lame. Swinging single is male. I am looking for Ms. Swing for me though. She is out there somewhere...

[Alura 2,773]

The difference between (our opinion) Making Love and Fun Sex is discussed. Understanding the difference is, in my opinion, absolutely necessary to successful swinging.

[SAMnTINA 362]

If you can't talk about it then doing it should be out of the questions. It's never a good idea to surprise a spouse or anyone one with a trip where they will feel tricked or obligated to do something they are not ready for. Been to a few swing conventions where someone "surprised" a GF or Spouse and it never ends well. I suggest you work on communications and fantasies first. Save the trip for after you are both on the same page, which does not mean she has to agree to do anything just to go a long and be open to what is happening around her.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

As I said in our very first post:

 

"Still, the short version is love, trust and communication. You need as much as possible of all three."

 

If you don't feel like you can and WANT to talk about any and everything with her, then neither of you are ready. Start talking now...talk will only lead to a better and closer relationship between the two of you even if you never progress any further than you have now. Start talking...don't ever stop.