Is this taking one for the team?

[goodtimes4us 20]

So we are new to the LS and met a couple where the wife was totally hot but the husband not so much. His personality was great and he was fun in the bedroom but just not as attractive to me (wife). I didn't want to be "taking one for the team" but his wife was totally bi and very fun herself so I felt like I wasn't really taking one for the team because I got to play with her too. Is this a common thing for the wife to be ok with playing even if the guy isn't exactly doing it for her but the wife is? Or is that really "taking one for the team" and we should really pass?

[enhancer 1,586]

Good question! If you still liked the guys personality and he was fun to be with, but just not what you would consider really good looking I don't know if it would be considered taking one for the team. With you being bi and really liking the other wife then maybe even less so. Really the only one who has the answer to if you were taking one for the team is you though. If you feel like you did and it wasn't worth then you did.

 

I know Ms Enhancer has been in the situation you describe before and felt it was worth it, because she really liked the other woman and the dude was a good guy. It wasn't that she thought the guy was fugly though. Just not someone she really considered good looking to her and more then likely she would not have played with him if his sexy wife wasn't there to make it worth her while.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

In our short time in the lifestyle, we have learned that there's much more to attraction than just looks, and that a person can exude hotness in other ways such as how they carry themselves, how comfortable they make you feel, or a sultry, flirty look. So we don't make judgements based much on looks any more. That said, I'm not sure if your situation really falls into the category of "doesn't look hot, but actually is hot". You mentioned that he was just not attractive to you, and I assume that you hold this opinion after not only seeing him, but also after playing with him.

 

The bottom line is that you both should have a good time in a swapping situation. If you did have a good time, and felt that you got a pleasant surprise by enjoying playing with him even though he didn't look attractive to you at first, then consider your horizons broadened, and congrats on a good play date! If, on the other hand, you were going through the motions in order to keep from interrupting the play between your husband and the other woman, and you did not in fact enjoy playing with the other man, then I'd call it taking one for the team!

 

My Mrs. has had her times of being less enthusiastic about her play partner than I was about mine. And to be honest, the reverse has been true on occasion as well. It's rare that both of you are equally excited to play with your opposite numbers. And that, in my mind, is OK- as long as we are both going to have fun. The "taking one for the team" threshold for us is when one of us is really not going to enjoy the experience, but going through the motions just to keep our spouse happy.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Did you enjoy it and have fun?

Would you do it again with the same couple?

If yes, then not taking one for the team.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Yes, if you are the one 'taking it' and you don't feel like you are actually 'taking one for the team', then it doesn't count.

[Alura 2,775]

I always felt that our Playhusband got the better of the deal when we swapped spouses.

 

Laura once remarked, "Taking one for the team? It's sex, Darling! How bad can it be?"

[SAMnTINA 362]

Sometimes people surprise you. Not saying you should do someone you have no interest in just keep an open mind and remember sex is as much mental as physical so someone that give good mind can be a real find.

[goodtimes4us 20]

Thanks everyone for the good advice. No I didn't feel like I was taking one for the team I guess. I just wanted clarification, especially with my husband. Because yes sometimes you can not be as attracted to someone but still have great sex. Guys it may be different for some because if it's not there it shows.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Guys it may be different for some because if it's not there it shows.

Good point! And by the way, I have had something of a reverse situation to yours happen as well, where I was attracted to a woman with clothes on, and it turned out I was not so hot for her once we got naked. We meshed well ocially, but not sexually. Well, c'est la vie!

[kikonkrome 844]

Been kinda busy but wanted to reply to this.

 

We have played with other couples where there has been more attraction on one side than the other. We do not really consider it 'taking one for the team'. I can understand if there is a 'repulsion' factor (this can be personality as well as physical), but outside of that, we are going to do our best to have a good time. We have had a number of one and done experiences because of one partner or the other.

 

I have also had female partners that I thought had a nicer personality than physical appearance. It's kinda always a mystery between what happens inside and outside the bedroom. I never really expect what happens next and some partners or 'moments' are just better than others. We have definitely been positively surprised by some partners!!!

 

Hope that helps.

[Guest]

Interesting! I’m always amazed that my wife tends to pick the guys that have personality and are fun to talk and seemingly are not the most attractive or best built that might be pursuing her that particular evening. This is true whether its for an MFM or swap. It makes me feel a bit guilty because I’m going more for the good looks, good body ladies....But then I look in the mirror and understand how much she really loves me; I’m one of those guys she would pick......

[Baconheads 438]

We had a time last summer when we met a traveling couple who said that they were never evers. We met at the local on premises clup and started getting it on with them in the outdoor tepee. Closing time came way too quickly and we retired to our hotel. As luck would have it they were staying at the same hotel. We were both attracted to the wife but the husband just wasn't my GF's type.

 

As we are still a soft couple, perfect attraction between all four members isn't absolutely necessary. We had a great time with me and my GF in missionary position with the other girl between us. Wow, getting all chubby just thinking about that! She took care of her own husband later.

 

Bottom line, we played, but my GF refuses to "take one for the team." As we went into the encounter soft, no one was disappointed, no one was hurt.

[silver1958 15]

I've read all the replies here and can say that I agree with most of them. Lots of thoughts and reasons. We have found it often difficult to meet up with a couple where everyone is equally impressed. That has been true for both of us. We discuss everything between us and I know the Mrs. has "taken one for the team" as you call it, as I also have, but less often to be sure. When I say that it doesn't mean we didn't have fun, nor that we didn't enjoy the sex, just someone may not have been as attractive in ways that we like. Maybe they felt the same way about us. So, if you had fun with the lady and you said the guy was fun in the bedroom, where is the problem? That's what it's all about. As you progress in the LS you might try hooking up with a single male (or bi female) where you can have total control of who you meet. But only if both of you are in total agreement.

[Sophy 571]

Yes, we met this Asian couple, and we both were very attracted to her, she was really special and the chemistry between us was so high, but her husband... he was a guy that in other circumstances I would never ever even think to fuck.

 

We had a little chat and we decided to proceed and play with them. I did my best to "speed up the things" with her husband, I managed to finish him before she and my husband were done.

Then I joined them and we had a really good time with her.

 

Later on we all decided to go for a second round, I knew this time I was not going to be that easy for me to "speed up the things" so I turned the situation in a foursome were most of the time I was in direct contact and participating with the girl and my husband.

 

Honestly, I can't say it was a bad experience, they have tried to organize dinner with us again but we haven't played with them since and probably we never will.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

This thread actually makes me quite sad. Can you just imagine being in that one spouse's place where the play was rushed with you because no one was really attracted to you but they were attracted to your spouse--so they do the swap, hurry through it, and then everyone enjoys playing with your spouse while you watch or take a supportive role?

 

Personally, I'd feel like shit if I were the more attractive spouse in that situation or if I was the one where someone was "taking one for the team" to be with Mr. Sun. We've had our fair share of uneven attraction in which ever combination you can come up with and it just isn't fun. You either feel guilty for not feeling attracted to your play partner, you feel bad that your partner is "taking one for the team", you feel awful that your spouse is being treated as chopped liver, or you feel like the chopped liver.

 

I know it's very difficult to find a four-way attraction where everyone is on board but please, consider how the two people engaged in the "taking one for the team" will feel.