A hypothetical invitation, and how would you respond?

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

A hypothetical invitation, and how would you respond?

 

One of the interesting challenges in the LS is actually meeting other couples. On the vanilla side, meet'n'greets at a bar or restaurant work to some extent. On the LS side, there are houseparties, hotel takeovers and so on. Each of these is a social event, none are particularly good venues for getting to know other people. What we do most often is make the initial acquaintance online, agree to meet in a public place for a drink or dinner, with no expectations. It can be a bit of a hit or miss proposition--for both couples.

 

When we were growing up, it was common for our parents to host--and to be invited to--dinner parties. These would be gatherings of 10-16 people (typically 5-8 couples) in someone's home, simply to get to meet others and enjoy a meal. Interestingly, these often happened on weeknights. Such gatherings happen less often today, mostly because (a) people are busy, (b) casual dining out is so frequent, © schedules are complex etc. etc.

 

Suppose, for a moment, you as a lifestyle couple were invited to dinner gathering that was announced as a pure vanilla event in someone's home. All you knew about the meal was that

 

• (a) the hosts were real (e.g. a countable number of posts here, certs on SLS, etc.) and available to chat on the telephone
• (b) by whatever yardsticks, the hosts seem to be reasonable people and not crazies,
• (c) all of the other couples being asked were known to be LS couples,
• (d) the gathering was otherwise pure vanilla not structured for play, party etc. Just a simple dinner party, drinks, food, conversation.

 

Assuming that the schedule worked for you, the location was not much further than you would drive for dinner to a restaurant, what factors would make you decide to attend such a vanilla-gathering-of-LS-folks--or not?

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I am assuming that your use of the word hypothetical means that you have not actually received an invitation of this kind.

 

My wife and I would probably accept the invitation just to see what would happen with such a novel idea. We would be curious to see if the event organizer was able to draw a sufficient number of guests to make it actually happen. We would be curious to see if the guests would be able to restrain themselves by not trying to shift out of vanilla mode.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Yeah, we'd go, especially if FL were the hosts.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Actually, we are toying with the idea of being the hosts and issuing the invitations...

[SAMnTINA 362]

Sure we would nothing ventured nothing gained, although dinner can be more of a commitment while sex is just a good time.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I think that there is a thread...oh here it is where Funcoupledayton is planning on doing that very thing. Yes, we would most likely attend to see how the first one went and decide if we would continue depending on that outcome.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Personally, I think dinner parties should be considered outlawed under terms of the Geneva Convention.

 

However, if you replaced the words "dinner party" with "movie night" or "game night" (board games, weird card games, etc) I'd probably let my wife drag me along and would even enjoy myself.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

GoldCoCouple said:

I think that there is a thread...oh here it is where Funcoupledayton is planning on doing that very thing. Yes, we would most likely attend to see how the first one went and decide if we would continue depending on that outcome.

 

Thanks for the link. Missed the thread entirely. Seems that good ideas can arise independently. Maybe that's the mark of some good ideas!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Personally, I think dinner parties should be considered outlawed under terms of the Geneva Convention.

 

However, if you replaced the words "dinner party" with "movie night" or "game night" (board games, weird card games, etc) I'd probably let my wife drag me along and would even enjoy myself.

 

Okay. Dinner with catalyst.

[Brad145 58]

We probably wouldn't be interested, our free time is limited, so a purely social outing wouldn't make the cut.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I think the idea of it is interesting and I wouldn't mind trying it out. However, that's a lot of assumptions for us--if we had the time, if it worked with our schedule, and if we knew at a good portion of the couples attending.

 

I think we would be much more open to going in 15 years...I think that's when we'll have more time on our hands.

 

If you do happen to try out these vanilla dinner parties with LS couples, please let us know how it turned out!

[econobiker 165]

Occasionally Red and I would go out to dinner or lunch with other swing house party attendees with no expectations of swing activities and even sometimes with other non-LS vanilla couples/singles. We have done other activities too- attended concerts, gone to art fairs, etc. with lifestyle friends.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

I think the idea of it is interesting... if we knew at a good portion of the couples attending....

Interesting, sunbuckus. I was actually thinking that it might be more fun, and more sensible as a vanilla-only event, if the attendees were all new to each other! If we met people we knew, particularly people we've played with and like, we might feel more of a temptation to go play with them. But with a room full of new-to-us people, it can be more understood that things are not going to progress beyond just meeting and greeting.

 

We belong to a lifestyle group that visits local vineyards each month. We do attend those events, which are nominally purely social and include many people we know. So this seems to contradict what I said above. The kicker is that there is usually an "after-party" nearby, where the sexual tension of the afternoon gets "released"!

[sunbuckus 3,567]

I put in that last portion because I know how we tend to get sometimes when we are in a new place and know absolutely no one. I also have witnessed how other couples are in a similar situation. You have to have a few outgoing couples in the mix, I think. Of course, it could just be the community of swingers we have out here--according to what someone told us recently.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

. . . I think we would be much more open to going in 15 years...I think that's when we'll have more time on our hands. . .

Oh? I would not want to be the one to burst your bubble but . . .

[kikonkrome 844]

We probably wouldn't be interested, our free time is limited, so a purely social outing wouldn't make the cut.

 

This it is tough for us to get out, and I have enough vanilla friends and events.

 

If I knew the couples involved I would probably be interested, but an unknown group of strangers? I would rather go to a lifestyle club.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

Oh? I would not want to be the one to burst your bubble but . . .

 

Are you telling me that you're more busy now?? Yeah, I don't want to hear that!

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Many thanks for the helpful responses, especially those who said they would be less interested, and why. It tells us that (a) there probably needs to be a mix of familiar and less familiar faces and (b) having options slightly different from 'just drinks and dinner and conversation' might make the invitation more appealing. We'll mull it over.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

My take as a hostess. I would not want to put on a dinner party at home for people I don't know well, it's a lot of work. We have hosted a swinger party including dinner for about twelve couples and that went well. It was all friends and we did swim and play after dinner.

 

I won't invite anyone to my house who is a stranger and actually when friends have said, "Can you invite this new couple we just met?" I have and that hasn't worked too well (the friends end up apologizing for the new people the next day!) So now I only invite people I like or people that friends know very well.

 

I don't like pot lucks much at all. If I'm hosting, I would rather my guests not have the stress of bringing food. Sometimes pot luck food can be pretty questionable, too. If I'm hosting I just ask people to bring alcohol. Some people really want to bring something and will ask, and then I'll ask them to bring something easy and specific.

 

I find that generally, people want the possibility of play. However, we did just do a group dinner at a restaurant that was well attended and our group has done pool (billiards) parties several times that were very popular. We also organize meet ups at festivals (like the Celtic festival). I think though at a house people expect to play.

 

The other issue you might run into with keeping it vanilla, but at a house is drinking. Some people we know tend to drink quite a bit while socializing and need play time or stay over time before driving. Every party I have been invited to has the offer of crash here if you need to. At a club or restaurant people don't have that expectation and seem to have one of the couple be the dd.

 

One idea if you want to host a dinner party is you have a couple friends you already socialize and swing with ask them each to bring a couple they know (and preferably play with) who you don't know. That way everyone knows and likes someone and everyone gets to meet someone new. You might consider leaving the invitation open to play and if it happens it happens, if it doesn't, fine. We've been to a few house parties where there is very little play going on.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Oh, and if you, Fundamental, were hosting the hypothetical dinner party and we were in the area, we would attend, vanilla or not!

[njbm 2,871]

We would attend such a dinner.