Sex drive and older couples

[interested-05 135]

This is for older couples primarily, but could apply to any group.The question boils down to, as you get older does sex become a little less fun or does sex with the same loving person, become a little less exciting? Does life become simply routine or is the sex drive simply not demanding as much attention? Or do couples simply get bored with each other? Guess i'm wondering how to raise the heat level in an otherwise great relationship

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

In a committed relationship, a change-up is required at least occasionally. This is needed without regard to age.

 

Libido can go either up or down with age and there are at least a dozen factors that could influence this change. From my experience, as a man, the guiding principle is "use it or loose it". My interest in sex goes down right after finishing the sex act. But within an hour, interest is back up again. But if I go a long time (days) not having sex, it's takes more thought and effort to get back into the groove.

 

After menopause, my wife became a virtual sex machine. And she needed little help from me for this. I understand that the hormone shift does exactly the opposite for some women.

[sunbuckus 3,567]

...as you get older does sex become a little less fun or does sex with the same loving person, become a little less exciting? Does life become simply routine or is the sex drive simply not demanding as much attention? Or do couples simply get bored with each other? Guess i'm wondering how to raise the heat level in an otherwise great relationship

 

I think this can apply to other aspects of life in general and not just sex. Eating the same dish can get boring. Spicing it up with different cooking methods or herbs can help. Sometimes trying a completely different dish can be great, as well. Some dishes won't be to your liking but at least you tried it.

 

Having the exact same routine every day can get boring. Wake up, groom yourself, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, have dinner, sleep, and repeat. Going on vacations help with the monotony. Sometimes changing to a different job or retiring is needed. Maybe moving to a different location is needed to shake things up.

 

To answer your questions directly, sex with the same person depends on the two people involved. Do you two do the same exact thing every time? Have you tried toys? New techniques? Increasing foreplay time? New positions? Role playing? Games? Sexting? Do you two put in the effort to seduce each other or do you two take each other for granted?

 

For many people, life in general can play a part in one's libido. Stress from work, family, and/or school can affect one's sex drive. Health issues can as well.

 

It all depends on what you put as a priority in your life. If work is at the top of the list, that is where your time and energy is focused and everything else can fall to the wayside. If you place your spouse at the top, then you focus on their happiness and what you can do to make them happy. Hopefully, they place you as top priority and you both work to make life easier for each other. Desiring to see each other's pleasure in the bedroom will naturally follow and you each will do what you are capable to keep things "hot" in the bedroom. Of course, life does get in the way so be cognizant and set aside time for each other every day!

[ifonly 21]

Considering that my wife and I have been married longer than some in this group have been around (54 years) and that alone will put us in the category of older -- I prefer the term "Mature". Enough of that and I will try to answer your questions.

 

Considering the social pressures at the time of our marriage, our sex was limited to missionary until I could cum and that was it. My dear wife got nothing out of the experience but --- some sperm. Many, many years later (maybe 35 or 40) I started to learn how to please her so she enjoyed the experience.While my wife had never complained, neither of us really knew any better.

 

Fast forward to about 15 years ago (2000),I felt that the romance was gone from our marriage and commenced to read more on how to move out of our rut --- it had become very boring even though we still had frequent sex; about 2 to 3 time a week. My wife was now accepting of different positions and new foreplay techniques. Mind you, she still harbored many of those Bible interpretations that may pastors preach that are not really in the Bible. This feeling of hers has been a very large mountain to climb and has been a major block to any possible swinging adventure.

 

We are satisfied with sex a couple times a week but now we both really focus on the intensity of pleasure that we both receive. Yes, even at our age, we have a more enjoyable physical experience than 15 or 20 years ago. One thing that has really help was the purchase of Philo Thelos "Divine Sex". I purchased the book and never asked or pressured her to read it but she did pick it up and has already read about 1/2 of it. I can see a difference in her already.

 

When I first brought up the subject of swinging, she had a very typical response -- "You don't love me", "You just want to have sex with other women", etc. Today there is still very good sex, no heated discussions and yes, we still love each other very much. Yes -- I would like to experience sex with other women! My wife should experience other men as well.

 

I do experience stress and tiredness as I still work every day in our laboratory and am building another new house. So I can really identify with other men even though they may be 20 or 30 years younger but I enjoy sex and giving pleasure to my wife; that is always goal Number 1. I hope that our roller coaster sex life answers you question but if not just fire your queries my way.

[ifonly 21]

Rereading my previous post, I want to add a word of encouragement to others that are getting "More mature". Most of you are enjoying the benefit of more openness in your relationship than those of us before you. Non-monogamy adds enrichment to a couple regardless of their ages and I dare say the longer the relationship, probably the more value of that enrichment. My wife and I are definitely much better lovers today than years past and I hope those younger will experience the same regardless of their age. Age does not mean that you have to leave the lifestyle; you just need to work around those impediments that life dumps on your lap!

[opensexejoy 16]

That's interesting as my wife after menopause went in a complete, disliking to sex and also she told me she's cutting me off. We had great sex life prior, at first I thought she seeing someone else or was bi, but never could verify either. That was some 19 years ago!

 

My sex drive is in high gear and never slowed! I am 68 years young.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

The Mrs. and I had actually been in something of a rut sexually, before we kind of re-energized our sex life by paying more attention to each other, getting more creative, and enjoying making as much noise as we wanted in the empty house while our daughter was away at college. We then got into the lifestyle, which accelerated our sexual revival into high gear!

 

Another thing that has helped our libidos is something we learned about on our first swinger vacation (which was early in our swinging career). We met some women and men who were getting hormone replacement therapy, in the form of implanted pellets of bio-identical testosterone. Yes, it helps women, too! We are both getting these testosterone pellets now. That helped to set our hormone levels to those of 35 year olds, so now we have very healthy libidos!

[Guest]

After my first husband died, I eventually got on match.com. Along the way, I realized that most of these guys had wives or girlfriends,and I was just their Monday through Thursday booty call. About this same time,I went on hormone replacement therapy and my sexual appetite skyrocket. Being that booty call with 3 or so guys each week was ok. Then I met my current husband and as we got serious, almost missed the amount of sex I had been having. Thus, when we happened into an opportunity for MFM one evening before we were married, I jumped at it and prayed that he enjoyed it as much as did I. He did and we moved totally into swinging with me pretty much leading the way.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

chiccouplexx, that is great! I'm glad that you've found happiness after losing a spouse (same for me), and I'm thrilled that you two are happily swinging! Do you get those weekday booty calls again?

[Guest]

Couple-No, no more match.com like services, no more more booty calls of that nature...We just play together.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

chiccouplexx, if it works for you two, then that's great!

[njbm 2,860]

As one ages, hormones, athleticism and energy fade. The lifestyle, T, Cialis and Viagra can inject excitement. Use it or lose it!

[kikonkrome 843]

Regular exercise I is another factor in keeping our libido's up. I can't remember the number of times we went to the gym came back and had a quickie.

 

We do a lot of different things to keep it interesting. Quickies in the middle of the day, a 'kink' nite, travel sex. You really need to devote some time into breaking a rut and keeping your relationship intact.

[Fundamental Law 2,882]

Regular exercise I is another factor in keeping our libido's up. I can't remember the number of times we went to the gym came back and had a quickie.

 

We do a lot of different things to keep it interesting. Quickies in the middle of the day, a 'kink' nite, travel sex. You really need to devote some time into breaking a rut and keeping your relationship intact.

 

There is so much truth here, it bears repetition:

 

1. Being active contributes to being sexually active. Exercise -- break a sweat and work it out exercise favors sexual activity in so many ways it's hard to count. Physically fit, better circulation, positive self-image, natural antidepressant...the list goes on. My dear wife--we have known each other 41 years--roll out of bed and hit the gym at least 5 days a week. We do it together because we value that time together.

 

2. Get out of the rut and change it up. Get the fantasies going, go on dates with LS couples, go on an LS cruise or trip. This does not just happen. It has to be intentional, planned, executed...and savored.

 

I'll add a couple of things...

 

3. Never, ever take your partner for granted. Send them a text--or better flowers. Do the little things around the house without asking. Make sure that you look good, even when it's just the two of you. As the wife of one of my colleagues remarked about 40 years ago, "Foreplay is 24 x 7". She was right.

 

4. Make the time. It is all too easy to let everything else get in the way of intimacy. Overworked. Bills to pay. Laundry to fold. Visit the parents. Once and again, your relationship with your partner is your #1 priority. Treat it with the respect it deserves.

[let's do it again 412]

I am a 62 year old male and I love sex as much as ever. I like that older women are having a harder time finding a partner that can still perform and the younger ladies want the security and maturity in an older man. I never plan to give up on sex.

[HHgirl 22]

Not long after marrying my husband, my husband was curious about nudism (He loved reading Naturist magazines) and he found out that there was a nudist club / resort not far from where we lived.  So he took me over to see what it was like.  I was really surprised that there were places that people just liked to socialize nude at.  It wasn't on my bucket list or anything that crossed my mind that I had to do before I die but I thought, I would give it a try.  Well, surprise, surprise, I was hooked pretty darn fast.  I love the freedom of being clothes free.  It feels wonderful to run around without any clothes on.  But nudism has really changed my life.  I have always had weight issues and I didn't like my body very much.  But I quickly saw that it is very rare to have a perfect body we all have our flaws.....anyways it helped me learn to accept my body and helped me remember to make better healthier food choices.  Nudism is like viagra for me.  Seeing all the gorgeous men increases my sexual appetite.  I have definitely had a higher sex drive than my husband and I still do.  I am a 58 year old free spirited female who has twenty something year old guys that want to hang out with me at nudist clubs and nudist beaches.....and Hippie Hollow.  Large penises are what gets my sexual energy juices going.  Just seeing them, talking to them maybe interacting with the large penis.  And if I find the right person with a large penis I might make them a boyfriend boy toy.  I hope my infatuation with large penises that I get to see at nudist places last forever.  I want to be 100 years old and still enjoying sex.  

[PeterJ 926]

3 hours ago, HHgirl said:nudist beaches.....and Hippie Hollow.  Large penises are what gets my sexual energy juices going…I want to be 100 years old and still enjoying sex.  

For several years when business took me to Austin I played with a hotwife couple who lived there. They introduced me to Hippie Hollow, which I enjoyed with them. I later took a female vanilla friend who’d never been to a nude beach. 
 

HHgirl, I hope you live to be 100 and that you have good health that allows you to still enjoy sex. My brother-in-law, never expecting an elderly couple might still want sex or be capable of it walked in during siesta on my then 85-year-old mom and her 92-year-old boyfriend. They were in the midst of male superior missionary intercourse. My sisters and I (all of us blessed with strong and durable libidos) were pleased for our mom and took reassurance for our own futures. That said, I’m very glad it was my sister’s husband who walked in on them and not me. Because, you know, King Lear…😳🙄😱

 

(As I’ve noted in comments on posts elsewhere on this board, when I was in my early 60s I played at a party with a couple who were in their mid-80s and had been having sex as a couple with others since they first married in the late 1940s.)

[Fundamental Law 2,882]

On 8/30/2023 at 5:15 PM, PeterJ said:

Because, you know, King Lear…

Better, perhaps, than Oedipus (e)Rex....

[older couple 132]

My wife is 70 and I am 71.  We have been swinging for 48 years.   Married 51.  I worked in the oil field.  I have been retired for 7 years now.   I was gone a lot being on 24 hr. call.   Even as long as several weeks at a time.    My wife's first sexual encounter was with our neighbor.   When we could afford our own home, we bought one on a dead-end street in a low middle income neighborhood.   He lived across the street from us.  It took four years before I found out about their affair.   Hell, I loved the Idea and asked if I could watch.   My wife was 22 yrs. old, and he was a 78-year-old widower.   We lived there two more years before he passed.  (No. She didn't F___k him to death).  It was cancer. We moved into a larger house on the other side of town.   We have been swinging ever since with all ages of people, race, religion, and countries.  There has been quite a few of them 90-year-olds men and women.   You're going to see a lot of us old farts still sexually active.  Everyone is living longer.  Have a good day.

[Davdia 119]

12 hours ago, older couple said:

It took four years before I found out about their affair.   Hell, I loved the Idea and asked if I could watch. 

Please don’t take advice from someone that by their own admission, not only isn’t a swinger but after they were cheated on decided they liked being a doormat.  This person’s situation belongs on a cheaters website….not one thing about it is swinging. Finding out your spouse has cheated and then deciding you liked it ……IS NOT SWINGINGING!!!?………what the hell?

[PeterJ 926]

On 9/1/2023 at 10:35 AM, Fundamental Law said:

Better, perhaps, than Oedipus (e)Rex....

Oh, indeed, FL! Of course matters didn’t work out well for either…😉