Apparent swinging triad ends in the worst way possible

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I hate having to post stories like this one, but unfortunately, things like this, however remote and unlikely, can happen.

 

Swinger's ads connected victim and alleged killer

 

 

The defendant early last year responded to Mr. Williamson’s online ads and set up sexual encounters for his wife, according to Commonwealth’s Attorney James P. Fisher.

“My mother was not sexually satisfied with him,” Amber Ellington, 24, testified Thursday about her father.

So, Mr. Hayes used “swinger” ads online to find sex partners for his wife, Mrs. Ellington said, recounting an August conversation with her father.

“He was gonna . . . make sure it was the right way and she was protected,” Mrs. Ellington said of her parents.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Crazy and sad. More than anything it seems like a case of the fallout from a failed marriage hurting more than just the two involved in the marriage. Sadly, that's not too unusual although thankfully it usually doesn't go to this extreme. Several years ago there was a murder involving nearly the same type scenario here, and the connection there was they all attended the same church. Could be swinging, could be church, could be where you work - when someone decides to blow, if you're standing close enough, you're likely to get hurt.

[kikonkrome 844]

Wow...

[sunbuckus 3,569]

I hope more information comes out...I find it odd that the wife was with this other man in another state. There had to be enough trust there for them to trust the victim so they can swing separately and out of state. Clearly, there was a breach of trust during that trip. I'm also curious, because of the way the article was worded, that the victim was also married? There's too many questions and too little information.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

It was confusing the way it was written. I had to reread several times to figure out for sure who was who.

 

Something just doesn't seem right on this. There's the Craigs List element, and then like you say, the swinging solo aspect. So you're brand new to swinging, and yet you go off swinging solo with someone that far away? People do indeed do crazy, ill-advised stuff, but this just doesn't seem to add up quite right.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I had to read it a couple times too. Obviously there's a lot of information still to come forward. Well, maybe. Who knows what all will be released.

[Tahoecple 319]

That has to be one of the poorest written story’s I’ve ever read. It just jumps from one point in the time line to another with no rhyme or reason. Let me see if I understand what happened.

 

A man and his wife decide to add another guy into their sex life. Either they took out an ad on Craigslist or they answered an ad on Craigslist. However it came about, the couple set-up a date with the wife and the other guy going to New York City without the husband. Something happened on that date causing the wife to want to leave New York during that date. The wife caught an airline home ahead of her scheduled return.

 

It’s unknown if the wife and the other man ever got together after the New York trip or not. At some point after the New York trip the wife left the husband. It’s apparent that the husband blamed the breakup of him and his wife on the guy she went to New York with. The husband got a gun, went to the other guy’s home, and shot him dead.

 

It sounds like the wife wasn’t happy or sexually satisfied in the marriage. The husband in a misguided attempt to save the marriage, decided to retain some control over his wife’s sex life by having a say over whom she went out with for sex. It sounds to me like there were major problem with the marriage before swinging, was introduced into the marriage.

 

It sounds to me that the story here isn’t about the evils of swinging; it’s about the mentally unstable people you run across on Craigslist.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

It sounds to me that the story here isn’t about the evils of swinging; it’s about the mentally unstable people you run across on Craigslist.

 

I agree with most of your post but I'm not convinced that anyone was mentally unstable. There's just too little to go on to make that big of an assumption. If anything, everyone is unstable--especially when emotions are running high.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

What a confusing and sad story!

[Tahoecple 319]

I don’t know, getting a gun and driving over to somebodies house, and shooting him when he comes to the door isn’t exactly the signs of a mentally stable individual. Most rational people I know don’t do things like that. He didn’t go to this guy’s house to talk to him, he didn’t go to this guy’s house to confront him, he went to this guy’s house to kill him when he opened the door. We may disagree with semantics but you don’t have to be crazy to do something like that but you do have to be a mentally unstable to do something like that.

 

 

Now I’m not talking about being insane or anything like that, there is no indication of that so he would be responsible for his actions.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

The thing is maybe during the trip, the wife may have been forced to have sex with men she didn't want to have sex with or some other harm came to her. His actions may have been a protection or revenge reaction.

 

If it is unstable to get in a murderous rage in regards to someone hurting someone you love, especially when you had put trust in that person to not do that, then a good many people are unstable.

[Tahoecple 319]

The thing is maybe during the trip, the wife may have been forced to have sex with men she didn't want to have sex with or some other harm came to her. His actions may have been a protection or revenge reaction.

 

If it is unstable to get in a murderous rage in regards to someone hurting someone you love, especially when you had put trust in that person to not do that, then a good many people are unstable.

 

 

The New York trip took place the first part of last year, sounds like in January or February. They said the last email between the victim and the shooter was last February. The couple split up in May of last year. The shooter told his daughter about the swinging stuff in August of last year. It was in October of last year that the ex-husband shot the victim. He was arrested for the crime in December of last year for the crime.

 

There is no mention in the story of the guy mistreating the wife while on the trip to New York. It sounds like she thought it was going to be a date with just her and the other guy. Then the guy brought other swingers into the mix and the wife wanted no part of that scene. When asked to put the wife on an airplane back home, it says the victim put her on an airplane home.

 

Yes, a murderous rage is mental instability at its worst. You might have a great explanation for being in that condition but the fact remains you are in that condition. To wait for 8 or 9 months after the trip, and 5 months after he and his wife separate to shoot the guy, I don’t think heat of passion would be a logical argument.

 

I think the far more likely scenario is going to be the ex-husband either thought or knew that the wife continued to see this guy behind his back after she returned from New York. The marriage deteriorated over last winter and spring to the point the wife left the marriage in May. Whether real or imagined the ex-husband stewed on the split-up blaming the guy she went to New York with. By October, the ex-husband went on tilt, grabbed his gun drove to this guy’s house in Virginia, and when he answered the door the ex-husband shot him.

[sunbuckus 3,569]

Tahoecple, if that is the exact timeline you came upon during your reading of the article, then I will concede that it was not a "heat of passion" crime. I had a hard enough time figuring out who did what during my reading. So, kudos to you. But, there could have been a lot more that happened in those months leading up to it that we don't know about.

 

I hesitate to label the defendant "mentally unstable" though because I am not a psychologist that specializes in mental illness. I admit, I bristle whenever anyone throws out "mentally unstable" because of the negative connotations that go along with such a label. Society tends to view those who are "unstable" as less than human or as someone who we can easily dismiss.

[AskMeOk 148]

IMHO, to call this "swinging" is a bit of a stretch.

 

My definition (stolen from Wikipedia) is this: Swinging, also known as wife swapping or partner swapping, is a non-monogamous behavior in which both singles and partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.[Emphasis, mine.]

[Mbgdallas 203]

So much we don't know. Why did they split up? Were they still seeing each other? Did she put the "blame" on the guy to appease her husband? Did the husband just make it up in his mind?

 

I don't remember who placed the ad. Was it the couple or the other guy?

[love2dp 53]

This is still a tragedy regardless of how bad the story is. Not related to swinging, but my breakup with my ex was just ugly. My ex-girlfriend is Bitter BIG TIME. Even though she shouted as well she was done too. She turned on me after 15 years and told me how she wished I would have died from my cancer. She even threatened to have me assaulted. I had to file a restraining order against her. She tried to take my son from me, but our son wanted 50/50 custody. So I asked for 50/50 custody and got it. Our son truly fears what she will do. She has hurt her son beyond belief emotionally. I've been carrying my gun ever since our breakup. People hear about murders happening, but never believe it will happen in their life. Well I for one am not taking ANY chances with this not insane woman. She's tried to ruin my life and tried to have me evicted while recovering from my second brain tumor. She's told me how she wishes I die alone and homeless. She is a sick sick woman. She tried to sabotaged a cancer fund raiser for me. She has turned seriously evil toward me. But she knows I legally carry my gun anywhere I go and can access my gun and have it loaded in a moment. She knows she will have to sneak attack me to get me. So maybe she won't try, I don't know but I've taken precautions to protect myself. People are crazy. But I still have to deal with her since we are 50/50 custody. And the police have been NO HELP to me even though I am the one being threatened. I've told her I WILL protect myself against her with deadly force if necessary. This from a woman I gave everything to. Never even cheated on her or abused her. We had a great family and bought a home, Then I got sick. She was my beneficiary and stood to get 1.37 mil. Thats the policy I carried so my family would be taken care of. Maybe thats why she was mad she lost that cash cow.