What's the worst introductory message you've received?

[lokkie 16]

So I initially wanted to make a post about horrible/bad first messages you may have received and I guess that's still the main point of the post. With that said when I logged on today I saw that a post from 2014 got bumped up to the top and it was about not getting discouraged with the online process.

 

The message the wife and I received this evening was simply "Interested...?" I had a good laugh for about 5 min over it. The wife chuckled but I find everything to be more hillarious than she does. What's the worst you've received?

[JandKinBoise 859]

So did the 'interested' party provide a nice close up dick pic?

We used to get a lot of one line replies. "I'll do her" was my favorite. Now we ask for a specific word in the subject of replies. The 'one line guy' never reads the ad or profile so when he replies, the requested word isn't in the subject, we don't bother opening it.

[lokkie 16]

Lol no no dick picks yet.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

While we don't request a specific word in the subject line, it's still really easy to tell who hasn't even bothered to read our ad. I couldn't even tell you what the worst one was because as soon as I see it's one line or just from a guy...DELETE! Really, has that EVER worked for any of these guys?

[enhancer 1,586]

We get so many of them from clueless cock pic losers daily it is hard to say what the worse one is!

 

One we have heard a few times that stands out is "Hey sexy nice ass, I would love to tongue fuck it" sent with the same pathetic cock pic they already have on their profile.

 

The ones that really annoy us are from couples with no pics or just genital pics saying "Love your pics and would like to meet you". What about your pics?

[intuition897 2,179]

I think our NoBalls Prize Winner was "I need to fuck." Any closer to a neanderthal and it would be pointing and grunting. Which would translate to keyboard-mashing. Ugh.

[AskMeOk 148]

Sup?

[padoc 1,704]

"Nice tits, lets fuck". Shortly after that, we just blocked single males

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Once again, I have to ask 'has this EVER worked of one of these guys'? I suspect that if anyone ever DID answer one of these clueless dick-pic requests with 'I wanna fuck too, when can we get together?', I suspect that they would run off and hide...

[econobiker 165]

Sup?

 

You've probably won in the shortest worst message category.

[AskMeOk 148]

You've probably won in the shortest worst message category.

 

Yes, and there is a direct mathematical relationship between message [length, coherence, grammar, and politeness] and the distance my finger is from the key....

[Scaredstiff 129]

Worst one we had , just a few days ago , read..

"Come round Sunday for a fuck? Can you make it for 10am? As that works for us. Hope to hear from you xx"

Yes it was an opening message, they had never seen our faces , and we are cautious newbies and our profile states this and goes on to say how we would like to meet for drinks first etc

[2NoLimit 95]

Not sure if this fits on this tread, but we got a short one liner "hi guys, how you doing"

Short but normal, at least that's what we thought until we read the profile all we can say is WOW!!! Way to fast for us, but loved the straight forwardness.

 

Anyhow here's a copy of it:

-------------

Variety is the Spice of life...lets make it sexy!

 

Describe yourselves:

 

Lets see...she squirts, multiorgasmic, super responsive, swallows and takes it in the ass for "daddy"...needs it 3,4 5 xs a day, she is super horny and soaking wet, and has even been told her asshole is sweet..What else is there to know...lol. We are a fun loving full swap cple. WE WILL ONLY SHARE W THOSE CPLES THAT SHARE W US! and this will also apply to house parties. (ESPECIALLY FOR THE CUBANS /HIALEAH TYPE/VELVET CREW..WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?? PLSE SEND US A NOTE AND ENLIGHTEN US)..Otherwise im inclined to think it stems from pics # 9, 11 and 31?? Wow!!!!!!!!!!anyhooooo....She is a hot blooded Latina that loves sex and loves to see him happy. She says that she enjoys playing w/ others so much because she knows he loves to see her being naughty! just fyi, although she has had kids, not one vaginally !! he thinks thats partly why the goods..well , lets just say,are so damn good....lol. He loves to watch her be bad while he is deep in something hot and wet...yumm! He is the ringleader and party planner and she is just oh too happy to get out ,laugh , meet new ppl and have some hot fun !!99% of time he is making dates and plans..she says he is her pussy manager....hehe.we only use one phone # to communicate to anyone in the lifestyle as its our attempt to keep it seperate and a non issue from our family life, which is PRIORITY #1. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM W/ THIS...feel free to call home ,E.T., help me howard or your mama, cuz i really dont give a damn...lol.hey, this sdc email works pretty good too !

 

What are you hoping to find?:

 

A SINGLE GUY THAT READS AND FOLLOW DIRECTIONS (1ST LINE OF PROFILE SAYS DONT I.M. >SEND A FUCKIN MESSAGE.......WANNA PISS US OFF, OR GET THE PUSSY....GEEZ)....Whew..Secondly single guys,Uve seen the pics and read the profile? do u think shes missing anything at home??if we do you, its because he wants to see her be bad. lets just be clear, we cant find enuff time to connect w/ all the cples that are interested in meeting us or we want to meet , so if u dont bring pussy to the table,it kinda puts you on bottom of the playlist doesnt it? maybe uve gotta be creative, wine and dine her(ill eat kids meal on you or maybe just buy my own)...and then if she likes you, we will fuck the shit out of her at your place or hotel or meet us at traps(if we have no plans to go,if u offer to pay door fee and we are there ! ) Lastly, please DO NOT be presumptuous by sending us your PHONE #S, YOUR BUSINESS CARDS..SOCIAL SECURITY #S..U GET THE POINT(WE HOPE) Of course we hope to find funcples and singles to share some hot times with! We avoid loud or rude ppl like the plague.We love a classy man or woman that is seen and not heard !! seriously,if you name your body parts atleast name it something attractive or cute..and after you finish tooting your own horn, dont tell us what u call it...show us and let us help u. hopefully we will all agree . As u can see in our validations and a few pics, we have hosted a lot of parties at our home and love it,but if you have ever written a validation and "taken" it back because we no longer " play " w/ u...pls avoid us..lol. who does that(except 3 yr olds at the park)!!!!!!!!!nothing lasts forever right? its also fun to host gangbangs and small groups!! 4 -6 uninhibited full swap cples. u cant beat that w/ a stick ! lets plan your next party here too!(we`ll do anything to meet new people and have some sexy hot fun!).Single ladies..u GIRLS are too much work! " aint nobody got time for that" geez ! We understand that you girls are in demand and have options but we dont NEED YOU...MAYBE youre not even that special ?? Perhaps u have too much baggage or too screwed up to keep a man and make a cpl? IJS. Either its no gas money..too busy..u live too far..u want to, but u have no time or you have a crazy man/ex DRAMA, UR CRYING ALL THE TIME..complaining about your miserable life or your bad ass kids........LISTEN, we are here to suck and fuck your brains out, not to be crying with you !! Ladies,if u write or reply to us, please be ready to meet, serious to get down and dirty and drama free! Maybe YOU are the true " UNICORN" in our books...if you are HER, then of course we would like to get to know YOU.

 

Describe your Fantasies and Desires:

 

Fantasies...want to help you live yours! But to have her pleased over and over again! We care to only make contact w/ real players that make plans and keep them, but we understand that life happens. Atleast have the common courtesy to call us and let us know.........geez ,its only polite and shouldnt be too much to ask. Also he would like to meet a vanilla girl , we seduce her and if we can give the girl her first bbc experience that would be a dream!...give her something to think about !! BOY, WE HAVE SOME STRANGE FANTASIES AND DESIRES,DONT WE??

 

Describe your Bisexuality...if applicable :

 

She will participate in a bit of girl play and has even been called a great bisexual lover,however.. she defin. wants to finish up w/ a STIFF ONE!! Ladies, plse do us all a favor..Before you fuck w us, PLEASE DO US ALL A FAVOR AND FINGER FUCK YOURSELF FIRST AND SMELL IT....IF ITS NOT PLEASANT....DONT PLAY W US!!! GEEZ ! Just tell us u have a headache if the dipstick test goes wrong....lol. Nothing kills the mood like a bad smelling coochie....ijs! We have a very active sex life..2-3 Xs daily, 3-5 xs on sunday or days off, usually lasting for hrs and often , even culminating w/ that asshole (omg, she loves that, and he loves to please her...its a tough job, but somebodies got to do it.....hehe.) She likes the attention of multiple guys, All at once , really gets her wet. He loves to see her having fun and it makes him wild! he loves girls and girl play! HE likes to see her fuck guys and playing to the MAX.. the more she's pleased the more he`s turned on! two hotties really get his motor running,two on him,even better..lol

 

Extra Notes:

 

We love to host and attend house parties. invite us to yours(or refer us to one you know of)!! We come to play hard! He may be seen on the scene alone,her never..but he has no need or desire to at this time.. Shes partial to 1-1 w him,small groups and threesomes, foursomes and moresomes.( Wait, did that encompass any sex act on this planet w/ humans??..idk....anyhoooo) He thinks he has found someone just as horny as him!!She is super multi orgasmic and He loves to make her come multiple Xs each session(averaging 3-6 Xs)She needs it bad at times, she even masterbates and cumms in her sleep sometimes..like sleepwalking..lol. ( The soaking wet pussy when he just talks about touching her makes it quite clear also!) THIS TIME HE KNOWS HE HAS FOUND SOMETHING RARE, AND SHE KEEPS REMINDING HIM !! YOU HAVE TO SEE FOR YOURSELF !, THATS ALL! oh,yes...do bring a towel !!..... We have a wonderful sex life but as we all are aware of ,variety is the spice of life....lets make it sexy!! #### Videos..thought we`d add them because we keep hearing from ppl that we should (Dre does them for the ladies only...lol). if you view and enjoy them ,drop us a line and if u have a special request,let us know ! we really appreciate the friends requests but please reserve them until we have actually met or atleast until we have had a decent dialogue......

[adamgunn 1,461]

We jokingly had in our profile the phrase "spelling counts."

 

Next day we got, 'wanna fuk'

[bryonboru 60]

'let me fuck your wife' - shortly there after we blocked all singles from our profile.

[Tikiandclown 42]

Tiki got a video via Kik of a guy masturbating until he ejaculated.

She told me "Guess he doesn't need me"

Block.

[obkabc 19]

In our profile it say's no AA couples or single men. Guy messaged us saying if we didn't agree to meet him he would out us as racist. We're not racist and no AA couples and single men is clearly out there for everyone to see. So of course we showed everyone on the site the message.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . So of course we showed everyone on the site the message.

That seems a poor strategy. Members of that Web site are liable to become reluctant to send you a message if they suspect it might subsequently be put on display for public critique.

[Exhibitionist 39]

I got this one the other day! "i got a hot 13yr old g/f u might like to fuck her. check out her pics" DELETE!

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

I got this one the other day! "i got a hot 13yr old g/f u might like to fuck her. check out her pics" DELETE!

 

I would refer that profile to the administrator of the site. That is illegal.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

I got this one the other day! "i got a hot 13yr old g/f u might like to fuck her. check out her pics" DELETE!

 

1-800-225-5324. FBI contact number under the heading of End Child Prostitution.

[Exhibitionist 39]

I would refer that profile to the administrator of the site. That is illegal.

There are some messed up people on the internet in the sex and porn world, so I expect people here and there taking it too far, but maybe I should unblock them so I can report them. I suppose I could be helping remove a sicko from the streets. I also thought it could be an undercover cop checking out people on sex and porn sites and drawing out... I don't want to say what kind of people... to make arrests and/or shut those sites down.

[Exhibitionist 39]

1-800-225-5324. FBI contact number under the heading of End Child Prostitution.

You are right. But what about public embarrassment of the witness (me)? They could use my love of swinging and porn to discredit me publicly, or just tell everyone about what I do with myself when I'm alone just to be fully accurate about how I came across the creep. Maybe even guilt by being in digital proximity to the creep? Kinda like if you go to a gas station with someone and they rob the store, even though you didn't know they would commit robbery, you still end up in jail. This really would make a good thread. "What to do when members of sex sites imply criminal sexual acts and how not to get caught up and becoming embarrassed in court."

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

You are right. But what about public embarrassment of the witness (me)? They could use my love of swinging and porn to discredit me publicly, or just tell everyone about what I do with myself when I'm alone just to be fully accurate about how I came across the creep. Maybe even guilt by being in digital proximity to the creep? Kinda like if you go to a gas station with someone and they rob the store, even though you didn't know they would commit robbery, you still end up in jail. This really would make a good thread. "What to do when members of sex sites imply criminal sexual acts and how not to get caught up and becoming embarrassed in court."

 

I would report without hestitation. It is the right thing to do. I would think you could do so anonymously.

 

I have reported two people to swingerzonecentral who were on the sex offender registry. They were kicked off (it's against the site terms of service) by the administrator. My name was not brought into it at all.

 

If I was sent child pornography by anyone I would turn them in right away. You did not solicit the email, they can see that from your acct. They do not want to discourage people from reporting. The email and attachment is all they need, you would never be called to testify that you received an email, that would be a waste of the prosecutors time and energy.

[Exhibitionist 39]

I would report without hestitation. It is the right thing to do. I would think you could do so anonymously.

 

I have reported two people to swingerzonecentral who were on the sex offender registry. They were kicked off (it's against the site terms of service) by the administrator. My name was not brought into it at all

 

If I was sent child pornography by anyone I would turn them in right away. You did not solicit the email, they can see that from your acct. They do not want to discourage people from reporting. The email and attachment is all they need, you would never be called to testify that you received an email, that would be a waste of the prosecutors time and energy.

 

i just tried to unblock them to report them and it looks like they are gone. I probably wasn't the only one they sent unsolicited messages like that to. Some others probably did what you suggested because the message now says from "unknown" and I can't even view their profile. Feel like a jerk and should have reported them instead of just blocking.

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Feel like a jerk and should have reported them instead of just blocking.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Instead, learn from the experience.

[Guest]

Mr T handles all the correspondence and he just texted this: The two worst/favorite responses we have received are: "when u want to introduce ur wife to her first 10 in cock, HMU", and "I wan 2 suk ur wifes tits? I will pay u".

 

Such class, and they wonder why Mr T deleted them!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Silver-tongued devils there, who could resist those charms?

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

With smooth lines like that, even if you wanted to meet with them, I'm SURE that they are booked months in advance...

[Guest]

"Does your girlfriend take it in the ass?"

 

"Does she swallow?"

 

"Can I rim you both?"

 

Blocked, blocked, blocked

[3sumfun38 26]

Would you be interested in meeting now? I am 22, handsome clean and latino. About 5'9 and well packed hahaha i also live in ******* and can travel. I'm curious about a 3 some with an older couple

 

 

Ok so I literally LMAO, on this email we received... Just a side note, I am 32 and hubby is 39, so we are not that old������ I don't think.