Share your self-confidence tips!

[cplnuswing 4,713]

It seems nearly everyone suffers at times from nagging doubts or a lack of self-confidence regarding their appearance. Undoubtedly, others feeling good about you starts with you feeling good about yourself. Please share you best tips for those little things one can do to feel like they are looking their best. A special cologne or perfume, killer pair of shoes, or ?

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

For my wife, all it really took was taking a few pics and putting them on our profile. We immediately got several positive responses and that helped her a bunch. It took a little nudging to get her to let me put the photos up, but once we did, it did wonders for her. In reality, I find this is more the spouses responsibility to make the other one feel confident and sexy though. It's not really something you can totally do by yourself, you need others to tell you or show you. I had performance issues at first, due to self confidence, then after posting here and finding out that's pretty damn normal, all was good. So once again, it came from others not myself.

[kikonkrome 844]

Making sure I work out and that my clothes fit properly (not too tight not too loose).

 

I have a tendency to gain and lose weight through the year and it shows up in the clothes, sigh.

 

I am not entirely sure why working out gives me more confidence but it does for sure!! Something about hormones release, seeing the results in the mirror, really no idea. I know right now I am a bit on the heavy side, and my confidence (and err the results of said confidence) have been a bit through the roof. I think it has been solely due to getting in the gym.

 

I think drinking undermines my confidence. I know you are suppose to get 'Dutch Courage' from a few drinks, but I kinda retreat into myself at a party and am less outgoing.

[EastInWest 1,524]

For my wife, all it really took was taking a few pics and putting them on our profile. We immediately got several positive responses and that helped her a bunch. It took a little nudging to get her to let me put the photos up, but once we did, it did wonders for her. In reality, I find this is more the spouses responsibility to make the other one feel confident and sexy though.

 

Interesting. Mrs. EastInWest loves the attention of being looked at and admired, but is usually initially pretty shy about showing herself. Did you find any particular things that put your wife at ease?

 

Making sure I work out and that my clothes fit properly (not too tight not too loose).

 

Finding clothing that fits me and encourages my best posture is difficulty, because I'm tall and long-limbed, but I agree. It makes a huge difference, as does having something flattering and risque on Mrs. EastInWest when we're out together. It also helps to trim my facial hair and even, eh, other hair. Knowing I'm altogether well-groomed makes a huge difference.

 

I am not entirely sure why working out gives me more confidence but it does for sure!! Something about hormones release, seeing the results in the mirror, really no idea.

 

I think it's hormones. It's very difficult to maintain that feeling during extended weight-loss because dieting can really wreck your hormones, but it helps to make sure you're getting enough fat. When I'm working out and eating adequately, though, the rush of a heightened sense of confidence can be unreal.

[kikonkrome 844]

Finding clothing that fits me and encourages my best posture is difficulty, because I'm tall and long-limbed, but I agree.

 

My daughter, son and I have the same issue, but the internet is your friend!! Department stores that don't carry Tall sizes do on the web, and then I take them in to be tailored so they don't look like I am wearing a bag...

[EastInWest 1,524]

My daughter, son and I have the same issue, but the internet is your friend!! Department stores that don't carry Tall sizes do on the web, and then I take them in to be tailored so they don't look like I am wearing a bag...

 

Yes. I bought a few white dress shirts from Brooks Brothers that were perfect a few years ago, then I lost 20 pounds.

 

Whoops. I wonder if they could just be pulled in adequately...

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Mr. CoupleInMD here. The Mrs. and I have both had our issues of self-confidence in our bodies. For her, I think two things have helped.

 

First, we have met many people over our lifestyle journey so far who have commented on how attractive and hot the Mrs. is! I think she didn't quite believe it from me when I told her she was good-looking before, assuming that I "had to say that" because I'm married to her. But now that she's heard it from many more guys (and, incidentally, not a few women!), she's finally starting to believe it!

 

The second thing that gives us both some self-confidence, or at least disarms our concern and self-consciousness about our bodies, is the fact of spending some time in different clothing-optional (CO) settings. We've been to a CO lifestyle resort a couple of times, a nudist resort, a CO swinger cruise, and CO pool parties at a lifestyle club. The non-judgemental ethic of these settings, and the feeling of openness and freedom, really helps you to set aside worrying about how you look. People of all shapes, sizes, and ages were there in these CO events, all proud of their bodies, showing off all kinds of hotness!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

 

Once we had gone to a couple of clothing optional resorts and seen that everyone there isn't one of the 'beautiful people', it really helped us (especially her). We are both reasonably attractive (personal opinion) and in good (not great) shape, but after seeing that there are ALL kinds of shapes and sizes involved in the LS...well, there is something for everyone. One of our first visits to a clothing optional resort had us meeting another couple where the woman was...for lack of a better way to say it, very large. The only thing larger than her was her personality and warmth...she knew that she was big, but she didn't allow that to interfere with who she was. There are so many more parts to a person than just their looks. Some of the 'prettiest' people also have some of the ugliest personalities...

 

Go out and get involved...either a club, a meet and greet, a clothing optional destination, and see how you feel afterwards. As I told Ms. Gold, I was never looking for someone who was perfect, just someone who was perfect for me (and she is).

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

lysergic acid diethylamide

[asncpl 729]

I stopped reading beauty magazines like Glamour. I too find clothing optional beaches and resorts to be liberating and confidence building. I still remember my first time at a nude beach and I was so nervous to take my clothes off. But then I saw men and women of all sizes and ages walking and playing in their birthday suits and it really made me much more carefree and love my body.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

The women in Glamour...or Playboy or any other beauty or 'adult' magazine, don't exist...ever, anywhere. There is so much digital retouching done that Quasimodo could be made to look like a beauty. They only set a bar so high that it cannot be obtained and cause young girls and full grown women to have serious self doubts as to how they look. If you want to see what swingers look like, or even how normal people look: Look to your left and your right. Most people look just like...people. Personality is all too often more important (to us) than looks. Beauty is only skin deep (and temporary at that), sexy comes from deep inside and is usually attached to the personality. Also there are different strokes for different folks: we would be afraid of breaking one of those 'stick girls' in half if the opportunity were ever to arise (most likely we would pass if it ever did). Real women have curves and sexy has very little to do with looks.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

The women in Glamour...or Playboy or any other beauty or 'adult' magazine, don't exist...ever, anywhere. There is so much digital retouching done that Quasimodo could be made to look like a beauty. They only set a bar so high that it cannot be obtained and cause young girls and full grown women to have serious self doubts as to how they look. If you want to see what swingers look like, or even how normal people look: Look to your left and your right. Most people look just like...people. Personality is all too often more important (to us) than looks. Beauty is only skin deep (and temporary at that), sexy comes from deep inside and is usually attached to the personality. Also there are different strokes for different folks: we would be afraid of breaking one of those 'stick girls' in half if the opportunity were ever to arise (most likely we would pass if it ever did). Real women have curves and sexy has very little to do with looks.

 

Now, I have always checked women out in front of my wife, and occasionally discussed it with her, but until we started swinging, we never really discussed exactly what I found attractive in some women. I kinda figured my wife knew because she does lean a little toward the heavier side and I tell her all the time how hot I think she is. However, when we started browsing profiles and I nixxed some because they were too skinny, she was a little shocked. She also thought it odd that I found some of the heavier women attractive. Don't get me wrong, there's a point where it gets gross, just like too skinny.

 

People get far far far too hung up on looking like models in those types of magazines when in reality, many many many guys find that gross and unattractive. I also definitely agree that sexy comes from personality, not looks.

[econobiker 165]

Mr. CoupleInMD here. The Mrs. and I have both had our issues of self-confidence in our bodies. For her, I think two things have helped.

 

First, we have met many people over our lifestyle journey so far who have commented on how attractive and hot the Mrs. is! I think she didn't quite believe it from me when I told her she was good-looking before, assuming that I "had to say that" because I'm married to her. But now that she's heard it from many more guys (and, incidentally, not a few women!), she's finally starting to believe it!

 

The second thing that gives us both some self-confidence, or at least disarms our concern and self-consciousness about our bodies, is the fact of spending some time in different clothing-optional (CO) settings. We've been to a CO lifestyle resort a couple of times, a nudist resort, a CO swinger cruise, and CO pool parties at a lifestyle club. The non-judgemental ethic of these settings, and the feeling of openness and freedom, really helps you to set aside worrying about how you look. People of all shapes, sizes, and ages were there in these CO events, all proud of their bodies, showing off all kinds of hotness!

 

I wish Red understood more that she is a beautiful woman even with her uncommon body shape. She's certainly had men and women after her during house parties over time.

Clothing Optional anything is probably out for us because she is so very fair skinned and has experienced a very minor skin cancer issue in the past so outdoor exposure for Red, even when clothed, is not recommended...

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

When we first saw the picture of the other couple that we have now been seeing for almost 3 years we both thought 'she's okay...not bad but not spectacular' but 3 minutes after meeting her it was 'WOW! She's very hot!'. We've met people who to the camera are stunningly beautiful, model quality but their personality was absolutely awful. Nothing can make a 10 into a 2 faster than a bad personality or attitude and nothing can make a 5 into a 10 easier than their personality and attitude. That's why we always try to meet new people as soon as possible. 5 minutes in person will tell you more than 5 years worth of email and texting...and real beauty comes from within.

[wearetheone1967 40]

So, Attitude can make a 2 a 10? I am currently over 380 pounds, but from my years as a drummer in LOTS of local rock bands, can talk with ANYONE, carry a conversation when it goes south, and delight in being the center of attention. Making people laugh is a gift. We wife calls it a "curse of sarcasm", but when applied gently... everything is good. LOL.

 

So is attitude more important than appearance?

 

We aren't ugly, by any means. even our older children have said we are "cute" and our attitude is "youthful and playful".

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

You sound skeptical, wearetheone1967! I have seen this myself, too. I've met many women to whom, I will say honestly, I would not have been attracted to before we got into the lifestyle- people who may not look like models, including some plus-sized women. But I've learned to appreciate the sexy in a woman with an engaging personality, a friendly smile, a playful attitude, and sexy glint in her eye.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

It won't make a 2 into a 10 but it can make it into a very solid 8. Attitude and personality (IOHO) IS more important than looks.

 

BTW: Bass, keyboards and guitar here.

[edtungsten5858 29]

I would like to echo some of the things above... Tailored clothes - many years ago when I was in the service, I became increasing unhappy with way I looked in my uniform (long sleeved shirt with insignia, tie, and trousers) I had one of those duh moments and bought a nice pair of pants from a department store, a shirt from an after market military supplier (higher quality than off the shelf uniform clothing available on most bases), and an expensive tie. I took the shirt and pants to a bona-fide tailor. I was amazed at how many things he changed on both items, especially the pants). I wore my truly tailored uniform to work about a two weeks later; and when I stepped into my office (about half a dozen guys) all the conversation stopped. My boss finally said, "xxxx, you look nice." I bought more uniforms and had them tailored as well.

 

One a sexual note: I took a pair civilian pants to the tailor and the first time I wore them to night school at a local community college, girls walking behind began making remarks about bottom/looks; and one of those girls sat behind me in my class. During the class she tapped my on the shoulder and asked me out.

 

Naturally, clothing is just one factor, but important never-the-less.

 

 

Sexy attire - My swing bud (a BBW) was always self conscious about her looks in public (even though she was hot fuck, promiscuous, cock loving swinger). One day during a one on one date, I detoured into a K-Mart and bought a cheap sweatshirt and a pair of scissors. We went to the motel and.... cut off the collar ribbing, cut a deep V opening in front with a squared off bottom, cut off the sleeves and enlarged the armholes, cut off the waistband ribbing and cut the shirt even shorter so that her skin was exposed above her waist line. You could see side boob through the arm holes (and the whole breast from just the right angle), she had bare skin form neck to the bottom of the V opening but no cleavage unless she bent over a bit, then you could see most of a breast.

 

She put this on while braless, we went across the street to a fast food place and went in, ordered and ate our meal indoors. On the way in she was a bit nervous, but she ordered our food at the counter, carried our tray to a table bent over several times to unload the tray and get settled etc. On the way out, she insisted on walking slowly and putting on a show. She was now smiling and happy. When we got in the car she just gushed about how good she felt, how she never knew how hot it would be to dress that way in a vanilla (my word) setting. Even I was surprised at the change. She didn't always show that much skin after that, but was always braless, and tried to be as unbuttoned as possible. On her own she began to wear tights/leggings without panties in order to display her pussy. Before going into a restaurant or store, she would stand next to the car, behind the open door and adjust her tights in order to get a tight fit on her pussy (camel toe); and few times, I did it for her. Sometimes she would go into a restaurant by herself "to see how crowded they were" while I watched from the car. She would come back and tell me who spotted her pussy before we went in as a couple. Pretty good stuff for a formerly shy, middle aged BBW.