How did you decide to start the "lifestyle"?

[wearetheone1967 40]

I am curious how others decided that the lifestyle was right for them.

 

Our story, I was going through a deep depression 6 months ago. Did a TON of "research" on Reddit about jealousy, inadequacy, and honesty. Every post I read that made sense was from the "Swingers" sub-reddit (category). I kept reading this GREAT marriage advice from "swingers". I just didn't make sense to me.

 

I got put on anti-depressants, and suddenly EVERYTHING was clear... My wife of a billion years and I have always had tried to bring "others" into the bedroom with disastrous results (friends, acquaintances) when we were younger.

 

I always thought I could never share my wife because I loved her so much. then in a moment of clarity, I realized I could share her... BECAUSE I LOVED HER SO MUCH!!

 

We met a guy... and he was her "second". no jealousy or bad feelings on my part.

 

I guess the brain candy works. lol....

 

So, how did you fall into the lifestyle?

[TwoFunTexans 103]

After a night of drinking at a concert, my wife revealed some fantasies like bondage and wanting to get with another woman. We'd been married over 10 years and I had no clue. We worked on the bondage first since it didn't involve anyone else and i suggested swinging as a possible outlet for her other idea.

 

I was the one who waffled on if I could handle it mainly because of the morality aspect of going against the grain of society. Eventually I was ready for it and we've swapped once with one couple and made friends with benefits with another that we hang out with regularly since October of last year.

 

It's been fun!

[oc1234 436]

It was in the mid 80s and we had become very close friends with another nudist couple. We would often get together at our house and we would always end up nude. After 6 years of flirting, massaging, and other somewhat erotic play, our friend Bill was lying on the floor massaging my wife and I was lying with his wife across the room and massaging her. As I remember it, his wife motioned for me to look across the room. When I did, I saw that they were actually having intercourse. His wife and I took the hint and started too. And it continues to this day. Bill and his wife divorced and switched partners with another couple we knew. Both couples knew my wife and I had also played with Bill and his now ex-wife. Bill's 2nd wife knew we were playing him, but she never wanted to join us due, I think, to self-image problems even though we had seen her nude many times. Bill's wife died unexpectedly about 15 months ago.

 

We are still good friends with Bill's ex-wife but do not play with her or her now husband who we have also known since the late 80s.

 

Over the years we have had a lot of threesomes with Bill. This year my wife and I have decided that she and Bill should also have some play-dates at his house. It is working out extremely well and my wife and I are so turned on when she gets home from playing with him that we also have sex with each other. It is like going back to the mid 80s when Bill and my wife used to play alone with each other a lot.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

We did not fall into swing. We walked into it with eyes wide open and with well-planned steps. We used multiple methods, swingers' clubs, meet-n-greet events, and hook-up Web sites, confident that one or the other would eventually pay off. A Web-site contact was the first breakthrough but the other methods soon paid dividends.

[Guest]

We met a couple in Key West, they are from Michigan, staying at the same hotel. Hung with them on the topless beach and evenings along the Duval Street bars. A few weeks later, they contacted us, wanted to meet half between their place and ours, text said, she’s bi, I’m not. We were still dating, had never talked about swinging but the invitation moved it to the forefront. The “bi” part of it made me uncomfortable, so Tom told them no. A couple of months later, got another text from them, this time he was in Chicago on business, wanted to meet for a drink so we did. The conversation naturally turned to their invitation. I assured him that we liked them both, I would gladly do him in a swap or he and Tom but just wasn’t into other girls. The two guys jumped on that and by evening’s end, we were all three up in his hotel room for our first MFM. I loved it.

[njbm 2,906]

Our first experience was a chocolate syrup incident with another couple in our room at Desire. We then played with another couple at LaTrapeze in Fort Lauderdale. Fast forward through some house and hotel parties and here we are.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

The Mrs. and I blame it on Playboy TV!

 

Generally the wife rolled her eyes at the stuff on Playboy TV, but there was one show that we both liked: a reality show called "Swing". In this show, each week a newbie couple has their first lifestyle experience coming to a "swing house", where a half-dozen experienced lifestyle couples are there to guide them, and maybe play with them! We would watch together, and talk over the situations, attitudes, and prospects of the newbie couple. We were very impressed that the experienced couples were nothing like the poorly-understood stereotypical image of swingers that we had in our heads (porn-staches and key parties!); rather, they were universally kind, considerate, mature, respectful people who were not going to push the newbies beyond what was appropriate for them (oh, and they were hot, too! We have the hots for several couples on the show, including Kimberly and Michael, and Nikki and Daniel). At some point, our conversations morphed from "how do you think these newbies will do?" to "how do you think WE would do?"! Honestly, we can't even remember which one of us made the leap to ask that question. But once we both understood that the topic was OK to talk about, we were off to the races! We joined SLS, found a good meet-and-greet group, met some wonderful couples, and had our first play date. And we've been having all kinds of fun ever since!

 

I know there is at least one couple from "Swing" who are members here at SwingersBoard, so to them I say, "thank you"!

[Alura 2,775]

We met an attractive couple in a Mexican Restaurant in Nuremberg, Germany on our second date, which really wasn't a date at all. They invited us to play but, having just met each other, didn't want to do it until we'd had a chance to talk about it. We did that on the drive home and wished we'd accepted the invitation. We never saw that couple again. It took a couple of years to find another couple. The story is covered in detail in the free sample section of our book below.

 

Good topic, Wearetheone! Thanks for bringing it up!

 

Alura

[wearetheone1967 40]

Thanks, Alura. just one of a BILLION questions we have about all this.

 

And to everyone else, thanks for the replies! Kind of neat to see those who consciously walked into fully aware, to those who just kind of "fell into it". Everyone has a different story to tell. I find them all fascinating and insightful.

 

One thing I learned from reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is to take an active interest in other people. The more I can get others to talk about themselves, the more liked I become and the more honest and decent I am perceived. That book has served me well!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Ms. Gold got into this with her ex and another couple, a Jacuzzi, and some alcohol...stir until mixed well and remove swim suits on a dare. Unfortunately, (or for me, fortunately) that marriage was already severely damaged and swinging didn't help save it. As for me, it was something that I NEVER told anyone else about until after Ms. Gold told me about her adventures. Strangely enough, she was still interested in trying it again so we did. One thing (that kind of catches others off guard) is that now neither of us drink (too many calories and with swinging we are both watching our intake) and go into our new adventures with open eyes and stone sober.

[econobiker 165]

I am curious how others decided that the lifestyle was right for them.

 

Our story, I was going through a deep depression 6 months ago. Did a TON of "research" on Reddit about jealousy, inadequacy, and honesty. Every post I read that made sense was from the "Swingers" sub-reddit (category). I kept reading this GREAT marriage advice from "swingers". I (it) just didn't make sense to me.

 

I got put on anti-depressants, and suddenly EVERYTHING was clear... My wife of a billion years and I have always had tried to bring "others" into the bedroom with disastrous results (friends, acquaintances) when we were younger.

 

I always thought I could never share my wife because I loved her so much. then in a moment of clarity, I realized I could share her... BECAUSE I LOVED HER SO MUCH!!

 

We met a guy... and he was her "second". no jealousy or bad feelings on my part. I guess the brain candy works. lol....

 

So, how did you fall into the lifestyle?

 

 

Welcome wearetheone1967,

"I always thought I could never share my wife because I loved her so much. then in a moment of clarity, I realized I could share her... BECAUSE I LOVED HER SO MUCH!!"

Great observation that, I think, goes to the heart of a lot of true feelings!

 

I (econo) jumped the into the lifestyle upon giving up on trying to save my first marriage in late 2005 after also having a close parent die unexpectly in mid-2005. Low and behold, I meet Red at my first meet and greet the night before the actual party. And we clicked- married 2 years later.

Red, well, she got into it mostly because of being a bi-female, but other reasons too. I think I transcribed her reasons (and more of mine) in our swingersboard "Member of the week" interview a while back.

[NWAtlSwing 526]

We started before we were married in college. Both of us liked hard core stories, and though that a mmf would be fun. Got us rolling.

[Shore2Please 613]

We were on a cruise vacation and went to a nude beach with a couple we met. There was nothing sexual just nude. Our first nude beach and we figured we would never see the people we were with again. I know I didn't have any clue or desire for sex with them. Swinging was not in my realm of thoughts. We were more voyeur tan anything else. We joked sexually. Made comments about bodies and anatomy. I saw more nude people that day than I did in my life. I don't want to say that our group was the best looking on the beach but let me just say we were above average. The one couple we were with were damn good looking. I try to keep in shape but what woman doesn't have doubts about her body.

That ight back on the ship, after drinks a suggestion was made to trade partners. Maybe it was the drinks, the fun we were having, having already seen them naked and the thought we would never see them again. PS we have seen them again.

[MrMarvin 268]

We became interested a few years back after visiting for the first time Sea Mountain resort near Palm Springs. Despite that, we are still at the level one stage but at a minimum enjoy meeting new people.

 

MrMarvin

[Psyrex 56]

My wife and I kind of dated in high school but drifted then reunited a few years later. We were married and have only been with each other until last year when after talking about it, my wife fucked a younger guy. We used that experience to reignite what never really stopped burning through the years. I always fantasized about married women when I was younger and the last woman I slept with before getting married was a married woman. I always thought what it would be like to watch my wife fuck another man or give him one of her earth-shaking, mind-blowing, toe-curling blowjobs. My wife had some lovers before we married and is completely open to opening our marriage. So here we are, older, wiser (?), but having a blast!

[DirtyLoveGames 16]

Wow! Thanks for the shoutout, and we're happy to have been part of the exploring process!