Bisexual couples - female vs male?

[Jnk4play 17]

We made our profile on SLS and hope something comes from it. I listed us both as bi curious as we are just that, curious....neither of us have ever done anything bi before but we would both love touch at least touch the same sex and maybe oral. Why is it that so many men are listed as straight but when you read the profile they do seem to enjoy light bi play? Yet women will quickly list as bisexual? Will listing my husband as bi curious hinder our search? I mean he isn't looking for full sex with a man, more like to jerk one off, so should that be listed as bi curious? Thanks.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I think it's best to be honest. And, hey, on SLS you can filter a search so you just might get that perfect couple to see your ad, that they might not have if you'd put straight for you husband. I just believe in being as specific as possible.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

It's not fair, and it's not right. But it is an unfortunate reality- bi guys are avoided by some people in the lifestyle, due (I imagine) to latent homophobia.

 

It really is a shame tha this taboo still exists in the otherwise very open-minded community of swingers. This subject came up in conversation just last night, at a house party we were attending. Several of the attendees are part of the kink community and the polyamorous community, in addition to being swingers. In their opinion, both of those communities are more accepting of male bisexuality than the swinger community, and they are just as perplexed as to the reasons behind this as I am.

 

I suspect that some people do not differentiate between male bisexual curiosity and homosexuality. They do not understand that this is not a binary, gay OR straight thing, but a continuum, with a whole range of pleasurable options, tendencies, an likes/dislikes in between "exclusively homosexual" and "exclusively heterosexual".

 

Also, I think some people do not understand that this is a thing that can vary over time, can be situationally desired or not, and can often be tailored to fit with other people's likes and dislikes. To put a fine point on it, I think some men are afraid that if they play with a couple that includes a bi guy, the bi guy is going to go for the man's dick, whether or not the man wants it!

 

To be honest, I think there are some couples out there that may pass your profile by if they see that your guy is bi-curious. I wish that were not true, and I like to think it's less true now than it used to be. But maybe it's not a bad thing if the more closed-amended people pass by your profile- it'll save you both some time!

[kikonkrome 844]

To be honest, I think there are some couples out there that may pass your profile by if they see that your guy is bi-curious. I wish that were not true, and I like to think it's less true now than it used to be. But maybe it's not a bad thing if the more closed-amended people pass by your profile- it'll save you both some time!

 

To be honest there are people that are going to pass your profile for a variety of reasons. It is your call as, frankly, finding another all bi-curious couple is pretty tricky. That is why most guys list as straight even if they are bi-curious.

 

Also there can be some really anti-male homophobic talk at clubs, parties, etc.

 

Take your time and enjoy the ride!!

[Jnk4play 17]

This surely gets tricky as my husband is fully into women and not looking for sex with men per say....he wants to jerk off a cock mainly and I'm hope it would eventually lead to oral haha. My husband is straight, and very manly, just something that as we got older have thought about. So I'm not sure if either of us should be listed as bi curious even as its a fantasy we both have but it isn't all. I tried to write as clear as possible in the profile what we are looking for. I don't want anyone looking at our initial and thinking my husband is fully bi as that he is not lol.

[asncpl 730]

This surely gets tricky as my husband is fully into women and not looking for sex with men per say....he wants to jerk off a cock mainly and I'm hope it would eventually lead to oral haha. My husband is straight, and very manly, just something that as we got older have thought about. So I'm not sure if either of us should be listed as bi curious even as its a fantasy we both have but it isn't all. I tried to write as clear as possible in the profile what we are looking for. I don't want anyone looking at our initial and thinking my husband is fully bi as that he is not lol.

 

I don't think there is much more you can do other than being very clear and specific in your profile what you like. Sure you may attract more people if you put your husband as straight but then you will not find that perfect couple to satisfy your fantasies. I'd suggest perhaps describing the ideal bisexual encounter in your profile but also

add that if another couple is not into it, you are perfectly ok with no same-sex contact and respect the other couple's boundaries. That should alleviate the concerns of straight couples that are interested.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

We have met a number of couples where the guy was listed as straight, but as the conversation unfolded and the comfort level increased all around, it became clearer that the guy was open to some M-M play. It seems like sometimes there's this kind of dance, where this type of preference and openness is gradually revealed as everyon involved feels more and more safe to reveal it. It may be a bit silly, but that is how we've seen things play out! And it is a larger proportion than you might think- as a wild-ass guess, I'd say about a third of the couples we know have a "bi-something" (-curious, -friendly, -enthusiastic...) guy.

 

...add that if another couple is not into it, you are perfectly ok with no same-sex contact and respect the other couple's boundaries. That should alleviate the concerns of straight couples that are interested.

This sounds completely reasonable and logical, and I agree that a simple statement that you are happy to "play straight" if desired really ought to put the other guy's concerns to rest. But often times, I'm not sure that it would! I've heard some real cro-magnon attitudes out there about bi play among guys. With great reluctance and regret, and with all due respect to asncpl's advice, I'd advise more caution. If bi-guy play is not a featured, "must-have" part of your wish list, I would refrain from making such a statement in your profile, and let that possibility reveal itself in conversation.

[AngelandTiger 364]

I don't think there is much more you can do other than being very clear and specific in your profile what you like. Sure you may attract more people if you put your husband as straight but then you will not find that perfect couple to satisfy your fantasies. I'd suggest perhaps describing the ideal bisexual encounter in your profile but also

add that if another couple is not into it, you are perfectly ok with no same-sex contact and respect the other couple's boundaries. That should alleviate the concerns of straight couples that are interested.

\

 

We're listed as a Bi/Bi couple on SLS....have a look at our profile if you'd like to see how we worded the issue. I have found over the years that male bisexuality isn't thought of very highly in the LS when there is an audience; when it comes down to communicating with others on a 1 to 1 basis, things and opinions start to change, as has been said here. My bi enjoyment is confined to hands and mouth....that is, stroking and being stroked, sucking and being sucked, to orgasm is fine. However, I'm not into same sex kissing, and neither Angel or I are into anal of any kind. On our profile, we state this (I do, actually, since I wrote the profile.....). I simply say that both of us enjoy arousing both sexes, but that neither of us are into anal. I explain that I enjoy manually and orally pleasing a man/being pleased by a man (or a woman). Finally, I note that while we are both bi, we totally respect the sexual preferences of our partners, and are completely willing to accommodate them. Finally, I assure anyone that to us, NO means NO.

 

I do note that there are many profiles that say "no bi men" but almost demand that the female be bi. Others state something like "the man must be straight, and if the woman is bi she should know that we'd only like her to play with the man", as if bisexual men were somehow unable to control their sexual impulses and would somehow lose it and "rape" the other man, but that women can simply "set target on M".....What the actual fuck are they thinking?

 

In any case, we've found that we get the same number of emails on SLS AFTER I finally changed my "sexuality flag" to Bi as we did prior to such adjustment. As a Bi-listed couple, what I found works well is to send a note to whoever you fancy, and simply chat with them if they respond. Several times, I've said "I assume you're ok with me being Bi even though you aren't" and they've responded with "No problem at all, but I'll just take her if you don't mind". Then we laugh. So far, the number of folks that have responded to our notes has not changed at all...and, in fact, as has been said here, once we got talking, we often hear, "I would have listed myself as Bi but I didn't want to screw us out of any possible connections." Wow...you'd think swingers would be more enlightened. Oh, well. And so it goes.....

 

Tiger

[AskMeOk 148]

If there is a bi-guy in the profile a lot of folks will dismiss the profile, out of hand.... Of course there are a lot of profiles with a male that identifies as 100% straight that will go down on a guy in a heartbeat in a swinging situation... because that is normal.

 

There are, also, a lot of outwardly bi-guys that play with other couples, keeping the secret of those guys that are closeted BIs. IOW BI guy 1 is playing with couple 2, 3, and 4 individually and is sworn to secrecy because 2 doesn't want 3 to know, 3 doesn't want 4 to know, and 4 doesn't want 2 to know.

 

I think the moral is: If you are scared to death of bi guys, you probably shouldn't swing. You are certainly playing with one or more bi-guys, by proxy.