Private Swing Parties and BDSM

[baldbeaver51 15]

We are a couple into BDSM. She is the submissive. Just wondering how others in the swing lifestyle have incorporated BDSM into their private parties and events.

[njbm 2,871]

No interest whatsoever. No offense.

[GuyInMD79 1,500]

Hello, baldbeaver51, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

 

In my limited experience with practitioners of BDSM, I have seen some parties where there are people who lean that way, and that kind of kink activity (probably the more mild stuff generally) is welcomed by some, and tolerated benignly by the rest. At other parties, people playing out a BDSM scene would seem fairly well out of place. In my opinion, it depends heavily on the nature of the crowd.

 

I think a lot of non-kinky swingers would be surprised to see scenes play out that do not have sex in there somewhere. Also, I think the BDSM community tends to set a very high standard for tolerating everyone's kinks, and the slightly less open-minded swinger community might be more apt to judge the more violent-looking activities of some BDSM folks.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

First,

 

Second, while BDSM exists in swinging, (as stated above) it doesn't stand at the forefront. It's kind of funny, swingers don't have much of a problem with most sexual activity but can become 'skiddish' with BDSM. Me and Ms. Gold do have a D/s relationship but for the most part we keep it separate from swinging and is mostly a different aspect of our sexual activities. Send us a PM if you would like to talk more about this.

[enhancer 1,585]

No interest whatsoever. No offense.

 

This is us as well! This woman has zero interest in being dominated by any man.

[njbm 2,871]

I associate sex with kindness, affection, compassion, sharing, equality in giving and receiving, working together to have fun and, if possible, to achieve orgasmic relief.

 

I do not want to give or take orders, bind or be bound, treat or be treated with disrespect or contempt, etc.

 

I understand that our hobby of swinging is viewed by many as aberrant and abnormal. If others enjoy BDSM, good for them and I do not judge or criticize them. It is something that does not interest me.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

Being into BDSM is such a broad thing. If you can be more specific about the activities you like we can probably give you a little more guidance.

 

We don't really consider ourselves into BDSM but we have participated in spanking, slapping, flogging, candle wax play, some verbal humiliation, light bondage, using a Whartenburg wheel and a neon wand all in the context of swinging. Some of these activities took place at parties, but I think in all cases any BDSM type play was with people we had played with just having sex in the past. Flogging is pretty popular in our circles and often the way play starts at house or hotel parties we've been too.

 

We've never been to a party where there are scenes or the negotiations I've heard about in the BDSM community.

 

I consider myself a switch, my husband would probably say the same. There are women and men of all types who swing.

[asncpl 729]

We are active in BDSM community as well and pretty much kept it separate from swinging. Granted there are times at BDSM events where there is sex with different partners, but that usually happens as part of a scene with other BDSM activities. Like others said, many swingers we met are not into BDSM, and we are fine with that. We certainly do not want to impose it on other swingers in a party, but with time, you may find some couples that are also into BDSM and you can make some fun play dates together.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

I associate sex with kindness, affection, compassion, sharing, equality in giving and receiving, working together to have fun and, if possible, to achieve orgasmic relief.

 

I do not want to give or take orders, bind or be bound, treat or be treated with disrespect or contempt, etc.

 

I understand that our hobby of swinging is viewed by many as aberrant and abnormal. If others enjoy BDSM, good for them and I do not judge or criticize them. It is something that does not interest me.

 

Our relationship is all about kindness, affection, compassion, sharing and working together to have fun. And we both equally give and receive. From the beginning it is she that wanted to submit to me. If I didn't allow that I would NOT be providing her with what she wants and needs. During the day, she has an important, powerful job and makes decisions that can effect literally thousands of people. When she comes home she doesn't WANT to make decisions...that's what she does all day at work. Also, in her first marriage she did everything she could to make her husband happy...and he still left her. She WANTS and NEEDS me to tell her what I need and then provide that for me. She can't be wrong or make a mistake if I'm telling her what I want and need. If there is a misunderstanding and someone is at fault, it has to be me for not making my requests clear. At the same time, this is a sharp double edge sword. I have to be sure that she is doing things that she also wants to do instead of just doing something to make me happy. Swinging is one of those things...she came to me about this and that's also one of the reasons we keep the D/s and swinging separate. That I CARE as strongly as I do for her, I would NEVER want her to do anything she doesn't enjoy. I only want her to be happy and what makes her happiest is knowing that she is making me happy. Yes its complicated, but anything less would be less than what she wants, needs and deserves.

 

One thing for sure, there is NEVER any disrespect or contempt in our relationship.

[njbm 2,871]

Whatever works for others that does not hurt anyone else is ok with me. Just does not appeal to me. But I once found swinging incomprehensible.

[AskMeOk 148]

In our experience, few swingers are into BDSM and scening is a pretty efficient way to clear a play room. I'd say getting swingers that are into BDSM together would be an excellent idea for a house party.

[econobiker 165]

The parties we helped cohost didnt have any BDSM mostly because the main hosts weren't into it. They were not against it, just not their thing. I was told that before my time (p.e.e.: pre-econo era) there had been one couple who did several flogging scenes but that was the extent of it. Now when i was involved,there were couples in the BDSM lifestyle who attended but mostly for the lady to get laid by other men, either as a submissive to her Dominant, or as a Dominant to make her submissive male watch.

 

Another factor for our region is the fact that there is just one main dungeon play space located centrally in Nashville which I think pulls the BDSM crowd. I also think the BDSM crowd are big on their discussion get-together "munches" versus house party swinging folk who've kind of migrated away from the "meet and greet" as ways to meet people before a scene or party. It's "all-in" now house party or club if you're not just meeting up privately. Reviewing events on sls shows only bar events with play off premises seemingly as the closest thing to a "meet and greet" now.

 

I also think that the 900lb gorilla that is the Fetlife website has helped to funnel off the BDSM folks to their own special places/events.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

My wife and I know people who are in both circles. They all agree. It's either a swing party or it is a BDSM scene. Trying to include both in one place and at the same time is not practical.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

We have a couple who are into about the same level of bdsm that we are and who we see regularly. All 4 of us I would consider are on the light side of things. The women are the ones who like to be tied up and we've done it so they were tied up in bed at the same time and the other husband teased and denied orgasms, etc.

 

I've also had that wife alone tied to our liberator on our bed and did about the same thing which was fun.

 

We wouldn't do that with just anyone since you need lots of trust. Each time we do it I don't go any further than I know the wife likes much like any other sexual act.

[kikonkrome 844]

We don't really consider ourselves into BDSM but we have participated in spanking, slapping, flogging, candle wax play, some verbal humiliation, light bondage, using a Whartenburg wheel and a neon wand all in the context of swinging. Some of these activities took place at parties, but I think in all cases any BDSM type play was with people we had played with just having sex in the past. Flogging is pretty popular in our circles and often the way play starts at house or hotel parties we've been too.

I consider myself a switch, my husband would probably say the same. There are women and men of all types who swing.

 

LMAO I thought we were, well into a little BDSM, but now I know we are just novices.

 

What is a Whartenburg wheel and a neon wand? OK just googled Whartenburg wheel......the wife said Holy Shit how do you do that!

 

OMG that was one of the funniest posts I have read.

[funcoupledayton 2,708]

LMAO I thought we were, well into a little BDSM, but now I know we are just novices.

 

What is a Whartenburg wheel and a neon wand? OK just googled Whartenburg wheel......the wife said Holy Shit how do you do that!

 

OMG that was one of the funniest posts I have read.

 

Oh, it's just a little thing, kind of like what you might roll on pie crust. You don't break the skin with it, just roll it over the skin and it's kind of prickly. If you like scratching sensations you will probably like it. It's a medical device used to test nerve sensation. It's a common thing around here, we see them at parties quite a bit, just like you would see vibrators.

 

The neon wands are more expensive so less common. They can be adjusted from very mild buzz type feeling to shocking and they look cool. You can do a lot with them and make chains of people, so a lot of times that generates into a gag rather than something sexy at parties.

[EastInWest 1,524]

My wife and I know people who are in both circles. They all agree. It's either a swing party or it is a BDSM scene. Trying to include both in one place and at the same time is not practical.

 

I think it's hard enough to get two people with a compatible taste for BDSM to take an interest in each other. Ten would be a real challenge, although the payoff could be huge.

[Butchj 65]

In the BDSM community sex is usually taboo especially in a pay for play situation the only contact would be with a guy or a woman getting screwed with a strap on. The main sensuality would be from toys spanking or whipping a person. BDSM is a lot more fun in a closed door situation with boyfriend girlfriend or husband and wife were anything goes including sex.

[snoopymnky 16]

Our relationship is all about kindness, affection, compassion, sharing and working together to have fun. And we both equally give and receive. From the beginning it is she that wanted to submit to me. If I didn't allow that I would NOT be providing her with what she wants and needs. During the day, she has an important, powerful job and makes decisions that can effect literally thousands of people. When she comes home she doesn't WANT to make decisions...that's what she does all day at work. Also, in her first marriage she did everything she could to make her husband happy...and he still left her. She WANTS and NEEDS me to tell her what I need and then provide that for me. She can't be wrong or make a mistake if I'm telling her what I want and need. If there is a misunderstanding and someone is at fault, it has to be me for not making my requests clear. At the same time, this is a sharp double edge sword. I have to be sure that she is doing things that she also wants to do instead of just doing something to make me happy. Swinging is one of those things...she came to me about this and that's also one of the reasons we keep the D/s and swinging separate. That I CARE as strongly as I do for her, I would NEVER want her to do anything she doesn't enjoy. I only want her to be happy and what makes her happiest is knowing that she is making me happy. Yes its complicated, but anything less would be less than what she wants, needs and deserves.

 

One thing for sure, there is NEVER any disrespect or contempt in our relationship.

 

Thank you for posting this, there are so many misconceptions about BDSM relationships, I’ve been to house parties that have a specific BDSM theme, but overall not at general parties.

[Guest]

We don’t see ourselves as part of the BDSM community or whatever. Too much of that seems to be some master/slave role playing. But I do enjoy being spanked and tied and taken and stuff, the hot candle stuff, have tried but seems interesting. And this hubby has gotten really good at exploiting those wants of mine in a realistic way. So, yes, I would probably indulge if such were going on at a party.

[jnrswinger 62]

Someone mentioned flogging. This is going to be a bit wild for most of you. I have seen it on video but I have also witnessed it in person. It was at a private dungeon party I was invited to – about 2 dozen people at a private dungeon setup in a rural barn type building. A woman was tied spread eagled (actually standing and towards the middle of the space and they used leather cuffs, not rope). A man started flogging her. I would say the flogger was pretty expensive, it had long soft leather tines and a medium weight to it. He was good, he had an easy fluid motion and he hit what he aimed at. He started on her back, ass and legs. Not too hard, but firmly and increasing a little as she quickly warmed up. She was very obviously enjoying it and had become the center of attention in the room. He seemed to be very caring about it, strange as it sounds. Then he moved round in front of her and started flogging her breasts. She really liked that and made it very clear. It was oddly beautiful and sensual. After a few minutes he brought the flogger up between her legs and hit her pussy. She gasped and moaned but did not complain. Soon he did it again and then again and ended up concentrating on her pussy in a steady rhythmic pace. She was getting very excited and calling for him to do it harder….. and harder! He obliged and was eventually flogging her what seemed to me to be quite hard, but still in the same steady rhythmic pace. She eventual had the most incredible orgasm, at which point he dropped the flogger and held her lovingly while she came. It was a real eye opener for me and as I said, actually it was strangely erotic, beautiful and very sensual – and incredible hot! But what really surprised me is that several other women immediately volunteered for the same treatment!! (And they received it and enjoyed it immensely – I talked to a couple of them about it.)

There you have it – it is what it is.

[playfulchick89 25]

I didn't read all of the responses, but I've attended a house party for swinging and BDSM. The hosts had 2 bedrooms upstairs for playing; one room had a bed and restraint chair, the other a couch and spanking bench. Down stairs they had couches and massage table where fire play was demo'd and a St Andrews cross. There were people participating in either style and it was a lot of fun. Some just watched. It wasn't awkward for anyone who wanted one style and not the other.

[jnrswinger 62]

Oh, it's just a little thing, kind of like what you might roll on pie crust. You don't break the skin with it, just roll it over the skin and it's kind of prickly. If you like scratching sensations you will probably like it. It's a medical device used to test nerve sensation. It's a common thing around here, we see them at parties quite a bit, just like you would see vibrators.

 

The neon wands are more expensive so less common. They can be adjusted from very mild buzz type feelbing to shocking and they look cool. You can do a lot with them and make chains of people, so a lot of times that generates into a gag rather than something sexy at parties.

 

The Whartenburg wheel in BDSM circles has two incarnations. (Note that originally it is a medical device to test nerve sensations where people have lost the use of feeling in limbs, etc.) It is a small spiked wheel much like a cowboy's spur wheel on a handle. It gives luscious prickly sensations when run over the skin, and depending on how hard you press, can be oh so wonderfully painful. Run over a breast it is a lot of fun. The more advanced version is used with an electrosex/tense type unit that delivers a high voltage/low current shock at various intensities and frequencies. (Not to be confused with a violet wand, which is a whole other bundle of fun!!) It's harmless but the sensations can be from mildly pleasant to intense pain. Coupled with the spiked wheel it concentrates the sensations to tiny points, it's fun. It's really interesting when run up and down the length of a penis with the other electrode attached somewhere else - around the base of the cock and balls, or in the ass for example. LOVE it!! Electrosex toys are great and very versatile. For example, they can make you fuck yourself with the plug ...... so good! ...... and if you are restrained and someone else has the controller there is nothing you can do about it but fuck yourself hands free and have the most incredible orgasm. Another good way to use plug electrodes is to have sex with one electrode up each of your pussy or asses - depending on which hole you are fucking at the time.... OK no more - I need to go take care of something, LOL!!

[jnrswinger 62]

Something go lost there, sorry. They can make you fuck yourself because depending on the intensity, frequency and pulse modulations, they can make your muscles involuntarily contract. The sensations are wild, but the visual of the plug rhythmically thrusting in someone's ass or pussy on its own is pretty cool!